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ellabee

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ellabee ,

my cat loses it if she wakes up and can’t see me. I live in a studio. there aren’t a lot of “out of sight” options. at one point, there was just a screen between me, in my computer chair, and her, on the bed. we still did the whole call and response.

she doesn’t look for me, she just starts yelling until I respond.

ellabee ,

yep. I self-select out of dog friendly offices. if that’s a “benefit”, I can’t work there.

ellabee ,

my HS graduation was on a Saturday, and my mom’s attempt was the following Monday. so I guess this has that beat for awful.

chronic depression really distorts your view of things. my mom honestly didn’t think it would taint my graduation or change my plans. sort of, like she was already gone from my life, so she was just trying to wrap things up?

unsurprisingly, even though she wasn’t successful, she still managed to screw me and my younger siblings up for a fair bit. it’s been 20+ years, and only one of us still is in contact with her.

ellabee ,

mostly, yeah! it was a very dysfunctional childhood, but we’re all mostly functional adults.

ellabee ,

for me, it’s seeing how similar we are. I went low contact and moved away almost 20 years ago. getting to know my now-transmasc brother when we’re both adults is wild. he’s dealt with things differently, but despite 8 years age gap and 18 years not talking, we have a lot in common still.

ellabee ,

that’s not what’s meant. they mean, how long you’ve had an account with them, whether you have multiple accounts or loans with the institution, if you’ve been late in paying or carried very minimal balances or have a history of harassing customer service to the point customer service felt the need to record it.

it’s your relationship with the institution, not the ceo, and whether you’ve been a good customer or not really.

ellabee ,

I had ferrets for a while. they liked to steal and hide things. you learn to check under the couch weekly just so you don’t find things by smell. and hope it’s not somehow inside the couch.

mostly it was the one guy, who preferred his chips and sweets, but knew his sister liked other things. she didn’t eat tomatoes or apples or fruit, but he’d carry that stinky orange down stairs for her, lips peeled back so he didn’t have to taste it too much.

ellabee ,

not the OP you replied to, but someone else who loves the Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain book.

I think 5 days is ambitious. but a lot of what the exercises are doing is training you to see a different way. so it’s not impossible.

someone neurodivergent may struggle to get what the exercises are trying to teach or to reach the point they’re aiming for, so it might take them longer. those more inclined to pick it up faster probably aren’t going to need the exercises in the book; it’s already natural to them.

as we grow up, we learn “this is what a tree looks like, this is a dog looks like, this is what a car looks like”, etc etc. the way we see a new car then goes through that filter of “this is what a car looks like”. those filters are great for quickly identifying things and generally being a human in the world, so you don’t get hit by a car while you’re still figuring out if it is a car.

but those filters get in the way of drawing accurately. your eyes aren’t literally filtering anything; that’s all in your brain. so you need to learn to stop that part of your brain when you draw. that’s the biggest part of being able to draw decently. the rest is technical skill you get with practice.

I’d still recommend the original OP look for an artist collaborator, since children’s books need the illustrations to be as strong as the writing. there’s no way to get there in just 5 days.

ellabee ,

as long as you don’t think the function bar is a search bar. coworker opened my excel spreadsheet and I guess thought it functioned like Google?

I was right behind her to train so no formulas were injured.

ellabee ,

I’m sorry for this. I adore seeing men being fathers, being positive adults in the lives of children. my own dad was more absent than not, but my grandfathers taught me a lot about how to be a decent human being, how to have relationships with others.

please don’t be absent for your daughter just because too many people have forgotten men are also capable of being nurturing adults for children.

What are your hidden gem medications/drugs/substances and what makes them ideal for your usecase

If you notice an improperly formatted reply, kindly message the poster and gently remind them it needs to comport with the Naltrexone example below. It is simple and keeps things traversable and useful, thanks 🙏...

ellabee ,

oh weird, Lexapro failed entirely at managing my anxiety. worked great on the depression side, which meant that dampener of the anxiety wasn’t in effect. spiraled quick, had to email the doc for an emergency appointment.

Effexor (venlaxafine) is the first SNRI I’ve tried and it’s been like magic.

ellabee ,

same with ferrets. if you don’t give them outlets to be “bad”, they will destroy everything. lots of pretending I don’t notice a they drag the old shoes across the floor to the new hiding spot, or “steal” kibble from the bag. had one guy that would check to see if I was busy in the bathroom before he’d go do the thing he really wanted to do. like steal the candy off my desk.

my cat, on the other hand, just yells for what she wants. worst case, if I leave her alone too long, she might decide she deserves a treat and will get it for herself. from the bag I left on the floor, knowing she could her it herself.

ellabee ,

it depends. I live in a studio, I still have a kitchen trash and bathroom trash, paper towels and cleansers in both. it’s just easier knowing I’ll always have quick access to clean up a mess. like cat vomit.

ideally I’d also have a flashlight and first aid kit stashed in both places, but those have been less necessary and so fell off the critical re-supply list.

