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How do you deal with the poor and desperate around you? (Homeless or some stranger who is in an utterly helpless position)

I am low on money these days and my life is hell for it. I have to do with substandard everything in my life I recently had an incident where an elderly woman asked me for money while roaming the street with her family begging for money. I had no money to spare, but had I had any, I wouldn’t have given a penny to her (Life is tough, I can’t give away money I didn’t earn)

But, she later said something which melted my heart, “Majboori hai beta!” (Hindi) “We don’t want to do this, but we have to do it son” (now add some emotional value to it), I didn’t know what to do, I was on my cycle and I could feel their eyes on me as I passed them and I just peddled faster with teary eyes.

I didn’t know how to deal with that. i.e., I don’t have enough money for medical necessities or to improve the standard of living of my own life, but I was being asked to spare change by a poor family that was demonstrably in a worse spot than me.

I was always taught that if you give beggars money, they will spend it all on alcohol (not blaming them), and given the number of beggars who have come to be smelling like alcohol and death with wobbly balance, it has been a rule not to provide them with money. Also, let’s not forget, if you’re really poor (homeless and have nothing to lose) and you are really desperate, you are often dangerous i.e., not someone around whom your kids can roam, again, not blaming them. But… I don’t know what is right or wrong in this situation!

How do you deal with external problems you can’t solve around you? What is the moral thing to do here?

edit: This kinda reminds of a story about Jesus where a prince once came to him and told him that he isn’t at peace with himself no matter what he does, and Jesus told him that to get peace he must give away everything to the poor and follow Jesus around and the prince refused (something along those lines).

I know what the most moral thing might be in this case, but even if you tell me that I should give money to those who live in abject poverty, I probably won’t do it as often as I should.

BevelGear ,

I’m on the fence about giving money to homeless people on the streets, but am all for donating to / volunteering for organizations that help them.

My reason starts with how organized and strategic they can be. For example, I was waiting at a bus stop downtown and there were three homeless people planning out which intersections they were splitting to next and how they were going to divide the total afterwards.

Second example in downtown. There’s a guy begging for food in the mall, so I take him to the nearest food stand, we both order a meal, and eat at a table. He was talking about his plan to get off the streets and all and went back to refill his drink after eating. During that time, I went to the cashier for something and she told me he’s with a few others that come back pretty regularly. When we get back to the table, he then tells me that he needs $10 for a place to stay for the night and then leads me to the nearest atm. Once we’re there, I tell him everything the cashier told me and he doesn’t say anything with an “ok you caught me look”. I still give him the money even though he knows that I know he’ll be back doing the same thing.

I know this is is not the case for all homeless people, such as the meal I had with one with mental disabilities, but it’s a mixed bag. Just do what you can and don’t feel bad if you can’t.

schmorpel ,

Why should the homeless have no right to organize? It’s funny that the only places with (rough but efficient) functioning self-organization I could find so far were among the homeless and the small folk. Those with stuff left to protect are too much up their own arse to want to play well with others.

Also, the plans to get off the street are real, most of the time. Every kindness you show is a seed that one day will point towards the right direction.

I’ve been hanging out with the homeless as a kid, and lived on the streets for a few months as a young adult, travelling and panhandling. I met many very kind, and often very damaged people. They are on the streets because it’s for a variety of reasons the only option they can manage, not because they enjoy scamming you out of a few coins and do nothing all day.

If you are concerned about your money look at the suit wearing people, most of it ends up with them.

BevelGear ,

Form my perspective, if they can strategize maximizing income, that will eventually lead to them getting a job. I don’t carry cash, which is why I take them to eat, but when I do, I just didn’t know where it would go.

If what you’re saying is true, I’ll then reconsider.

fubarx ,

Years ago, I used to live in a neigborhood just down from what they called ‘the projects.’ Those who couldn’t get into Section 8 housing would spill over onto the streets. One time we had a pretty harsh cold snap. Several people died. A few of us started buying tents, sleeping bags, and blankets from Costco and handing them out to those camping on the sidewalks or side streets.

Now, we live in an area that has pretty good food and housing non-profits, so we donate to them every year. I generally don’t give to individuals, hoping our donations, aggregated with others, will reach more people in need.

