Another thing that got forgotten was the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.
And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more.
This is a complete record of its thoughts from the moment it began its life till the moment it ended it.
Ah … ! What’s happening? it thought.
Er, excuse me, who am I?
Hello?
Why am I here? What’s my purpose in life?
What do I mean by who am I?
Calm down, get a grip now … oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? It’s a sort of … yawning, tingling sensation in my … my … well I suppose I’d better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let’s call it my stomach.
Good. Ooooh, it’s getting quite strong. And hey, what’s about this whistling roaring sound going past what I’m suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps I can call that … wind! Is that a good name? It’ll do … perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I’ve found out what it’s for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What’s this thing? This … let’s call it a tail – yeah, tail. Hey! I can can really thrash it about pretty good can’t I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesn’t seem to achieve very much but I’ll probably find out what it’s for later on. Now – have I built up any coherent picture of things yet?
No.
Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I’m quite dizzy with anticipation …
Or is it the wind?
There really is a lot of that now isn’t it?
And wow! Hey! What’s this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like … ow … ound … round … ground! That’s it! That’s a good name – ground!
I wonder if it will be friends with me?
And the rest, after a sudden wet thud, was silence.
Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.
Falcon Sensor is one of the most popular security products in Windows servers. Practically every large company purchases Crowdstrike services to protect their servers.
People who aren’t affected:
Linux and Mac servers
Private individuals and smaller businesess who have Windows machines that don’t buy CrowdStrike services.
Companies that bothered to create proper test environments for their production servers.
People who are affected:
Companies that use Windows machines, buy Falcon Sensor from Crowdstrike, and are too stupid/cheap to have proper update policies.
In terms of numbers, we don’t know how many people are affected or how much it will cost. A lot. Globally. Flights were grounded, surgeries rescheduled, bank transfers and payments interrupted, and millions of employees couldn’t turn on their computers this morning.
Does anyone know how these Cloudstrike updates are actually deployed? Presumably the software has its own update mechanism to react to emergent threats without waiting for patch tuesday. Can users control the update policy for these ‘channel files’ themselves?
These channel files are configuration for the driver and are pushed several times a day. It seems the driver can take a page fault if certain conditions are met. A mistake in a config file triggered this condition and put a lot of machines into a BSOD bootloop.
I think it makes sense that this was a preexisting bug in the driver which was triggered by an erroneous config. What I still don’t know is if these channel updates have a staged deployment (presumably driver updates do), and what fraction of machines that got the bad update actually had a BSOD.
Yeah. It also affected banks, hospitals, retailers, distributors… someone definitely got fired. And it’s not even something that can be fixed remotely.
Mine: “Why do they always make them taller and not wider? I am not a snake. I cannot unhinge my jaw to eat it like that dude in the Burger King commercial.”
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