callunavulgaris

GayDeceiver , 23 days ago to random

Some lessons I learned after being in a bunch of weddings:

• Hydrate the newlyweds
• Feed the newlyweds
• Have sticky tape with you
• Tape the card to the present
• Do not leave the newlywed’s side and have the wedding party help
• Before the ceremony, your job is to keep the groom calm and hydrated
• Before the ceremony, your job is to keep any of the groom’s friends from putting ideas in his head
• Professional photographer, the most expensive you can afford.

How about you? Any advice?

callunavulgaris , 23 days ago

@GayDeceiver As the weird neurodivergent people who are hard to slot in to a table plan, be prepared to be sat next to the most boring man on earth, their princess 10 year old daughter and the wife who lives vicariously through the daughter. Sheesh. I've been to some great weddings (one at a fabulous Greek church in London and reception at the Hotel Cafe Royal sticks in my mind) but that one was dull til the thunder and lightning started and we all had a good excuse to move 😆 @actuallyautistic

chevalier26 , 28 days ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic
Read an article recently that claimed autistic individuals are less likely to succumb to marketing and impulse buying. I think this is true about myself.

I am aware that AuDHD can often work against this, and make shopping a dreadful experience because of the push and pull of "wanting" but not "needing" something. I'd love to hear y'all's experiences/opinions.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-fallible-mind/201708/why-advertising-falls-flat-in-individuals-autism

callunavulgaris , 28 days ago

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic Funnily enough I identified recently that I'm not much swayed by advertising and will always make my own decisions based on information. I tend to make swift decisions - if an item fits what I'm looking for then I don't really shop around as I can't stand the level of detail involved. My ADHD husband is never happier than when researching so he gets that job if we have a big purchase to make! Sometimes I do buy on impulse but that's the flipside of my usual care.

kkffoo , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

I found this way of looking at autistic and allistic communication preferences quite clear and interesting. https://youtu.be/H6Wf8Q3e6lg?si=acKu3fQaGPyEy9bf
@actuallyautistic

callunavulgaris , 1 month ago

@joshourisman @kkffoo @actuallyautistic If I ever doubt that I'm properly autistic this video sums up my experiences. Information first, that's the nub of it.

callunavulgaris , 1 month ago to random

Does anyone have experience of difficult conversations with geriatric parents? I could use advice on how to tackle a tricky situation. Might run to a few posts:

My mum has very limited mobility and falls a lot, together with all sorts of other ailments that are no fun. She has a history of depression (including staying in a psychiatric unit) and is going downhill again as her life is shrinking so much. This is difficult for everyone in lots of ways but on thing has risen to the top. Cont'd...

callunavulgaris OP , 1 month ago

My dad, in his 80s, is still pretty fit and takes part in sporting events, often competing at county level. He's Mum's main carer and as such it's vital that he gets his fun and has a break. I can and do step in whether he's here or not, but particularly when he's out. Thing is, Mum has taken to asking two friends if they'll come round when he's out (one at a time), whether I'm in or not. Seems fine superficially, ask a friend round, why not? Problem is /Cont'd...

callunavulgaris OP , 1 month ago

She only does it when Dad's out, so it's not 'hey Marge, come round for coffee', it's 'hey Marge, come round and sit with me while J's out and please bring me my supper and keep me company'. Again, doesn't sound too bad but it's not occasional, she's asking them a lot. They're also in their 80s, one's recently been ill and IMO it's asking too much. Once in a while yes, but emailing lists of dates is putting people in a difficult position. I can't tell whether she's unaware of this or knows...

callunavulgaris OP , 1 month ago

and doesn't care because there's something about it that's so vital to her.

