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Fontasia , in Real Facebook ad that doubles as a god-tier shitpost

Setting up Google Alert so I can find out when Jeremy’s CAM is announced and the company rebrands

MattWalsh OP , in that's it that's the whole show
@MattWalsh@sh.itjust.works avatar

I too have committed fraud so I could suck on some big juicy balls 🤤

takeda ,

I hope your ear is all better, Mr President.

Lost_My_Mind ,

I don’t. I hope it’s permanently disfigured. Heres my reaaoning. Trump has a mental inability to accept that he’s not perfect. So having this disfigured ear, for someone whos on camera so often, would drive him NUTS.

And yes, I realize he’s probably already gotten plastic surgury to make sure it looks like nothing happened, but I can dream of a world where a mild disfigurement keeps him up at night because he’s shallow.

And just to give you an idea of how things used to be, Taft finished his 45 minute speech after getting shot. THEN he figured “Eh, may as well go to hospital. Got nothin else planned for today.”

skulblaka ,
@skulblaka@sh.itjust.works avatar

And just to give you an idea of how things used to be, Taft finished his 45 minute speech after getting shot. THEN he figured “Eh, may as well go to hospital. Got nothin else planned for today.”

Yep, Teddy Roosevelt did something similar. Got shot square in the chest at the beginning of his speech, determined via his hunting knowledge that if he wasn’t coughing blood (he wasn’t) then he was probably fine, bullied the Secret Service into not harming the shooter, finished his speech, then went to the hospital.

I know I would never be that much of an absolute badass, but I also know these are the sort of people that Trump is trying to compare himself to and coming up woefully short.

papalonian ,

You saw Trump get mentioned as a joke and went on a 3 paragraph rant about how you hope his ear doesn’t get better

Lost_My_Mind ,

Oh no! 3 WHOLE paragraphs??? How ever will I read such an unabridged novel???

Bo Burnham was right when he said:

“It’s youtube, it’s what this country’s been needing, an entire generation of kids who don’t waste their time reading!”

papalonian ,

It was less a remark on my inability to read a comment of that length, and more one on some people’s obsession with ranting about things at the slightest provocation

Bruhh , in Real Facebook ad that doubles as a god-tier shitpost

Met people that say these “woke” companies shouldn’t get political but they will happily buy from companies like this. Isn’t surprising at all.

EmptySlime ,

Of course. It’s not political if it’s just The Way Things Should Be™

  • The two Races: White and Political
  • The two Genders: Male and Political
  • The two Sexualities: Straight and Political

Their views are never “political” because theirs is the “natural state” of things. They’re on top because they deserve to be, and they deserve to be on top because they are. It’s anything that deviates from that so-called natural state that’s being political.

BlackRoseAmongThorns ,

Hit the nail on its head goddamn

Zink ,

Spot on. And notably if there’s anything “political” about the person, it is the first thing they mention about them in a conversation. Even if it’s not to say anything bad - it’s just how their brain works.

Asafum ,

Because they feel affronted and so this is “perfectly acceptable” revenge/payback. They do it with everything… It’s also why they’re ok with dictator Trump. When he says in plain English that he is seeking revenge they feel the same way and want the same thing because revenge implies that they were initially “wronged.”

They always play the victim, it’s so absurd…

People: “Don’t be a raging racist asshole, just treat all people with respect.”

The right: “WAHHHHH! THE LEFT ARE AUTHORITARIANS WHO HATE US!”

rainynight65 ,

Something that conforms to or supports my views: not political.

Something that contradicts my views: political.

Thorry84 , in that's it that's the whole show

They really were the first ever to go brrrrrrrrrr

cows_are_underrated , in Get her a publisher

That squirrel does look quite good.

sunzu , in Real Facebook ad that doubles as a god-tier shitpost

fake news... real men use safety razors.

ReallyActuallyFrankenstein ,

Alpha males wait until they develop rust for that real manly rugged shave.

sunzu ,

no pain, no gain

EleventhHour ,
@EleventhHour@lemmy.world avatar
GBU_28 ,

Bluebird razor is liiiife

sunzu ,

This here is a man proper, ladies!

EleventhHour ,
@EleventhHour@lemmy.world avatar

Ahem, gentlemen ;)

sunzu ,

Get it boys!!!!

Skullgrid ,
@Skullgrid@lemmy.world avatar

Fellas, is it gay to shave? /s

Comment105 ,

It literally is. A good straight Christian man does not cut his beard.

PP_BOY_ ,
@PP_BOY_@lemmy.world avatar

ID on the bowl?

EleventhHour ,
@EleventhHour@lemmy.world avatar

Mug and razor handle are both Edwin Jagger.

BreadOven ,

100 blades for $20, yes please.

EleventhHour , (edited )
@EleventhHour@lemmy.world avatar

I spent $100 for 100 5-packs about 10 years ago, and I still have about 25 packs left. Although, I did go through long periods where I had a beard for a several years.

BreadOven ,

Sorry, I just made a quick exaggeration of the price. I just got 10 for about $15 a month or so ago. That was the only pack I could find at the drug store. The previous one was a 100 pack, but it was probably more than $20.

Regardless, much better than the new 5-blade heads. They’re expensive.

