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How the fuck do you meet new people?

I just got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple months ago, rather suddenly and not of my own volition. I do not fault my former partner, she did what she felt she had to do to be happy. Unfortunately, turns out, I didn’t really have any friends of my own, I was just a hanger-on to her group. I have done a bad job of keeping in touch with anyone outside of this group, and I find myself very lonely nowadays.

Things have been tough for me for this and several other reasons the last couple years, and while I am incredibly thankful for my family taking me back in and supporting me while I get back on my feet, they can’t be the only people I interact with. That said, how does one actually accomplish this? I’m pushing 40, I live in a rural area (30 minute drive to anything that isn’t run and populated by out-and-out racists), and I’m broke as hell. I’m not particularly even interested in dating, just making some new friends and not being so lonely all the time. Where can you go and what can you do nowadays that doesn’t cost a bunch of money and people are willing to talk to strangers? Internet or IRL, I suppose, but IRL is better because God I need to get out of the house more.

Toes ,

If you’re okay with online interactions. Many video games have communities around the game. Additionally if you’re willing to learn how to play Pathfinder or d&d those groups tend to be really friendly to people that genuinely want to participate.

Alternatively you might consider traveling to conventions that interest you to meet people IRL.

BillDaCatt ,

Here are a few suggestions:
Volunteer at a soup kitchen or a food pantry
Sign up for a church email newsletter and go there when they are doing pot-luck meals (bring a dish to pass)
If you are into sports, sign up to volunteer as a coach.
Don’t buy all of your groceries all at one time. Buy a few things each time and go more often. Even if you don’t meet or talk to anyone but the workers, you will be around other people.

seaQueue ,
@seaQueue@lemmy.world avatar

Friendships are formed via proximity and common interests. Go places with other people who enjoy the same hobbies and make an effort to get to know some of them.

bannanaente ,

I’ve met folks at the grocery store and the zoo, but I would probably say join a meet up group. I’m just a duck though.

Delphia ,

Gym, especially things with group classes are great because even if the meeting other people part doesnt work you still get something out of it.

greedytacothief ,

I’ve had a lot of luck joining a run club, but there are other activity based clubs. The trick to these though is that you need to keep going to them for a while before you really start becoming friends with people.

What’s really worked for me was working as a snowboard instructor on the weekend. I’m not saying do that specifically, but finding a second job based around teaching is an amazing way to meet other people who like meeting new people and being nice and sharing their skills and experiences. I should specify, the people I meet are other instructors. I’ve also met some people at events, like when I got my avalanche rec 1 cert.

missingno ,
@missingno@fedia.io avatar

Finding local groups dedicated to a hobby is great. I play a lot of Riichi Mahjong online, but it took me an embarassingly long time to realize "Hey I should see if there's a local club around here to play offline." There is, and now I have an excuse to leave the house for weekly meetups, and I've met some great friends here.

I also play fighting games, but I've mostly played more niche titles that never had an active local scene where I live, so I was limited to occasionally traveling out to play 1-2 tournaments a year. This year I finally picked up a game that is active around here, so I'm finally going to FGC locals again.

teft ,
@teft@lemmy.world avatar

Pick up an outdoor sport as a hobby and you’ll run into cool people. I like mountain biking because I’ve met a bunch of cool people that way.

Dymonika , (edited )

Real ways I made friends as a transplant in a new place:

  • Non-staff people related to my workplace
  • Nearby events that people related to my workplace knew about
  • Meetup.com
  • Church events (depending on the activity or group, they're happy to have you even if you don't believe what they believe or literally never went to their church a single time—in my case, because I can't due to being a weekend worker)—ironically, I met and befriended a nonbeliever who was also a guest at such an event, so never say "never"
  • Friends of friends (new friends who they become with, and then introduce me to)
  • Reddit and other communities (finally had a redditor over at my place from states away recently for the first time, which was interesting and fun)

I would probably add Facebook events and maybe a calendar of local events, such as activities at nearby libraries.

I wonder if you're able to scrounge up enough savings to move to a less-desolate area. Do you WFH?

I relate very much to your disconnectedness. It took me some time to realize that I was known to her circles as my "ex-wife's husband," not really as an independent being, so when we split, they stopped talking to me (well, us both, because she cheated and was adamantly unapologetic about it).

If you wanna try out titles on Board Game Arena, I have a premium-subscription friend in another state who would be happy to have you join us for games online from time to time!

As for IRL cost-saving events, I have friends over, or go to them, for a home-cooked dinner/potluck and a movie. There are streaming-service free trials and DVD/online movie services from libraries (such as Hoopla Digital and Kanopy) which should be able to help you avoid paying a cent. Hiking and board games are also cheap or free.

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