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Is this normal for girls or just a extreme edge case? (Serious question)

I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.

I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.

But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.

owatnext ,

I’m just thinking of the little pokey things (spines?) on the cucumbers. Ouch.

Today ,

Ribbed, for her pleasure.

Gullible ,

~cats

Fester ,

Barbed, for everyone’s horror.

PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S ,
@PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Solution: simply cover your most phallic groceries with condoms, then dispose the condoms before eating.

Mothra ,
@Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

Yeah that lube in the condoms 👌 chef’s kiss

Lemminary ,

That’s why I buy the flavored ones. The strawberry-flavored side salad is absolutely yums!

I_Fart_Glitter , (edited )

English cucumbers come with their own condom, but it usually has rough seams :(

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/c8b0b92e-4cfe-435e-b4a9-d0a3c3369a2f.jpeg

meco03211 ,

It’s called ribbed.

gedaliyah ,
@gedaliyah@lemmy.world avatar

Condoments

Today ,

Vibrators are much better than they used to be - quiet, rechargeable, and durable. I think your veggies are safe. If you’re worried about it, only buy non phallus-shaped veg for awhile and see if anyone comments. I think (hope) those food sex things are just jokes, but i will not use a hotel room glass, coffee maker, or refillable shampoo.

downpunxx ,

see if anyone comments

hahahahahahahahhhahahahahaha

cordlesslamp ,

What would you do if someone did comment on it?

“Hey mom/dad, could you get some cucumbers next groceries trip. My face is so dry lately and in dire need of a moisturizing mask”

“I’m gaining weight lately so I need more salad, could you pick up some cucumbers and spinach while you at the store please?”

ByteOnBikes OP , (edited )

Immediately think of the post and panic.

DeadWorld ,

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

🤣

ByteOnBikes OP ,

😭

someguy3 , (edited )

Hope she washed it off well before putting it back in the fridge. So I doubt the post is real. As for the rest I’ll have to leave it to women to answer. But if you ever find your cucumber in the garbage, just leave it there.

ByteOnBikes OP ,

Understood and thank you for your wisdom.

thefartographer ,

Do most people take food back out from the trash?

abbadon420 ,

Yeah, to give it to the rabbits. Don’t waste food

thefartographer ,

Ohhhhhh, I didn’t think about that. I considered that the same as “discarded.” But now I feel bad how nonchalantly I was thinking like, “throw the cucumber of joy into the compost or let nature consume it”

I have a dog who doesn’t like most fruits or any vegetables. I’ve forgotten how easy it is to just give produce to pets such as bunnies or the adorable yet giant Texas desert centipede you and your friend nabbed from Terlingua for his wife.

Naich ,
@Naich@lemmings.world avatar

Absolutely. youtu.be/qJh5u1tdC4Q?si=jIbva7uT2_tN328S

octopus_ink ,

LOL!

https://lemmy.ml/pictrs/image/742aa263-7462-4bac-915e-689426c177a9.jpeg

PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S ,
@PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Only 544 bookmarks to go

Forester ,
@Forester@yiffit.net avatar

🍿

BuddyTheBeefalo ,

Best with vaginal yogurt dressing.

zqwzzle ,

Cecilia Westbrook, an MD/PhD student at the University of Wisconsin, and her friends wondered why there are so many semen-based recipes and nothing on Google about cooking with vaginal juices.

Wut

Banichan ,
@Banichan@dormi.zone avatar

They’re really into equal rights.

Phenomephrene ,
@Phenomephrene@thebrainbin.org avatar

My guess is that the vaginal juice recipes are already there, they're just suffering a lack of the personnel with the SEO skills to get them to the first few pages.

sp3tr4l ,

Did she try looking for recipes based around menstrual fluid? There are a surprising amount of those.

pete_the_cat ,

I did not need to know that, thanks.

The only thing I can assume is that these recipes are created by vampires for vampires that don’t want to bite people.

sp3tr4l ,

From my personal experience: There are a good number of… well basically self-taught witches, who use menstrual blood (among other things) for various rituals and spells and hexes, and some of that eventually evolved into cooking.

From elsewhere: All around the world, there are various traditions, folk religion, local superstitions, most of which are quite niche, but simultaneously a lot of them also have rituals involving consumption of menstrual blood or food made with it for varying reasons.

LibertyLizard ,

Lol I’d try it. I’ve probably consumed way more vaginal bacteria before anyway.

ByteOnBikes OP ,

Oh my

Meron35 ,

Yonic Yoghurt

pete_the_cat ,

In what is best described as her ‘scientific experiment,’ Westbrook harvested healthy vaginal fluid using a wooden spoon.

😶

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