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People who can don't get mad and just go with the flow, how do you do it?

Here recently it seems like everything just gets under my skin so quickly and easily. It’s not that I get mad and take it out on others, it’s just the fact that I’m constantly annoyed and stressed. Something as simple as the dogs tracking some mud through the house will just ruin my mood. I know some people who would just laugh it off and clean it up. Meanwhile I’ll get pissed that I didn’t wipe their feet and be mad the entire time I’m cleaning it up. This has nothing to do with the dogs, it just an example. Any number of seemingly insignificant things can trigger me like that. Like forgetting something at the store and having to go back. I would love to be able to go, “well that sucks” and just get over it.

Hazzia ,

The way you’ve phrased this sounds like this isn’t just your default state throughout your life. Is there maybe a much larger stressor that’s sapping your emotional energy and making your trigger shorter? If that’s the case, resolving your feelings around that stressor would probably be most effective.

You could also just be exhausted or burnt out, at which point the only way you can actually make things better is by getting a proper break. Obviously some people’s life circumstances don’t really allow for that, so any small changes of getting help where you can is recommended.

lole ,

Being mad sucks. If something bad happens it sucks. If I’m mad about the bad thing that happened then I already got two things that suck. I like to minimize the suck.

GutsBerserk ,

I have this marvelous quote saved in my phone:

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

  • Marcus Aurelius
420stalin69 ,

I pretend I’m in a zoo observing people, which I guess is called disassociation.

_edge ,

That sounds fun. Look at those apes hitting each other with stones. And nuclear bombs. How playful!

Camille ,
@Camille@lemmy.ml avatar

I never thought about dissociating this way :O I’ll give it a try next time I feel the meltdown coming

brobocop ,

When my depression and adhd where really bad it used to be like that. Do you have any other problems?

Carighan ,
@Carighan@lemmy.world avatar

Best I can tell (no personal experience) is that if your life has serious troubles affecting you, small stuff like some mud in the rooms is one of the comparatively more positive elements of your day. Hence the ability to just laugh and move on.

Evia ,
@Evia@lemmy.world avatar

Everything that Salman said.

This sounds exactly like me and my partner: a small thing can ruin his day and it ruins my day because then I have to put up with his bad mood. What’s helped him was some intense solution-based therapy to address his shitty childhood as well as an awareness that several ‘bad’ things in a row is just a coincidence and not the world (his family) out to get him.

With our kids, I’m making sure to say ‘oh well’ and not fix it immediately everytime a mild frustration happens. They see their dad getting upset and have started to copy his behaviours so we’re trying to encourage them to just brush things off before they get stuck in the mindset.

space_comrade ,

Do these feelings of anger linger for long? Personally I’m like you in the sense that tiny inconveniences piss me off but I also drop those feelings pretty quickly and go on with my day, it’s like a very short spike of anger and then back to normal, I just kinda remind myself it’s not a huge deal and go on with my life. I think it’s healthy to feel the anger just don’t dwell on it for long.

micnd90 ,

Play fighting games. It’ll teach you how to manage the salt economy within your body

yewtu.be/watch?v=gfc1MRVmJYs

keepcarrot ,

Worse things happen to better people (but also I am too tired for angry a lot of the time).

There are some psych things to do, breathing exercises etc. but honestly a lot of people who seem to have a hair trigger have a lot that’s already brimming under the surface. Of course, some people are just entitled shits that get angry about every tiny thing that doesn’t go their way and should probably reflect on whether they expect everything should go their way and if anger is helping them or their community. Sometimes anger is a totally justified response.

shinigamiookamiryuu ,

Sometimes the best opportunities to show how you feel are not the immediate opportunities.

theneverfox ,

Personally, I think it’s about managing expectations. You can blame the dogs, or you could laugh it off and blame yourself for not handling the situation… I find it easier to manage self-blame than to try to suppress my anger at others

bartolomeo ,
@bartolomeo@suppo.fi avatar

Are you getting enough sleep and nutritious food? It’s critical to have the basics covered.

We have zero control over the first thought that comes to mind, so don’t sweat it if it’s an angry one. A few deep breaths really helps, even if the head (which wants to get angry and rage) says it won’t do anything.

Evilsandwichman ,

Um…I just stay away from people to avoid the unexpected and I always stay home. I’m extremely predictable myself (you could set your watch to me) so I’m never concerned about my end, but other people can be unpredictable so I tend to avoid. I’m also not a pet person, so that’s not an issue either. Driving to and from work is my greatest unpredictability factor.

Bnova ,
@Bnova@hexbear.net avatar

I work in ecology. The amount of times that weather or nature has plans counter to my own has been too great to count. Just gotta go with the flow and deal with the cards you have in a given moment. It doesn’t mean you can’t be upset about something, but at some point you realize that it’s not useful.

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