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How the fuck do you meet new people?

I just got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple months ago, rather suddenly and not of my own volition. I do not fault my former partner, she did what she felt she had to do to be happy. Unfortunately, turns out, I didn’t really have any friends of my own, I was just a hanger-on to her group. I have done a bad job of keeping in touch with anyone outside of this group, and I find myself very lonely nowadays.

Things have been tough for me for this and several other reasons the last couple years, and while I am incredibly thankful for my family taking me back in and supporting me while I get back on my feet, they can’t be the only people I interact with. That said, how does one actually accomplish this? I’m pushing 40, I live in a rural area (30 minute drive to anything that isn’t run and populated by out-and-out racists), and I’m broke as hell. I’m not particularly even interested in dating, just making some new friends and not being so lonely all the time. Where can you go and what can you do nowadays that doesn’t cost a bunch of money and people are willing to talk to strangers? Internet or IRL, I suppose, but IRL is better because God I need to get out of the house more.

Habahnow ,

Social events like bars and raves are an option. You’ll find people who just want to get shit faced, but also social people. Volunteer work has a lot of people you can interact with and eventually become friends with. Game places are another option as mentioned. Video games as well. If you have a dog, parks are a way to start conversations and meet people.

AndrewZabar ,

Crazy response coming - I’m around all the time and I actually enjoy meeting people. Living with a disability I don’t go out much except with my wife and son when we can. Other than that I don’t socialize but I would love to. So, in all sincerity, DM me anytime. Also open for video chat.

:-)

Chickenstalker ,

First, you start a cult…

throwaways_are_for_cowards OP ,

If I had the charisma and the sociopathy to start a cult, I wouldn’t have this issue, lol.

spankinspinach ,

I read a few and didn’t see this. I’m from a smallish town and ended up adopting the community gym. Best decision of my life, saved me from a really rough time. Gymrats are far friendly than their rep gets, most of them are just guys that just wanna bullshit and push shit. A community rec center is also a great option, or a beer league. Just stuff that forces you outside, even when you pull the “but I don’t wannaaaaaa”

some_guy ,

Most of the friends I’ve made after age 22 were people I worked with or people I met through dating apps. We’d go out and decide we didn’t want to date, but we liked each other enough to form friendships. The friend who I’m hanging out with next week is a former coworker. The one I’m slated to hang with after that is also a former coworker. But only two of the jobs yielded good friendships. Other places that I worked I might go to lunch with certain people, but nothing lasting came of it because I had a long commute to work and they lived in that area.

Others already suggested meetup and I know a friend had success with that. Or join hiking groups or amateur sport groups maybe like disk golf? Good luck!

nafzib ,

Aside from some of the other things people have already mentioned, going to or volunteering for various festivals and conventions can be a great way to meet random people and get out of the house. If you’re volunteering you’re more likely to end up meeting more local-ish people (like from whatever nearest Metro area the event is occurring in since you said you’re super rural).

Even if you don’t meet any cool new friends you want to stay in touch with, they can be a ton of fun and are a great reason to get out of the house. I’ve ended up having some really amazing experiences that I absolutely never thought possible just because I got out and went to Conventions (mostly anime or game conventions for me, but there are all kinds).

Boozilla ,
@Boozilla@lemmy.world avatar

Nextdoor.com is mostly a shitshow. But I’ve had good luck asking the locals for recommendations on local businesses and community activities and events.

originalucifer ,
@originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com avatar

i dont

Technoguyfication ,

Join a Discord server for your city if it has one. Make casual conversation with the people there, attend/plan meetups, and suddenly you have real-life friends.

I met most of my closest friends through my school’s Discord server while I was in college.

(It doesn’t have to be Discord, it can be a Facebook/Reddit/etc. community too. Discord is just the most common option for younger people.)

gandalf_der_12te ,
@gandalf_der_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

So first of all let me tell you that it does indeed depend on where you live. So it would have been very useful information if you had stated where you live. Since you didn’t state it, I assume it’s in the US, since for some reason, people in the US never seem to see the need to state that they live in the US (not all of us do).

Secondly, I really am sorry for your situation. There’s a lot of wrong things with society. One of those things is that it’s difficult to meet new people. Another, in my opinion, just as bad thing, is that one has to drive. Basically, people didn’t drive before 1800. Driving is the exception in history. I don’t see how or why people think these days that it’s completely normal to drive, or to have to drive. This has nothing to do with your post, but it’s still something that I’m thinking about. Sorry for the random side-rant.

Thirdly, I have found that it’s often best to search for like-minded people, and just randomly go to them, say to them “hey, can I sit with you”, wait a few seconds, and if they agree, sit down and just say “hi” and “i’m [insert name] and i’m from [insert location] and i’m looking for [insert any random hobby or activity you like]”. most people react by either agreeing or declining, and such is life.

p5yk0t1km1r4ge ,
@p5yk0t1km1r4ge@lemmy.world avatar

Dude just whip it out. Let it flap in the breeze.

MissJinx ,
@MissJinx@lemmy.world avatar

Me too! I live across the world but I feel this is more and more of a problem in a world that people only want to stay online.

I thought about creating some game group for 40yos in some simple game that allow everyone to chat… but I didn’t knew anyone to begin it🤣

almar_quigley ,

Organized hobbies have been the key for me. Gives me a place to go, forces me to be minimally social, but can allow for multiple events so the pressure is reduced to make the most of every outing. Plus you have something else you’re enjoying. Everyone’s recommendations of sports or gaming falls right in line with this. But I have other hobbies I love like woodworking that I can find places to take classes and meet people. The other benefit is the more you do it the more you get used to be out among people again and it can be less awkward/anxiety inducing.

crawancon ,

That’s the neat part.

Infynis ,
@Infynis@midwest.social avatar

I used to live in a place like where you do now. There’s a chance you’ll run into someone cool, but it’s very low. I had to move to the city to form an actual friend group

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