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@littlescraps@mas.to cover
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

littlescraps

@[email protected]

Alaskan 50+ years ADHD Neuro-variant Neuro-Spicy Quilting,crochet, knit, beading, build things around house. mom to 2 boys. I AM adoptee & birth mother to daughter-we are all reunited/big extended family. 2 cats, 4 dogs & husband. In next year begin building life long dream-backyard village/Hobby Farm for friends/family in rural WA #renewables #permaculture #actuallyautistic #ADHD

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Ilovechai , to autisticadvocacy
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@autisticadvocacy @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd @autisticadvocacy

"it takes a long time afterwards to understand what was “me” and what was “them.”

...

.Anyone can memory-foam,…but I feel it is especially common for autistics. And I have a few ideas why.

https://medium.com/@attleehall/autistic-memory-foaming-2cfecfcb9e8c

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@foolishowl @Ilovechai @autisticadvocacy @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd I don’t really know what I want either. Lifetime of masking makes is weird. Who am I? How the hell do I know? I know I am a good kind person, but I don’t know what I want. I only know what I don’t like.

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@Lotta @ScottSoCal @foolishowl @Ilovechai @autisticadvocacy @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd oooh that sounds cool

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@ScottSoCal @Lotta @foolishowl @Ilovechai @autisticadvocacy @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd Yes I agree. I love my 4 dogs & 2 cats… just the right amount of totally interested in you & a healthy dose of seriously? You have to pet me the way I like & I will let you kiss my head & talk to the butt, unless you have squishy food… up to you all to determine which species is which. But safe space!

rebekka_m , to actuallyautistic
@rebekka_m@fnordon.de avatar

Hypothesis to be discussed with the @actuallyautistic:

The high prevalence of in Autistics might be just the symptoms of an overstimulated life, misunderstood communications and lots of trauma that led to cPTSD.

Would also explain why ADHD meds very often don't work for Autistics - but certain antidepressants do.

What do you think?

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@hauchvonstaub @rebekka_m @actuallyautistic interesting. I am both, and I take small dose Prozac and pretty low dose concerta. Amazing change in being able to deal with work. Never thought about the meds helping me with my autism as well as ADHD. Course I didn’t self diagnose autism till about 3 years ago. But it does help me deal with peopling to a point. Don’t like to up my meds much cause things just get grey.

autism101 , to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Let’s talk tags on clothing. I hate them and they annoy me to no end. And even if I cut them off, the tiny bit remaining always manages to touch me and I hate it. 😩

Do tags bother you?

@actuallyautistic

image: unknown

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@autism101 @actuallyautistic GOD I HATE TAGS ON CLOTHING SO MUCH

18+ KitMuse , to actuallyautistic
@KitMuse@eponaauthor.social avatar

Something I've love to dive deeper into is how many AFAB or genderqueer individuals have been dx'd with Borderline Personality Disorder rather than Autism due to their past trauma?

Yes, I know they overlap. I've done the research including getting out my "Abnormal Psych" textbook.

But I also have some personal theories and I'm curious to hear from other self dx'd autistics misdiagnosed by mental healthcare. TY

@actuallyautistic

18+ littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@arisummerland @KitMuse @actuallyautistic me too!… was always told I was too sensitive, and get a thicker skin. I can remember crying so hard after getting punished by my mother that I was doing that weird hiccup sucking air thing and my mom screamed at me to stop that damn noise so held my hand over my mouth and pinched my nose to try and stop it….it kept going but she could hardly hear it and I don’t remember how it ended.

18+ littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@KitMuse @arisummerland @actuallyautistic yup me too any strong emotion… good bad … tears… but I do feel better once I let my self cry… but I have such an auto pilot to stuff it… I don’t realize I need to let my self feel.

18+ littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@arisummerland @KitMuse @actuallyautistic yeah hard to realize now if they knew more could they have handled it better? But back then they didn’t know anything about brains working differently - they just thought if you forced it we would conform. But super helpful to us now cause now we know we are not broken just react in our own way

18+ littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@crashglasshouses @arisummerland @KitMuse @actuallyautistic sorry you went thru that too… sucks big time , but I made sure to not do that to my kids … so there is that. All we can do is not let it make us hurt other people. It has made me a more compassionate person.

18+ littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@KitMuse @arisummerland @actuallyautistic yes this group has really made me realize I am not the alien. So many people here have helped me by telling their stories and quirks… that I am constantly saying “oh my, that is a normal thing for a brain like mine? COOOL!

18+ littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@KitMuse @actuallyautistic yup diagnosed with borderline personality disorder… or was it hystronic personality disorder. When I went to marriage counseling in my 20’s with my 1st husband. Had lots of counseling for 10 years in my 30’s but have not had any in more than 10 years. Would like to find one that specializes in late in your 50’s figured out I am autistic to work on the trauma before I knew.

sahat , to actuallyautistic
@sahat@c.im avatar

I'm in a state of pain tonight. It has a long story of origin. It is a residue from the twenty years of childrearing as a single mother, facing ableism and poverty, facing sexism and facing the devastating effect of doing it alone. I somehow let go of this layer of constraint around my deepest and most difficult bits of pain. I realize, I put it there in order to compartmentalize and in order to be present for my son. I was afraid I could be overwhelmed by it .Unable to deliver my attention and devotion as I felt was needed.
This is not nice but it is new. I feel a freedom to let go. It has to do with my kid being in a state of well-being and being on a good path. In addition to being not a kid anymore. I don't know what else to do but breathe right now, and talk. Or rather write. I have been doing that all day.
Just wanted to let you know. As this community has always given me a feeling of support and of not being alone with the challenges of a neurodivergent life. As I was writing, I felt it was necessary that every woman that goes through this lets out these sounds of pain and of torment, and as publicly as possible. We don't have much space for this, as we are beeing needed and that will be a constant for many years. And it keeps the truth away from whomever wants to ignore it. It does not serve us to be silent. Even if it may seem a survival choice at the time.
Letting go of my fight suit. admitting to the despair and how lost and alone I felt amidst mounting pressure. Letting go of treading carefully as not to scare my child. As not to provoke retaliation from any part of the system in a way that I would not be prepared for.
Letting go of a pressure that has been in my neck for twenty years and wreaked havoc in my body. It's a bit of a flood coming out of of me. Breaking my heart or rather the constraints around it towards feeling the full truth of the emotion.
@actuallyautistic

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@sahat @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @audhd WHOA. I feel you in this … so much right now… would love to scream . But mine is just 17… will hold on a bit longer … can’t fall apart yet . You are brave to face it. Hugs from me!

