How do you deal with the poor and desperate around you? (Homeless or some stranger who is in an utterly helpless position)

DessertStorms , 25 days ago (edited 25 days ago)

How do you deal with external problems you can’t solve around you? What is the moral thing to do here?

You don’t, you deal with your internal problems, like classism, ableism, and general ignorance of these people’s circumstances. Instead take the time to understand, learn empathy, show compassion and solidarity, instead of disdain. You don’t have to give people money you don’t have, but the least you can do is show them basic respect (no, homeless people aren’t all alcoholics or addicts, but many of those who do drink or use drugs do so to try and ease the deep distress of being homeless. And no, homeless people aren’t dangerous, those who create a society where they have to exist to keep people like you in line, are). (Edit to clarify: once you care about homeless people, rather than fear and/or look down at them, and understand the many reasons that lead to homelessness, you’d be equipped to actually tackle the systemic issues, but you can’t do that if you refuse to see them)

You are literally a blink of an eye away from being in their shoes, act like it.

Hikermick , 25 days ago

I’ll give to our local food bank. The money goes a lot farther than if I give it to someone who spends it on junk food at the corner store.

I used to ask for spare change when I was younger. Never poor, just young and hitchhiking around for fun. It’s fun to have little interactions with strangers. Don’t give money away that you can’t afford to give and don’t feel bad about it. You can give them respect and dignity just by talking to them. Yeah there are plenty of scammers out there, if you gift something to someone it’s out of your hands. Don’t get too butt hurt if you see them with a forty in a paper bag later. If they’re not pushy I’ll hand them a twenty sometimes just to see the look on their face.

some_guy , 25 days ago

My father once gave a guy a bill (currency) that surprised me and I asked if the drugs / alcohol possibility bothered him. He told me that if the guy humbles himself so much as to ask then he clearly needs it and that if he needs a bottle to get through the night then who was my dad to judge. It had a pretty profound effect on me.

Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t afford to donate. I’ve gone dumpster diving for food and picked fruit from trees and bushes under cover of night. I couldn’t donate a penny in those times because I was counting cents to buy small bits of food. Sometimes you just can’t take on more responsibility.

Now that I have a lot of comfort, I try to give as much as I reasonably think I can because I believe that if I’m able then I should. For instance, I will never turn down a request to buy someone a meal and I hand out cash in larger denominations than I think people expect depending on the circumstances I observe. But I still don’t give money to just anyone. If someone seems sleazy or like they’re trying to con me (it’s subjective), I’ll decline. And again, I don’t feel bad about it when intuition tells me that I should decline because I genuinely want good things for people and I know that about myself; in other words, I trust myself not to be a dick.

One other item: I once bought a woman a sandwich even though she kinda had an entitlement attitude. I got asked for money by a guy a block up the street and declined. He was rude to me as a result. I yelled fuck you at him because what he said to me deserved it. He had no way of knowing that I’d just given $20 to a stranger, but that didn’t make it acceptable for him to say what he said and I feel no regret about giving him a piece of my mind in response.

That you’re thinking about enough to ask strangers on the internet suggests that you have a good moral compass. Just try to pass along some help to others when you’re better situated in the future. It’ll be fine.

ratboy , 25 days ago (edited 25 days ago)

So I work full time with homeless people who deal with mental illness and substance use issues.

If you are struggling with surviving yourself, you can only do what you can do. This world is fucked up and you shouldn’t be struggling, and those people on the street shouldn’t be in that position either, and it always seems like the burden to assist the poorest in our society is put on to other poor people, because we can actually understand what it’s like at least a little.

There may be times when you can only spare some change, other times maybe 5 or 10 dollars. Other times, nothing at all. If you have the ability at all, even the smallest amount can be helpful even if you don’t think it will be. But, if you feel hesitant, don’t beat yourself up for it. You thinking of giving ANYTHING AT ALL means you’re doing more than most people would.

Also, I think it’s important to try to let go of the moralistic thinking when it comes to people using the money for alcohol or drugs. People end up using drugs because of mental illness, people gave told me that at least when using they feel like they HAVE a reason why theyre hearing voices and seeing shit and its in their control.Because they lost their job due to becoming disabled and doctors won’t prescribe painkillers so they have to find something to numb the pain on the street. They were a foster kid who got kicked out with nothing, no family or friends and we’re physically and mentally abused for years so using drugs is the only way they know how to cope.

Another very real story I heard recently as to why someone drowned themselves in liquor for 15 years is because his nephew was playing hide and seek and hid under a pile of clothes in a closet. A fire started in the house; he was searching everywhere for the kid, and was digging and digging but couldn’t pull him out before the firemen forced him to leave. So he had to stand there and watch as his nephew burned alive because the firemen would not go back in to get him. You don’t know someone’s story and why they got to where they are. If you don’t want your money going to drugs or alcohol, you can make the choice to not give anyone money on the off chance that they happen to have a substance use issue, but remember they are people too with a lot of trauma.

mecfs , 25 days ago (edited 25 days ago)

I give. But also I talk, I listen, I don’t toss a coin and ignore.

I genuinely take the time to talk to someone. If they seem nice, safe, and don’t strike me as being “impulsively dangerous”, I might invite them to share a meal with me, or to a café.

Obviously I can’t do this for everyone, but when I’m low on money like you, I might literally just invite someone to my home and make them a piece of toast, ask them what their day to day is like, if it sounds like they need an old blanket, give them one if I’ve got a spare.