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programmer_humor

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Luisp , in Any Volunteers

I would volunteer… for money

yetAnotherUser ,

“Sure, we’ll pay you 2% of the profits”

Honytawk ,

As long as it is in advance it is okay.

How big did you say your sales projection was?

yetAnotherUser ,

“Sorry, but we can’t pay in advance, you’ll have to put the work in first”

Matriks404 , in Any Volunteers

It ws only like a decided ago when I had multiple amazing ideas for games and other software, only to have nearly none when I actually started to do some programming for fun.

I think there’s only one game I would like to try making where I see it may have some success, but the idea is very vague and devil is in the details and execution I guess.

ekZepp , in Any Volunteers
@ekZepp@lemmy.world avatar

Just coding, 3d modelling and art. But the idea is great!

namelivia , in Any Volunteers

No joke, I once met a guy like this in an indie game developers meetup, and on top of that he was extremely vague about his idea because he told everyone he once managed to get a coder on board and “that rat wanted to take advantage of him and his idea”, literally.

DragonTypeWyvern ,

I had a guy whose pitch was “Ok, you’re the president.”

That was the game idea. The whole thing.

SkyezOpen ,

Already played saints row 4, next!

DinosaurSr ,

I’m picturing Microsoft flight simulator but for politics. I’m in.

spirinolas ,

So, the game is sorting and answering Stimpy’s fan mail?

Zagorath ,
@Zagorath@aussie.zone avatar

So, Democracy?

spirinolas ,

This sounds a lot like the Sinking Simulator saga…

nifty , in Any Volunteers
@nifty@lemmy.world avatar

The same damn attitude of some “open source” projects looking for free labor, as if paid labor isn’t exploitative enough

ben_dover , in Any Volunteers

fuck idea guys. an idea is worth nothing until you actually put the work in

SupraMario ,

I have this idea of how to solve the world’s energy problem…ok ok just hear me out… nuclear fusion…just need some smart science nerd to figure it out. Any volunteers?

nexguy ,
@nexguy@lemmy.world avatar

I’m a rat scientist and want to take advantage of your idea.

mynameisigglepiggle ,

Meta af

veni_vedi_veni ,

I loved The Onion’s parody of TED Talks where an Idea guy is giving a presentation.

tweeks ,

Sharing ideas can definitely be worth something when it leads to something actual original/concrete/useful, but on another level.

Most ideas these “creatives” come up with are neither of those + they are not willing to put in some effort to solidify the idea themselves.

henfredemars , in The easiest problem

I worked with a developer who insisted on using the shortest names possible. God I hated debugging his code.

I’m talking variable names like AAxynj. Everything looking like matrix math.

ray ,

At a previous job I had to work with an old database where all the tables and columns had 6-character names

wfh ,

Same. Old DB2 base from the 80’s that was migrated to Oracle in the 90’s then to Postgres in the 2010’s.

And the people there know all the column names by heart 😅

xmunk ,

I vomit whenever I have to read one letter alias SQL. And then… I dealias it.

nogooduser ,

I don’t understand why people think that it’s acceptable.

As developers, we’ve had it drummed into us from day one that variable names are important and shouldn’t be one or two letters.

Yet developers deliberately alias an easy to read table name such as “customer” into “c” because that’s the first letter of the table. I’m sure that it’s more work to do that with auto completion meaning that you don’t even need to type out “customer”.

xmunk ,

Especially when you also have company and county tables. It forces people to look up what the c is aliased to before beginning to comprehend what you’re doing.

redcalcium ,

Ah, must’ve been a fortran developer. I swear they have this ability to make the shortest yet the least memorable variable names. E.g. was the variable called APFLWS or APFLWD? Impossible to remember without going back and forth to recheck the definition. Autocomplete won’t help you because both variables exist.

mkwt ,

And you can write more than six characters, but only the first six are recognized. So APFLWSAC and APFLWSAF are really the same variable.

