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People who can don't get mad and just go with the flow, how do you do it?

Here recently it seems like everything just gets under my skin so quickly and easily. It’s not that I get mad and take it out on others, it’s just the fact that I’m constantly annoyed and stressed. Something as simple as the dogs tracking some mud through the house will just ruin my mood. I know some people who would just laugh it off and clean it up. Meanwhile I’ll get pissed that I didn’t wipe their feet and be mad the entire time I’m cleaning it up. This has nothing to do with the dogs, it just an example. Any number of seemingly insignificant things can trigger me like that. Like forgetting something at the store and having to go back. I would love to be able to go, “well that sucks” and just get over it.

rockSlayer ,

Once upon a time, I had anger issues and would get pissed at anyone for any reason. I have 3 main self-help tricks, but keep in mind that self-help can only go so far.

  1. The moment you notice it, stop everything and reflect on if it’s worth being upset about. Everything is deserving of some amount of irritation, but only the big things are worth getting irritated about.
  2. Practice mindfulness. Check in on yourself every so often during the day to see how you feel. If you’re in a bad mood, try to identify why first. If it’s a general feeling and not a specific cause, take about 10 minutes to pause your day and focus on breathing.
  3. Redirect those feelings towards something that deserves it. Righteous anger is a very strong tool, and fighting the things that are the focus of that anger is highly rewarding because it often leaves a positive impact. As an example, I have a lot of righteous anger towards the way my coworkers and I are being treated. To fight that anger I’m helping to form a union. It’s rewarding to see people realize that they deserve better
grabyourmotherskeys ,

I always ask my son if getting angry is helping. He usually stops, realizes it isn’t helping, and tries another approach. No always, though, just like me. Doing our best, right?

rockSlayer ,

Amen to that! That’s why I need a foil to rant about, usually societal issues, just so I can let off that steam

Behaviorbabe ,

Hmm. I work in a high stress field. As in, behavioral modification. I get hit a lot. It does impact me over time. So what I do to manage my emotions is taking the time to take it easy on myself. I make that space. One hour after work every day (not counting the drive) where I am just alone with my thoughts and doomscrolling before I let anyone else place any demands on me (myself included). You sound a little bit like me before I burned out originally a few years ago and put some boundaries in place where self-care is concerned. That one hour did wonders.

_danny ,

There’s a really good book that helped me put my own realizations into more concrete terms.

www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/25898044

And this book literally changed how I view behavior and how to permanently change behavior: www.goodreads.com/book/show/22544758-triggers

hactar42 OP ,

Thanks, those both look interesting. I’ve already ordered the first one.

andy_wijaya_med ,
@andy_wijaya_med@lemmy.world avatar

Buddha said, when you’re angry, count to ten. When you’re still angry, count another ten.

Seriously though, most of the time getting mad isn’t worth it. It makes you look bad, makes you inefficient and at the same time makes you and other people feel bad. It’s overall, if we are thinking logically, a negative condition/ situation to be in. Getting angry/ mad brings nothing to the table.

Try to think like this, every time you’re about to get mad: is getting mad brings anything? Would it change the situation? Can the things already happened be undone? Do I have other choices other than accepting it and fixing the situation? What should I do next? Once you can think like that, calmly, I am sure that you can stop getting mad.

The problem is, most of the time/ very often, you’re not even aware that you’re angry/ getting angry, and you let your emotions take control of you. That’s why you have to train yourself to be aware of your thoughts/ feelings most of the time, and in that way you can react accordingly, consciously, doing what would be your best action/ most logical action. Some people can achieve this through practicing meditation. I’m sure, once you are more aware on what and how you feel most of the time, you would be able to control your actions/ emotions much better.

Infynis ,
@Infynis@midwest.social avatar

I don’t get mad, but I can’t really offer you any advice. I’m just a guy. It’s just how I am. I went to a therapist when I was in high school because I don’t really have any strong emotions at all, and I was worried something was wrong with me, but he told me it’s just how I am, and that one day, when I have a partner, I’ll “…either be their rock, or drive them insane.”