Messed up things a doctor did to you or someone you know? / Bad experiences with doctors

Today I spoke to a coworker who had bad experiences with doctors and was seeking recommendations for a new one, then other coworkers chimed in, and so I decided to ask you guys as well. Well, not for a doctor recommendation, but about your bad experienced with doctors?...

ellabee ,

then the correct answer from the Dr should’ve been a referral to a gyno, not “that shouldn’t be treated yet in my medical opinion”.

and she may not have realized it was perimenopause when she went to the Dr. fatigue and migraines alone could easily sap libido and be completely unrelated to anything “down there”.

ellabee ,

not the guy you asked, but also .01%. I read. a lot. and I pretty much always have. mostly science fiction and fantasy, but I pick up the occasional nonfiction.

books were always around the house when I was a kid, and we went to the library a lot. my grandma taught me to read before I started school, so that’s about 40 years of exposure.

so nearly everything on that test, I’ve encountered in context and at least have a fuzzy idea what it could mean.

ellabee ,

Roxy (cat) and Jasper (guinea pig)

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/f7ff746b-6201-48cb-b66c-2fd6ccbc0609.jpeg

ellabee ,

guinea pigs are potatoes. usually you look for the ears, but on a curly multicolor those can be hard to find :)

ellabee ,
  1. did I pay for the ebook/ have I read a lot of the author’s work for free? do I feel like it’s worth giving them money?
  2. do I want other people I know to read this book?

if either of these is true, I buy it, even if it’s unlikely I’ll reread it. if it’s 1, I try to buy a book I haven’t read of theirs instead, but that’s not always an option.

I’ve bought multiple copies of some books because I keep shoving them at people. I’ve given away at least 3 copies of Feed by Mira Grant, for example.

ellabee ,

paper calendars work ok. apps are better at collating and predicting based on past data, and therefore giving you a better idea when and what to expect and whether it’s “normal”.

apps can help you provide a condensed report, which helps when seeking help from a doctor. it shouldn’t work that way, but at least in my anecdotal experience, the Dr who dismisses handwritten notes for 3 months, was more reasonable when it was “data collected via app”.

I stopped using an app a few years ago, because of privacy issues, but there are absolutely good reasons people still use them when a calendar works.

ellabee ,

when we had a lot of cats and the occasional intruder cat, “duels” between one of ours and one intruder were most common. meet on neutral territory, hurl insults, maybe there’s an attack but maybe not. and only after sufficient insults.

this was a specifically male behavior, too. we got a young female cat, and the 2 older males were horrified when she came and jumped their opponent. she was very no holds barred, get off my lawn, don’t mess with my guys. a different time, a different young female cat was equally willing to jump in swinging claws and skip the insults.

typically the other male cats would be hanging around, observing and jumping in only if things moved from neutral ground to their territory.

ellabee ,

in my experience, there’s not even as much consistency therapist to therapist, psychiatrist to psychiatrist, as there is in the rest of the medical field.

I love my psychiatrist, but what I love is that she’s very much about staying up to date and knowing what she’s prescribing, and probing to see if it’s working (I am a terrible judge the worse off I am. no, really, it’s fine, I can just wake up a little earlier and add a panic attack to my morning routine, don’t change my drugs. huh…ok, since we upped the dose, I haven’t had a panic attack, I guess that was a good idea.)

At what age and how do you tell children about the truth of Christmas?

I’m writing this as someone who has mostly lived in the US and Canada. Personally, I find the whole “lying to children about Christmas” thing just a bit weird (no judgment on those who enjoy this aspect of the holiday). But because it’s completely normalized in our culture, this is something many people have to deal...

ellabee ,

I like this. in my family, I figured it out at about 3 or 4, promptly told the 2 year old, and broke the reality to the next two before they could even start to believe there was a real Santa.

instead, Santa was the spirit of Christmas, so any of us could be Santa if we gave presents with no expectation of recognition or a return gift. much more Secret Santa than magical man leaving presents.

this did lead to several years where the youngest would give away all their toys, only to then reclaim them after presents were opened. generosity isn’t an easy concept for the pre-schoolers.

ellabee ,

I’d say it’s about $15-20 for an average lunch here, in Seattle. transit is fairly cheap, $5.50 to and from work unless you live far enough to go through a couple zones, at which point I think it’s still under $8 round trip.