During COVID, a local non-profit with an urban garden set up an outdoor fridge and pantry for those sleeping around the perimeter. The non-profit would load it up with any excess produce. But word got out and people started donating, usually leftovers from restaurants. We started going to discount grocery stores and buying bulk foods and stocking up the fridge once a month. Took the kids and had them do the stocking up, just to normalize it.

We’re beyond lucky not to be in that situation and feel strongly that we should help where we can. Paying it forward and all. I don’t think anyone who is pinched should feel bad, but those who can afford it, should.

We’ve never mentioned any of this to any friends or family. I only bring it up here, hoping more people feel inspired to step up.

Subject6051 OP ,

I generally don’t give to individuals, hoping our donations, aggregated with others, will reach more people in need.

I think that’s a good rule, but it’s not for everyone, i.e., People actually would like to see their money do good, (it’s easier to see a thankful smile on someone than get a digital message on a website) and let’s not forget, people would have to do their own research before donating, because let’s be honest, there so many scammy non-profits made to make money for their corporate overlords (not to mention the conversion rate), if a non-profit is separately pooling money for administration expenses, I would be more likely to trust them. Also, rest of the comment is pretty nice, thanks for the comment!

schmorpel ,

Improve your local community in other ways. Or give in other ways. Not sure what would apply in your local community - I live in rural Western Europe and that’s very different from what you describe. People here set up donation boxes, swap shops, create food banks, organize markets, create safe spaces for minority groups, community gardens … mostly volunteering time. Not sure you are in the position to do this? Sorry things are so heartbreaking. I hope we all figure this out soon.

Subject6051 OP ,

People here set up donation boxes, swap shops, create food banks, organize markets, create safe spaces for minority groups, community gardens … mostly volunteering time

In India, we chain the jugs we use in toilets of rails and I have seen banks tie their pens to walls, so, we can’t have nice things when we’re so goddamn poor and have 0 civic sense or a bad culture :(

But it sounds pretty nice! I have heard of Swiss honest boxes where people self-checkout and pay for the items they are taking away from the shelves, there are no cameras, there is no one keeping watch, but the whole system depends on trust! When I told my rich well-to-do Indian friend about this and how it would never work over here, she said “yeah, I would just take away stuff and not pay for it” (kinda made my blood boil, this is why we can’t have nice things lol)

PS: Thank you very much for your well-wishes! Means a lot! :)

hanrahan ,
@hanrahan@slrpnk.net avatar

and I have seen banks tie their pens to wall

That used to be a thing in Australia decades ago, then they changed and used it as a marketing tool encouraging people to take the pens, then the closed the banks branches.

I have no answers, that you’re thinking about it puts you in front of 80% of the world.

xilliah ,

There’s ways to help without sacrificing what little you have to yourself. A simple greeting and acknowledgement go a long way. Don’t be afraid to interact and to just say no, I’ve never had a bad experience with that.

You could provide information, or something that’s often needed. For example get a large pack of white long diabetic socks and hand those out. If you’re homeless you often can’t take off your shoes, so you’re always wearing them. The socks change color if something is wrong.

Personally I don’t mind it if someone spends money on drugs or alcohol. I’d do the same thing in their position. It’s best to just be kind and respectful.

But if it really bothers you then go for gift cards or just go shopping with them. Giving food without asking is generally not so helpful. Also keep in mind that in a lot of places people need a bit of actual cash to actually be able to sleep somewhere. For example here in the NL it’s 7.50 a night. So even if you are bothered by the potential drug usage, just think of the chance that they might just as well spend it on sleeping in a safe and warm place.

howrar ,

I get the impression that many drug dealers would be happy to take gift cards as payment.

xilliah ,

That’s a good point.

RBWells ,

As you should? You can’t think like that. In a religious sense, sure. If you have two coats you stole one from the poor, to paraphrase Dorothea Parker.

But in real life, it’s more like the airplane advice, put on your air mask first then help others with theirs. In an absolute sense you will be able to give more if you take care of yourself. If you only have $2 and give someone $1 of it you are an angel, but if you can make more and feel comfortable giving $10 that is more helpful to someone.

You didn’t create this problem, you just live in it, and you can’t single handedly fix it. Take care of yourself and give as you can, and speak out when you can.

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