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pingveno ,

The most mediocre dining experience (for the money) I’ve ever had was at a restaurant called “Smallwares.” Emphasis on small, it turns out. Case in point, we ordered duck breast, which cost a fair bit. I was picturing at least a fair amount, but it was the smallest smidgen slivered up with a dollop of sauce. It was the same with every dish, high prices for not much food.

Sure there were other places that had worse food. One remote dinner lacked any fresh food, but you can’t really help that when you’re in the middle of nowhere. But never have I felt like I was being fed by Famine from Good Omens.

FALGSConaut ,
@FALGSConaut@hexbear.net avatar

And the opposite of this, if the menu is plain text and pictures of food that were taken with a digital camera from 2009 then its going to be fantastic

Toribor ,
@Toribor@corndog.social avatar

Burger place with yellowed ceiling tiles and a laminated menu? That shit is gonna be good.

KingJalopy ,

Because these places are passionate about food. The fancy ones are passionate about money and profit. I see it all over California, it’s absolutely true.

DJDarren ,

Best burger I ever had was in this weird, kinda yellowing, almost dirty place in New York. They didn’t have tables as much as seats with like a board that came across, like one of those school desks you see in movies.

If I’m ever in New York again I’m going to try and find it, though I’m fucked if I can remember where it was or what it was called.

Ithorian ,
@Ithorian@hexbear.net avatar

The only good thing is that most of those places have some sort of black bean or veggie burger.

space_comrade ,

I’ve tried a lot of these veggie burgers and tbh at least where I’m from most of the time they kinda suck. I’ve had a few really really good ones but mostly they tasted mid.

UltraGreen ,

It’s the most hit or miss thing I can get as a vegan. It’s either a really great in-house, well seasoned patty. Or just a morning star frozen thing with grease as it’s only seasoning.

Verito ,

And even then, you need to ask if it contains egg.

roux ,
@roux@hexbear.net avatar

It can be hit and miss from my experience as well. We have a bar and grill place that has a black bean burger and the fucking patty is 1/2 lb and an inch thick. The burger tastes good but it’s way too much bean and it ends up being a chore to eat. We have a fast food place that has a black bean burger that is pretty thin but you get a lot of veggies on it and it is all pretty balanced. We have a local hipstery joint similar to the meme posted that has amazing food all around but they have a beyond burger and a black bean burger and it’s actually nice to have that option but they also always have like 3 other vegan options.

Ithorian ,
@Ithorian@hexbear.net avatar

I agree on most of them being kinda mediocre but at least I can always get something when my friends are in the mood for burgers.

SSJMarx ,

Since the rise of Impossible/Beyond those are the only veggie burgers I can stand. If I want beans then I’ll order beans, ya know?

taiyang ,

There was a place like this near my old work and my boss would often offer to pay. I naturally ordered a couple mediocre burgers and overly seasoned truffle fries with sage for some reason.

Thankfully there was a similar coffee place next door, but that’s a good thing in their case (that coffee was fire)

Thebeardedsinglemalt ,
  • Half the staff are wearing wool beanies in dead ass middle of summer
  • Sides are a la carte, fries come in a metal cup with newspaper-style wax/parchment paper
  • The bottom bun is falls-apart-soggy by halfway through
  • Claims to have a huge selection of craft beers…all IPAs, a stout, a sour, and PBR
leisesprecher ,

You forgot the black gloves! Those are required by law.

raspberriesareyummy ,

Lol that is so spot-on I can’t believe the parallels never occurred to me. One exception though, I really had good burgers in such a place in Haarlem / NL.

Nfamwap ,
  • Burgers are served on a scaffold board/shovel/roof tile
  • Coleslaw is always referred to as house 'slaw.
  • Menu prices omit the $ sign/£ sign.
    Eg. Triple cooked fries 4
DJDarren ,

Menu prices omit the $ sign/£ sign.

“Gourmet bacon and cheese burger - 15”

15 what? Pence?

captain_aggravated ,
@captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works avatar

run by four interchangeable lumbersexual white guys in their mid 20s who are having the time of their lives and one white chick in her late 20s who is just so over it.

RadicallyBland ,

This is so like… 2014

captain_aggravated ,
@captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works avatar

yeah that’s about the last time i walked into one of them places.

huf ,

look. imagine a place where the burger is not native. where the best burger you can hope for is… adequate.

imagine, if you will, a country shaped like a schnitzel.

in the twilight zone.

nobleshift , (edited )
@nobleshift@lemmy.world avatar

Portland 2005, except it’s damn near impossible to get a bad meal in Portland. Best food I ever had consistently in my life.

[edit] Oregon

dsco ,

Portland, TX has some pretty shitty food fyi

nobleshift ,
@nobleshift@lemmy.world avatar

All I know of Texas food is Burnt Ends and a Whiskey scene that’s just over the fucking top insane with no end in sight.

dsco ,

No brisket or BBQ? That’s a shame.

nobleshift ,
@nobleshift@lemmy.world avatar

Haven’t eaten in Texas …

ThePJN ,
@ThePJN@sopuli.xyz avatar

But where else do I get my malt vinegar fix?