Last night I dropped one of these friends home about 9.30pm. It was pretty obvious to me from the outset that she wasn't really happy at having to come over. I thanked her for coming and said I wasn't sure why Mum had asked her as I was in. The conversation swfitly got to her telling me she wasn't really happy doing it (no shit?) and Mum was asking her too much and she had to say no quite often. Cont'd...

callunavulgaris OP , 1 month ago

I instantly assured her that saying no was the right thing to do, she must never feel obliged, and that I had already spoken to my dad about needing to find a proper solution to this. So far so bleedin' obvious really. The crux of the problem is that Mum doesn't like being left on her own, at all really, just like when she was depressed. Ironically when Dad's in (which is 5 evenings out of 7 most weeks) he's often in the study, partly because Mum has crap TV on quite loud and it empties the room

callunavulgaris OP , 1 month ago

I've looked into a local care agency and it all seems doable, and they have a great reputation, but now I have to broach the subject. I can just hear (with my @actuallyautistic experience) "Heather says I can't have my friends round when you're out", just like it was "Heather says the house is too dirty" when I responded to her sighing about the state of the house with some suggestions for how to manage it.

She won't be honest about why she wants someone in. She told last night's friend that...

callunavulgaris OP , 1 month ago

it's because my dad worries about her when he's out. I'm sorry but when my dad's in the sporting arena no other thouht enters his head. She won't be honest about anything much and it makes putting the right things in place so much more difficult than it needs to be.

So I now have to talk to my dad in concrete terms, having previously had a general conversation about the need for formal care at times. Then we have to talk to my mum about why she asks her friends round to help when I'm in...

callunavulgaris OP , 1 month ago

and, I might add, entirely capable of looking after her as I do very frequently and she always says I do so much blah blah. Then we have to tell her that she's asking too much of her friends - I don't want to admit how I know that - and that if she feels the need for someone in the room with her when Dad's out and me floating around the house isn't enough then it'll be a carer at £30/hr. Of course I can be around but with my @actuallyautistic hat on please don't make me sit in a cluttered room

callunavulgaris OP , 1 month ago

@actuallyautistic with a very loud TV. I can do it for a few minutes but it really does my head in. So she'll feel that me being around means sitting in monastic silence. She can't really chat because she's very hard to understand. It's a shitshow of a situation. She doesn't really get that for Dad and me to look after her she needs to work with us. So fun conversation coming up and I'm not sure how to approach it without sounding brutal, which isn't my intention but often happens.

masukomi , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

#ActuallyAutistic sensory 🐄💩.

Aside from the constant avoidance of loud noises and keeping the sun's evil rays from finding my eyeballs... my sensory management is primarily the never-ending balancing act between "holy shit my nipples are on fire! I need a bra!" and "holy shit get this bra off of me!"

So, that's a thing. 🙁

@actuallyautistic

callunavulgaris , 2 months ago

@Varceptious @masukomi @actuallyautistic Glad to hear I'm not the only one who finds some clothes claustrophobic. Tight sleeves get me and I couldn't ever wear a top I bought in an emergency on holiday as the soft stretchy neck clung to my skin and I just couldn't stand it. Bras though are essential as I have Boobs-with-a-capital-B and curiously I like that tightness 🤷‍♂️

callunavulgaris , 2 months ago

@masukomi @Varceptious @actuallyautistic 😄

JeremyMallin , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

If you know, you know.
#ActuallyAutistic
@actuallyautistic

callunavulgaris , 2 months ago

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic I do this! It drives my son mad 😆

ashleyspencer , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

I'm honestly quite a bit afraid of socializing with neurotypical business owners. Like I'd be so excited to talk to fellow entrepreneurs, and then get humiliated when they think I'm a weirdo or immature.

I'm very socially inept in person. I get bullied a lot. Allistics think something is wrong with me and treat me as such.

I've walked away from so many social situations in tears.

Being by myself with my cats all the time is a lot better.

#ActuallyAutistic

@actuallyautistic

callunavulgaris , 2 months ago

@ashleyspencer @actuallyautistic I'm sorry to hear you've had such rough experiences. I used to do networking but as I have zero tolerance for bullshit I didn't get very far as I just couldn't play the game. I didn't know then that I'm #actuallyautistic and couldn't understand why I didn't get from these groups what other people seemed to. Now I think it was emperor's new clothes and wonder how I stuck with it for as long as I did!