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wuphysics87 ,

Off topic, but related to unwanted noise. Why do white waitstaff/restaurants interupt you when you are talking to someone to ask you “How is everything? Everyone doing ok?”. removed look at the plate. I haven’t touched it since you gave it to me 30 seconds ago. Take a note from Asians. Silently fill the water, observe the vibe, and go if no one says anything. Or some Latino restaurants where they won’t do anything unless you explicitly call them over and ask. I’d take loud music you have to shout over if Cindi with a ‘i’ doesn’t interupt conversations.

Sir_Kevin ,
@Sir_Kevin@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

That shit annoys me too. I was just at a restaurant today where the waitress would not only interrupt but then linger to babble on and on. Like bitch I’m on a date, fill my drink and fuck off.

I agree, asian places have the best service. Super respectful and I do appreciate that.

Shialac ,

'murica

NauticalNoodle ,

It’s to ensure your food is up to expectations. Mistakes happen, and a busy dining room dictates a server will help you when they can, not necessarily when you try to flag them down.

xilliah ,

You’ll want to smash both your arms as loud as possible on the table while dominantly starting at them.

Works for me every time.

JimmyBigSausage OP ,

Yes they constantly interrupt. Definitely feels like you are there for them versus they are there for your service. Whole new subject.

anytimesoon ,

Definitely an american thing. I always find it annoying when I travel there. Also, bringing the bill with desert. Let me finish my meal first before giving me hints to get the fuck out

andrewta ,

I can understand where you are coming from, from the other perspective, I have gone into places gotten my food, got my dessert, they don’t bring the bill. 40 minutes later I’m asking a different waiter to get me my check because my waiter never came back.

I’d rather they bring the check right away so I can pay them leave when I want.

Leeks ,

Rant incoming:

“Fast casual” has ruined dinning. The concept is a volume play of moving as many customers as quick as possible while still giving “personalized service” with the least number of servers possible. Naturally this becomes a race to the bottom with “service” taking the biggest hit since it is the most subjective experience and thus the hardest to measure. The worst part is that most American diners we are slowly lowering expectations in which allows for further reductions in service and makes the experience even worse, but “with prices like these, what can you expect?”

CanadaPlus ,

Hmm. Processing disorders are a thing.

Some restaurants do have damn loud music, though. Most don’t where I live but that’s probably regional.

arty ,

Everyone keeps mentioning them, but no one links to the information: en.wikipedia.org/…/Auditory_processing_disorder

One of potential symptoms is indeed “Difficulty hearing in noisy environments”

I have a nice workaround: good earplugs. They lower the overall volume, and all of a sudden I can understand spoken words again. Too bad they actually increase for me the sound of my own chewing.

Evil_incarnate ,

My work was evacuated once for a fire alarm (false) and we all kinda stood around waiting for the firemen to come and let us back in. While we waited we chatted. But I realised that I couldn’t understand what the people four feet away from me were saying. I could hear the noises coming from their mouths, but I couldn’t understand them. When the alarm was switched off, I could understand them.

Brain is weird.

arty ,

Weird and impressive!

The article for this condition in German Wikipedia mentions that there’s a training which can help, but I have not looked into this yet

CanadaPlus ,

Thank you. I would have linked it if I realised.

neidu2 , (edited )

Might be relevant, but I find that American restaurants are generally louder compared to European ones.

Side note: And why is ithe music always fucking neo-country? Sure, I’ve mostly been to Texas, but I have several albums in my CD collection as a testament to y’all making good music too.

Drusas ,

My experience in American restaurants is that the music is usually whatever is currently popular, so there's a lot of hip hop and pop songs about dancing and fucking.

spittingimage ,
@spittingimage@lemmy.world avatar

Last time I was out to eat with friends, the restaurant was playing an easy listening version of Welcome to the Jungle. That was a lot to process.

HelixDab2 ,

It isn’t. My favorite restaurant–Kuma’s Korner, on Belmont in Chicago–is always playing metal.

Goddamn I miss that place… :(

brygphilomena ,

I need to check it out. Turns out they have one in the suburbs just under 4 miles from me.

HelixDab2 ,

I’d been to the Lincoln Park location–I think that it’s closed now–and it had a very different vibe. I haven’t been to the suburban locations. To me, the original location, with it’s tiny eating section and dive-bar vibe, is still the best. Almost like if Exit served good food, y’know? (AFAIK, Exit doesn’t serve food at all.)

brygphilomena ,

I just moved back to the Chicago land area after being away for 20 years. These places sound like my exact vibe and the sort of places I’ve been searching for.

