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AVincentInSpace ,

Mormons, no question. Unlike the Amish they believe in using technology, and as a bonus, some of the best city planning in America is in Utah

abbiistabbii ,
@abbiistabbii@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

The Amish are pacifists and the Mormons have been involved in several wars so my bet is on the Mormons.

Oni_eyes ,

Depends, can the Amish get the support of the states with former Mormon bounty laws? That would be a wild mercenary third party

tinfoilhat ,

I’d fight alongside the Amish because they make nice ass furniture. I’ll control the drones while they reload their muskets.

DeltaWingDragon ,
@DeltaWingDragon@sh.itjust.works avatar

Gonna be like the Vietnam War. High tech powerful army vs low tech actually competent guerrillas. Amish gonna win.

PenisWenisGenius ,

The Mormons control all the salt because Utah. Salt is vitally important in off grid homesteading or something. They’ve already won.

mojofrododojo ,

the amish have a mafia. and reliable post apoc transport.

The mormons won’t know what hit them.

VindictiveJudge ,
@VindictiveJudge@lemmy.world avatar

A deeply religious people who control all the salt? Triangle Strategy intensifies.

UnderpantsWeevil ,
@UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world avatar

I know not how we will fight WW3, but WW4 will be fought with magic underwear and beards with no mustache.

No_Eponym ,
@No_Eponym@lemmy.ca avatar

The Battle of Hyrums.

Semi_Hemi_Demigod ,
@Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world avatar

The Amish would win but only once

verity_kindle ,

Hey. What happened to Semi-Hemi-DEMIgod? Do you have a top hat, goatee and mustache, but otherwise look exactly like him? Explain yourself! Don’t make me call my barnraisers.

Semi_Hemi_Demigod ,
@Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world avatar

Kbin is still down :( This is my alt

verity_kindle ,

Oh, ok. Glad you found a way back here to be weird with us.

DudeImMacGyver ,
@DudeImMacGyver@sh.itjust.works avatar

Amish in a sweep, their toughness outweighs mormon tech advantages and let’s not forget their Mennonite buddies.

Semi_Hemi_Demigod ,
@Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world avatar

Fuck can they run, once

Asafum ,

Not entirely sure who would win, but from this map I can see they both clearly hate ocean water/coasts. Mormons seem to be slightly more accepting of it so maybe that gives them an advantage. Adaptation is key to success!

wieson ,

In the first week, the Mormon airforce rises into the air and starts a carpet bombing campaign.

Seemingly, the Amish are destroyed as there are no signs of fighting back. The Mormon missionaries move in to pacify the newly conquered territory. But all the towns are dead and empty.

After two weeks of raising the Mormon flags everywhere, the top brass gets a notice: several Amish towns have sprung up in the hinterlands. Quickly the Mormon army rushes in but all they find are desolated settlements.

General after general gets burn-out from this game of whack-a-mole. The Mormons want a fight but the pacifist Amish aren’t playing along. The Mormon youth gets dissatisfied with their rulers who called then into a war and are not delivering.

On the other side of the curtain, the Amish are not allowed to fight back. They simply leave their homes and rebuild somewhere else, especially in places the Mormon army just left. But some amongst them are of the opinion that, although fighting is strictly prohibited, a few accident should be within the rules.

So the numbers of unexplained explosions in the Mormon homeland start to rise. It’s just the beginning, but the methane tanks on the Amish dairy farms overfloweth.

A Mormon officer suggests arming local cheese lords to get a hold of the situation. Wherever have we seen that before?

verity_kindle ,

Hail the local cheese lords! Welcome to CHEEZDOME

Omega_Man ,

My only proposed time dit: Due to their uncanny ability to construct elaborate building in a single day, the Amish continue constructing full barns and houses at each site.

GBU_28 ,

Mormon for sure. They have the US air force

ArcaneSlime ,

Mormons hands down, they’re more strapped than you think and have no compunction against modern weapons whereas afaik the amish probably stop somewhere before the 1900s. Plus they could maybe convert some of the Amish (wololo), they’re good at that and the Amish don’t bother.

captainlezbian ,

The Amish are strict pacifists (except in regards to domestic violence) so they can’t even have a sword

ArcaneSlime ,

Yeah they’d get smoked in less than a week lol. TIL

HelixDab2 ,

<serious>

Mormons. And it’s over in a week, tops.

Mormons are really into guns on the whole. There’s an entire fundie Mormon clan (the Kingstons) that own Desert Tech, an arms manufacturer. Mormons in general have a very high rate of enlistment in military services, while the Amish are pacifists and opposed to any form of modern technology. And don’t forget that you have the Deseret Nationalists that are quite willing to murder for their religion.

RobertoOberto ,

Desert Tech

If the momos make DT rifles their standard issue, the Amish will win.

Mirshe ,

Don’t forget that there are still some people trying to make Blood Libel a thing again in the mainline church as well!

HelixDab2 ,

I think you mean “blood atonement”, not “blood libel”. Blood libel is about Jews (supposedly) killing Christian babies. And yeah, those are the DezNat people.

Mirshe ,

Yeah, blood atonement was what I was thinking of.

HobbitFoot ,

The Mormon Church has historical experience in low-intensity conflict, has members surprisingly embedded in diplomatic circles, has experience in power projection, and is fucking rich.

Mormons aren’t just going to be soaking, but soaking in Amish blood.

redhorsejacket ,

I had almost managed to scroll away before I remembered what soaking was, and now I want an apology for the image that you’ve placed in my head

HelixDab2 ,

Oh man, have I got a word for you: DOCKING.

redhorsejacket ,

I mean, if they spill enough Amish blood to the point where sailing and docking is involved, don’t you think someone should stop them?

HobbitFoot ,

lol, no.

redhorsejacket ,

Then you leave me no choice. I hope you stub your toe. Not the big one. The lil guy. Just remember, you’ve brought this curse up on yourself.

HobbitFoot ,

You monster.

verity_kindle ,

You’ve gone too far in your calls for graphic violence!

psud ,

Shouldn’t you commend them for their overkill?

figaro ,

Lolll soaking.

Spot on though. The Mormon church has connections and infinite money, rivaling the Catholic Church in terms of wealth (and only increasing by the year). Their current estimated value is over 200 billion, in real estate, land, and investments. They own significant holdings in farmland all over the country including 1% of the entire landmass of Florida.

Historically speaking, the church already went to war against the United States, and attempted to assassinate a governor (unsuccessfully). 1800’s Mormons were nuts.

Obligatory note - I grew up Mormon. I don’t recommend joining the church. Their beliefs are objectively incorrect and oftentimes harmful. They have a cool history though.

rekorse ,

Almost like religions are just a way to steal from your followers.

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