What is the best linux alternative to OneNote?

I’ve no problem with using LibreOffice for most of my document needs, but i haven’t found a good substitute for microsoft’s OneNote yet. I mainly use it to plan my RPG games and it helps a lot. What alternatives are there for organizing notes on linux, with similar features to those that OneNote provides?

ellabee ,

I use onenote at work for all my notes. tabs and individual pages let me organize things so nothing is too long to scroll and find what I need. I can put text, screenshot, and hyperlink (to another part of one note or outside link), and a link to a pdf or excel file. I can add check boxes to whichever line items.

once I’ve got a nice set of notes, I can share either the entire notebook, the section, or just that page with the next person. or if they’re a bit of a luddite, I can print it out and maintain format (mostly). the most recent version broke emailing a page, but if you’re still running an older version of one note, it embeds it, with formatting, without being a pdf.

got something you need to paste in all the time? I’ve got one page where each text box is one copy/paste comment. clicking the header automatically selects all the text in just that box.

like OP, I tend to use one note at home for D&D, but if I can find something just as good I’m happy to try it. work leaves me with MS Office.

ellabee ,

congratulations, your immune system doesn’t suck.

between migraines and colds, I’m down to just 1 sick day left. that’s despite wearing a mask, washing my hands, etc. the last cold just laid me out for a week. migraines (which at less than 3 a year are too rare for the Dr to give me meds) come with visual sparkles that make working on a computer pretty impossible. most cold meds also make me incredibly sleepy, so I can try to work through it - or I can sleep and get better faster. this was a bad year. last year I barely needed sick days, hopefully next year will be more like last year. Masks help. work from home, avoiding the public, helps. but my immune system is just kinda crap, so I just work through what I can, and call in sick when I can’t.

ellabee ,

My cat recognizes the tea kettle whistle as time to get off my lap. “Up” and “Down” mean the same thing (you need to get down so I can get up).

She’s not the brightest, but a warning that she needs to move means I get clawed less.

ellabee ,

she doesn’t drink tea (yet), but she does know head butting my hand when I’m holding a cup is a bad idea!

What kind of upbringing makes an incel?

Something I’ve always wondered is what kind of women were in the lives of incel men when they were young. Did they have a bad relationship with their mother? Did they lack sisters or other female family members? Or is their family situation irrelevant? Maybe some particular situation in their early years caused them to develop...

ellabee ,

I knew a guy in real life who got into men’s rights and Men Going Their Own Way nonsense- basically, he had sex so he didn’t qualify for incel, but he held a lot of the same beliefs.

I was the only woman he seemed to have any respect for. He didn’t respect his mother or younger sister, felt they had taken advantage of his dad and were now taking advantage of him. The one girlfriend I know he had, was very manipulative and not a good girlfriend.

I pointed out all the issues with his thinking and his MRA, MGOTW sources multiple times. he’d come back around to being reasonable for a while, then wander back into the toxic wilds of the internet. eventually, I gave up; I can’t be the only voice of reason you bother to listen to.

Black student suspended over his hairstyle to be sent to an alternative education program (www.aol.com)

After serving more than a month of in-school suspension over his dreadlocks, a Black student in Texas was told he will be removed from his high school and sent to a disciplinary alternative education program on Thursday....

ellabee ,

if I understand correctly, it’s actually more illegal now, because Texas passed the CROWN act after the previous 2.

I suppose there may be differences that make a difference to the outcome, but it seems unlikely here.

ellabee ,

I’m in my mid 40s, high school in Missouri. I wouldn’t say they taught media literacy, and despite having a computer lab with the internet, it wasn’t considered.

Research was finding sources to cite for a paper and was a big chunk of the grade in English one year. They did cover what were considered reputable sources, but that meant published non-fiction, news reports, and maybe firsthand accounts (consider the source reputation). They seemed to assume we knew the difference between, say, a real newspaper and a tabloid, or the difference between Channel 5 News and Jerry Springer. The idea that the NY Times or Channel 5 News might have bias in how they presented things, and in what they chose to present, wasn’t considered at all.

Since this was taught in English, it was much more about using proper citations, not full plagiarism, and writing persuasively. I know I couldn’t find enough actual books on my topic in the school or public libraries, so I padded my reference list with the list the encyclopedia used. It worked fine.

