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JackLSauce ,

Am I the only one having a stroke trying to understand:

“clears up again after the first wave of divorces (after 35?)”

TubularTittyFrog ,

yeah you are. it’s really easy to understand.

the pool was clear before people got married. it clears up again after the first wave of divorces. clear meaning ‘there are desirable people to date’

are you ESL?

Paradachshund ,

Not OP, but I think it’s fairly confusingly worded because clear implies empty, but the intent seems to be to imply lots of choices.

TubularTittyFrog ,

no. clear empties quality when it comes to water. clear as in transparent.

clear water is good, opaque water is dirty and unsafe.

you are thinking of clear in the sense of space, not water. clear space is empty.

Paradachshund ,

I understand what you’re saying and I still think it would be easy to be confused. It’s ok that you don’t think it is, this is just a second opinion.

smeenz ,

Clear, as in all the garbage has been cleared up, leaving the good stuff behind

peopleproblems ,

Im not that ugly am I?

I’m at least a little bit more self-secure that at least I have eyes and hair!?

MNByChoice ,

Not ugly at all.

peopleproblems ,

Truth time tho, I’ve been noticing more of those positives lately. Just a little bit of effort makes a difference.

sentient_loom ,
@sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works avatar

I don’t quite get it. Is the problem that you miss being pursued by younger people?

ThrowawayPermanente ,

All the good men are already taken, the ones who are still available are single for a reason.

Kecessa ,

No matter the gender the issue is the same

Larry ,

If you’re still looking for good men at 35 you’re also single for a reason

peopleproblems ,

Not necessarily. If she was an anxious attached style she’d be more likely to fall for avoidant men. She could either:

  1. Now recognize the red flags of avoidants and not subject herself to that.
  2. Be unaware of the red flags of avoidants and keep making the same mistake
  3. Recently left a long term relationship as an secure individual and discover how many avoidants really exist.

Of course you are right, she could be avoidant to, in which case hopefully she’ll learn sooner rather than later that fearing intimacy and vulnerability is detrimental, and that healthy codependency is actually a thing. But it’s not easy for them to do so.

I don’t like to think that everyone is incapable of finding someone, people just need to figure out why. Pointing out “single for a reason” seems counterproductive and a bit disrespectful.

cheeseandrice , (edited )

I think “single for a reason” is what all that attachment theory shit is trying to help contextualize. It specifically sets the context as “single for a fixable reason” if you have the courage and humility to do the work.

GluWu ,

Is living in the forest because I’m afraid of the federal government a “fixable” reason?

TubularTittyFrog ,

no

peopleproblems ,

I suppose I didn’t consider the act of an anxious attached falling for the avoidant attached as that “reason” I sort of chalked that up to luck.

But your right, anxious attachment tends to end up with avoidant and the anxious attachment needs to learn how to desensitize to intense passion often given by avoidants.

The anxious attached individual has a lot of work to do in regards to understanding their personal value rather than their value to others, where the avoidant has immense work to do on the value of others and the value of themselves.

Cypher ,

Sorry you’re so incurably single you’ve latched onto dating advice thats as accurate as horoscopes.

Like I hope it gets better for you but… yikes.

peopleproblems ,

It’s not dating advice, it’s attachment theory.

KyuubiNoKitsune ,

Thanks.

peopleproblems ,

Or we became so insecure in our previous relationship that we’re terrified of meeting new people :).

Can’t get hurt that way.

Rakonat ,

If you think the single men are bad that age, look at the women!

pyre ,

single for a reason

is the reason maybe that it’s hard dating after 35 or is that only a valid excuse for women?

TubularTittyFrog ,

is the reason maybe that it’s hard dating after 35 or is that only a valid excuse for women?

it’s easier to blame other people than realize you aren’t a catch either.

HexesofVexes ,

The real secret to dating after 35 - don’t.

Folks are not looking to “date”: they’re after long term commitment OR quick hook ups. The middle ground really vanishes when you get older!

AshMan85 ,

This is so sadly accurate lol

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