7bicycles , (edited )

Broke: We can offer you our truffle fucked nothingburger with garlic ass for $20 dollars with every single fry costing a dollar extra
Bespoke: falafel shawarma $3, yoghurt or hummus, boss?

areyouevenreal ,

I think you need to add another new line to this comment.

7bicycles ,

bested by my nemesis, markup, again, thanks & fixed

TexasDrunk ,

There’s a bar here with that aesthetic. They do serve ok burgers at slightly reasonable prices, but the secret is to become friends with the cooks. Then tell them that you don’t care what the upcharge is, but you want them to make you the burger they’d want and to have fun with it.

Now I can go in and say “Tell them TexasDrunk wants whatever burger they want to send out” and 9 out of 10 times I get a burger that’s delicious (and sometimes insane). Usually they just charge me the regular burger price.

I don’t do it often, but I got good friends and good burgers out of it.

Rhynoplaz ,

Hell yeah! When I worked as a server, I would ask the cooks to make me a burger of the day for my lunch break. There was no “burger of the day” they just went wild and often times they required multiple “load bearing straws”.

TexasDrunk ,

People who go into cooking generally enjoy getting to be creative. I love those insane creations that require load bearing anything (although I don’t think I’ve seen straws, usually it’s toothpicks, skewers, or pickle spears).

My absolute favorite wasn’t the tastiest but it was definitely the coolest. The guy made a pretty standard bacon jalapeno burger, added some house made barbecue sauce, cut it into pieces, skewered it, and served it as the garnish for a pitcher of micheladas.

Note: A michelada is kind of what you’d get if a bloody Mary went to Mexico on vacation and added beer and spices.

sulgoth ,

Kinda sounds like what people do to Caesars around here. Buy a drink basically get a meal on a skewer sticking out of it.

TexasDrunk ,

It’s so strange, around here there’s no real difference between a bloody Mary and a bloody Caesar. I know what the difference really is but no one seems to give a shit at brunch.

However, folks around here are super proud of their micheladas. Everyone does the clamato juice with vodka, beer, and Tajin. But they all try to outdo each other with the other spices and presentation.

Other than my friend’s pitcher that I loved, the place that does the best micheladas in my opinion is Captain Tom’s. It’s the most mediocre seafood joint that is amazing when you’re getting over being fucked up. If I hadn’t been to Taqueria Ruby tonight to fix myself I’d definitely be there tomorrow morning trying to feel normal.

general_kitten ,

I do that often in bars when i want a cocktail and usually the result is nice

Tiocfaidhcaisarla ,
@Tiocfaidhcaisarla@hexbear.net avatar

I hate the “EAT” sign. I came here for food please don’t be so demanding about it

ArchRecord ,

You will eat here, and you will be happy about it! 😡

Tiocfaidhcaisarla ,
@Tiocfaidhcaisarla@hexbear.net avatar

I’ll need a nixie tube sign to tell me to be happy

supertrucker ,

The best burgers are found in places that look like you have to bribe a health official to get a barely passing grade

ArmoredThirteen ,

Not just burgers, that seems to be the best food in general

The_Che_Banana ,

see: all of Spain

dvlsg ,
@dvlsg@lemmy.world avatar

The best of those that I’ve found are often restaurant/something else in the same building. Like restaurant/laundromat. Or restaurant/rug shop.

Agent641 ,

An angry Turkish man who doesn’t say hello, just glares sullenly at you until you order.

superkret ,

Or the absolute worst. And they did bribe a health official.

Adkml ,

“We put three different kinds of rubbery bacon on top of it and you better believe we’re charging you a premium for every one”

Sanctus ,
@Sanctus@lemmy.world avatar

And its name is always like some suburbanite place: The Yard, Patio Patties, Culdesac Restaurant & Bar

eezeebee ,
@eezeebee@lemmy.ca avatar

Either that or it sounds like they chose 2 Monopoly pieces at random

The Top Hat & Thimble

The Boot & Iron

The Wheelbarrow & Cannon

Vespair ,

Facts. We have a burger place like this that people love for some reason, but I swear they most the mid-quality burgers for $20+. It’s crazy that people keep going there, imo.

Adkml ,

A few years ago I would immediatly leave if I saw a burger for more than $15 on a menu regardless of how many unnecessary toppings they had one it.

Now it costs more than that for a plain cheeseburger with a 6 Oz patty.

Idk how anybody is still eating out we can take the money we’d spend on a meal in a restaurant and cook something that’s better quality and we have leftovers for 2 days. The only benefits off eating out are to get cheap slop you would feel bad about cooking for yourself.

keepcarrot ,

I eat out or uber eat if I’m too exhausted to do cooking from work. Or if I tried to do a bulk cook and by day 2 of eating it my brain just says no. Apparently I will just starve instead of eating the same thing

ElHexo ,

Idk how anybody is still eating out

You make enough money that you wouldn’t really notice if you’re paying $15 or $50 for a burger, and you’re tired enough not to care anyway

Faydaikin ,
@Faydaikin@beehaw.org avatar

People like to think they have refined taste, most do not.

And not just when it comes to food. But art and even basic decor and fashion as well.

It has a tendency to come down to “Is it expensive? Then It’s fancy”.

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