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How the fuck do you meet new people?

I just got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple months ago, rather suddenly and not of my own volition. I do not fault my former partner, she did what she felt she had to do to be happy. Unfortunately, turns out, I didn’t really have any friends of my own, I was just a hanger-on to her group. I have done a bad job of keeping in touch with anyone outside of this group, and I find myself very lonely nowadays.

Things have been tough for me for this and several other reasons the last couple years, and while I am incredibly thankful for my family taking me back in and supporting me while I get back on my feet, they can’t be the only people I interact with. That said, how does one actually accomplish this? I’m pushing 40, I live in a rural area (30 minute drive to anything that isn’t run and populated by out-and-out racists), and I’m broke as hell. I’m not particularly even interested in dating, just making some new friends and not being so lonely all the time. Where can you go and what can you do nowadays that doesn’t cost a bunch of money and people are willing to talk to strangers? Internet or IRL, I suppose, but IRL is better because God I need to get out of the house more.

olafurp ,

Pick any hobby that have group classes and show up consistently. Can be exercise, pottery or whatever. Regulars notice each other and you’ll be in the “regular” category very fast.

Then go for a beer on Fridays or after practice or whatever and then take it from there.

Angry_Autist ,

Group hobbies, amateur sports, maker zones, birdwatching, sometimes even just fishing off of a dock.

Find something fun to do that gets you around other people

UnRelatedBurner ,

I just had a conversation about this, among other things. The thing is: we have no idea. Also I don’t think Reddit-for-nerds (Lemmy) is that great of a place to ask this.

If you do get an answer, act upon it, and it works, please remember me and tell me.

Twitches ,

👋 second, please let me know. I’ve never been great with this.

pineapplelover ,

I have found great friends at school because I hang out with them all the time. Programs at school where I do studying and meeting new people.

After graduating, I guess I might try meetup groups and such.

passepartout ,
@passepartout@feddit.org avatar

Some years ago reddit was the reddit for nerds. The demographic probably has shifted more towards normies by now.

Thorny_Insight ,

I started my own business which involves going into people’s homes and fixing shit. I’m meeting a ton of new people nowdays, granted most of them are either elderly or single older women / moms.

DontTreadOnBigfoot ,
@DontTreadOnBigfoot@lemmy.world avatar

Single MILFS in my area, you say…

kautau ,

I was gonna say, the ads I see for single moms in my area looking for someone to lay pipe definitely would be better targeted to this guy

MojoMcJojo ,

Community college. Took a few classes I never would have normally chosen like art or acting. I was a stay at home introvert who was way past college days, so I couldn’t figure out how to put myself into social situations. But I do like to learn, so signed myself up for some night classes. Ended up dating a few people, made new friends, and married one of them. Night classes bring in the adults who have to work during the day, a few kids too, but I met just about every age group from young to very old. Study groups, group projects, anything that will involve working with or helping classmates, or anything that you think is interesting really. Have life long friends now because of that decision.

Go back to where you first learned how to make friends, go back to school.

lemmylommy ,

Fuck Community College. Let’s get drunk and eat chicken fingers.

t_378 ,

I just got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple months ago, rather suddenly and not of my own volition.

How weird, I’m going through the same exact thing as you. In my case I do have a circle of independent friends, but I’ve had trouble going from “friends” to “close friends”. Honestly what I discovered was, that was my own doing. It’s really easy to keep things on the surface with people, and not tell them what you are really struggling with.

Over the past few months I made a commitment to start being more open with my friends, and it’s really opened my eyes to 1) how wonderful they are as people, and 2) how much people are willing to open up to you once you show them that you’re willing to be a “trusted person”.

Anyway this isn’t what you asked, the way I met them was always through hobbies (music, martial arts), or friends of friends. I know you mentioned money is tight, so a hiking group or book club might be examples. You already know this, but IRL always beats online, atleast for me. Something about seeing other humans nourishes the soul in a way I can’t quite understand.

spankinspinach ,

I read a few and didn’t see this. I’m from a smallish town and ended up adopting the community gym. Best decision of my life, saved me from a really rough time. Gymrats are far friendly than their rep gets, most of them are just guys that just wanna bullshit and push shit. A community rec center is also a great option, or a beer league. Just stuff that forces you outside, even when you pull the “but I don’t wannaaaaaa”

fmstrat ,

I had great luck with meetup.com. All kinds of groups and people, and most people are “new to the group” making things more natural. I have since developed a friend group and a SO from those gatherings and events.

towamo7603 ,

Sadly useless in smaller cities.

