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saltnotsugar

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saltnotsugar ,

Great intro song to that film.

(Shadow naked ladies and guns floating around) Fiiiiire. He cast me into a fire,
A fire of doubt.
In the heat of the flaaaaames,
Fiiiiire! Doubtfiiiiire!

saltnotsugar ,

69% of 420 is equal to 420% of 69.

saltnotsugar ,

Je…ja…Jesk

saltnotsugar ,

Drone with grenade make tonk sad.

saltnotsugar ,

Souls-like difficulty setting.

saltnotsugar ,

What the heck is the left engine light!?

saltnotsugar ,

(Sad trombone sound)

saltnotsugar ,

(Me coming back with the wrong onions)

FOOL OF A TOOK!

saltnotsugar ,

This is what we in the industry refer to as a “big oof.”

saltnotsugar ,

(Goes through a phone maze to get the option you need, then the robot voice comes on)

“OUR STAFF CAN HANDLE THAT REQUEST TUESDAY THROUGH THURSDAYS BETWEEN 10AM AND 4PM. GOODBYE.”

saltnotsugar ,

Get a very sharp knife, then gently slice the atom in half and patiently wait for a sudden unscheduled disassembly.

saltnotsugar ,

We do not perform Mama Mia FOR you. We will perform it AT you.

saltnotsugar ,

This is really sad. People deserve to be who they are.

saltnotsugar ,

I need to return some video tapes.

saltnotsugar ,

“Hate cheese do we?! The Netherlands send their regards!!!”

saltnotsugar ,

Under total weight I tons, you put “Yes.”

saltnotsugar ,

This was the original rollercoaster tycoon game.

saltnotsugar ,

This sounds like a gag from the Roadrunner cartoon.

saltnotsugar ,

Let’s get some good camera shaking going, turn on the night vision, and run out of the room randomly.

saltnotsugar ,

“Look it might be a waste of a lock, but I don’t want some vampire kid killing me. Don’t let your last words be, ‘I should have listened to Jeeeeeeff!’”

saltnotsugar ,

Don’t forget to use the “eyebrows of command.”

saltnotsugar ,

“Does anyone in your crew ever yell Khan really loud?”
No. Nah man. Shit no man. I believe you get your ass kicked for yellin something like that.

saltnotsugar ,

These are long apples comrade, or dare you suggest otherwise?

saltnotsugar ,

The UK forgot their keys and had to walk back.

saltnotsugar ,

“I’m a hot little potato right now.” -Cute Warf mayhaps

saltnotsugar ,

Yeah a pension and benefits are great, but banana is banana.

saltnotsugar ,

Crazy ex vibes from that browser.

saltnotsugar ,

What if we kissed under the Early Miocene ocean? Just kidding………UNLESS???

saltnotsugar ,

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing the songs of angry shitposts!

saltnotsugar ,

Sometimes bounce on head.

saltnotsugar ,

Sure ChatGPT is powerful, but can it even interrupt your typing by saying, “Looks like you’re writing a ransom note. Do you need help with that?”

saltnotsugar ,

I’m glad Johnny Sins is breaking out into more dialog heavy roles.

saltnotsugar ,

Choose your Netflix Adventure:

  • Old show you’ve seen three times already.
  • Crappy show you lose interest in after five minutes.
  • Browse for fifteen minutes until you give up.
saltnotsugar ,

Mittens! Call in a danger close artillery strike on that position!
(Disciplined meowing)
COPY GRIFFIN 2-6. FIRE MISSION OUT.

saltnotsugar ,

The defendant ate a supernova, became invincible, then music began to play rapidly as he massacred numerous turtles.

saltnotsugar ,

“Let’s practice”
…Let’s fuckin NOT.

saltnotsugar ,

My cat will just walk into the room, meow as loud as possible and then give me the stink eye.

saltnotsugar ,

Mom, all the girls like me and it’s distracting. Can you fuck my shit up?

saltnotsugar ,

These guys make GREAT pets, but if they run away, good luck finding them again.

saltnotsugar ,

As a rule these pillows are never comfortable, overly expensive, and you can’t make forts out of them.

saltnotsugar ,

“Blimey Harry! This panzerfaust looks wicked,” Ron said. “Come along you two. We need to hold this bridge for three hours,” Hermione barked from the Tiger tank. Harry had never seen such bullshit before, and thought this whole magic business seemed rather bothersome.

saltnotsugar ,

Why are you here soldier?
“I want to make a difference!”
Why are you REALLY here soldier!?
“…I want big ol tiddies.”
Don’t you EVER forget that.

saltnotsugar ,

30 years go by. Retire. Live in quiet neighborhood. Phone rings. It’s the manager’s voice. Now it’s time to pay the price.

saltnotsugar ,

The longer I’m in IT, the more I realize that the adeptus mechanicus might be on to something with beseeching the machine spirit.

saltnotsugar ,

“In my professional opinion, this network is haunted.”
…haunted?
(Points to various certifications) “HAUNTED.”

saltnotsugar ,

Let me tell you something. I once had a chance to buy one of those giant ass snickers bars. It was designed by engineers to be eaten as a group activity, but I had a theory I could just eat it, and screw everyone else. I was young at the time, but sometimes youth makes “good” choices that turn out horrible. I didn’t buy that giant bar. I regret it. I regret that I’ll never be able to chonk out. Chonk out like a mad man. No. Now you can’t even buy them any more. What was once a dream, is now ash. What is left to do now? Eat a salad!? WHY DID I MISS MY OPPORTUNITY OH LORD!!!

saltnotsugar ,

The high level of illumination guided an airborne sled at night!

saltnotsugar ,

(Verse 1) Yo, gather ‘round, let me tell you a tale, ‘Bout some hamsters, small but they set sail, On a mission, like a furry heist, In the dead of night, they were rollin’ dice.

In a world where cheese was the ultimate prize, These little rodents had that glint in their eyes, They wore tiny masks, had a cunning plan, To rob the bank, be the rodent clan.

(Chorus) Hamsters in the night, they’re on the run, Stealin’ all the cheddar, it’s just begun, Tiny paws, big dreams, they’re takin’ their chance, Hamsters robbin’ banks, a rodent romance.

(Verse 2) Through the vents they crawled, like shadows they crept, Crackin’ safes with their claws, while the city slept, Whisperin’ secrets, in their hamster code, No one could stop them, they owned the road.

Lil’ bandits of the underground, so sly, As they counted their loot, reachin’ for the sky, Hamster wheelin’, they had the skills, Pullin’ off heists for their thrills and thrills.

(Chorus) Hamsters in the night, they’re on the run, Stealin’ all the cheddar, it’s just begun, Tiny paws, big dreams, they’re takin’ their chance, Hamsters robbin’ banks, a rodent romance.

(Bridge) But the long arm of the law was closin’ in, Hamster SWAT teams, it was time to begin, A chase through the sewers, down the wire, The hamsters were on the edge, feelin’ the fire.

(Verse 3) In the end, they were cornered, it was quite a scene, But these hamsters, they were tougher than they seemed, They fought for their freedom, they fought for their cheese, Tiny warriors, brought to their knees.

But the legend lives on, in the city’s lore, The hamster heist, forevermore, Tiny rebels, brave and bold, Hamster bank robbers, the story’s told.

(Chorus) Hamsters in the night, they’re on the run, Stealin’ all the cheddar, it’s just begun, Tiny paws, big dreams, they’re takin’ their chance, Hamsters robbin’ banks, a rodent romance.

Yeah, hamsters robbin’ banks, that’s the story told, In the underground world, where legends unfold, Tiny but mighty, they took that chance, Hamsters with a dream, a rodent romance.

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