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Is this normal for girls or just a extreme edge case? (Serious question)

I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.

I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.

But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.

bionicjoey ,

Relevant WKUK

(Relevant to the tweet, not to OP’s question)

DudeImMacGyver ,
@DudeImMacGyver@sh.itjust.works avatar

Veggies are certainly not unheard of, but everyone is different. Your wife and friend may be serious, or not, but some people totally fuck vegetables.

bdonvr ,

Hairbrush handles are much more common. I’d say most girls probably haven’t used vegetables.

arin ,

Most hairbrush handle designs are intentionally… yeah. But plastic is porous and nearly impossible to fully disinfect, so girls who reach puberty should be provided with high quality silicone or glass to protect them from getting a bad infection. Prudeness in our society will just hide issues like infection until it gets really awful.

cashmaggot ,

Yo, I have to take a moment and shake you because I thought you were a cool tech dyke judging by your goofy ass name. But all things aside talk with your seemingly two partners? Or like, partner and actual friend? But also like, idk what open lines of communicaiton you have with kids or what even kids will listen to - or who (cause I think maybe it could also be a who thing in this situation) - you can still attempt to give them a talk. And I think most kids run around with cards from their parents nowadays from how I've seen it. Like, if you've got a phone you've probably got a card. But this is all just some assumptions.

But all tweets (this is a tweet right?) are fake af and people just trying to be shocking and cute and like maybe down the line they can use their audience to do different monetary things. I mean like most the shit on Reddit was fake, so I can't imagine most the stuff on TwituhX is real either. So unless you having a late night rib just like - talk with your kids. About the stuff they should hear at the ages you think they should hear them. Or get your wife to do what you've got to do. And if you've got two partners you're probably open af and can legit find a way to broach the subject. I believe in you! Or bribe one of their older cousins with cash to talk with them. Cause legit, if my one cousin told me anything about sex I would hands down believe them. Just figure out which cousin they admire and BLAM, you've got an in.

Gl, you got this. Try not to rot your brains too much on bullshit, cause it's okay in moderation but I think I've read it can be bad for your health =P!

YarrMatey ,

Most teens don’t want to put anything up there because it hurts, even tampons hurt as a virgin especially with 0 lube. I never liked regular dildos, most women do not orgasm through penetration. So I would say they are messing with you. I’ve had guys ask me if I ever experimented with pencils or rulers because if they were a girl they would do it. No, wtf only guys think women are like this.

cashmaggot ,

Yo, this is a real actual human person right here.

Men would be asking me the most heinous of shit and I literally had nothing to do with them. Like, what? I think things are better now, cause I'm older. But hot damn, the shit I was being asked if I reversed it I'd be like asking if when they are fucking a girl do they make sure to jizz on their face or some shit. Like wtf who the fuck asks this just sitting around talking to someone they just met or are (platonically, in a group) having some chow with!?

kofe ,

Uhh. Hi, woman here…RIP my inbox but I think it’s important parents talk to teenagers of all genders about this and consider having them look for toys they can experiment with if they express interest. Just because we don’t orgasm from penetration doesn’t mean it feels bad lol. Better they have toys available so they’re less likely to use something inappropriate.

YarrMatey ,

I agree parents should talk with their kids, I never meant to allude to that. But I disagree that penetration doesn’t feel bad, for me it feels painful without lube and with lube it feels not painful but never enjoyable. Vibrators are the only thing that feels good, that much is universal among the women I’ve talked to.

kofe ,

Well, not that I think it has to be your experience by any means, that’s part of the beauty of life - we’re all a bit different and into different things. I do quite enjoy penetration without need for lube (I mean, I do need to have natural lube, obviously). I usually get myself there with just hands and might use a dildo when I’m worked up enough. Vibrators are great, no doubt. I don’t typically use toys, though, honestly. I did more in my teens when I was ignorant to how my body worked lol. Which is why I wrote the OG comment…I didn’t have appropriate toys, and it caused some shame on occasion. I knew it felt good but didn’t feel safe talking to my parents about it.