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

I'm often asked how to "stop my meltdowns" by the community.

There are no shortcuts. There are no hacks. Once a meltdown starts, it cannot be turned off. Meltdowns ARE NOT tantrums.

They are the result of your needs not being met.

What are your needs?

@actuallyautistic

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic ah this was very helpful in explaining my situation yesterday. I was still blaming myself for not having enough control to stop it. Ah this might make me less judgy to myself afterwards, and explains what kina knew from experience that as soon as I did the uncontrolled crying I would be back to like I never got that upset. I was a little worried I was being bi- polar or something. Brains are weird

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@GreenRoc @shannonpersists @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic oh my god this. =. “My body registers frustration as a precursor to requiring its survival mechanics.” Never thought about it this way… “ (the social )I tried to do the right thing and it backfired, the “I tried to apply what I learned from the last interaction “ no win situation “ is one of my triggers

sahat , to actuallyautistic
@sahat@c.im avatar

I once had a relationship with an AuDHD male. He had a certain trait. It's not very common, but I have heard from people that experience this.
It was scary and it ended the realtionship. He used to get into a form of meltdown where he would be uncontrollably agitated.. Rage, despair, IDK what to call it. It looked like anger. And then he would loose the memory about what had transpired. He did not recall what he had said or how he had behaved. It must be hard to live with this, cus I am sure, it wrecks relationships, period. Now I am curious, have any of you this trait, has anyone experienced this, either in my role or in his? I would be interested to hear more about this. I recently talked to him after many years of silence. It brought this all up. He didn't know about his neurodivergence at the time. And it scared the heck out of him to be hearing me describe, what took place, when he stopped having memory.
@actuallyautistic

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@spika @servelan @sahat @actuallyautistic oh interesting. Never really thought about that is my trigger during normal day to day. I was aware that I am a nut job when preparing to travel for the anxiety of forgetting something. I just assumed there was some childhood trauma that caused that… hmmm will have to explore this now.

ScriptFanix , to actuallyautistic
@ScriptFanix@maly.io avatar

I realise now that every single thing my exes told me when they left were autistic traits or consequences thereof. I feel kind of hopeless @actuallyautistic

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@ScriptFanix @actuallyautistic yes if you are not aware of these yourself you can’t make any decisions to communicate why you do what you do. So there is hope in that you are now more aware and will be less likely to mask and I believe you will now find people that will love you for what you really are… not your mask. I know I am having better relationships now that I am aware and try not to mask but be more honest with myself and those around me.. hang in there!

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Do my comrades love their plushies / stuffed animals?

Are they a big part of your life?

What do they mean to YOU?

Who are your favorites? Where are they from? Is there a story?

Introduce them!

@actuallyautistic

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic oh my god… this just can’t be another thing I thought I was weird about & is actually a perfectly normal coping strategy. Holy Shit! had blanket mom took away I was ruining it. I trnsfr to thing she not take away-pillow. I have 2 pillows w/dust mite covers. go every where I sleep. Very flat ,top one is Wubi. I am very particular about the pillow case that goes on it. Only thing I can depend on when the world is exhausting

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

2015 me wrote in a journal "I am hiding my true self so as to try and blend in. I am different from everyone else, but I'm scared of that fact. I am trying to blend in but I am too different."

She was so right but didn't understand it was being and masking.

@actuallyautistic

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@alexisbushnell @actuallyautistic so true so true

hosford42 , to actuallyautistic
@hosford42@techhub.social avatar

I'm . The sound of the train blowing its horn as it passes my house makes me cover my ears in pain. But the throbbing bass of the engine that causes a deep pressure in my chest from the vibration makes me feel happy.

When I was a kid, I used to crank up the bass of my parents' stereo and sit directly against the woofer to feel that pressure. They would always yell at me to turn it down. I've always loved that feeling.


@actuallyautistic
@neurodiversity

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@hosford42 @Tooden @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity oh yeah never knew being able to see your heart beat in your eyes was wasn’t something everyone can do. I have also been known to play games with sunlight at an angle in morning and those floaties in your eyes. Does that make me NT or Autistic, or just easily entertained.

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@hosford42 @Tooden @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity ah yes.. I am most definitely ND and Autistic. Sorry, I was trying to be clever and funny, but realize you don’t know me. So not getting the inside joke. I am new to the understanding of my amazing ND power source. Been about 2 years since I started saying hmmmmm. Nothing like figuring it out at 55. I feel so much better . Used to think I could fix me. Know I know I don’t need to be fixed!

littlescraps ,
@littlescraps@mas.to avatar

@hosford42 @Tooden @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity I also am so fascinated to find all these things that are linked… it is like I go “ ah ha” that’s cool, I do that too! Finding my tribe here. So fucking cool to find all these people like me! It is like meeting my birth family at 30 and realizing I have people like me .. I’m not broken like my mom kept trying to make me feel. (They were quiet very NT, and passive aggressive) you guys are the BEST!

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