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activ8r , to lemmyshitpost in Dude almost lost his life

That guy isn’t a Dom. He is just a sexually aggressive partner.
Real Doms require consent and that guy did not consent to being spoken to like that. Once boundaries have been established then that kinda talk can be hot as fuck, but based purely on this video alone the interviewer could have been anyone.

Overtly aggressive talk like that right out of the gate is not sexy, it’s just aggressive and can go very wrong if the person you are talking to is a sexual abuse victim (which, in my experience, does appear to be more common in members of the BDSM community, make of that what you will).

So anyone who looks at this video and sees no issue with his behaviour, take a step back and look at yourself. You don’t know what other people have been through and it’s incredibly important to make sure that people have a foundation of safety in any D/S communication, no matter how brief.

I can only hope that this wasn’t their first interaction and it was played up a bit for the camera. Otherwise this is simply unacceptable.

0x4E4F OP ,

(which, in my experience, does appear to be more common in members of the BDSM community, make of that what you will)

It’s what they know. If they were children when it happened, it shaped their view on sex for their entire life. There is no going back from that. You can surprese the feelings, but you really can’t experience sex in any other way… or, you can, but this happens very rarely (very few individuals). They even sometimes see love through that perspective.

Can’t blame them… it’s fucked up, but the best they can do is just move on and do whatever makes them happy, even if it is BDSM.

activ8r ,

I agree there is definitely some element of that for many people. I am a Domme myself and a lot of that is liking the control in the bedroom. I would never dream of talking to someone like that as a first interaction, but I have said much worse without blinking an eye under the right circumstances.
The opposite is true as well. I have found many Subs that like to be submissive within strict boundaries. At the end of the day it’s all about having control and that is defined on both sides, just in different ways.
I’m sure there are infinite more circumstances and thought processes as well.

Though I would like to highlight it’s not everyone. People are all different and there are many members of the BDSM community that haven’t experienced sexual abuse or any other kind of abuse. Just normal people that like to get freaky.

0x4E4F OP ,

I am a Domme myself and a lot of that is liking the control in the bedroom.

Yes, I do like control in the bedroom as well. I think I would be a domm if I was in D/S relationship, but it’s too late for that now. I got a family, a kid, my wife is (mostly) mainstream regarding sex (toys, spanking, anal - very rarely though, but that’s about it).

But I do wonder from time to time what my life would have been like if I accepted a few indecent proposals I’ve had over the years… broke up with my wife (we were still dating back then) and just went allong with that. I like having a family, no question there, but I would most definitely change my sex partner. One, not enough of it (sex), two, doesn’t really fulfill my desires, three, I have to masturbate a lot because I don’t get what I want in the bedroom.

But, things are what they are. I can only fanstaize now and speak about it with complete strangers, since this is not something that society thinks it’s normal (at least not where I live).

I would never dream of talking to someone like that as a first interaction, but I have said much worse without blinking an eye under the right circumstances.

Of course, goes without saying. I am a very gentle lover of I’m with someone I don’t know, but once you figure out what that person likes or dislikes, yeah, things can get very heated with me as well.

But, yeah, to be honest, if the other person wants to just “make love” (like spread your legs, hump for 10 minutes and get it over with, or if she wants it gentle all the time) yeah, that is a downer for me).

Just normal people that like to get freaky.

Maybe I’m one of those, lol 😂. Haven’t really thought about classifying what kind of a kinky person I am 😂. I have a few, some are related to BDSM, some no.

Catoblepas ,

I think it’s incredibly telling that very few people are considering it sexual harassment at all for a stranger to come up to someone on the street, shove a camera and microphone in their face, and start questioning them about their sexuality and sex life.

I’m sure it has nothing to do with the guy who started and continued talking about sex being a baby faced white guy and the other dude being a fit black guy.

MaoZedongers ,

Yes we should make being an on the ground reporter illegal they shouldn’t be allowed to ask people questions in public that’s crazy and he was forced to answer, he totally couldn’t just like ignore him and keep walking, what an invasion of privacy in public.

activ8r ,

I’m sure it has nothing to do with the guy who started and continued talking about sex being a baby faced white guy and the other dude being a fit black guy.

It’s not.

I think it’s incredibly telling that very few people are considering it sexual harassment at all for a stranger to come up to someone on the street, shove a camera and microphone in their face, and start questioning them about their sexuality and sex life.

