When you’re marrying someone you’re usually not like “lets try this and see where it goes” (that’s called dating), you’re more like “till death do us part” so yes, divorce is failure more often than not. Ending a relationship, not so much
I can understand your perspective, but I want to offer an alternative view, maybe less bound to societal preconceptions. I married my partner for many reasons, financial, wanting to raise a child together, wanting to share my life with them… But staying married for the rest of our lives is a crazy concept for us. The marriage has its purposes, but we both know that life can change and that we could decide that we had a good time, and that now the time has come to move on. A marriage is less romanticised for us, it has practical reasons. I guess being polyamorous helps with defining new relationship ideas on many levels ;)
None of those reasons require marriage, so it’s not a satisfying reason. I want to know why MARRIAGE, specifically? Just checking it off a bucket list perhaps?
It seems to me that all of the reasons they provides are all reasons to get married. Especially raising a child, given the privileges that are afforded to married parents in a lot of places (especially in the case of adoption, or IVF using a stranger’s genetic material). Something doesn’t have to require marriage for the benefits of it to outweigh the cons for a specific situation.
The question seems to me to be kind of confusing. What alternative are you comparing it to? Some sort of local structure like domestic partnership?
The post I’m replying to was acting as if they had some new wisdom from being polyamorous and their perspective on marriage. But it sounds like they’re just using it as a business move which is something a lot of non polyamorous people do as well, and nothing new. I wasn’t asking what reasons could possibly exist to get married outside of romance or whatever you’re talking about, I was asking SPECIFICALLY THEM why they bothered, with their “unique” perspective on relationships. But it seems the only actual reason they have is taxes, despite their diatribe.
Taxes alone is a valid reason. So long as there are social, financial and legal benifits to the institution then there is no argument to have. If you feel that love or religion is a requirment that I feel your concept of marraige is outdated.
No, you are a misunderstanding me. The post I’m replying to was acting as if they had some new wisdom from being polyamorous and their perspective on marriage. But it sounds like they’re just using it as a business move which is something a lot of non polyamorous people do as well, and nothing new. I wasn’t asking what reasons could possibly exist to get married outside of romance or whatever you’re talking about, I was asking SPECIFICALLY THEM why they bothered. But it seems the only actual reason they have is taxes, despite their diatribe.
In a lot of animal species, relationships are lifelong. For most of their history, humans had life long marriages in all corners of the world. Why are you calling it "a crazy concept "?
I remember the day of php files outputting html to the browser… it was 95% as functional as the stuff written in react and node today and incredibly simple.
Heck, at my company, I still sneak in old-school HTML files when I can.
I am starting to come around if not to the horrible solutions then at least the shift in thinking that made people consider using those, over the old-school approach.
Back then, the internet was this cool new thing. Fast-forward to today, and all those old pages with broken links, outdated information, and outdated presentation of information, can be problematic. e.g., should a site show an email address, or a phone number, or will doing so allow it to be spammed by bots? (except: that will happen anyway, no matter what, and why prevent people who have legitimate needs to find information?)
Back then, people had actual attention spans, and finding new information was cool, so when people saw it, they gobbled it up and relished the chance to do so. Fast-forward to today though, and there is so much more information (& unfortunately misinformation, plus active disinformation too) than could ever hope to be read, much less absorbed and/or retained, that the default is to skim or skip rather than actually “read”, e.g. a ToS/ToC that is mandatory to continue with a service that you use literally daily.
So, I am not advocating for e.g. CSS, or React/Angular, etc., but I at least see why people were considering those options, b/c there were problems with the old approach too.
I think so. Installing Linux was a hurdle for a lot of people but having it by default on the Steam Deck was a bit of a game changer. Installing Windows on it versus figuring out how to use something Lutris probably takes a similar amount of effort for average casual user.
I feel like it also helps that Windows isn’t very controller friendly, in my experience, and an increasing amount of people are looking for that for couch gaming and viewing media.
I spent way too long today figuring out why my app was doing something that it’s NOT supposed to do on weekends.
