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kenkenken ,
@kenkenken@sh.itjust.works avatar

A person can consider a thing as awesome or not, and can change the opinion based on a situation. Sex is also like that. But sex is one of the things which influence thinking and behavior much. Is fear awesome? Is pain awesome? Something like that.

lungdart ,
@lungdart@lemmy.ca avatar

As good as eating.

Most are like junk food Few are like fine dining And a few are like eating food you hate at a friend’s house but you’re trying to be polite.

Overall I’d recommend experiencing it, but if you don’t or can’t no biggy.

D1G1T4l_B4TH OP ,

Yeah, sounds nice

eightpix , (edited )
@eightpix@lemmy.world avatar

Yes. But, also, it’s not.

Let me explain.

The act itself is an exercise in either selfishness, selflessness, or synchronicity. Tuning into another person while still enjoying your own experience can be very challenging.

Then, there are trust issues. What are your sexual histories? What are your desires or qualms? How will your relationship look after? What if one of you doesn’t like what the other did, said, smelled like, etc.?

Finally, there’s the social element. Are you exclusive? Are you ok with being exclusive? What do you friends and family think of your sexual partner(s)? Does that matter to you? Are you going to have children? Does that matter to you?

Selfishness is great for the sex act, but you may not have sex often. I think it’s the road to truly being an incel.

Selflessness is a great way to get hurt often, but you’ll probably have lots of sex. Some sex addicts turn themselves over to their addiction.

The hard work is in developing a relationship with yourself, your needs, your partner(s), and their needs. Honesty, clarity, and uncomfortable conversations are all a part of the process.

When you find someone to experiment with, and there is ENTHUSIASTIC consent, be sure to be clear about what you’re agreeing to. And, for universe’s sake, foreplay is for everyone. Use protection, lubricate appropriately, and check in regularly whether everyone is still having a good time.

Then, yes. It can be mind-blowingly great.

Remember, you can do everything right and still not end up having the sex. Live to try another day.

MrVilliam ,

It varies from person to person. The act itself imo is pretty good, but I don’t really enjoy it unless there’s a real connection. Others mentioning things like hiring prostitutes here are recommending that you miss out on what I think it’s a pretty key part of it, plus I think you’d be assuming some real risk in terms of whether that’s criminal, will you be robbed, could you get an STI from them, and of course whether it’s even affordable in the first place. I can understand the desire to try it once, but I can’t imagine it being much better than masturbating compared to the risk and cost.

I think I’d recommend getting on Tinder or something similar and just making it clear in your profile that you’re looking for something casual but want to message a bit first to make sure they’re at least somewhat of a match for you. Sometime before getting naked, it’d be a good idea to say that you haven’t done this before and ask for clear communication so that both of you can enjoy yourselves. You want to be on the same page. And go slowly. You almost certainly won’t have a good time if you’re feeling pressured and rushed.

Overall, yes it’s worth trying, but a lot of people stop thinking rationally entirely when sex is a possibility and I think that’s a bit silly. It’s okay to come to the conclusion that it’s not worth the hassle or even not enjoyable at all to you. It’s totally subjective. Just don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with.

D1G1T4l_B4TH OP ,

Tinder is completely useless. All apps are.

MrVilliam ,

I disagree since I met the woman who is now my wife through Tinder lol. We both were looking for something casual and found something worth much more. But it’s almost certainly gotten shittier like everything else, so I understand your reluctance to try it.

In that case, get yourself cleaned up and head out to a bar/club and see if you can meet somebody organically. Be ready to talk about your job, hobbies, and interests. Maybe get a few clever jokes locked and loaded. Passionate, nice, and funny will make you a magnet to decent people. Just temper your expectations because it sounds like you’re probably gonna a swing and miss a few times until you find a comfortable batting stance.

D1G1T4l_B4TH OP ,

Thank you for taking your time answering. Even though I can’t imagine myself changing into all that just to get laid, I want to feel that pleasure, I really do, but I’m antisocial and mostly a NEET. So that isn’t going to happen. Plus I live in the middle of fucking nowhere…

If the world was as prefect and beautiful as how the Louis Armstrong says, people like me would get a chance… But we know how much of a shit hole is, especially for people like me.

recently_Coco ,
@recently_Coco@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Have a look at Asexuality. Might be helpful.

D1G1T4l_B4TH OP ,

Oh no, I’m feel arouse and I’m hetero

ImplyingImplications ,

You can find a prostitute to have sex with you for less than the price of Baldur’s Gate 3 and, unlike Baldur’s Gate 3, sex hasn’t even won Game of The Year.

D1G1T4l_B4TH OP ,

Funnily enough I think that game is very mediocre.

kittenzrulz123 ,

As an Asexual person don’t feel pressured to have it, you’re valid regardless of if you have it or not and which gender you have it with.

illi ,

I mean, it’s awesome. But everything is subjective and asexuality is a thing. It’s ok to not want it.

Also, the whole confusion around your age is hillarious.

RaoulDook ,

It depends on who you have it with. If your partner is good at it then it’s one of the best experiences that life can offer. If either / both partners are not good at it, it can still be good and satisfying for one or both partners. Overall I would choose sex over any other awesome activity, unless the other awesome activity was something rare that I may not get another chance to experience.

SnotFlickerman ,
@SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

A real relationship isn’t rooted in sex. It’s a nice bonus, but when you’re both old and grey, you better damn well hope you have more in common than just fucking since fucking is out of the question.

Sex is a nice bonus for people who like it and who have partners who are sexually giving and kind, but the majority of human relationships are rooted in everything outside of sex so you’re already doing right by focusing on the rest.

Sex is a footnote in life, compared to actually needing to know, understand, and care for your partner.

