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Is this normal for girls or just a extreme edge case? (Serious question)

I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.

I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.

But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.

chemical_cutthroat ,
@chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world avatar

Any cucumber you handle for 3 hours for any reason is garbage. You wouldn’t put it in a salad because it would be mush. This is a BS post, obviously.

ByteOnBikes OP ,

her post may not be real, but is it a real thing?

chemical_cutthroat ,
@chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world avatar

Fucking yourself with a cucumber? Sure, if that’s all you got, get it, queen. I’d suggest something slightly more substantial, though.

meco03211 ,

The fuck you mean substantial?

AmidFuror ,

Watermelon.

chemical_cutthroat ,
@chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world avatar

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/5db42f23-b299-4e7c-9d46-2c73dcb643fd.gif

ekZepp ,
@ekZepp@lemmy.world avatar

Anything can become a sextoy… if you’re brave enough.

pete_the_cat ,

Eggplant, obviously

🍆🍆🍆

Mediocre_Bard ,

Oh … ouch.

dharmacurious ,

Anything even remotely phallic shaped and sized has probably been used like that by someone. Depends on how horny you are, both in the moment, and as a person in general. I’m a guy, but during puberty, when I was exploring masturbation and bottoming, lemme tell you, nothing was safe from getting fucked or fucking me.

I wouldn’t be overly concerned about your produce, though. Most folks would toss it afterwards. If you notice your cucumbers or bananas going missing, then it might be cause for concern. But honestly, if your kids are at that age, and you’re genuinely concerned they’re doing something that might cause harm, the bigger concern is a lack of information about safe sex. A no questions asked Amazon gift card is one idea, but I’d recommend finding a good book or website you trust with sex Ed info, including safe solo sex practices, and an agreement that packages that come in their name aren’t to be opened by anyone else. In my experience, parents who trust their kids and don’t snoop or invade their privacy have way less to worry about from their kids than the parents who toss their rooms. My friends with the strictest parents had great hiding spots, I never even tried to find any. Didn’t need to hide anything, and as embarrassing as it would have been had I gotten a cucumber stuck up there or something, I would have been able to tell my mom and get a ride to the ER. If your kids seriously don’t trust you not to freak out, they could end up literally dying because the embarrassment would be worse than not dealing with a medical issue.

octopus_ink ,

LOL!

https://lemmy.ml/pictrs/image/742aa263-7462-4bac-915e-689426c177a9.jpeg

PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S ,
@PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Only 544 bookmarks to go

gregor ,
@gregor@gregtech.eu avatar

This post has Lemmy front page energy

solrize ,

I wouldn’t know first hand but there is a whole trope and many books about this.

duckduckgo.com/?q="cucumbers+are+better+than+men"

Sneptaur ,
@Sneptaur@pawb.social avatar

I have never met a woman who told me she did this, and I’ve certainly never done this. Toys exist for a reason.

DirigibleProtein ,

At the dinner table, ask your mom for the recipe because it tastes so good.

Today ,

Vibrators are much better than they used to be - quiet, rechargeable, and durable. I think your veggies are safe. If you’re worried about it, only buy non phallus-shaped veg for awhile and see if anyone comments. I think (hope) those food sex things are just jokes, but i will not use a hotel room glass, coffee maker, or refillable shampoo.

downpunxx ,

see if anyone comments

hahahahahahahahhhahahahahaha

cordlesslamp ,

What would you do if someone did comment on it?

“Hey mom/dad, could you get some cucumbers next groceries trip. My face is so dry lately and in dire need of a moisturizing mask”

“I’m gaining weight lately so I need more salad, could you pick up some cucumbers and spinach while you at the store please?”

ByteOnBikes OP , (edited )

Immediately think of the post and panic.

DeadWorld ,

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

🤣

ByteOnBikes OP ,

😭

ABCDE ,

Carrots and cucumbers, yes. Rumours went around a neighbouring school after a girl confided in her friend, who then betrayed her trust.

They are cheap, easily accessible, and great replacements in countries where sex toys are illegal. Just… Use a condom around it please.

Oh, and don’t put it back in the fridge.

Forester ,
@Forester@yiffit.net avatar

🍿

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