To be fair, I do still use questions i learned from that research paper to evaluate info. am I seeing the same info across multiple sources, including high quality ones? can I trace it to an original source, and how much do I trust that source? can I find several high quality, independent sources for a particular thing?

ellabee ,

I think there’s a human bias towards certainty, to believing in true facts. research is work, and when it undermines personal certainty, there’s an urge to just go with whoever does seem to be most certain. if you can’t be sure of the facts on a personal level, go with the guy who is loudest and most certain. and because people seeking to relay truth will make room for doubt, conspiracy theory guy wins.

understanding probability helps here - if 90% of climatologists are 90% sure of climate change, their doubt doesn’t make climate hoax guy right. the podcast 538 covers politics, but goes into polling theory, statistics, and probability in ways that make it easier for me to understand and apply in other areas.

ellabee ,

I’ve had several ferrets, and intelligence definitely varies in them, but it’s impressive what their little raisin brains can manage. watching them figure out a puzzle was the most fun.

but it wasn’t always fun. I had a ferret with some serious attitude, and he and my sister didn’t get along. one day, she shoved him aside with her foot and called him a little shithead. later that day, we found her phone, in it’s nice leather case, in his litterbox. he knew exactly how to get even.

same little guy would push open the bathroom door if he could, see I was ‘occupied’, and then get up to whatever bad idea was the current favorite. it took me a bit to catch on, but I got it after the cute little weasel poked in, then went and dragged a family size bag of m&ms under my roommate’s dresser, leaving a trail from my room to hers. little pest knew he had plenty of time before I could catch him at it.

Ruby Franke formally charged with 6 counts of felony child abuse (www.nbcnews.com)

Ruby Franke, the mother of six behind the family YouTube channel “8 Passengers,” has been charged with six counts of felony child abuse by the Washington County Attorney in Utah, a spokesperson for the attorney’s office confirmed to NBC News on Tuesday....

ellabee ,

not the person you replied to, but someone with similar opinions: of your 3 examples, only you are still working in the community you presumably grew up in and live in. homeschooling can make it difficult to feel tied to your local community; often, they are perceived as “other” and feel themselves separate, at least the ones I’ve met. you may all feel driven to work for “communal good”, but it seems like it’s often done as an outsider to the community. there’s no “communal empathy” because you(generally, the home schooled) aren’t part of the community.

I have awful social anxiety - when I was little it was just called “painfully shy” - and my mother considered home schooling as an alternative. my grandmother was an elementary school teacher in the local public school system, and said the most valuable thing they taught in school was how to navigate socially. everything else can be taught outside school, but it’s extremely difficult to give kids the opportunity to learn societal norms and how to deal with peer groups when they aren’t interacting with people outside their small group on a daily basis. I’m honestly not sure how well I’d function in society as an adult if my mother hadn’t listened to my grandmother. I learned a lot of my social skills at school, more than I could in church or clubs where the peers were fewer and our similarities greater.

ellabee ,

to an extent, it really does differ by state. however, housing costs went up significantly for both buying a house or renting in the last 2 years.

I live in the greater Seattle area, but not in Seattle, which is fairly expensive. I make about $50k per year, which is about $3400/ month take home after taxes and paying for health insurance. $1550 of that goes to rent. internet costs me $60/ month; I could get cheaper, crappier internet, but this way I also get to work from home a few days a week and enjoy online video games. power varies, depending on if I need to run the heat. for the summer, it’s about $60/month, in the winter it might go up to $200/month. I don’t do well in the cold, I could save money but sleep poorly and risk getting sick by not warming up so much. my brother has a deal for phone service, so we share a family plan where my share is $30/ month. I don’t have a car now, I ride the bus generally. that’s about $50/ month, but varies if I need to be in the office more or go more places than my usual sedentary habits.

if you’re keeping track, that’s about $1600/ month left after allocated expenses. I haven’t talked about food or other household necessities, or any fun leisure stuff. you’ll also notice I don’t have any student loans or medical debt or a car loan. I did spend a full year unemployed during covid, and ran up my credit card staying afloat. so I’ve got about $20k debt that I put at least $500/ month toward.

getting a car would be prohibitively expensive here - in addition to the cost of the car, I’d also be paying $100/ month to park it, +gas, +insurance. I’ve lived in other states where not having a vehicle meant you couldn’t work, because there was no effective public transit. usually those places didn’t have the parking expense, but gas and insurance alone are more expensive than my transit costs here usually are.

I’m pretty ok for this area. my rent is pretty cheap for a studio apartment (no bedroom, just living area, private kitchen, private bathroom). my debt is fairly low, and my credit remains pretty good, so if I need a loan it’s an option.

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