Do you have any other recommendations?

tiredofsametab ,

The US and it's people are often super loud. I say this as one who traveled and now lives in Japan. I didn't notice right away and had to work hard to lower my normal volume

lemmyknow ,

Switched on Pop: Gastropod: Why are restaurants so loud? Plus the science behind the perfect playlist

Episode webpage: www.switchedonpop.com

Media file: www.podtrac.com/pts/…/VMP8607546877.mp3?updated=1…

numberfour002 ,

It doesn’t seem to be a super common, general thing where I live. However, there are some more prone to it than others, like places that have a bar and/or otherwise serve alcohol. Typically though it’s only the nights they do live music and that’s most often weekends and around specific holidays.

Mostly I just avoid pretty much any establishment if they’ve got live entertainment for the night and I’m there to eat as well as talk with others. I avoid any that are particularly egregious in terms of loud music. I have been with a group where we asked if the volume could be turned down on the speakers one night at a live event where we were one of only a few tables in the entire place and it was clear that nobody was particularly interested in damaging their hearing. The manager slowly slinked over to the performers about 5 - 10 minutes after the request, and they stopped playing shortly after.

The_Che_Banana ,

Most respectable places have music that is loud at the beginning of service when there are few diners, but then the music gets lower as time goes on and the place fills up.

…not that I reread this, I’m really not implying you dont go to reputable places…really

Kattiydid ,

I have ADHD and I find I have lots of difficulties with auditory processing in high noise floor situations. Also got my hearing checked because I couldn’t understand people in loud spaces. Turns out ADHD brains just don’t handle processing all that noise well. If I understand it correctly it’s because we need to process everything at the same level instead of some things being easy to leave on autopilot. Might not be your case but it sounded familiar so, that’s my two bits.

JimmyBigSausage OP ,

Wow this sounds so familiar. I need to learn more. Any resources you could recommend?

Mothra ,
@Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

I’m on the same camp as you and also undiagnosed. I’ve suspected some form of autism but didn’t think ADHD could be my thing

Kattiydid ,

I’m currently on an autism diagnosis waiting list cuz there’s just not that many adult autism services in my area so maybe it might be that too ¯⁠\⁠⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠⁠/⁠¯

monsterpiece42 ,

FWIW if you’re 18+ there is less reason to get formally diagnosed. University of Washington did a study some time ago which found self diagnosis is rarely wrong. Link to that PDF here: …washington.edu/…/Self-Diagnosed-Adult-Autism-Res…

A good way to find out is a combination of a couple tests. The RAADS-R is the most accurate known autism test, is is over 80% accurate. Here is a free one that doesn’t require registration: embrace-autism.com/raads-r/

And if you doubt you’re autistic in any way (guessing based on wanting to be diagnosed), the CAT-Q is a good test to identify camouflaged autistic traits that you’ve learned to hide. This one is also free from the same place: embrace-autism.com/cat-q/

Feel free to ask if you have questions. I’m late diagnosed myself (was over 30) and it’s a big world to navigate blindly!

Kattiydid ,

Thanks!

monsterpiece42 ,

Hey there I replied to the person that replied to you but I think that comment may be of value to you. reddthat.com/comment/12415216

And FWIW, there is only one kind of autism. ;)

Mothra ,
@Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

Thanks!

I hadn’t taken those tests before. The raads-r gave me 98 the first time and 105 the second. I found the questions even more infuriating than other tests as there is no frame of reference for most questions, or questions are too ambiguous. Results were the same though- “you sit on the threshold”.

The cat-q was interesting. I scored 115 which apparently would be pretty high for a neurotypical female. Not sure what to make of that.

monsterpiece42 ,

So I’m not a doctor but as I understand it, CAT-Q effectively is a booster for the RAADS-R. A lot of the RAADS-R is either understanding or recognizing the symptoms of autism, but people who are high masking (aka “camouflaged”) have often learned to hide/not notice their autistic traits. Reminder of course, the “A” in CAT-Q means “autistic”.

That said, I think 100+ on RAADS-R before a fairly high CAT-Q is something worth considering alone.

I have a special interest in psychology and if this was something related to a mental health condition I would be the first to tell you that the best way to learn is peer-reviewed studies, published references like the DSM-5 (imperfect as it may be) and so on. However, autism is not a psychological issue, it’s a neurological difference. This means that the best way to learn is to talk to autistic people (which you currently are!) and see if the little things that make you/them “weird” resonate with each other. If you’re feeling more introverted than that, you could maybe find an autistic YouTuber that “clicks” with you and see how their experience compares to yours.

