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How do you get over the fact that not everyone will like you?

It’s obvious and you would be deluded into thinking everyone you interact with likes you.

But how do you feel it?

Context: I’m a course instructor and I get direct reviews on my lessons and around 95% of feedback is positive to very positive.

There’s less than 5% of my reviews that have real negative and non-constructive comments. Things like accusations of being incompetent or unprepared or full of shit, etc. They mention times I had technical difficulties or made a mistake (like giving an incorrect response)

Just by the numbers alone this is a very small minority overall. Yet these comments stick in my head and make me doubt my abilities.

So what are your strategies or ways you drown out this stuff?

wuphysics87 ,

I’m a 36 year old professor. My only negative evaluation this past semester was that I didn’t give homework. Though, most of them hated my guts from using grades to tell them their work was mostly average. <Insert Boomer comment about participation trophies>

The students realized they needed to change to improve their grades. And subsequently, they grew the way I expected, which was far more than they thought they would. They recognized I was teaching them more than the material: I was teaching them the meta. That was valuable enough to them to forgive me for being such a dick about the numbers that define their self worth.

So, want the students to give you those glowing 10/10 evaluations? Piss them off and make them glad that you did. Give them something of value that no one has. But, based off of how much you seem to care about the difference between a 95% and 100%, I think, much like my students, you are chasing your participation trophy. Think on it.

rainynight65 ,

Many people suffer from impostor syndrome to a degree. Many people make mistakes even when it comes to subject matters they are very familiar with. Everyone has technical problems every now and then - that’s outside of your control. Technology is finicky and increasingly shit.

You’ll always get people who think they know better than you, or could do something better than you. But they aren’t. You are. You got where you are through your work and experience. As long you feel that you’re prepared to the best of your ability and knowledge, I think your conscience can be clear.

You will never have everyone you meet like you. Some people are just basic shitheads, and some of them will write reviews like that precisely to gaslight you into doubting yourself and your abilities. They do it for kicks. If 95% of your reviews are positive, you’re in a good place.

xilliah ,

Flip the table. Anger. Disgust. Judgment. Indifference.

If you want to be nice you can always keep your doors open to resolution. But it makes no sense whatsoever to give away mental and emotional real estate for free to donkeys and assholes. It’s simply too valuable and you should cherish it for yourself.

You might think indifference is the weakest of what I’ve mentioned. But being ignored is extremely painful. Aurelius wrote that this is the default goto if you don’t have a witty comeback.

teawrecks , (edited )

It would be more effort than it’s worth for me to remember them enough to care. Too lazy.

Chadus_Maximus ,

I like to pretend that I’m inherently superior to them :)

rubberduh ,

I tend to think people who don’t like me are the bad weird.

communism ,
@communism@lemmy.ml avatar

I don’t think that’s a helpful mindset either. Sometimes two people just don’t get along and it’s no one’s fault

McOkapi ,

Wish I could help with the strategy. I don’t deal with this in any way, I genuinely don’t care if someone likes me or not. I actually don’t think about it. I understand this can be a problem and mess with one’s confidence in a situation like yours, but the numbers speak for themselves - you are in a good place.

Glasgow ,

70% of people are idiots so you’re doing pretty well. Only 9/10 dentists can agree on a toothpaste ffs!

bionicjoey ,

around 95% of feedback is positive to very positive.

Don’t focus on the ones that don’t like you. Focus on the ones that do. Unless there is something constructive in the negative reviews, you can safely ignore them.

InputZero ,

As I have gotten older, I have learned to realize that there are people who can not forgive and can not forget. They are the most negative-nellies, and will judge you and most likely themselves bad for just being human. I still listen to them, that’s basic human respect. I don’t let their words tear me down, that’s basic self respect.

“What we got here is, a failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach.” - Cool Hands Luke.

z00s ,

As a teacher I can say that in every class- adults or teenagers- there will be 5-10% who will love you no matter what, 5-10% who will dislike you no matter what, and everyone else will be in between.

You have to learn not to take it personally because it isn’t; you’re just the body in the room when they happen to be feeling shitty about their day, their life, their job etc.

Also remember that some people will just tick 10/10 in every category because they can’t be bothered to do it properly, so don’t let that go to your head either.

What you need to do is reduce it to pure numbers. Weight loss, for example, is not about how you feel or even how you look; only the scales will tell you the complete and accurate results without bias.

What you can measure, you can manage. Look at average scores over time across multiple categories. Is there a trend? If it’s negative, then write up a plan to fix it. If it’s positive, write up how you achieved it. Then show it to your boss and get a raise.

At the end of the day the shitty commenters want you to think about them. I usually just laugh; there’s always one in every group.

neidu2 ,

I don’t like everyone I meet. Why would I expect to be liked by everyone I meet?

ulkesh ,
@ulkesh@beehaw.org avatar

I just stopped caring. Why should it matter if people like me? Life is a very short, fleeting construct. Wasting time worrying about what some other human thinks of me makes literally no difference in the grand cosmos. I’d rather put my energy toward something interesting.

frauddogg ,
@frauddogg@lemmygrad.ml avatar

Indifference. They let just any ignorant sack of shit with working thumbs access review pages; and a lot of people aren’t just ignorant in this day and age, they are proudly and willfully ignorant. The only people whose critique I take seriously are those I know and trust, everyone else can suck a leaf blower.

vfreire85 ,

work on your self-confidence and self esteem. go check a psychologist.

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