And without namespaces, company policy reserves the first two characters for module prefix and Hungarian notation.

henfredemars ,

He did write some Fortran in his past! What made you think it was Fortran influence?

geogle ,
@geogle@lemmy.world avatar

72 characters per line/card.

Templa ,

I’d say because fortran is often used for calculations such as numerical analysis where you have x, y and z for example.

I have written fortran code in the past and it was mainly for that.

redcalcium ,

Your first few programming languages usually influence you the most for the rest of your career.

HaywardT ,

And the rest of you are COBOL programmers.

dan ,
@dan@upvote.au avatar

shortest names possible

This film from 1975 is still relevant today: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hdJQkn8rtA

pheeef , in Added Bugs to Keep my job

somebody renamed the interface but didn’t rename the monitoring interface 2

NegativeLookBehind , in The easiest problem
@NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world avatar

You should really be naming all your variables by generating 64 character (minimum) random strings.

rufus ,

Make it 63 (31?) to align with what C99 can distinguish.

Also: I really like unicode in identifiers. So if at all possible don’t just have a random string of letters and numbers, make sure to include greek letters and all the funny emojis. (I just forgot which languages and compilers etc allow that.)

NegativeLookBehind ,
@NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world avatar

Wingdings as well

aBundleOfFerrets ,

Wingdings is a font and has no effect on the actual code. Only people who set their IDE font to wingdings will see wingdings

NegativeLookBehind ,
@NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world avatar

Remove all fonts from the devs computers except for Wingdings and Webdings.

BodilessGaze ,

For extra fun, you can name your variables using solely Unicode invisible characters (e.g. non-breaking space) so they’re impossible to visually distinguish

LostXOR ,

Who needs private variables when you can generate cryptographically secure variable names? Much better security.

owenfromcanada , in The easiest problem
@owenfromcanada@lemmy.world avatar

Nah, I name all my variables after my homies.

int dave = 0;

rufus ,

does dave know he’s a zero?

codfishjoe ,

His best friends index starts at 0

owenfromcanada ,
@owenfromcanada@lemmy.world avatar

In zero-based indexing, zero is #1.

imPastaSyndrome ,

Dave was number one!

XTL ,

But they had to be enterprise, so he became a number one factory.

smeg ,

Ah, the XCOM approach. Now you look after those variables and get sad when you have to delete them.

perviouslyiner , in The easiest problem

Just be careful naming your function “stdout()” or things could get weird…

mkwt ,

Or Fortran variables that collide with Fortran built-in functions.

Keep in mind that array subscript and function call are both () in Fortran.

MentalEdge , in The easiest problem
@MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz avatar

FullSentenceExplainingExactlyWhatItDoes(GiveThisVariable, SoItCanWork)

kautau ,
Kolanaki , in The easiest problem
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

Was just talking about gaming genre names being kinda lame (roguelike? Souls-like? Where’s the originality?!) and this just furthers my point as programming and video games are intrinsically linked.

outer_spec ,
@outer_spec@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

floats, doubles, etc are decimallikes. object-oriented programming languages are c++likes. a string that is just the word “false” is a boollike. any language easier to learn than c++ is a pythonlike. any language harder to learn than c++ is a asmlike. don’t like it? then you’re a naglike. you don’t want to be known as a naglike, do you?

owenfromcanada ,
@owenfromcanada@lemmy.world avatar

Javascript is all about them boollikes (or as we sometimes call them, booleish).

PoolloverNathan ,

Haskell, my favorite pythonlike!

Mango , in Any Volunteers

If you’re this guy, You’ve gotta be a really good writer and you gotta write it first.

DragonTypeWyvern ,

“Ok, I did the overall plot. Who’s doing the dialogue?”

Mango ,

Sounds like you have a small fraction of a game Idea that could be generated by an AI trained on tvtropes.com.

Maggoty , in Any Volunteers

Sure as long as you donate 100,000 USD a year to my bank account.

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