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How do you get over the fact that not everyone will like you?

It’s obvious and you would be deluded into thinking everyone you interact with likes you.

But how do you feel it?

Context: I’m a course instructor and I get direct reviews on my lessons and around 95% of feedback is positive to very positive.

There’s less than 5% of my reviews that have real negative and non-constructive comments. Things like accusations of being incompetent or unprepared or full of shit, etc. They mention times I had technical difficulties or made a mistake (like giving an incorrect response)

Just by the numbers alone this is a very small minority overall. Yet these comments stick in my head and make me doubt my abilities.

So what are your strategies or ways you drown out this stuff?

vfreire85 ,

work on your self-confidence and self esteem. go check a psychologist.

teawrecks , (edited )

It would be more effort than it’s worth for me to remember them enough to care. Too lazy.

Etterra ,

Are you fucking serious? Did you never get bullied in school as a kid or something? Are you that privileged? What the fuck.

PerogiBoi OP ,
@PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca avatar

Yep 100% serious. I was bullied quite a bit in school so I’m not sure how you’re drawing this conclusion. Sorry you’re upset though.

Subtracty ,

Time helps. I am not a teacher, but I coach.

I feel like I wanted to be loved by my athletes or completely ignored by them when I started coaching. I didn’t want anyone to dislike or doubt my abilities in any way. I went above and beyond to plan practices and be as legitimate as possible as a young coach close (enough) in age to the athletes. I needed firmly establish that I was an authority in the field and worth taking advice from.

I’ll be honest, some of my interactions with athletes during covid broke me. We went remote when facilities and the world shut down. Which meant trying to run fitness classes over zoom for whoever still wanted them. When we returned to in person practice, the athletes just came back cynical and critical (the entire world was just proven to be a shit show, so I understand where they are coming from). I felt like I had to justify my strategy every few weeks, of they did not see immediate results, they just questioned the value in coming to practice.

It took time to build up a reputation with my athletes again. All i could do was continue to do the best job possible and trust my knowledge. We just celebrated having our first Olympian alumni, so things are going well! But not everyone has that same successful result, and want to blame someone for that. Some people will always think they are the smartest person in the room, and you can’t change their way of thinking.

For those 5% of negative reviews, the best case scenario is that you did the best possible job you could. And in a few years, they self reflect and think about how critical they were of you when it really wasn’t anything. Worst case scenario, they tell the story of their instructor, who was in some way incompetent, and everyone just smiles, nods, and gets on with their lives. The otherwise overwhelmingly positive reviews show us that you are preparing your students for whatever the next step is. Some students might not see the value of your work immediately, or 2 years down the road, or ever. Just because they can not see the value in your work does not mean the value was not their.

intensely_human ,

I joined a men’s group and started working through my trauma.

HobbitFoot ,

I have a job where it is my job to say no. That means I’m not going to get liked by everyone.

It is more important to do my job right than to be liked by everyone.

ravhall ,

I stopped caring. Most people just love to complain. They’re not even thinking about you as much as themselves. Just imagine they’re people from Lemmy. Random people saying dumb things in an attempt to make themselves feel superior because they are lacking something in life.

Do your best, try not to fuck with people, and know that no one exists but you.

Zier ,
@Zier@fedia.io avatar

Some people are just looking for something to complain about because they are unhappy people anyway. That has nothing to do with you.
Some people are complete idiots, go read some Amazon reviews. My favorite is about a Rice Paddle (plastic) that you only use with an electric rice maker. One reviewer said it was crap because it melted. Clearly they used it with a regular pan and had no idea what they bought.
If you like yourself and the people you care about and respect like you, no one else really matters. It's nice to be liked, but respecting and caring for yourself is the most important thing to remember.
And sometimes (too many times actually), having some people like you can be a liability. Some people are just horrible and will latch on to you and spread their toxicity. It can be a real gift to not be liked by these people. Not being liked is not always a bad thing. The Sun shines on both sides of the planet!

frauddogg ,
@frauddogg@lemmygrad.ml avatar

Indifference. They let just any ignorant sack of shit with working thumbs access review pages; and a lot of people aren’t just ignorant in this day and age, they are proudly and willfully ignorant. The only people whose critique I take seriously are those I know and trust, everyone else can suck a leaf blower.

ulkesh ,
@ulkesh@beehaw.org avatar

I just stopped caring. Why should it matter if people like me? Life is a very short, fleeting construct. Wasting time worrying about what some other human thinks of me makes literally no difference in the grand cosmos. I’d rather put my energy toward something interesting.

InputZero ,

As I have gotten older, I have learned to realize that there are people who can not forgive and can not forget. They are the most negative-nellies, and will judge you and most likely themselves bad for just being human. I still listen to them, that’s basic human respect. I don’t let their words tear me down, that’s basic self respect.

“What we got here is, a failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach.” - Cool Hands Luke.

bionicjoey ,

around 95% of feedback is positive to very positive.

Don’t focus on the ones that don’t like you. Focus on the ones that do. Unless there is something constructive in the negative reviews, you can safely ignore them.

McOkapi ,

Wish I could help with the strategy. I don’t deal with this in any way, I genuinely don’t care if someone likes me or not. I actually don’t think about it. I understand this can be a problem and mess with one’s confidence in a situation like yours, but the numbers speak for themselves - you are in a good place.

Chadus_Maximus ,

I like to pretend that I’m inherently superior to them :)

xilliah ,

Flip the table. Anger. Disgust. Judgment. Indifference.

If you want to be nice you can always keep your doors open to resolution. But it makes no sense whatsoever to give away mental and emotional real estate for free to donkeys and assholes. It’s simply too valuable and you should cherish it for yourself.

You might think indifference is the weakest of what I’ve mentioned. But being ignored is extremely painful. Aurelius wrote that this is the default goto if you don’t have a witty comeback.

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