Asking a question about someone’s sexuality isn’t sexual harassment. That’s a really weird thing to think.

Catoblepas ,

Since you apparently stopped watching as soon as he asked “are you gay,” the question he asked after that was “are you a top or a bottom?”

If for some reason you think that’s a more appropriate question to ask a stranger with a camera in their face than “do you use condoms?” or “have you ever tried BDSM?” then that is also a self report.

activ8r ,

I started writing an annoyed reply then realised that maybe you just have a radically different level of comfort than I do.
I’ll ask some of my friends who are not in the BDSM community for their opinion and I promise to have an honest re-evaluation of my thoughts on this, while taking your perspective to heart.
Please consider that the video does appear to be in a setting where people would be more likely to answer these questions happily. However I am basing that on a few assumptions, so maybe I am mistaken.

I would ask you to consider how your comments come across to others. I’m sure you are simply trying to establish reasonable boundaries for people of your comfort level, and I absolutely respect that, but your comments in response to me were very aggressive from the beginning.
And yes, I do see how my exact complaint with your comments may be related to your point about the video. I will take some time to give that consideration as well.

Neon ,

Asking a question about someone’s sexuality isn’t sexual harassment. That’s a really weird thing to think.

if i’m asking a friend in a quiet place it’s not. If i go up to a Stranger with a Camera, it is.

Neon ,

I’m sure it has nothing to do with the guy who started and continued talking about sex being a baby faced white guy and the other dude being a fit black guy.

Your Comment was absolutely great until you had to make it about skin color.

remotelove , to lemmyshitpost in Magic
@remotelove@lemmy.ca avatar

NSFW?

CanadianCarl ,

No, it is sfw. It is onlyfan.

ogwillikers ,

OnlyFans sounds sfw. BigAssFans doesn’t. And yet…

Kolanaki , to mildlyinfuriating in Can't even buy chicken in peace
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

Their “joke” to shoehorn in a statement about their 11 herbs and spices doesn’t even make sense. Like, it’s implying you are using an ad blocker to gain secrets? What?

The overworked tech dude who had to build this page just didn’t give a single shit I guess.

moneyinphx ,

The overworked tech dude didn’t have a single say on what went on there. That was the out of touch marketing team and project manager.

LemmyKnowsBest ,

It’s reverse upside-down inside-out psychology

victorz ,

Does that make it right-side-up, ordinary psychology?

LemmyKnowsBest ,

I’m not sure, I can’t even quite picture what I said because double-negatives and mirror images confuse me.

victorz ,

Same, dude. Same. 🫂

LemmyKnowsBest ,

Ooh That’s refreshing, finally a hug emoji exists that doesn’t look like jazz hands

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/d614d3fc-c292-44aa-a553-42c5699e2af7.jpeg

Catoblepas , to lemmyshitpost in Dude almost lost his life

lol, don’t ask questions you don’t want answered.

victorz ,

Should be able to ask a question without being sexually assaulted though, right? Bro tried to kiss that little boy.

Catoblepas ,

“Little boy” (dude looks early 20s) started asking for information about his sexuality and sex life on the street while filming him. He’s lucky he didn’t get his ass kicked, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was fishing for content like that (or at least someone getting offended by it).

Not aware of any jurisdiction where attempting to kiss someone and stopping immediately when they say no is sexual assault, but maybe you can enlighten me.

TrickDacy ,
@TrickDacy@lemmy.world avatar

So, no, then. got it.

Catoblepas ,

I think there’s probably a reason you believe a queer black man is guilty of sexual assault for doing something that isn’t sexual assault in any jurisdiction, but maybe you can show me evidence of somewhere the law considers that sexual assault?

TrickDacy ,
@TrickDacy@lemmy.world avatar

I think you’re reaching since I didn’t even say that specifically. I said it was aggressive because it was. Period. You don’t think it is, fine; your opinion

Catoblepas ,

Should be able to ask a question without being sexually assaulted though, right?

[answer]

So no, then

If you didn’t want people to read that as you saying he sexually assaulted someone then you wrote your reply in the most confusing way possible 🤷‍♂️

TrickDacy ,
@TrickDacy@lemmy.world avatar

You dodged the question, you’re the one being weird here.

victorz ,

It’s at least sexual harassment. And yes, the age difference here looks like the interviewee trying to kiss a little boy.

Catoblepas ,

Why are you so intent on insisting that what seems to be an adult man is actually a little boy? Kinda weird.

