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How the fuck do you meet new people?

I just got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple months ago, rather suddenly and not of my own volition. I do not fault my former partner, she did what she felt she had to do to be happy. Unfortunately, turns out, I didn’t really have any friends of my own, I was just a hanger-on to her group. I have done a bad job of keeping in touch with anyone outside of this group, and I find myself very lonely nowadays.

Things have been tough for me for this and several other reasons the last couple years, and while I am incredibly thankful for my family taking me back in and supporting me while I get back on my feet, they can’t be the only people I interact with. That said, how does one actually accomplish this? I’m pushing 40, I live in a rural area (30 minute drive to anything that isn’t run and populated by out-and-out racists), and I’m broke as hell. I’m not particularly even interested in dating, just making some new friends and not being so lonely all the time. Where can you go and what can you do nowadays that doesn’t cost a bunch of money and people are willing to talk to strangers? Internet or IRL, I suppose, but IRL is better because God I need to get out of the house more.

Dymonika , (edited )

Real ways I made friends as a transplant in a new place:

  • Non-staff people related to my workplace
  • Nearby events that people related to my workplace knew about
  • Meetup.com
  • Church events (depending on the activity or group, they're happy to have you even if you don't believe what they believe or literally never went to their church a single time—in my case, because I can't due to being a weekend worker)—ironically, I met and befriended a nonbeliever who was also a guest at such an event, so never say "never"
  • Friends of friends (new friends who they become with, and then introduce me to)
  • Reddit and other communities (finally had a redditor over at my place from states away recently for the first time, which was interesting and fun)

I would probably add Facebook events and maybe a calendar of local events, such as activities at nearby libraries.

I wonder if you're able to scrounge up enough savings to move to a less-desolate area. Do you WFH?

I relate very much to your disconnectedness. It took me some time to realize that I was known to her circles as my "ex-wife's husband," not really as an independent being, so when we split, they stopped talking to me (well, us both, because she cheated and was adamantly unapologetic about it).

If you wanna try out titles on Board Game Arena, I have a premium-subscription friend in another state who would be happy to have you join us for games online from time to time!

As for IRL cost-saving events, I have friends over, or go to them, for a home-cooked dinner/potluck and a movie. There are streaming-service free trials and DVD/online movie services from libraries (such as Hoopla Digital and Kanopy) which should be able to help you avoid paying a cent. Hiking and board games are also cheap or free.

all-knight-party ,
@all-knight-party@fedia.io avatar

Aside from meeting people at work, Ive only manually made friends twice. Once I found a hobby store that was near enough where they ran dungeons and dragons groups that were low pressure, so I was able to jump in and get taught and it was a good time!

The other was that I used reddit's "gamerpals" sub to find someone to play with. Went through maybe three clunkers and actually ended up playing with a dude that I still play with weekly and is my friend.

throwaways_are_for_cowards OP ,

Do we have a gamerpals or LFG community here on Lemmy? This is a good plan and you’re not the only one suggesting D&D.

Coldcell ,

We really should, Lemmy is d&d community light atm

UnRelatedBurner ,

despite the fact that everyone seems to play (or want to play) it on here.

Coldcell ,

I became the forever DM in my group, otherwise I’d run it all day

all-knight-party ,
@all-knight-party@fedia.io avatar

I'm not sure, but honestly in the interest of having the highest chance to meet someone since your happiness is important, I would use reddit for the amount of people in the pool, then just leave after that lol.

ogmios ,
@ogmios@sh.itjust.works avatar

Join a “fun league” sports team, take a community arts course, go to church, work for a volunteer organization, just to name a few ideas.

Habahnow ,

Social events like bars and raves are an option. You’ll find people who just want to get shit faced, but also social people. Volunteer work has a lot of people you can interact with and eventually become friends with. Game places are another option as mentioned. Video games as well. If you have a dog, parks are a way to start conversations and meet people.

Infynis ,
@Infynis@midwest.social avatar

I used to live in a place like where you do now. There’s a chance you’ll run into someone cool, but it’s very low. I had to move to the city to form an actual friend group

NocturnalMorning ,

I work from home, made a discord for other people that work from home, posted it on reddit in the town I live in, and ended up making friends that way.

Unfortunately, you have to go out of your way to make friends the older you get. But I don’t think it’s an insurmountable obstacle. Just gotta find people who share common interests.

peanuts4life ,
@peanuts4life@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I’ve made a lot of IRL friends online and at work.

If you’re between jobs, consider doing something like Americorps. People of all ages do it, not just young folks, and its temporary. I think of it as summer camp for adults, but you get paid and in some cases housing.

Back in 2017 I was super into VR. IDK what the communities are like now, back then the demographics were older, but I got a big social fix from it. An oculus quest 2 or 3 is affordable. Almost all the best games are social, “face to face” talking. It’s like having a public arcade in your closet.

I made the most friends back in 2011 by posting art online and commenting on other artists’ things. People love chatting about their hard work. I ended up meeting loads of them in person. If you can find a space of creatives, whether it’s a bluegrass club, DND, discord book club, whatever, you’ll have a good time.

And, don’t beat yourself up about being lonely. Life moves in cycles. Remember, it just takes meeting one extrovert to suddenly gain a crap ton of friends. Or, maybe you’ll collect them one by one. Regardless, I feel you. Be well.

GrumpyBike1020 ,

Co-ed sports league - even something non-athletic like kickball, esports, or board games.

originalucifer ,
@originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com avatar

i dont

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