I proposed to her today. Turns out, that was an inclusive “or”.

Breakyfix ,
@Breakyfix@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

cut away from social media and news. it’ll make you a sadder and angrier person and will rarely add anything meaningful to your life.

hactar42 OP ,

I cut out Facebook in 2020 an Twitter when it became X. I can’t tell you how much that has improved my mental state.

Breakyfix ,
@Breakyfix@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

that’s fantastic!! for the media you still consume (youtube, Lemmy, etc.), avoid negative/angry/drama-driven communities and content. focus on positive things you really enjoy, like your hobbies, animals, uplifting news etc.

back when i still used reddit i cut out subreddits like antiwork and mildly infuriating and subbed to scrungy cats and things like that. my feed was so much brighter and it really made a different to my mental state and attitude!

Nemo ,

Oh, by not caring. Apathy is the answer.

hactar42 OP ,

Need to channel my inner Gen x and just go, “whatever”

CommunistBear ,

Admittedly I’m usually drunk or high but an overwhelming disposition of “it do be like that” seems to help the bullshit slide off

shiveyarbles ,

I feel smoking crack helps smooth out the edges

hactar42 OP ,

Seriously, I can’t wait to get out of Texas. I had some edibles in Colorado and they were 10 times better than any prescription anxiety meds I’ve taken. The delta-8/9 crap you can get here just makes my dizzy.

shani66 ,

What can i say, the dude abides

hactar42 OP ,

The dude is spirit animals, or at least the one I aspire to be.

Gumus ,

I know it’s not a good advice, but having something very serious happen in your life might shift your perspective. In my case, getting (through) cancer made me realize it’s not worth stressing for stupid little things and greatly deepened my stoicism.

hactar42 OP ,

I’m sorry you had to go through that but glad to hear it helped you on the long run. It is definitely something I try to remember.

My father-in-law, who was a very successful banker, told me before I married his daughter that he would give everything back to spend more time with his daughters when they were younger.

OpenStars , (edited )
@OpenStars@kbin.social avatar

Nobody "never gets mad", they just deal. But your issue speaks to something bubbling underneath the surface, it sounds like (obligatory caveat: I am nowhere near a professional). Figure that shit out bc it's not going away.:-(

Maybe you are worried about your job or partner or something, and this little stupid stuff is just how it comes out, bc you won't allow yourself to be mad about the REAL reason you are currently unhappy. It definitely sounds like it is yourself that you are mad about... but even that could be a smokescreen or like projection or some such, if it were not okay to be mad at someone/something else.

Therapy could help if you could afford it - even just the time bc there are like volunteer orgs that lower the cost - but you can also do a lot on your own, like try to create a safe space where it is okay to be mad about whatever, even if it seems "wrong". Stupid dog tracking stupid dirt on the stupid carpet... why can't I ever do anything right? (Like: I could not even marry someone who I don't highly suspect is cheating on me... WTF!? Or maybe not that, maybe it's a midlife crisis with career, or children, or who knows what else). Eventually your brain will allow you to know what is REALLY bothering you, when telling you that fact will cause a lesser amount of pain than doing so right now would.

IMHO, start with: you are not okay, this is not normal, and things can get much better (REALLY!), but it will take effort and possibly time (depending on how deeply ingrained whatever it is turns out to be).

watson387 ,
@watson387@sopuli.xyz avatar

I went through periods like that off and on my entire life until I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 30s. What I’ve come to find out is that generally those periods have an underlying cause. Figure out/tend to the cause, and these effects lessen drastically.

Everyone is different so that may not necessarily apply to you, but I’m hoping that describing my experience may help you in some way.

IanAtCambio ,

Marijuana

Phen ,

A silver lining in having a bunch of mental disorders.

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