YarrMatey ,

Understandable. I was never into penetration and thought I was weird but after talking to more women and then reading Come As You Are, it clicked that I was actually normal and in the majority (80% are like me). Not that being in the minority is weird, if you read the book you’ll find that is actually normal too. I hate masturbation or sex without a vibrator lol. I never felt safe talking to my parents either, they were super religious and invaded my privacy regularly. I was an adult before getting toys, and everything sex related sucked before them.

kofe ,

My understanding is 80% of people with a uterus don’t climax from penetration, not that we find it necessarily unenjoyable (which is true for me, too; I do need clitoral stimulation to climax). I’ve taken courses on women’s studies, feminist philosophy, etc. to overcome the problematic religious attitudes my parents had, too - and lots of therapy! I’ll see if my library has that book available, though. I’m always interested in learning more.

I’m really sorry you had that experience growing up, though, that’s awful. As normal as our experiences felt to us having privacy invaded and all the shame, that much shouldn’t be normalized! I’m glad you’ve found what works for you, and I wish you all the most pleasurable experiences around it throughout the rest of your life 💝

YarrMatey ,

It feels like nothing but rubbing for me? Idk. But I definitely recommend the book. I’m not saying those 80% hate penetration, but it isn’t a big part. I know when I talked to my gyno about painful sex, she said use plenty of lube and orgasm before penetration. Very good advice in case anyone needs it.

I’m glad you found relief from the religious oppression. We need less shaming and better sex ed for everyone. Thanks for your wishes, I wish you the same!

kofe ,

Oh gotcha, I totally agree it’s not a big part at all! Honestly, I didn’t experience an orgasm until well after I became sexually active, and very rarely with a partner since. It’s extremely important to me as I’m back “on the market” now and have really struggled in past relationships with it. I enjoy the whole aspect to it, exploring whole bodies, but I would very much like to find a relationship where my partner prioritizes helping me climax and has some patience with me on it.

By chance, did you talk with your gyno about vaginismus? Not sure if I’m spelling that right, but I’ve had a few friends mention that it’s painful, one friend saying she couldn’t wear tampons or anything. I could see why orgasming first would help the muscles to relax

arin ,

I’ve seen a girl use a syring (without the needle) and put a ziplock bag over it and fuck herself on cam with me. College teens are horny and creative lol

HappycamperNZ ,

We’re all horny and creative - seen one use a deodorant can… in the front of the car… while I was driving…and stuck in traffic.

Those of us who don’t live with parents just don’t need to get creative - just buy what you want, or want to try, or your partner wants to try. Three drawers committed to turning her into a sexy puddle.

Allero ,

Wow, you’re quite a connoisseur

Getting there myself. My girl deserves every piece of joy she can get, and I do too (hehe)

HappycamperNZ ,

I wouldn’t say connoisseur - it’s like they select fine wine and appropriate pairings after careful consideration. We’re more like “24 pack and a goon bag” and see where we end up. Never stop trying new things and exploring with someone you trust.

dharmacurious ,

Anything even remotely phallic shaped and sized has probably been used like that by someone. Depends on how horny you are, both in the moment, and as a person in general. I’m a guy, but during puberty, when I was exploring masturbation and bottoming, lemme tell you, nothing was safe from getting fucked or fucking me.

I wouldn’t be overly concerned about your produce, though. Most folks would toss it afterwards. If you notice your cucumbers or bananas going missing, then it might be cause for concern. But honestly, if your kids are at that age, and you’re genuinely concerned they’re doing something that might cause harm, the bigger concern is a lack of information about safe sex. A no questions asked Amazon gift card is one idea, but I’d recommend finding a good book or website you trust with sex Ed info, including safe solo sex practices, and an agreement that packages that come in their name aren’t to be opened by anyone else. In my experience, parents who trust their kids and don’t snoop or invade their privacy have way less to worry about from their kids than the parents who toss their rooms. My friends with the strictest parents had great hiding spots, I never even tried to find any. Didn’t need to hide anything, and as embarrassing as it would have been had I gotten a cucumber stuck up there or something, I would have been able to tell my mom and get a ride to the ER. If your kids seriously don’t trust you not to freak out, they could end up literally dying because the embarrassment would be worse than not dealing with a medical issue.

fraksken ,

Cucumbers are the gateway veg.

https://infosec.pub/pictrs/image/584af24e-40cd-4c23-b9bd-a66b17bee364.jpeg

Ransack ,

Cucumbers are the gateway veg.

Posts a picture of bitter melon.

Weird flex but okay.

AndrewZabar ,

Whooooosh!

That was his point. The pic is of what could be next.

