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Why western people seldom use "please"?

Hello,

First of all I don’t really get the actual meaning of “please”. I understand it as it used to make a polite request. However I have rarely seen any westerner saying “please” on either Lemmy, Mastodon or IRC. where I live using “please” (मेहरबानी) is used often.

stealth_cookies ,

“Please” is used more in verbal or formal communication in English. I wouldn’t typically use it when writing a comment here as online comment sections are considered informal written communication. But I would always say it if I was asking a food service worker for something.

southsamurai ,
@southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

There’s rarely a use for it online. It’s used to make a request, and a lot of online discourse is making statements.

Irl, it’s a lot more common

j4k3 ,
@j4k3@lemmy.world avatar

This is very nuanced and could be difficult to understand, but the word please can have a negative context between people that are related, like with family, or when codependent such as housemates or coworkers. The word please can have a negative emphasis like nagging. As an example, one might say:

  • Please take out the trash.
  • Take out the trash! Please!
  • PLEASE! TAKE, OUT, THE TRASH!

These are common forms of natural speech where the word please does not have the same meaning exactly. In the latter two examples, the word please is like a subtle way of saying, 'just do what I ask without further arguing.

The language and formalities greatly depend on where you live, the local culture, and the population density in that region. In rural parts of the USA, formalities are common, but often are very hallow in deeper meaning. For instance, in the Deep Southeastern USA, like Alabama, there is a common phrase ‘bless your heart.’ This phrase actually means, “I disagree and think that you are a fool,” but the meaning is like an unspoken truth and an inside joke at the same time. If you confront the phrase directly, the person will tell you they only meant the phrase positively, and they will make you look and feel like a fool for assuming it was said negatively. If you fail to realize the true meaning of the phrase, everyone that does know the meaning will see you as a fool. If you recognize the true nature of the statement, you are forced to rephrase your argument or agree to disagree.

The word please is most common in these rural cultures along with words like sir and ma’am. This language culture has a strong association with the conservative Right, religious extremism, deep prejudice, and toxic stupidity in the USA. That subculture association seems to impact the use of such linguistic formalities elsewhere in the country.

The word please still has a basic meaning of kindness among strangers or coworkers, but its formal use as a normative standard has a strong association with the worst of our subcultures in the USA. The second I hear someone talking like that, I immediately distrust them like seeing a person walk into a bank wearing a trenchcoat and a ski mask.

Arfman ,

Not a westerner but after moving to Australia, took me a while to get used to using please. It’s not common where I’m from lol

MrJameGumb ,
@MrJameGumb@lemmy.world avatar

I say it often in my day to day life. I don’t use it much on Lemmy because I rarely ask anyone to do anything on here

Emperor ,
@Emperor@feddit.uk avatar

Online discourse tends not to be the kind of place (in the English-speaking world) where “please” is the appropriate response.

Nemo ,

I only use it in writing when making direct requests. I say it quite often.

EleventhHour ,
@EleventhHour@lemmy.world avatar

it’s not so seldom in my experience.

nokturne213 ,

Because the boomers forced us to say it or we got hit and we are through appeasing them.

card797 ,

I write and speak the word please quite a lot. In all of my emails when requesting things for work or pleasure I use it. I was raised in the US South and I think it’s very common practice here to teach kids in such a way. My own kids are being taught the same. I can’t obviously speak for the rest of Western society though.

BonesOfTheMoon ,

I’m fanatical about saying please and thank you, and it drives me batty that others don’t. Someone offers you a snack, say no thank you, don’t say “no I don’t like those” like a goddamned toddler.

yads ,

People say it in person a lot. Another factor might be that some people view it coming across as either non genuine or passive aggressive in written form.

angel ,

I rarely use ‘seldom’

randomperson ,

We say it out loud a lot. People seem to remember to be polite when not anonymous.

Eol , (edited )

Does it really mean anything? If you’re a respectable person isn’t it implied? Thank you as well. People should be able to see the thankfulness… Too many assholes fucked up use of please and thank you trying to look good when they aren’t being good. Now sometimes I see it as a sign someone’s trying to take advantage or hide their true self.

I say it in newer company but I don’t know if I say it to often to people I know.

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