Also, just because you’re not motivated by sex doesn’t mean you can’t have it. I have a friend who likes sex, but is basically a practicing celibate because he has no interest in pursuing it. If it happens, he’ll enjoy it, but he’s not sex-driven, it doesn’t drive his decision making, so it doesn’t happen very often.

dingus ,

I have a slight problem when people say stuff like this.

Yes, I agree that sex shouldn’t at all be the most important thing in a relationship. And at some point many people aren’t able to have sex anymore. And sure, some people aren’t able to have sex to begin with.

But for most people on the planet, sex is a huge (although obviously usually not the only) component of a relationship and a basic need. So when you can’t have sex, it very severely and significantly limits your dating pool. Pretending it doesn’t is very unhelpful and just not realistic…at least not in the modern, Western world. Other cultures might work differently.

SnotFlickerman , (edited )
@SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

And I think the only reason people are so sex obsessed is because they’re from a sexually repressed society.

So we’ll have to agree to disagree on that one.

Edit: It’s a bit like saying to a gay person “but your dating pool will be more limited if you only choose to fuck the same gender.” Maybe… That’s beside the point.

RBWells ,

Oh, Mr. Flickerman. Old people have sex. More than young people since now not as many distractions, no young kids or chance of pregnancy. I think a better way to express this is, it’s not important as long as it’s not a problem. I agree the friendship part is more important, but having a similar sex drive makes everything work better, and sex is not a silly thing to need in a romantic relationship, it’s not a frivolous extra.

Emperor ,
@Emperor@feddit.uk avatar

It can be, if you get know someone and find out what gets them off. It can also be a bit rubbish. I wouldn’t worry about it and you’ll find the right person eventually, if you want to that is.

tiefling ,

Depends on the person. As an ace person in their 30s, it doesn’t excite me. I’d rather just snuggle.

D1G1T4l_B4TH OP ,

You’re a what?

Coskii ,
@Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Asexual. There’s a lot of us around these parts for whatever reason.

There are levels and layers to sexuality, with some being absolutely disgusted by the idea of anything romantic related at all, while I’d say the opposite end of it being those who are actively willing to engage in sex, but don’t get anything physically out of it themselves.

The biggest thing to note from any asexual person is the general apathy on the importance of sex as a thing to experience. Being one myself, I can’t really claim to know amazing it is, but I can guess that if it’s what some people think about constantly, get addicted to, and continue to engage in after having enough kids that it’s financially impossible to support them… It must be pretty good for some people.

D1G1T4l_B4TH OP ,

Ohhhh

dingus ,

It’s also ok to not really like it. Some people just don’t get that much out of it for various reasons and that’s fine too. Most people have an inmate, biological drive to do it, but not everyone does either. If you really are only 14 as some of the comments say, it’s perfectly normal to want it right now and it’s perfectly normal to not want it. Just be safe about it. You don’t need to jump into something right away just because your peers are doing it.

D1G1T4l_B4TH OP ,

I’m not. I’m an adult.

hellequin67 ,

I’m guessing the dog is 14

TheAlbatross ,

We all got fooled by the dang dog 🤣

dingus ,

Ah well in that case…for me personally, I’m 30 and I’ve never had sex. Since sexual themes are so pervasive in media, sometimes I do feel like I’m missing out. But at the same time, I don’t personally seem to have the ability to feel sexual pleasure, so it is what it is. Some people are also physically disabled in ways that mean they can’t have sex or can’t feel physical pleasure during sex. Sometimes it stinks to feel like such an outlier with the inability to experience something everyone talks about, but it is what it is. There are a lot of other things in this world that are fun and can occupy one’s time.

RBWells ,

Dude. You are still a kid. Not missing out on anything yet.

And yes sex is awesome if it’s good, but takes some practice usually before it is good. It’s free and fun and good for relationships. Better when older and not so self conscious.

You can certainly afford to wait for years, literally no reason to rush, all you are missing out on is the awkward bad part.

Taalnazi ,

Exactly. Mutual, explicit consent is the most important thing. And it’s okay to practice and not come, importance is that both have fun and consent.

Personally though, I’d say laying together is nicer, but tastes differ.

D1G1T4l_B4TH OP ,

Read the edit part…

I can’t afford that I guess.

RBWells ,

Ha! Well, certainly don’t try it with your dog.

I wish you luck, but if you haven’t tried sex by now maybe it isn’t your thing? Have you no girl-or- boyfriend to try it with? If you start old, you may have to go through the awkward part still but I think it will pass more quickly because you are, presumably, more mature and less hung up.

D1G1T4l_B4TH OP ,

Never been in a relationship.

RBWells ,

Because you are in the middle of nowhere? There are so many people in the world, I cannot imagine nobody is into you. Above I see you say something about “people like you” but you seem to be able to communicate well and keep your cool, that puts you ahead of a lot of guys.

If you are around 40, it’s a pretty good age for looking for a partner. A lot of movement in the market, for lack of a better term.

If you want to hook up, get out there and talk to people. If you literally just want sex and not relationship, I can guarantee you that somewhere someone will be thrilled to break you in, no question. Anything you can imagine, someone gets off on it.

If you want a whole different life and sex is just part of what you are dissatisfied with, that is up to you to change - the point of power is always in the now. It doesn’t matter who you were, and while there are outside forces, you can do a lot to change your own life.

D1G1T4l_B4TH OP ,

Thanks for your reply. That’s the problem though. Is up to ME. I’m nothing special and damaged according to society standards, plus useless, again, according to society. Women don’t want men like me.

django ,

I hope, you don’t think the same way, as you perceive society to think. Self love is more valuable than sex.

queermunist ,

Preserve your vital fluids. Don’t let them fool you!

kionite231 ,

Your “vital fluids” will come out through your pee even if you try to preserve it.

queermunist ,

Do not grow addicted to water etc etc

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