Ransack ,

https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/pictrs/image/908cb3d6-7a54-441b-9a6d-39eaad5f1c30.webp

Lemminary ,

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

That’d make you the coolest dad ever.

pete_the_cat ,

Or totally creep out your kids. “OMG dad knows what I’m doing! And he wants me to keep doing it apparently, I’m going to fucking die.”

It would probably be a lot less awkward coming from the mom. I feel like it would be like a father having the “period talk” with his daughter (obviously this happens in the case of single dads but that’s not the point I’m making), it’s super awkward for both parties involved.

jeffw ,
@jeffw@lemmy.world avatar

OP, does this happen with men? I need to know. Serious question

flambonkscious ,

Absolutely it does

Lemminary ,

I plead the fifth.

pete_the_cat ,

youtu.be/mdeo7Q2E5cE?si=xAt8xeWhOfSmJ9RL

pete_the_cat ,

We don’t fuck fruits if that’s what you’re asking. Other things are fair game though. A horny (pre) teenage boy will fuck damn near anything he can fit his dick in.

skullgiver ,
@skullgiver@popplesburger.hilciferous.nl avatar

With how many images I’ve seen online about action figures being stuck in someone’s colon, I find it hard to believe someone isn’t sticking a cucumber up their butt this very moment.

gregor ,
@gregor@gregtech.eu avatar

This post has Lemmy front page energy

solrize ,

I wouldn’t know first hand but there is a whole trope and many books about this.

duckduckgo.com/?q="cucumbers+are+better+than+men"

paddirn ,

Chances are, if something can be fucked or used as a dildo… somebody somewhere has done it out of horniness.

pete_the_cat ,

I still remember about 20 years ago a female friend told me that she masturbated using a bottle of Bawls energy drink (IDK if they even still make the stuff). It was a glass bottle that was bumpy all over (think of the divots on a golf ball, but inverse) and she apparently used it on her clit/vulva.

When I was a horny pre-teen boy and had no idea how to actually beat off, I discovered that rubbing a silk/nylon pillow with pictures of cats on it felt really good.

JD Vance fucked a couch.

SynopsisTantilize ,

Good deflection buddy. You shared, which is the important part. Progress.

prenatal_confusion ,

The cats, right?

Sneptaur ,
@Sneptaur@pawb.social avatar

I have never met a woman who told me she did this, and I’ve certainly never done this. Toys exist for a reason.

DirigibleProtein ,

At the dinner table, ask your mom for the recipe because it tastes so good.

Mothra ,
@Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

I’ve never used a veg for these purposes and I’m not planning to. I would definitely not recommend it to anyone, and I would recommend be very mindful of the hygiene of any objects you decide to insert for whatever reason- speaking from experience here, UTIs are no fun.

Most people don’t use vegetables for this afaik.

That aside, the only girl who ever confided in me that she used a veg (a banana btw) also said she put it in a condom. She said she would bin it all afterwards and this sounds like what someone reasonable enough would do. I’d be grossed out if I was to eat something used for that and I’d feel awful to have my family eat something used that way. Just no.

ByteOnBikes OP ,

Thank you for the honest response! I sincerely appreciate it.

Reflecting on your answer, that would make complete sense. Why wouldn’t a person use a condom? My wife has explained how concerned she is about UTIs, and adding that veggie bacteria would be concerning.

I’m starting to feel like my veggies are safe.

Mouselemming ,

Also most young teens would be a little intimidated by a cucumber. A carrot or banana is more likely, since they’ve probably seen a condom on one before.

As for the 3 hours, it’s long but by no means impossible.

JovialMicrobial ,

I havent seen anyone mention this, but cucumbers have little sharp spikes/spines on their skin so that’d be a huge no for the vast majority of people, and those little spikes would probably rip any condom stretched over it.

Very few people are gonna be into fucking themselves with something that’s got tiny thorns on it…unless they go out of their way to remove them without peeling it entirely I guess.

Seems like a lot of work though.

pete_the_cat ,

I’m a dude and a cucumber definitely doesn’t seem like it would feel great going in and out. It’s bumpy and the skin is pretty coarse. A banana definitely sounds like a more logical choice.

IronKrill ,

Nah, you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced the girth and texture of a garden cucumber.

https://okrainmygarden.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Cucumber-two-smaller-cucumbers-hanging-on-trellis-768x768.jpg

Mothra ,
@Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

I used to grow cucumbers. Garden cucumbers have a rep for flavour and texture, not girth. That’s a nice looking cucumber there, good job.

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