EleventhHour ,
@EleventhHour@lemmy.world avatar

Sorry, I edited a little typo there. But yeah, those cartridge blades are outrageously expensive. Safety blades are super duper cheap.

Track_Shovel ,

Those are solid. I found Voskhod razors E X T R E M E L Y consistent between blades and comparably as smooth as platinum, nacets, silver blue.

I cut the shit out of my face with just about everything else I tried.

If anyone reading this is new to shaving, I would recommend Gillette as a good starting point and then try other brands. Don’t get a variety pack, because you get a bunch of shit blades.

I use Creamo shave cream and like it. It’s cheap as fuck, and nice and thick. You can control how thick with how much water you use. I found other creams get pretty watery pretty quickly

EleventhHour ,
@EleventhHour@lemmy.world avatar

I like Proraso shave cream myself

peopleproblems ,

Every other form of shaving is torture.

Like I really didn’t believe the hype until I got one. I was scared at first of nicking myself, but I haven’t done it once in the two years I’ve used it

toomanypancakes ,
@toomanypancakes@lemmy.world avatar

I shave my vag with a safety razor because I’m alpha as fuck

sunzu ,

Go on!

rand_alpha19 ,

Yeah, I'm trying to get my wife to switch because she always complains about a less-than-smooth shave and ingrown hairs with "normal" razors, both legs and bush lol. I haven't shaved since like 2014 (I only use an electric trimmer), but if I did shave, it would be with a safety razor.

zcd , in jd vance

With eyes like that, this guy could fuck any couch he wanted

Track_Shovel , (edited )

I love that we are firing back with stupid shit like this. The right has gotten away with it for way too fucking long, and too many people have spent too much time answering every false accusation. About time fascist fuckweasels had to do the same.

Maggoty ,

Wait are you telling me he didn’t fuck a couch?

Track_Shovel ,
GladiusB ,
@GladiusB@lemmy.world avatar

“five years” what happened 6 years ago?

Track_Shovel ,

Couch fifi

Blackmist ,
Maggoty ,

Oh well there you go he definitely didn’t have sex with a couch. He says he didn’t do it so that’s all folks.

BlitzoTheOisSilent ,

The first thing my brain grabbed onto is the fact they specified that he hasn’t ever fucked a couch to completion. I’m not a lawyer, but have been told I’d be a good one, but that’s some straight up lawyer-speak right there. Why are you specifying that he hasn’t fucked a couch to completion? Does this mean he has fucked a couch, but he didn’t achieve orgasm?

The next big one was “gieven” and the other misspelled word (I’m on mobile and can’t get the pic back up). Like, this is supposed to be an official statement from the Republican candidates for POTUS and VPOTUS? And you couldn’t have your aid spell check the word “given?” Like, you’re being accused of being sexually attracted to furniture as a VP candidate, and you can’t be bothered to spell check a 5-letter word?

And what’s with the last bullet about jello and other stuff??? Like, are you trying to get ahead of wherever accusations of couch-fucking lead? My brain stopped at couch fucking, but with that last bullet, now I’m thinking he fucks/fucked jello and fruit and shit. Why would you even bring that up?

If this is real, and I’m assuming it is, just… Wow.

StrongHorseWeakNeigh , in Get her a publisher

I don’t know if I’d be able to stop laughing for long enough to be mad lmao

Jakdracula , in jd vance
@Jakdracula@lemmy.world avatar

He’s a homosectional.

Snailpope , in Get her a publisher

Rex: “couldn’t put it down!” Spot: “Must Read!” Precious: “I really connected with the central theme. So true! Absolutely poetic take on the over squirlification of our neighborhoods. Those squirrels need to go back to where they came from!”

abbiistabbii , in Shiny and chrome
@abbiistabbii@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Only if it blows flames from it’s eyes.

Vertelleus , in I love SVU
@Vertelleus@sh.itjust.works avatar

Dum Dum.

expatriado , in Get her a publisher

short and to the point, my kind of book

davidagain , in Real Facebook ad that doubles as a god-tier shitpost

I don’t understand why this is a shitpost? I mean, other than it’s shit, and here it is being posted. Shouldn’t a shitpost have some sort of intelligence or self-awareness or humor or something? I don’t get it.

DesolateMood ,

You’ll find that a lot of posts around here aren’t shitposts

Ilovethebomb ,

This is some absolutely god tier shitposting, taking the piss out of conservatives. I recommend taking a look at their website, it’s amazing.

And also liberals.

morrowind ,
@morrowind@lemmy.ml avatar

Shitposting is just default lemmy community now

It is kinda funny though

Zink ,

Today on Philosophy with Lemmy:

If one attempts to make a shitpost, and does it with poor skill or malicious intent, is it not in fact a shitpost just the same?

davidagain ,

Yours is my favourite of all the answers I got.

Zink ,

I am honored!

davidagain ,

And now you made me snort in public!

Zink ,

My state of mind is reinforced!

davidagain ,

May your upvotes be many, your memes evergreen, your code inspired and your bugs few, easy to find and to fix. May your managers be sane, rational, realistic and fair. And may your preferred team win when you really want them to. Unless they’re playing mine, of course, in which case you’re on your own, buddy.

the_crotch , in This explains much.

It’s so easy to get free guys in Mario 3 that these were kind of pointless. The ones where you could win a hammer bros suit, on the other hand… Those were valuable.

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