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How do you deal with the poor and desperate around you? (Homeless or some stranger who is in an utterly helpless position)

I am low on money these days and my life is hell for it. I have to do with substandard everything in my life I recently had an incident where an elderly woman asked me for money while roaming the street with her family begging for money. I had no money to spare, but had I had any, I wouldn’t have given a penny to her (Life is tough, I can’t give away money I didn’t earn)

But, she later said something which melted my heart, “Majboori hai beta!” (Hindi) “We don’t want to do this, but we have to do it son” (now add some emotional value to it), I didn’t know what to do, I was on my cycle and I could feel their eyes on me as I passed them and I just peddled faster with teary eyes.

I didn’t know how to deal with that. i.e., I don’t have enough money for medical necessities or to improve the standard of living of my own life, but I was being asked to spare change by a poor family that was demonstrably in a worse spot than me.

I was always taught that if you give beggars money, they will spend it all on alcohol (not blaming them), and given the number of beggars who have come to be smelling like alcohol and death with wobbly balance, it has been a rule not to provide them with money. Also, let’s not forget, if you’re really poor (homeless and have nothing to lose) and you are really desperate, you are often dangerous i.e., not someone around whom your kids can roam, again, not blaming them. But… I don’t know what is right or wrong in this situation!

How do you deal with external problems you can’t solve around you? What is the moral thing to do here?

edit: This kinda reminds of a story about Jesus where a prince once came to him and told him that he isn’t at peace with himself no matter what he does, and Jesus told him that to get peace he must give away everything to the poor and follow Jesus around and the prince refused (something along those lines).

I know what the most moral thing might be in this case, but even if you tell me that I should give money to those who live in abject poverty, I probably won’t do it as often as I should.

ratboy , (edited )
@ratboy@hexbear.net avatar

So I work full time with homeless people who deal with mental illness and substance use issues.

If you are struggling with surviving yourself, you can only do what you can do. This world is fucked up and you shouldn’t be struggling, and those people on the street shouldn’t be in that position either, and it always seems like the burden to assist the poorest in our society is put on to other poor people, because we can actually understand what it’s like at least a little.

There may be times when you can only spare some change, other times maybe 5 or 10 dollars. Other times, nothing at all. If you have the ability at all, even the smallest amount can be helpful even if you don’t think it will be. But, if you feel hesitant, don’t beat yourself up for it. You thinking of giving ANYTHING AT ALL means you’re doing more than most people would.

Also, I think it’s important to try to let go of the moralistic thinking when it comes to people using the money for alcohol or drugs. People end up using drugs because of mental illness, people gave told me that at least when using they feel like they HAVE a reason why theyre hearing voices and seeing shit and its in their control.Because they lost their job due to becoming disabled and doctors won’t prescribe painkillers so they have to find something to numb the pain on the street. They were a foster kid who got kicked out with nothing, no family or friends and we’re physically and mentally abused for years so using drugs is the only way they know how to cope.

Another very real story I heard recently as to why someone drowned themselves in liquor for 15 years is because his nephew was playing hide and seek and hid under a pile of clothes in a closet. A fire started in the house; he was searching everywhere for the kid, and was digging and digging but couldn’t pull him out before the firemen forced him to leave. So he had to stand there and watch as his nephew burned alive because the firemen would not go back in to get him. You don’t know someone’s story and why they got to where they are. If you don’t want your money going to drugs or alcohol, you can make the choice to not give anyone money on the off chance that they happen to have a substance use issue, but remember they are people too with a lot of trauma.

ArbitraryValue ,

I’m not sure how someone could live in a big city without learning to just walk past beggars without making eye contact. I know I sound like a terrible person when I say that explicitly, but it’s what almost everyone actually does. Most other people just don’t want to admit it (to others, and maybe to themselves).

pelespirit ,
@pelespirit@sh.itjust.works avatar

That’s not true in Seattle at all for homeless or down and out. In my experience, it’s only for people who are acting erratic or sketch. We have a newspaper (Real Change) that people sell that makes it easy too. I just give them money and don’t take a paper because I can read it online if I want.

Subject6051 OP ,

We have a newspaper (Real Change)

of all things you say, that’s the most surprising. Local news papers are becoming a thing of the past for some reason. Next time maybe buy that newspaper, I mean, Local news papers, the remaining ones, are on life support.

pelespirit ,
@pelespirit@sh.itjust.works avatar

I pay for it, I just read it online. It’s written by the people selling and talks about their lives and issues. It’s pretty great.

www.realchangenews.org

TheButtonJustSpins ,

Vote for politicians who support UBI.

Subject6051 OP ,

AMEN!

robot_dog_with_gun ,

you misspelled socialism. ubi and landlords can’t coexist.

mecfs , (edited )

I give. But also I talk, I listen, I don’t toss a coin and ignore.

I genuinely take the time to talk to someone. If they seem nice, safe, and don’t strike me as being “impulsively dangerous”, I might invite them to share a meal with me, or to a café.

Obviously I can’t do this for everyone, but when I’m low on money like you, I might literally just invite someone to my home and make them a piece of toast, ask them what their day to day is like, if it sounds like they need an old blanket, give them one if I’ve got a spare.

EABOD25 ,

Give what you can afford. That varies from person to person, and timeframe, but if you truly have nothing to give, then you have nothing to give without impacting your own existance. Plus if you’re a person living off of people’s kindness and get mad when people have nothing, then they aren’t the problem

Subject6051 OP ,

but if you truly have nothing to give, then you have nothing to give without impacting your own existance.

But I say to myself, if I ever give a little, it’s not gonna have much material impact on their life. i.e., I am not easing their misery for more than an hour! Also, there are many of them, how will I choose whom to give and whom not to? edit: But it’s gonna take away stuff from me, I don’t spend a rupee when I don’t have to.

Is give when you feel like it and when you can (I think you would say yes to this) a good idea?

MorrisonMotel6 ,

Easing someone’s misery for an hour IS EASING SOMEONE’S MISERY.

And maybe the physical thing you provide to that person may only last for an hour, but the memory of something a kind person did for them will (hopefully) persist as well

Subject6051 OP ,

Easing someone’s misery for an hour IS EASING SOMEONE’S MISERY

You are right! I must not think like that.

serenissi , (edited )

And maybe the physical thing you provide to that person may only last for an hour, but the memory of something a kind person did for them will (hopefully) persist as well

I don’t know if you have been in India but I have. Begging has become a profession there. So most likely they won’t recognize individual donors. Also what OP mentioned is a real problem. Easily you’ll meet more than 20 homeless people at once around you in any big railway station.

From what I understand, shitty politics and rising inequality is the reason behind this.

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