lemmyshitpost

db2 , 10 months ago in Funy.

Poo pew pew

xusontha , 10 months ago in Funy.

monkey with a gun

Moxvallix , 10 months ago in Step step step, step step step

pure unadulterated nightmare fuel

RIP_Cheems , 10 months ago in shitpost

How do you fail a prostate exam?

Bearbi3 , 10 months ago

You don’t cum

RIP_Cheems , 10 months ago

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/ee2f728a-f564-489a-a726-1293f555e16b.jpeg

Bearbi3 , 10 months ago

How long do I lock myself up in chastity for this time?

kamenlady , 10 months ago

At least a week …

… you don’t cum

lars , 10 months ago

My poor doctor

mkhopper , 10 months ago in Milk

Rice milk not an option?
Literally a waste of time.

RIP_Cheems , 10 months ago in Oh no...

Apparently I need to ask what this one is as well. And after the last jar related one, I’m not sure I want the answer.

Amiss3209 , 10 months ago

i can only think about jarate, but from the comments, it’s worse

RIP_Cheems , 10 months ago

NOT. THE CUP.

BeMoreCareful , 10 months ago

Trust your gut

user224 , 10 months ago

Hmm, what other jar-related video was that bad?
Or did you mean a cup?

RIP_Cheems , 10 months ago

i just saw the answer.

ChickenLadyLovesLife , 10 months ago in Would you really though?

“I don’t even know which end is your front any more!”

Kiernian , 10 months ago in Let's move this along, future boy

I heard the Elderly Man’s words in the voice of Kris Kristofferson’s Whistler character from the Blade movies.

Blastasaurus , 10 months ago

Terrific call. I definitely heard something similar!

Hylactor , 10 months ago in Oh no...

I shit you not, when I watched that video I was eating a fucking bowl of Spaghetti-Os.

Coreidan , 10 months ago in I could totally do that if I wanted...

Think of all the folks younger than you that are healthier than you, better looking than you, wealthier, and more accomplished than you.

At some point it just doesn’t matter and thinking about it doesn’t benefit you in any conceivable way.

All you can do is focus on yourself and leverage your strong points. That’s all you can do and it’s all that matters.

xusontha , 10 months ago in shitpost

My doctor told me I failed my exam so have to prostate now I come back?

bappity , 10 months ago

my doctor failed my exam so have to told me I prostate now I come back

AllonzeeLV , 10 months ago (edited 10 months ago) in Let's move this along, future boy

“Why are you suddenly in a rush, sir? Life has clearly already passed you by.

Hey, uh, just between you and me, what was Alexander Hamilton really like?”

wreckedcarzz , 10 months ago

Lmao

Fizz , 10 months ago in Let's move this along, future boy

Hurry up slick

Moc , 10 months ago

Dawdle on your own time, sport

VantaBrandon , 10 months ago in incredible

“I don’t know, but let me tell you about how 5G activates the vaccines”

whileloop , 10 months ago (edited 10 months ago) in Let's move this along, future boy

I keep 3 forms of payment on me for this reason. Phone, card, cash, in that order.

Edit: Within 30 minutes of making this comment, I was at a Walmart. No NFC payment. The machine didn’t like my card. Now I have 2 quarters and a penny in my pocket.

transmatrix , 10 months ago

Sometimes people forget their wallets at home…

000999 , 10 months ago

Time to deploy the prison wallet

AllonzeeLV , 10 months ago

The register’s down sir, we can only accept payment in the form of interpretive dance convincingly communicating your burning desire for the chosen products.

Tips in the form of jazz hands are always appreciated, but never expected.

Kusimulkku , 10 months ago

I’m buying a 24-pack of beer so I guess I’ll communicate my burning desire with some Chumbawamba

AllonzeeLV , 10 months ago

They’re never gonna keep YOU down!

jaybone , 10 months ago

The interpretive dance is much better afterwards.

Moc , 10 months ago

Phone, card, gun, cash in that order

wreckedcarzz , 10 months ago

How many cheeseburgers can you get for 1 gun?

Moc , 10 months ago

As many as you’d like, depending on several constraints which include how long it takes for someone to stop you, how many you can carry, and how fast they are able to produce cheeseburgers.

jaybone , 10 months ago

Also tuesdays are cheeseburger day in county jail.

Moc , 10 months ago

That’s my retirement plan sorted then

vox , 10 months ago (edited 10 months ago)

no… nfc… payment??? wtf
is that an American thing or what?

art , 10 months ago

That’s a Walmart thing. They wanted to compete with Apple over contactless payments thing and Walmart invested in tech that uses QR codes. No one ever partnered with Walmart so they now use their QR payment tech in house.

Legge , 10 months ago

Kroger too—no tap payments. Instead, you have to use their Kroger app’s QR code. It sucks