I wasn’t actively aware of this for most of my life until I recently visited a clients office. Buying someone a cup of coffee is an entire thing. There’s no free coffee. You have to purchase every single cup. And you first have to walk several minutes to the place where they sell the coffee. It blew my mind. I’m used to drinking one cup after the other without even giving it any thought. Coffee machine right next to me or around the corner. There, coffee incurs friction and cost.
So when you invite someone for a cup of free coffee, this can open doors for you. I’m not kidding. People get all excited when you offer them a coffee break on your dime. And there’s levels to it too. There’s the regular coffee, and there’s the premium one. For the premium you have to walk longer and wait in line until the barista serves you.
It’s a key component in office politics when coffee access is regulated.
Why anyone would restrict access to legal stimulants in the office is unclear to me though. Put espresso machines on every desk!
Agreeing with others. Enjoy being alone, enjoy having fun what you want to do, and masturbate. Life has a funny way of working out when you stop giving a fuck and focus on enjoying life.
I agree with the be happy to be alone advice. That part is very important. However, a practical thing you can do, which you probably already know is hitting the gym.
It serves two purposes
It makes you slightly more attractive
It makes you aware that you are attractive
The second one is the more important one, but it can’t be attained without the first. You gain immense confidence by seeing yourself in a new light, as somebody that you yourself think is attractive. Going to the gym is also doable for most people, and while it is hard work it’s not difficult.
Ten years ago I started going to the gym. I gained a lot of confidence. I stopped going after a few years, but the fact that I know I can boost my attractiveness and confidence if I put in the work still makes me a happier, more confident person.
You only want to date attractive women. You aren’t attracted to many women. Those ones don’t seem attracted to you.
Does that sound right?
That’s a nonstandard combination, and that’s ok. You might be Ace, but not Aro. An Ace person (or someone elsewhere on the sexuality spectrum) could hold women to a high beauty standard for aesthetic reasons. While still having low requirements for the romantic side (i.e. be willing to compromise to get romance)
Figuring out yourself will then dictate your dating approach. If you are Ace, then finding a beautiful Ace girlfriend is not the same approach as finding a straight one.
All I know is, my desire for sex would (did) easily override some arbitrary beauty requirement. I think most generic straight guys would agree. So if this isn’t happening, it’s worth your time to ask why.
I really wish people would stop commenting that someone has this or that identity when they just want a normal life. Having trouble finding a girlfriend? Maybe you don’t want sex! Like what? Stop normalizing this.
I agree with the others but here is some advice when you are happy being alone.
Don’t let the search for a gf become a large part of your life again. I was on all the dating apps and whatnot thinking I was ready to have a gf and I still think I was. But the search started consuming me i spent an hour or two a day reading profiles and going through pictures to try to find the right one. i would read the bios of girls and think about how perfect we would be together and swipe on them. If a girl swipped on me even if she wasn’t up to my standards I would swipe just because… maybe if I give her a chance… it would work.
After maybe a year of that, numerous dates and spiraling depression I realized what it was doing to me. I found a half way decent dating app and canceled all the other subscriptions. Then I just started trading it as a game, 5/10 minutes here or there throughout the week and that was it. I was in a much better place. Fast forward 3 months and my gf actually swiped on me, fast forward a year and we are expecting our first kid.
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