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Why western people seldom use "please"?

Hello,

First of all I don’t really get the actual meaning of “please”. I understand it as it used to make a polite request. However I have rarely seen any westerner saying “please” on either Lemmy, Mastodon or IRC. where I live using “please” (मेहरबानी) is used often.

j4k3 ,
@j4k3@lemmy.world avatar

This is very nuanced and could be difficult to understand, but the word please can have a negative context between people that are related, like with family, or when codependent such as housemates or coworkers. The word please can have a negative emphasis like nagging. As an example, one might say:

  • Please take out the trash.
  • Take out the trash! Please!
  • PLEASE! TAKE, OUT, THE TRASH!

These are common forms of natural speech where the word please does not have the same meaning exactly. In the latter two examples, the word please is like a subtle way of saying, 'just do what I ask without further arguing.

The language and formalities greatly depend on where you live, the local culture, and the population density in that region. In rural parts of the USA, formalities are common, but often are very hallow in deeper meaning. For instance, in the Deep Southeastern USA, like Alabama, there is a common phrase ‘bless your heart.’ This phrase actually means, “I disagree and think that you are a fool,” but the meaning is like an unspoken truth and an inside joke at the same time. If you confront the phrase directly, the person will tell you they only meant the phrase positively, and they will make you look and feel like a fool for assuming it was said negatively. If you fail to realize the true meaning of the phrase, everyone that does know the meaning will see you as a fool. If you recognize the true nature of the statement, you are forced to rephrase your argument or agree to disagree.

The word please is most common in these rural cultures along with words like sir and ma’am. This language culture has a strong association with the conservative Right, religious extremism, deep prejudice, and toxic stupidity in the USA. That subculture association seems to impact the use of such linguistic formalities elsewhere in the country.

The word please still has a basic meaning of kindness among strangers or coworkers, but its formal use as a normative standard has a strong association with the worst of our subcultures in the USA. The second I hear someone talking like that, I immediately distrust them like seeing a person walk into a bank wearing a trenchcoat and a ski mask.

makingStuffForFun ,
@makingStuffForFun@lemmy.ml avatar

Please let me know, how you know, they are westerners?

Arfman ,

Not a westerner but after moving to Australia, took me a while to get used to using please. It’s not common where I’m from lol

Eol , (edited )

Does it really mean anything? If you’re a respectable person isn’t it implied? Thank you as well. People should be able to see the thankfulness… Too many assholes fucked up use of please and thank you trying to look good when they aren’t being good. Now sometimes I see it as a sign someone’s trying to take advantage or hide their true self.

I say it in newer company but I don’t know if I say it to often to people I know.

some_guy ,

I use it constantly in the real world. Not on Lemmy. But I consider this to be pretty informal.

I also deliberately say “I beg your pardon,” instead of “Excuse me.” The former is a request. The latter is mostly a demand, at least in the USA the way people behave.

RBWells ,

Con su permisso, or Excuse me please, when I need to move past someone. Yeah it’s a demand but a polite one I think.

electric_nan ,

Rusty on my reading of devanagari-- is that pronounced like “meharbaanii”?

kionite231 OP ,

Yes, that’s correct.

BCsven ,

At a restaurant, or with people you don’t know it is common to use please and thankyou, less common with family, but still done. But online writing, please and thankyou seems uncommon

Alice ,

It’s funny, I was ALWAYS taught to say please growing up, but as an adult I only hear it in more formal settings, or from older folks. I think people realized that tone and body language also show that you’re trying to be pleasant and not bossy, and dropped the habit of saying it.

I’m sure it’s regional, though, and I’m only speaking for one small chunk of the US.

davel ,
@davel@lemmy.ml avatar

I just checked, and I used “please” about 30 times in the last year on lemmy.ml. I live in Burgerland.

kionite231 OP ,

Did you mean Burgenland? It’s a funny typo.

davel ,
@davel@lemmy.ml avatar

I meant Burgerland, home of the Whopper and the Big Mac.

emergencyfood ,

Burgerland is slang for the USA.

card797 ,

I write and speak the word please quite a lot. In all of my emails when requesting things for work or pleasure I use it. I was raised in the US South and I think it’s very common practice here to teach kids in such a way. My own kids are being taught the same. I can’t obviously speak for the rest of Western society though.

ulkesh ,
@ulkesh@beehaw.org avatar

sudo make me a sandwich…please

black0ut ,
@black0ut@pawb.social avatar

Command make not found, but can be installed with apt-get install make.

Admetus ,

Much more likely they’re saying ‘thanks in advance’ in the original post or otherwise they reply with gratitude for useful replies and answers.

If they don’t, then yes, they’re probably immature, a 14 year old or just a twat.

EleventhHour ,
@EleventhHour@lemmy.world avatar

it’s not so seldom in my experience.

nokturne213 ,

Because the boomers forced us to say it or we got hit and we are through appeasing them.

h3mlocke ,

Congrats.

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