Kattiydid ,

screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/adhd/This seems like a useful test to me for getting a better idea if you should talk to a psychiatrist or not. It’s ups and downs getting diagnosed, especially as an adult. I had one psychiatrist give me their full test and questionnaire and decided I was borderline but wouldn’t diagnose me or prescribe anything, (I was already on a med that helped but not any of the controlled ones) The next psychiatrist I went to a few years later didn’t even have me do the test, we had an in person appointment, (which I was late to) and after we’d talked for about 20 minutes I asked “so, when do we schedule the ADHD assessment?” He said “Oh, no, we don’t need to do one, you very clearly have ADHD.” XD Honestly though I learned more about it from the experiences of people on social media who had it than I ever learned from a doctor. I’d start with searching ADHD hashtags and see if you resonate with other people’s experiences.

JimmyBigSausage OP ,

Thank you.

xpinchx ,

Since you mentioned you got your hearing checked and everything is okay… Auditory Processing Disorder is a pretty common neurodivergence with a lot of overlap with ADHD/OCD/depression/anxiety/et al. It’s common with any or all of the others, but it shows up in neurotypical people too.

I’m ADHD and have APD as well :)

30p87 ,
@30p87@feddit.org avatar

So you’re basically saying we’re doing manual processing of the output stream instead of using pipewires inbuilt filters, like in the PulseAudio days?

Atherel ,

Same here, stimulant meds help a lot with it. I also have troubles understanding lyrics in songs. English isn’t my first language and I really thought that I just don’t understand this accents. Turns out that I can understand the lyrics way better when on meds, without it just sounds jibberisch - I can hear the syllables but they don’t make any sense.

Kattiydid ,

That! My Boo has the hardest time figuring out if I’ve listened to a song or not because he tells me the name of the song and the artist and I go “I don’t fucking know dude”, so he tells me some of the lyrics, and I go ¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯, so he plays me the song and within the first two notes I’m like “oh yeah I’ve heard this a billion times” 🤦‍♀️

Cobratattoo ,

I just don’t go to restaurants/bars with loud music anymore because of this. Buying beer and snacks somewhere else and sitting in public parks with my friends is better and much cheaper.

NessD ,

That was one of my biggest revelations last year. Figuring out I have ADHD and that’s why it’s hard for me to understand people, especially in crowded and loud spaces. Sometimes I found myself simultaneously listening to music, other people’s conversations and my own conversations. Makes it quite difficult sometimes.

Atelopus-zeteki ,
@Atelopus-zeteki@kbin.run avatar

Tile or concrete floors, hard surface walls, glass windows all reflect sound. As people start talking, if they are drinking they get louder, so then each table is trying to talk over the tables around them. Without acoustic damping, it can get pretty loud.

Drusas ,

That's a big part of it, but some people are just loud and some restaurants just play their music way too loud all the time.

Dicska ,

Some bosses want to make sure you can hear the music at a decent volume at the back tables. Meanwhile the front tables:

vk6flab ,
@vk6flab@lemmy.radio avatar

It’s to encourage you to eat faster and leave, so your table is available for the next victim.

gdog05 ,

This is it. It’s why seats/stools look nice but feel uncomfortable after 20 or so minutes.

tuckerm ,

I remember seeing this on the news a few years ago. If I remember right, they were interviewing a design firm that does interior design for fast food and fast casual restaurants, and they were talking about all of this. I was really surprised at how candid they were being, since you would think that they would want this to be an industry secret.

The high stools with no back, the music that is too loud, the lights that are a little too bright and kind of hanging down in your field of view: all intentional, so that you're just ever so slightly uncomfortable and you leave a few minutes sooner.

Lyre ,
  1. Create environment actively hostile to remain in for long periods of time
  2. Expect people to work and be productive in said environment for hours on end
stardust ,

Explains why I don’t like eating out and never cared for paying for stuff like the ambiance even at fancy restaurants and prefer take out.

Nikls94 ,

Take out sadly still covers the ambiance

Sir_Kevin ,
@Sir_Kevin@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Don’t they realize that once people leave such a place, they’re never coming back? There are only so many locals in a given area. Unless the place is a tourist trap this seems like a shitty idea for long term business.

Habahnow ,

If the food is amazing, then people will come back. The point is to make the location slightly uncomfortable enough that people want to leave sooner, not that they hate the place. The idea is you need to balance cost of food, and customer turn around time. If you make it very expensive, people won’t feel comfortable taking the food to go, even if it is an amazing item. On the flip side, a cheap menu that is very comfortable will be overly cost prohibitive.

Drusas ,

As a person with digestive problems that lead to hemorrhoids, this one in particular feels like a big fuck you.

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