I read Luxon’s docs (pretty cool lib tbh) again and again, and tried everything I could think of to get isWeekend to return a sane result.
Turns out I was pulling a somewhat older version of Luxon, where isWeekend didn’t exist. In any sane language, I expect I’d get a huge warning about a property that doesn’t exist, but alas…
Typescript helps me keep my sanity, but juuuuust barely.
Yeah that’s exactly what I think happened to him. He needs a better IDE and/or needs to stop copy/pasting code from stackoverflow or documentation that doesn’t match his library version.
Yeah, I’m just staying away from that. There are enough other things that can end up in my frying pan with less crawling through the woods while hanging my continued existence on my ability to read and memorize two books worth of not-plant-descriptions.
That’s chicken of the woods, named for its flavor. If you see something that makes you say “that looks like chicken of the woods” it’s because it’s chicken of the woods.
How about when you are the first person to discover there IS a deadly lookalike to chicken of the woods?
I get your point but yeah - mushrooms are not going to be my goto if I’m stranded in the woods, and it sounds like they really shouldn’t be the goto of anyone not already an experienced mushroom forager before they end up stranded in the woods.
Well, during a recent wave of mushroom poisoning people were told that mushrooms can interbreed to create mixed new variants and so one mushroom might not stay one mushroom for long if the conditions allow for it.
I’m pro unconditional basic income, but I would argue that it’s more about you having to make sure you have everything you need yourself. No one would say to someone who lives completely self-sufficient that he needs “to earn a living”.
Oh no my loved one is about to experience terrible pain that comes every few weeks, better complain about how this affects me and go do my own thing for awhile
More like he needs to know when to take a break when she’s most fertile so they can procreate. He’s already gone by the time she’s having “her time of the month”
Letterboxed - an app like bookwyrm, but for movies. I’ve seen other people talk about it and I think some people are working on it, but AFAIK nothing is up atm
There is equity, and there is equality, and those are different things. I do think that forceful push to maintain percentages in various aspects of life to correspond to percentages of population often is actually unjust. For example, to insist that it should be strictly 50/50 percentage (or whatever it is) between men and women in all professions e.g. police, school teachers, etc. and actually stop hiring a particular gender until this 50/50 distribution is established is not good.
The little guy should be hurt in the 3rd panel as well for the sake of accuracy.
I find that equity tends to create the illusion of opportunity rather than providing the actual support needed to allow the disadvantaged parties to properly take advantage of the opportunities, thus backfiring and hurting all parties.
For example, giving college spots to those who are unable to pass the entry bar rather than giving them the actual support they need to pass the bar in the first place, which ends up with the disadvantaged parties falling behind and taking opportunities away from those who did pass the bar. In the end, nothing gets solved.
See Students for Fair Admissions v. Harvard.
Sure it is, but folks fight it tooth and nail, so you end up settling for equity.
Frankly, I find the folks who think equity looks like your image and description are usually the folks we’re also having to fight against for justice. I’m a little surprised to see you supporting the fence analogy while also tearing down the boxes one. (Maybe we have different ideas about what the fence is?)
Personally I disagree that your third panel is accurate, and IME the occurrence of that outcome (and your “college spots” example) is a theoretical worst case, and detractors of equity-focused solutions claim it to be much more common it than it ever is.
It’s like all those 70’s cartoons where quicksand was a likely threat. Sure, quicksand exists. Are you likely to encounter it? No. Any entity that is supposedly taking unqualified candidates for any position based on equity programs would bring other harm to itself by doing so. I think there’s a reasonable debate to be had about things that fall under the broad umbrella of affirmative action, but I don’t think a reasonable debate includes the assertion that it routinely creates outcomes that result in hiring unqualified candidates.
It’s far easier to find cases of those programs doing exactly what they should than to find them doing harm.
The problem with equity is that we live under a government in which doesn’t give a rats ass about providing boxes in the first place and so rather chooses the appeasement route that takes the least amount of effort.
They don’t actually want to do anything, just appear like they are.
Making the comparison to the homeless crisis, it becomes more clear.
