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People who can don't get mad and just go with the flow, how do you do it?

Here recently it seems like everything just gets under my skin so quickly and easily. It’s not that I get mad and take it out on others, it’s just the fact that I’m constantly annoyed and stressed. Something as simple as the dogs tracking some mud through the house will just ruin my mood. I know some people who would just laugh it off and clean it up. Meanwhile I’ll get pissed that I didn’t wipe their feet and be mad the entire time I’m cleaning it up. This has nothing to do with the dogs, it just an example. Any number of seemingly insignificant things can trigger me like that. Like forgetting something at the store and having to go back. I would love to be able to go, “well that sucks” and just get over it.

roguetrick ,

For the people who are really placid, it's a straight personality trait. As in, they've been that way since they were babies. You can't learn it.

rockSlayer ,

Once upon a time, I had anger issues and would get pissed at anyone for any reason. I have 3 main self-help tricks, but keep in mind that self-help can only go so far.

  1. The moment you notice it, stop everything and reflect on if it’s worth being upset about. Everything is deserving of some amount of irritation, but only the big things are worth getting irritated about.
  2. Practice mindfulness. Check in on yourself every so often during the day to see how you feel. If you’re in a bad mood, try to identify why first. If it’s a general feeling and not a specific cause, take about 10 minutes to pause your day and focus on breathing.
  3. Redirect those feelings towards something that deserves it. Righteous anger is a very strong tool, and fighting the things that are the focus of that anger is highly rewarding because it often leaves a positive impact. As an example, I have a lot of righteous anger towards the way my coworkers and I are being treated. To fight that anger I’m helping to form a union. It’s rewarding to see people realize that they deserve better
grabyourmotherskeys ,

I always ask my son if getting angry is helping. He usually stops, realizes it isn’t helping, and tries another approach. No always, though, just like me. Doing our best, right?

rockSlayer ,

Amen to that! That’s why I need a foil to rant about, usually societal issues, just so I can let off that steam

NounsAndWords ,

I understand your frustration. It seems the two answers are “try therapy” and practice controlling your thoughts in the moment. Which can be annoying when you’ve already been doing both. I don’t have any better answers unfortunately.

Hestia ,
@Hestia@hexbear.net avatar

Someday they’ll be dead, and I’ll be passing on their grave. Then I’ll be “going with the flow”

Sasuke ,
@Sasuke@hexbear.net avatar

i need to adopt a cat-owner mentality

indepndnt ,

In the movie Point Of No Return, the main character is taught by one of her trainers to say “I never did mind about the little things.” To demonstrate the appropriate use of the phrase, later in the movie a guy shoots her friend then looks at her to see how she’s going to react and she says it to him. Given the time and perspective thus afforded her, she later kills that guy before he kills her.

I dunno, I just think of that phrase a lot. Also I’ve been through a lot of big things that make practically everything seem like Little Things in comparison.

WittyProfileName2 ,
@WittyProfileName2@hexbear.net avatar

I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and then try to envision everything my body just did to take that breath.

The intercostal muscles expanding an’ the diaphragm contracting to make a vacuum in the thoracic cavity.

The air rushing down my trachea, into my bronchus, then into the bronchioles.

The alveoli swelling individually as the air fills 'em.

My lungs filling the vacuum that the muscles created.

It’s a lot of things to keep ahold of all at once, so there ain’t the space in my mind to keep thinking of what annoyed me (until some daft bastard goes and does it again mind you).

agitatedpotato ,

I would love to be able to go, “well that sucks” and just get over it.

From someone who can still go with then flow even when the flow seems like its from a sewage plant: That’s the neat part, I don’t get over it. I can either move forward in a way that’s best for me, or I can just let myself react without thinking about it, get a hollow sense of catharsis, and put myself in a worse situation where I’m gonna need more than a hollow sense of catharsis.

Pulptastic ,

Yeah, it’s about looking forward and never backwards. How can I best move on from here? Clean the shit off the floor and set up some reliable system of cleaning their feet after muddy walks to prevent getting more shit on the floor. Getting angry doesn’t help anything, the pragmatic approach is to fix the now and make it better next time.

MrAlternateTape ,

I have been stressed out about everything in the past, but I worked through a lot of things.

The main thing for me is acceptence. I accept whatever comes at me, and I deal with it.

Missed the bus? I accept that that is the new situation, and then start thinking about how to deal with the consequences. Do I need to inform somebody that I will be later, or do I need to do anything else? Is there a different route I can take?

And what is also important, I watch myself. I make sure I get enough sleep and I have some time for myself to chill. It helps if you are not tired or burned out. I have been tired and burned out and it makes me far more emotional and unpredictable.

I accept that I am not in control of a lot of things. But I can always control my response to those things. If somebody is trying to piss me off, I can stay calm and that puts me in control of the situation.

I also realized that bad moods are contagious. If somebody was in a bad mood around me I would pick it up too. But now I figured, why? I don’t want somebody elses state of mind to control mine. So I accept that they are in a bad mood, and choose to keep my mood going.

I choose to control myself in all circumstances, no matter how crazy, and it makes me happier and less stressed. I’m still not perfect but I feel a lot better a lot of the time.

And it’s a great practice for emergency situations too. I’ve been able to solve some things rather quickly just by not panicking and making the right calls to give some things priority over others.

fruitycoder ,

I sometimes just sit down and figure out why something happened and try to figure out what I could do to fix it. If I was really mad about it I would let myself think about how far I would go to make it happen, what would I give up, what extraordinary lengths I would go to fix it. Normally, most things, are just absurd to think about like that. Like if I really didn’t want my dogs stepping in mud maybe I could get rid of all the dirt in the yard, maybe make a little AI powered spraying bot to wash their feet, maybe get a second job and hire a guy that just hangs out by my back door to wash their feet. If I’m still feeling it, I mean really think about it, I mean maybe there is a way to reduce the dirt outside, maybe a rug to clean their feet, etc. Normally I go “oh that’s WAY too much work” and I just think about the imaginary Tim that would be wiping my dog’s feet instead of me, and it makes me chuckle.

The other one is just comparing the consequences. Like what if I didn’t clean the dog’s feet. They would track mud in for sure, and ? Like, maybe, I get some mud on my feet? Maybe on the couch and on my arms? If I get mud on me, what happens? What’s the consequence of getting muddy? Is it really that bad? Can’t I just wash it off?

The latter is what my therapist helped me with, I worked a life and death kind of job for a bit, where things really had to work just right or people could get really hurt or worse, I was taking that anxiety back with me and applying it to all the little things I also wanted or cared about. I really had to take a step back more on things and go “So what?” to more things, and I got better about being able to role with the little punches again.

brobocop ,

When my depression and adhd where really bad it used to be like that. Do you have any other problems?

Carighan ,
@Carighan@lemmy.world avatar

Best I can tell (no personal experience) is that if your life has serious troubles affecting you, small stuff like some mud in the rooms is one of the comparatively more positive elements of your day. Hence the ability to just laugh and move on.

Bnova ,
@Bnova@hexbear.net avatar

I work in ecology. The amount of times that weather or nature has plans counter to my own has been too great to count. Just gotta go with the flow and deal with the cards you have in a given moment. It doesn’t mean you can’t be upset about something, but at some point you realize that it’s not useful.

MissJinx ,
@MissJinx@lemmy.world avatar

Medication. That’s my secret

Slowy ,
@Slowy@lemmy.world avatar

Are you very low on time? I see this happen to people who feel they just don’t have enough time to get everything done that they need to, and therefore any little delay causes a lot of stress. If you can offload some chores or reduce your activity load that may be some help. But there are other reasons for irritability as well.

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