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How the fuck do you meet new people?

I just got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple months ago, rather suddenly and not of my own volition. I do not fault my former partner, she did what she felt she had to do to be happy. Unfortunately, turns out, I didn’t really have any friends of my own, I was just a hanger-on to her group. I have done a bad job of keeping in touch with anyone outside of this group, and I find myself very lonely nowadays.

Things have been tough for me for this and several other reasons the last couple years, and while I am incredibly thankful for my family taking me back in and supporting me while I get back on my feet, they can’t be the only people I interact with. That said, how does one actually accomplish this? I’m pushing 40, I live in a rural area (30 minute drive to anything that isn’t run and populated by out-and-out racists), and I’m broke as hell. I’m not particularly even interested in dating, just making some new friends and not being so lonely all the time. Where can you go and what can you do nowadays that doesn’t cost a bunch of money and people are willing to talk to strangers? Internet or IRL, I suppose, but IRL is better because God I need to get out of the house more.

NocturnalMorning ,

I work from home, made a discord for other people that work from home, posted it on reddit in the town I live in, and ended up making friends that way.

Unfortunately, you have to go out of your way to make friends the older you get. But I don’t think it’s an insurmountable obstacle. Just gotta find people who share common interests.

peanuts4life ,
@peanuts4life@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I’ve made a lot of IRL friends online and at work.

If you’re between jobs, consider doing something like Americorps. People of all ages do it, not just young folks, and its temporary. I think of it as summer camp for adults, but you get paid and in some cases housing.

Back in 2017 I was super into VR. IDK what the communities are like now, back then the demographics were older, but I got a big social fix from it. An oculus quest 2 or 3 is affordable. Almost all the best games are social, “face to face” talking. It’s like having a public arcade in your closet.

I made the most friends back in 2011 by posting art online and commenting on other artists’ things. People love chatting about their hard work. I ended up meeting loads of them in person. If you can find a space of creatives, whether it’s a bluegrass club, DND, discord book club, whatever, you’ll have a good time.

And, don’t beat yourself up about being lonely. Life moves in cycles. Remember, it just takes meeting one extrovert to suddenly gain a crap ton of friends. Or, maybe you’ll collect them one by one. Regardless, I feel you. Be well.

MeatsOfRage , (edited )

Basically you have to bond over a game, be it physical, like sports or board like regular board games or as many people mentioned here D&D. For sports, regardless of your skill level, there’s a group. Beer leagues and such. Solo sports like mountain biking can work too but you have to be super consistent and really get into the sport where you have common ground.

If physical stuff is out of the question, then you have your board games. Even small towns have meetups.

The important thing is actually doing these. Friends don’t just come to you and you have to be consistent. Most people don’t just become friends in one or two sessions, it takes time and rapport building. And you can’t always wait for others to initiate the friends part. You might have to be the one that goes “hey wanna grab some wings after this.”

Mango ,

I’ve learned about myself that I cannot engage with people personally. It’s never me and them. It’s gotta be us and the things we’re doing. Usually a game.

UnRelatedBurner ,

I just had a conversation about this, among other things. The thing is: we have no idea. Also I don’t think Reddit-for-nerds (Lemmy) is that great of a place to ask this.

If you do get an answer, act upon it, and it works, please remember me and tell me.

Twitches ,

👋 second, please let me know. I’ve never been great with this.

passepartout ,
@passepartout@feddit.org avatar

Some years ago reddit was the reddit for nerds. The demographic probably has shifted more towards normies by now.

GrumpyBike1020 ,

Co-ed sports league - even something non-athletic like kickball, esports, or board games.

lemmy_user_838586 ,

Usually the best way to find new people is to get into an activity or hobby. Use meetup, or Facebook events, or other local event coordinating services to find activities or events you’re interested, go and chat with people, and if you hit it off with people after a few times seeing them, try to make a connection individually outside the group, like meeting up for coffee or a beer, etc.

The hard thing you’ll find as you age though, is there’s a finite amount of social attention people have with their lives, and as people age and establish their groups of friends, sometimes its hard to break into their circles as they’ve already kinda maxed out their in life social network. Sometimes they either aren’t really looking to add more friends, and include more people in their life, or just don’t think to invite you to events etc. Breaking though that, or finding people open to adding more to their social networks, can be hard as you age.

Bach37strad ,

There’s no meetup group for smoking weed and going back to sleep unfortunately. I already checked.

Vibi ,

Depends where you live! There’s weekly/monthly cannabis events where I’m at. I’ve made some great friends at them!

iAmTheTot ,

There definitely is.

wheeldawg ,

Well then how the hell did they get in my room?

Alteon ,

My dude, you can always start. I guarantee there’s a group out there for you.

all-knight-party ,
@all-knight-party@fedia.io avatar

Aside from meeting people at work, Ive only manually made friends twice. Once I found a hobby store that was near enough where they ran dungeons and dragons groups that were low pressure, so I was able to jump in and get taught and it was a good time!

The other was that I used reddit's "gamerpals" sub to find someone to play with. Went through maybe three clunkers and actually ended up playing with a dude that I still play with weekly and is my friend.

throwaways_are_for_cowards OP ,

Do we have a gamerpals or LFG community here on Lemmy? This is a good plan and you’re not the only one suggesting D&D.

Coldcell ,

We really should, Lemmy is d&d community light atm

UnRelatedBurner ,

despite the fact that everyone seems to play (or want to play) it on here.

Coldcell ,

I became the forever DM in my group, otherwise I’d run it all day

all-knight-party ,
@all-knight-party@fedia.io avatar

I'm not sure, but honestly in the interest of having the highest chance to meet someone since your happiness is important, I would use reddit for the amount of people in the pool, then just leave after that lol.

originalucifer ,
@originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com avatar

i dont

FlashMobOfOne ,
@FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world avatar

If you’re willing to DM a D&D group, you can probably find people who want to play.

throwaways_are_for_cowards OP ,

That’s not a bad idea, but how do you actually meet these people and offer to run a game?

xmunk ,

The best option is to find an rpg/board game store near you and just post an ad on their cork board - the internet can also work but you’ll usually end up needing to vet players much more.

FlashMobOfOne ,
@FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world avatar

This is exactly right.

There’s always a chronic imbalance of people willing to DM vs people wanting to play. I think that’d be a great way for you to meet new people.

Coldcell ,

There’s a few (paid) sites to find games, but read the rules make up a story and roll dice in discord

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