Instead of building more housing and providing a mechanism to help the homeless, they go with hostile architecture that forces the homeless out into dangerous and deadly environments.
They want the illusion of solving the problem while doing the most minimal amount of effort. If you didn’t know any better & saw fewer homeless people, you’d probably think that “maybe they are solving the homeless problem” when in reality they were solving “the homeless people problem” by creating an environment where the homeless either leaves or dies.
and your “college spots” example is a theoretical worst case…
It’s not as theoretical as you think, as there’s plenty of real world examples of the scenario I described.
Infact, Harvard; one of the most acclaimed colleges in the world let alone the US; was doing exactly what I described prior to the Supreme Court ruling that the practice was unconstitutional, see Students for Fair Admissions v. Harvard.
Many colleges, do infact still engage in this practice sighting state level laws.
So that makes it a continuing goal and imperfect solution that we should continue to improve while working on the much bigger and longer problem of taking down the fence.
Yes, it’s implementation is imperfect. We’re on exactly the same page.
If equity or rather politicians focused on providing necessary supports in the first place rather than taking shortcuts, the fence would’ve already been down by now.
Please note, that I’m neither “right” or “left”. I hold beliefs that fall on either end as well a neither.
I’m mearly a rights advocate that looks for the truth & most effective solutions and in doing so, I believe we must look at the shortcomings of the supposed solution to patch out the jank so it can actually be a solution rather than the illusion of one.
People often look at the solutions their side proposes through rose colored glasses and solutions proposed by the opposition through a circus mirror. As is the nature of the “us vs. them” mindset the vast majority of people take when anything political is discussed. Hopefully I helped bridge that gap by bringing an alternative more neutral perspective.
The problem with this graphics is that this is absolutely not what equity proponents are doing. What is shown here is individual approach. What equity supporters want to do is to group you according by things like skin color or gender, and provide support according that grouping.
For example, equality in income distribution is when help is given based on income of the individual. Equity is when help is given based on skin color to make average income of all skin colors the same.
There’s also a conflict of interest that informs these notions, namely that “equality,” especially in the economic sense, the one that was invoked by MLK Jr and popular in the Civil Rights era, represents a threat to economic arrangements. Those same arrangements, like employers who purchase services from the diversity industry, inform the type of content that will be most marketable for diversity consultants. A company isn’t going to invoke notions of these things that would impact their bottom line. That’s why disparity frameworks are the most readily adopted by capital, because the arrangement of individuals in the system doesn’t alter or threaten the position of capital. The inverse example of this notion of equity would be, “everyone should struggle for a decent job and quality of life equally.” You can even bring this framework to the Antebellum south where, “if we had more black slave owners…”
So I always raise this “yes, and” approach to this subject matter, because it’s in the history of this racial order where the more radical and satisfying answers to it are.
Perfect intersectionality is a goal, an ideal that we can be measured against, but there must be a transition to it because we are not there in many ways. Places holding themselves to a strict or impossible standard are probably hurting themselves in the short term, but I still think that it is a good goal to work toward.
A great point! I feel like the overarching end goal is a meritocracy - people are rewarded for their talents and hard work. I’d wager most people agree with this goal.
The problem becomes disentangling history and circumstance from our ability to measure talent and hard work. The only way we know to break some social norms that hinder a true meritocracy is to unfairly manipulate the playing field in the short term, which in itself does not follow a meritocracy.
I think there are a few main obstacles:
Perceived talent and hard work that was actually the result of circumstance - those that think the system is currently working and therefore their position is justified.
Lack of acceptance that the goal is long term / generational. Those that are unwilling to accept a temporary ‘manipulated meritocracy’ in the short term that would allow a better one in the future.
It’s not going to flip. Tolleys derail all the time (ask people living in Wrocław). They can’t go fast enough to flip. It will just stop after couple of meters.
So now we have to check the global statistics and figure out what’s the probability is of someone dying in a derailment and estimate if we should risk it or just let the one guy die. Fun!
The people in the train are the only ones with any power to stop it, but they’re divided between “smash everyone quickly” and “smash everyone slowly” factions.
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