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dangblingus ,
  1. No stipulations on how frequently I can teleport 7". Like, can’t I just teleport 7" constantly and very quickly? Also, sounds like I could probably use this ability to fly.
FilthyShrooms ,

Unfortunately, teleporting doesn’t reset your velocity. You can start flying, but good luck landing without a parachute

hoshikarakitaridia ,

If teleportation is instant you can still kind of cheat and be faster than the ouchie speed

ouRKaoS ,

If I start from standing still, I’d have zero velocity, so landing wouldn’t be a problem.

brianorca ,

As soon as you leave the ground, you start gaining downward velocity every millisecond that you don’t teleport. Eventually, that velocity will exceed the distance you can teleport no matter how often per second you can do it. Then you hit the ground quite painfully.

Kase ,

Damn. Maybe #2 would help so you can give yourself a soft(ish) landing, assuming it means you can summon gravel at will

SexualPolytope ,
@SexualPolytope@lemmy.sdf.org avatar
  1. Make bank by selling all that gravel.
  2. I’m breaking into all sorts of places.
stingpie ,

Where would you break in? The only thing I can imagine is like a bank vault, but the doors to those things are crazy thick.

SexualPolytope ,
@SexualPolytope@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Supermarkets.

Fenrisulfir ,

I’m sure there’s a lot of houses it might work for. 2x4 studs with half inch sheathing and facade plus half inch drywall is only like 5 inches

faceless ,
@faceless@lemmy.world avatar

khitan and the oyster ones

brianorca ,

The gifts of gab.

faceless ,
@faceless@lemmy.world avatar

no its because I like studying languages and if I can speak khitan scientists could pay me money for research into it

SirBucksworth ,
@SirBucksworth@lemmy.world avatar

Step 1: cut off a limb Step 2: cry in pain for 9,5 hours Step 3: take pill #6

Afghaniscran ,

Imagine being dead and looking alive for 10 hours

dependencyinjection ,

1 and 2.

I bet oysters are pretty cool and have a lot to talk about.

Free gravel. No more pot holes.

AI_toothbrush ,

You im gonna do some jojo shit with number 2 and 3. You can drown anyone with gravel or silently kill them by making it appear in their body(lungs, veins, etc). You can also use it as an armor. And with teleportation you can do a lot of small teleportations fast to badically travel with sny speed. And depending on how teleportation is defined you can do op stuff with it.

Rolando ,

Earth Bending

257m , (edited )

I want this to be an actual proper format for those shitty superpower communities.

itsgroundhogdayagain ,

Does the gravel have to be delivered or does it appear out of thin air?

Tar_alcaran ,

It comes out of your nose

superduperenigma ,

That second nose might be useful after all

Poiar ,

Can one decide where to grow it? I’d rather it not be on my face. I think the butt crack would be the most inconspicuous place, however it might not be inactive.

Decisions decisions…

AceFuzzLord ,

If #8 also included being able to write the language as well, I’d definitely pick that. I could become famous and influential in linguistic circles and probably make good money off of it for a short while. Then I could use that money to fund a few projects I’ve wanted to do for a while, like making a modern Vib-Ribbon for PC.

As for the other pill, probably just #3 since none of the others really appeal to me in any way.

Nepenthe ,
@Nepenthe@kbin.social avatar

8 and 9.

I figure I can either make bank lending the anthropologists/archeologists a hand with an extinct language, or at least have a bunch of fun bringing it back to life as a personal hobby.

And really? No one's picking nine? Have any of you seen Albert Einstein's calves? He biked regularly. If it turns out I can outrun him now, that won't always be the case as my sedentary ass ages.

No matter how crap my skeleton becomes, I'm giving myself an automatic default level of movement that isn't all that shabby

WigglyTortoise ,

Albert Einstein is dead. You couldn’t run at all.

Rolando ,
  • steal corpse of Albert Einstein
  • hook it up to exoskeleton
  • make it run E=mc^2^ miles per hour
  • take the pill

Problem?

RojoSanIchiban ,

make it run E=mc^2^ miles per hour

You just converted the energy of Einstein’s corpse to mass. It increases in weight by a billionth of a gram or so and you’re now paraplegic.

Also, you failed high school physics.

/sorry

BananaPeal ,
@BananaPeal@sh.itjust.works avatar

Pretty sure that was intended as troll physics.

Kase ,

This doubles as a sick burn if it wasn’t intended as troll physics

Buddahriffic ,

Or they just converted the mass to energy and can run at relativistic speeds. Which sounds cool until you understand that the equations involved in that would include things like “probability of fission” and “blast radius”.

IlliteratiDomine ,
@IlliteratiDomine@infosec.pub avatar

You’ve got it all backwards. Einstein’s corpse is now energy and fast AF.

SnipingNinja ,

Probably because you can just take teleportation instead

Nepenthe ,
@Nepenthe@kbin.social avatar

Bedridden, trying not to attract the attention of the government as I slowly teleport my 99yr old fail body a couple inches at a time towards the bathroom instead of being able to get up and jog.

Kase ,

Tbf, it says you can run as fast as Einstein, but it doesn’t say you’ll have the same endurance

circuitfarmer ,
@circuitfarmer@lemmy.sdf.org avatar
  • Resell my free gravel for huge profits
  • Have a great street magic trick where I ask the spectator to empty a single container out of many with my back turned, but I can always pick out which one

I’ll be Cris Angel, Gravel King

BlemboTheThird ,

Redmond and blutarch are gonna be SEETHING when I collapse the gravel industry

funnystuff97 ,

-Grey Mann

andrew ,
@andrew@lemmy.stuart.fun avatar

I at least like the toaster if we assume instantaneous faster than light control. If I can sit and watch a feed of stocks and toggle a buy/sell toaster hooked up to the stock market 250 ms away, I can pretty easily beat the market and make money.

Similarly you could use the empty container rule to have someone communicate with you by toggling the empty state of a container. If you sense/not sense the container you have a reliable binary communication channel and Morse code is pretty viable too. But it’s probably best for a predetermined action because you’re racing the latency of light here and we’re not multiplanetary yet so you’ve only got hundreds of milliseconds margin to work with. Unless you contract with NASA or anyone yeeting things into space. Build an instrument that can Morse code via empting/filling a container and suddenly voyager can send us instant communication. Combine it with a set of control toasters and that’s pretty valuable too.

Teleportation: is there a cool down? Because most places can be teleported to in increments of 7 inches if I can chain them.

electric_nan ,

3 and 7, without question.

Rolder ,

The ability to see inside any empty container could be useful depending on how granular you’re being with “empty”. Could get a good job screening for contraband or any other job where you expect containers to be empty, as quality control.

JoMiran ,
@JoMiran@lemmy.ml avatar

Easy. 1 and 5.

1 - “Hey friends. Who’s had an itchy grain of sand stuck inside? If you open wide I can take it out and put you back.”. Profit.

5 - Insurance fraud by burning down vacant homes through “faulty wiring” then suing the manufacturer.

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