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how can I stop feeling offended when coworkers don't return my greetings?

and how do I react next time they don’t greet me?

I started working at this department 3 weeks ago. I went into the office I now work at, greeted 2 coworkers I’ve already worked with, they looked at me, said nothing, kept talking to themselves.

How am I supposed to interpret that?

To me this is disrespectful, maybe you disagree?

Then, as I was working, I saw both of them staring at me. What am I supposed to do when that happens? To me this signals hostility and passive aggressiveness.

I separate private life from personal one but even I know that the least you can do is to greet your coworkers, unless you want them to quit.

bionicjoey ,

Lots of people are giving you good answers given the context you’ve provided in this post. However, I glanced at your post history and saw that recently you’ve had an outburst at another employee where you shouted at them. It’s likely that your coworkers are looking out for themselves and trying to avoid setting you off by interacting with you as little as possible.

fmstrat ,

Yea this is a huge bit of context left out by OP.

cheese_greater ,

Its come to my attention…

semperverus ,
@semperverus@lemmy.world avatar

Just remember that you all are cogs in the machine, and also nobody owes you anything - including a greeting.

My guess is your workplace has a low personal life/low banter culture or even policy. If thats the case, you may be talking to people who know this and dont want to get in trouble, or to people whose souls are crushed and theres no life behind their eyes.

Don’t take it personal.

I’ve worked in both kinds of environments. I prefer high banter/high friendship environments but i work fine in either.

Etterra ,

You must be from one of those sociable states/cultures. Where I’m from you get to work, drop a passing “hey” or head nod, maybe a “how are ya” if you don’t hate each other, and then get in with your work. It’s not rude; they’re your coworkers, not your friends, after all.

clark ,
@clark@midwest.social avatar

Scandinavia?

tpihkal ,

New England 😆

conciselyverbose ,

even I know that the least you can do is to greet your coworkers

Greeting coworkers is definitely not obligatory, and neither is responding to a nothing greeting. It’s unlikely there’s any hostility or passive aggressiveness.

It’s a ritual you’re used to. It doesn’t mean it’s one they’re obligated to reciprocate.

mozz , (edited )
@mozz@mbin.grits.dev avatar

I went into the office I now work at, greeted 2 coworkers I've already worked with, they looked at me, said nothing, kept talking to themselves.

How am I supposed to interpret that?

I think you should interpret it exactly how it sounds like

It may or may not be fair. Personally, with a very few exceptions, I dislike coworkers and want few interactions with them whether positive or negative. I just don't care. But regardless of that, your coworkers are there because they have to be, and if they've decided they don't want to interact with you and are now letting you know, that is their option, whether it's fair or not.

li10 ,

Have you previously annoyed them in some way, or had a disagreement?

Were they in the middle of a proper conversation and might’ve felt like you butted in with a greeting?

It sounds odd. I’d have a think about whether you’ve previously annoyed them in some way, but if not then they might just be grumpy. In which case there’s nothing to worry about, and you just do you.

clark ,
@clark@midwest.social avatar

Like others have said, don’t think too much about it. It’s really not that big of a deal to greet your colleagues. If you insist on doing so anyway, do it because you want to, not because you expect something in return.

user224 ,

Why even be offended by such a small thing? What’s even the point of greeting though? I can see it makes sense when you want to talk to someone. The “hey”, “hello” or whatever can work to grab attention and they can acknowledge that by responding back as opposed to immediately talking and the other person missing part of or the entire first sentence, if not more.

But otherwise, there’s a good chance it’s distracting or even distressing.

I usually try to greet back unless it’s awkwardly late because I didn’t expect it, as such it caught me off guard and I was thinking what I am supposed to do and what they want from me for too long.
But this generally makes me forget what I was just thinking of or what I was doing and makes me anxious. Then I may even be thinking of how I handled that for the next few minutes. I hate that.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not mad people for greeting me, I know they just do that, but I’d rather not them do it. And as such I won’t greet anyone either unless I need to talk to them. I don’t want to cause same issues to others only to say “Hi”.

they looked at me, said nothing, kept talking to themselves.

Yep. Sounds familiar. “Am I supposed to say something? I am paying attention, I am looking at you. Go on. Oh, nothing, OK…”

Mothra ,
@Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

People are making some good points about cultural background differences and asking whether you have history already.

Others say, keep doing what you do and don’t let them get to you. I want to jump on that bandwagon, this is going to sound silly cringe but…

… greeting in a polite, confident and friendly manner asserts social dominance. You have no fear. You are the initiator; you take the lead. Be that person.

vext01 ,
@vext01@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Why are they talking to themselves? Are they busy and don’t want to be distracted?

Or do you mean two people were talking amongst themselves?

BaroqueInMind ,

Greet them first. Move on with your day.

They’re starting at you because you’re attractive, but also too crazy to befriend.

Bougie_Birdie ,
@Bougie_Birdie@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

If this was a single occurrence, I’d try not to read too much into it. Maybe they were discussing something private and got all weird when interrupted. Maybe the greeting was non-verbal and you missed the cue. If it’s the beginning of the day, they might not be all awake yet, I dunno.

But if it’s a pattern, or this ever happens and it bothers you, you can try to make the most of it. Imagine they wished you their fondest greetings in a Muppets style voice. It costs you nothing and you can’t change anyone else’s behaviour anyway, might as well do something to put a smile on your face.

lmaydev ,

Your options are essentially to deal with it or ask them what’s up.

Personally I wouldn’t waste time with co-workers who are being rude.

They could be jealous of your position for some reason or taken offense to something random you did. They may just be assholes.

At the end of the day you’re there to work and if it doesn’t affect that I wouldn’t bother.

If they are increasingly hostile maybe have a quiet word with HR.

rockSlayer ,

Is it possible that they greeted you nonverbally since they were already in a conversation?

Don’t let it get to you. They’ll come around if you keep up the positive vibes. You’re also new, so you’ll be learning the behaviors of people you barely know. It’s also possible that these folks are quite friendly, but maintain a strict focus when they aren’t taking a break. There are a million different reasons why they didn’t verbally respond, so don’t take it personally.

The way I greet people at work is a basic “hey” and wave as I walk by, if they don’t seem too busy. If they respond I hear it, if they wave I’ll hopefully see it, and if they do nothing then I’ve already walked past them.

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