Also weird to say that’s sexual harassment but not going up to strangers and filming them while questioning them about the details of how they have sex.

victorz ,

Why are you so intent on focusing on the age rather than the sexual harassment?

ook_the_librarian ,
@ook_the_librarian@lemmy.world avatar

That wasn’t sexual assault. If you want a lesson to take away for what he actually did wrong here: he attacked the reason for rejection. It’s a natural thing to do. But that’s really the only thing wrong here.

Going in for a peck is fine. Planting one before they react wouldn’t be. But taking rejection gracefully is nearly impossible. Let’s try to be better.

TrickDacy ,
@TrickDacy@lemmy.world avatar

That was aggressive and scary to watch. Not sure why you’re downplaying it.

ook_the_librarian ,
@ook_the_librarian@lemmy.world avatar

It was just a dude answering questions he was asked. I don’t want to hang out with the guy.

I get a little worried about calling something like that “sexual assault”. It plays into the “can’t say anything anymore” crowd’s hands.

erev ,
@erev@lemmy.world avatar

Yeah I agree he came on strong but it seems that’s his vibe in the scene and he was mostly respectful when rejected. i think some people’s biases are showing

TrickDacy ,
@TrickDacy@lemmy.world avatar

If the victim was a woman I think any decent person would see it. Instead since he’s a man, somehow he’s expected not to be intimidated. I absolutely would’ve been

MaoZedongers ,

It was just a guy answering questions until he grabbed him and went for a kiss, don’t pretend that didn’t happen.

victorz ,

It was at least sexual harassment.

teamevil ,

Pretty sure the proper term is twink.

victorz ,

Term for what?

hperrin , to aboringdystopia in Can't even buy chicken in peace

Why the fuck do they care? They can’t possibly make much money on the ads on their chicken website.

M0oP0o OP ,
@M0oP0o@mander.xyz avatar

Its more about the normalization of having your info then making money off of it.

verity_kindle , to noncredibledefense in Ship Happens
@verity_kindle@lemmy.world avatar

Welcome back, @Wilshire. Where you been, waxing your hull on the beach? This is the memery that lives on. What a gorgeous, non credible image.

LazerDickMcCheese , to aboringdystopia in Can't even buy chicken in peace

“The only secret here is our secret blend” dude, that hasn’t been a secret for a while now

lefaucet ,

Yeah wtf are they saying exactly?

That you, the customer, shouldn’t have any secrets?

The general feeling of the words gives the impression that they have nothing to hide (except their spice blend that the good ol colonel cooked up.)

Scrutinize it for a secons and it’s a pretty fucked up thing to tell your customer.

Demonmariner , to mildlyinfuriating in Can't even buy chicken in peace

The ad blocker fight is getting really strange. I don’t use a blocker, but this morning I couldn’t read an article on google news without disabling my ad blocker which I don’t have.

Vash63 ,

Maybe your browser is blocking tracking or other cookies that adblockers also target.

Demonmariner ,

It’s not on a browser as such. I use the Google News app on my phone. I can’t believe it would block anything at all.

droans ,

The most common one I’ve seen on Google News uses DNS checking, too. If it can’t resolve an ad domain, it assumes you’re using an ad blocker.

SpaceNoodle , to programmerhumor in Fortune Teller

My only dependency is libstdc++

Fight me

ignotum ,

stdc is just bloat, i implement the methods and do the syscalls myself if i need them

Darkrai ,

C is bloat, thats why everyone should use Asm

agressivelyPassive ,

Pff, I prefer good ol’ flip switches, like on my trusty Altair.

hackris ,

Noob. I prefer to use a screwdriver to poke around the CPU and memory lanes

killeronthecorner ,
@killeronthecorner@lemmy.world avatar

I use butterflies

hackris ,

I swear there is an XKCD for that

dave ,
@dave@feddit.uk avatar

Always. xkcd.com/378/

dankm ,

libc++ here.

Bring it.

SpaceNoodle ,

GPL wins.

sharkfucker420 , to aboringdystopia in Can't even buy chicken in peace
@sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml avatar

I honestly never encounter this? It’s so rare for any website to flag me as using and ad blocker. I use Firefox and ublock origin which I assume to be pretty standard

manny_stillwagon ,

Hello there, sounds like you’re experiencing survivorship bias.