Technoguyfication ,

Join a Discord server for your city if it has one. Make casual conversation with the people there, attend/plan meetups, and suddenly you have real-life friends.

I met most of my closest friends through my school’s Discord server while I was in college.

(It doesn’t have to be Discord, it can be a Facebook/Reddit/etc. community too. Discord is just the most common option for younger people.)

fubarx ,
  • Help coach a kid’s sports league.
  • Volunteer at the local library or senior home.
  • Help clean roads / rivers / environment.
  • Learn mixology and become a bartender at a local hangout.
  • Pick up exercise/sports and look for others into it. Baseball, bowling, running, hunting, hiking, biking, flag football, etc.
  • Tutor ESL.

There are lots of ways to connect with others without having to spend a lot of money. As long as you go in without an expectation of a specific outcome. Just go with the flow, be open to new experiences, and see what happens.

Lost_My_Mind ,

Step 1 - Move to Cleveland.

That’s it. There is no step 2. Everytime I leave the house, all I hear is “Oh, hey! I like your jacket!” Or “Heeeey, you know what time it is!!!” (as said as I’m carrying a 24 pack).

Or “Whats goin’ on my brotha from anotha motha???”

I’m not particularly social, so I just fake my way through these interactions. But it’s my understanding that 260K people (or whatever Cleveland has) are all one big social group, and we all go out drinking every day.

Except I don’t really like being around strangers. So I just power through and get home quickly. But I’m sure you could have a 2 hour talk with any rando on the street.

JimmyBigSausage ,

Sounds nice actually. Everyone here stays inside because it is hot right now.

Lost_My_Mind ,

Currently 72F. Scattered clouds, but it’s not going to rain today.

gandalf_der_12te ,
@gandalf_der_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

short question - do you mean Cleveland, OH, or Cleveland, TN, or Cleveland, TX, or Cleveland, GA?

PopcornPrincess ,

Yes.

VulKendov ,
@VulKendov@reddthat.com avatar

Cleveland is actually located in a pocket dimension. Ohio, Tennessee, Texas, and Georgia (US) have portals into the Cleveland dimension.

Fun fact: Cleveland is named so because a wizard cleaved a rift in space-time and built a city inside the cleave.

Toes ,

If you’re okay with online interactions. Many video games have communities around the game. Additionally if you’re willing to learn how to play Pathfinder or d&d those groups tend to be really friendly to people that genuinely want to participate.

Alternatively you might consider traveling to conventions that interest you to meet people IRL.

BillDaCatt ,

Here are a few suggestions:
Volunteer at a soup kitchen or a food pantry
Sign up for a church email newsletter and go there when they are doing pot-luck meals (bring a dish to pass)
If you are into sports, sign up to volunteer as a coach.
Don’t buy all of your groceries all at one time. Buy a few things each time and go more often. Even if you don’t meet or talk to anyone but the workers, you will be around other people.

Reyali ,
gandalf_der_12te ,
@gandalf_der_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

So first of all let me tell you that it does indeed depend on where you live. So it would have been very useful information if you had stated where you live. Since you didn’t state it, I assume it’s in the US, since for some reason, people in the US never seem to see the need to state that they live in the US (not all of us do).

Secondly, I really am sorry for your situation. There’s a lot of wrong things with society. One of those things is that it’s difficult to meet new people. Another, in my opinion, just as bad thing, is that one has to drive. Basically, people didn’t drive before 1800. Driving is the exception in history. I don’t see how or why people think these days that it’s completely normal to drive, or to have to drive. This has nothing to do with your post, but it’s still something that I’m thinking about. Sorry for the random side-rant.

Thirdly, I have found that it’s often best to search for like-minded people, and just randomly go to them, say to them “hey, can I sit with you”, wait a few seconds, and if they agree, sit down and just say “hi” and “i’m [insert name] and i’m from [insert location] and i’m looking for [insert any random hobby or activity you like]”. most people react by either agreeing or declining, and such is life.

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