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People who can don't get mad and just go with the flow, how do you do it?

Here recently it seems like everything just gets under my skin so quickly and easily. It’s not that I get mad and take it out on others, it’s just the fact that I’m constantly annoyed and stressed. Something as simple as the dogs tracking some mud through the house will just ruin my mood. I know some people who would just laugh it off and clean it up. Meanwhile I’ll get pissed that I didn’t wipe their feet and be mad the entire time I’m cleaning it up. This has nothing to do with the dogs, it just an example. Any number of seemingly insignificant things can trigger me like that. Like forgetting something at the store and having to go back. I would love to be able to go, “well that sucks” and just get over it.

shiveyarbles ,

I feel smoking crack helps smooth out the edges

hactar42 OP ,

Seriously, I can’t wait to get out of Texas. I had some edibles in Colorado and they were 10 times better than any prescription anxiety meds I’ve taken. The delta-8/9 crap you can get here just makes my dizzy.

Nemo ,

Oh, by not caring. Apathy is the answer.

hactar42 OP ,

Need to channel my inner Gen x and just go, “whatever”

Breakyfix ,
@Breakyfix@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

cut away from social media and news. it’ll make you a sadder and angrier person and will rarely add anything meaningful to your life.

hactar42 OP ,

I cut out Facebook in 2020 an Twitter when it became X. I can’t tell you how much that has improved my mental state.

Breakyfix ,
@Breakyfix@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

that’s fantastic!! for the media you still consume (youtube, Lemmy, etc.), avoid negative/angry/drama-driven communities and content. focus on positive things you really enjoy, like your hobbies, animals, uplifting news etc.

back when i still used reddit i cut out subreddits like antiwork and mildly infuriating and subbed to scrungy cats and things like that. my feed was so much brighter and it really made a different to my mental state and attitude!

OpenStars , (edited )
@OpenStars@kbin.social avatar

Nobody "never gets mad", they just deal. But your issue speaks to something bubbling underneath the surface, it sounds like (obligatory caveat: I am nowhere near a professional). Figure that shit out bc it's not going away.:-(

Maybe you are worried about your job or partner or something, and this little stupid stuff is just how it comes out, bc you won't allow yourself to be mad about the REAL reason you are currently unhappy. It definitely sounds like it is yourself that you are mad about... but even that could be a smokescreen or like projection or some such, if it were not okay to be mad at someone/something else.

Therapy could help if you could afford it - even just the time bc there are like volunteer orgs that lower the cost - but you can also do a lot on your own, like try to create a safe space where it is okay to be mad about whatever, even if it seems "wrong". Stupid dog tracking stupid dirt on the stupid carpet... why can't I ever do anything right? (Like: I could not even marry someone who I don't highly suspect is cheating on me... WTF!? Or maybe not that, maybe it's a midlife crisis with career, or children, or who knows what else). Eventually your brain will allow you to know what is REALLY bothering you, when telling you that fact will cause a lesser amount of pain than doing so right now would.

IMHO, start with: you are not okay, this is not normal, and things can get much better (REALLY!), but it will take effort and possibly time (depending on how deeply ingrained whatever it is turns out to be).

Gumus ,

I know it’s not a good advice, but having something very serious happen in your life might shift your perspective. In my case, getting (through) cancer made me realize it’s not worth stressing for stupid little things and greatly deepened my stoicism.

hactar42 OP ,

I’m sorry you had to go through that but glad to hear it helped you on the long run. It is definitely something I try to remember.

My father-in-law, who was a very successful banker, told me before I married his daughter that he would give everything back to spend more time with his daughters when they were younger.

shani66 ,

What can i say, the dude abides

hactar42 OP ,

The dude is spirit animals, or at least the one I aspire to be.

Ithorian ,
@Ithorian@hexbear.net avatar

I feel weird recommending medication but I had the same problem for like 3 years (since my mental breakdown) I got put on new meds about 4 months ago and holy shit have they been life changing. That constant anger isn’t there anymore, some times I still have a bad day, but its not ever present annoyed at the world anymore.

hactar42 OP ,

My doctor actually prescribed me some meds to help me sleep. But instead of something like ambient or trazadone that just knock you out, this one is designed to help sleep problems caused by anxiety. I took it for the first time last week and woke up feeling refreshed for the first time in years. Which in turn has helped my entire mood.

watson387 ,
@watson387@sopuli.xyz avatar

I went through periods like that off and on my entire life until I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 30s. What I’ve come to find out is that generally those periods have an underlying cause. Figure out/tend to the cause, and these effects lessen drastically.

Everyone is different so that may not necessarily apply to you, but I’m hoping that describing my experience may help you in some way.

IanAtCambio ,

Marijuana

Phen ,

A silver lining in having a bunch of mental disorders.

Th4tGuyII , (edited )
@Th4tGuyII@kbin.social avatar

I know your feeling - though I find it hard to truly lose my temper, I do tend to stress out easily and start venting outloud.

I feel like externalising my stressors is the only way to let them go, even if nobody wants to listen, otherwise I just end up bottling things up.

cheese_greater , (edited )

Can you give us a little anecdote or vignette of a recent situation?

Re:dogs - It sounds like you might need to set boundaries with your dogs and whomever allows them outside so there is a procedure everybody (including dogs) is aware of and knows needs to happen that you have put together to avoid having this problem again.

Anger is a sign that we feel we being treated unfairly or things are happening that we believe are not acceptable to continue happening. I would encourage you to make friends with your anger and allow it to illuminate that which needs to be examined or altered so your anger doesn’t need to pay it further attention as you work to resolve the discrepancy

Anger is really good at intuiting that the equation isn’t adding up and that there is a miscalculation that you must rebalance in order to discharge its responsibilities. Until that happens, anger will be wherever you go and be activated by more and more related and unrelated things.

Edit: I had a small breakthrough just now grappling with this question, thanks OP, lets have another if you like

TheLobotomist ,
@TheLobotomist@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

You should probably focus on the problem/problems underneath, this is probably just an epiphenomenon

leds ,

Get checked for vitamin deficits?

AnneBonny ,

Here recently it seems like everything just gets under my skin so quickly and easily. It’s not that I get mad and take it out on others, it’s just the fact that I’m constantly annoyed and stressed.

Are you annoyed and stressed because everything gets under your skin, or does everything get under your skin because you are constantly annoyed and stressed?

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