Its rare for you to see this, sure. Same for everyone else. But people aren’t here to post screenshots of “look at this website where I didn’t get flagged for having an ad blocker.” So we just see a lot of screenshots where it is a problem, because that’s what is noteworthy. There isn’t someone out there getting flagged on every single website they open, we’re just sampling a large population of user for only the websites where people do get flagged.

Why are we talking about this at all? Because it is becoming more common and more intrusive. This example is particularly egregious because you’re already on the website to give them money. They’re complaining to the user they they don’t get to make money off of them while taking their money, which is ridiculous.

lolcatnip ,

How can it be survivorship bias? Seeing messages about ad blockers doesn’t kill you or otherwise make you unable to post about it.

franklin ,
@franklin@lemmy.world avatar

I think it’d be more correct to call this example selection bias but survivorship bias does not have to involve morality.

It simply refers to data which misrepresents the likelihood or severity of a failure state due to some failure conditions being excluded from the data. This leads to overly optimistic projections.

awwwyissss , to aboringdystopia in Can't even buy chicken in peace

Can I just eat my heart attack diabetes food in peace

sagrotan , to aboringdystopia in Can't even buy chicken in peace
@sagrotan@lemmy.world avatar

Your own fault, don’t eat that crap. Seriously, don’t.

Grass , to mildlyinfuriating in Can't even buy chicken in peace

I don’t eat there anyways, but I wish I could even more not eat there now.

viralJ ,

Maybe you should cook some food and deliver it to your local KFC - would that count?

LifeOfChance ,

Nah, delivering better food is a loss

Lemminary , to aboringdystopia in Can't even buy chicken in peace

Of course not. How will a multi-million dollar corporation be able to host a simple website on their own without ad revenue? Think of corporations!

mozz ,
@mozz@mbin.grits.dev avatar

It's not ad revenue. If you're on a site to buy something, and you see an ad and click away from the site where you can buy the thing, someone's fucked up terribly; there's no way the ad revenue was worth the lost potential lost chicken sandwich.

They're irritated because your ad blocker is preventing third-party tracking devices from linking your chicken purchase back to a wider consumer profile of you from other ad activity on the internet.

BigDiction ,

Agreed a paid conversion is always much more profitable than the aggregate ad rev/tracking benefit per thousand.

It’s bizarre to produce this message on a product site designed to sell direct.

LordOfTheChia ,

linking your chicken purchase back to a wider consumer profile of you from other ad activity on the internet.

Based on the time spent on KFC.com, the lingering cursor sweeps over the images of chicken, and the occasional clicks to purchase but failure to put payment information, we have determined that user mozz is a fox.

mozz ,
@mozz@mbin.grits.dev avatar

I once went to a pretty sad zoo, which had placed a lion enclosure directly across the person-walkway from the enclosure for a large bird. It was clear that the lion spent a significant part of its life looking across the walkway and wishing it could eat the bird.

DacoTaco , to programmerhumor in Fortune Teller
@DacoTaco@lemmy.world avatar

Welcome to modern framework development!

  • C# has nuget
  • any nodejs based framework ( react, vue, angular, … ) (npm)
  • python …

All of the above are chuckful of dependecies upon dependencies, and webdev stacks are the worst of them. They make it VERY hard to make software that requires any security related certification because of the dependency hell…
I swear to god, all those frameworks are designed so badly when looking at dependency hell …

… Yet i will write c and c# code everyday haha

racketlauncher831 ,

Who can we blame though? If we need something simple as sed, yes, go ahead and have a great security scan report. Web development has a complexity to make a dog puke so naturally you can’t practically write every line of code by yourself. The choices are either trust those package maintainers will maintain their software regularly, or build no web application.

vithigar ,

or build no web application

Don’t threaten me with a good time.

DacoTaco ,
@DacoTaco@lemmy.world avatar

I mean, to some degree i believe you are right. I myself manage a .net library to parse barcodes. However, webdev has layers upon layers upon layers of dependencies. The advantage is that even my cat could make a website. The downside is it will be horribly inefficient because of those layers of dependencies. 90% of what they bring is stuff you dont need and are in the way. Or you use, but because youre going through all those layers, its fucking slow.

This applies to desktop dev too, but less hard than webdev. Most of the webdev development i just question why something was created and most of the time i can only conclude its because of some hack job and something missing. So they take a huge library and use only part of it for something. Its just… Eug

I am i developer/lead that likes to make things as small and efficient as possible and that just makes me die a little inside every time :p

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