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@wilbr@glitch.social cover
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wilbr

@[email protected]

I program and do infosec/privacy, and like resisting all forms of oppression, thinking about creating good systems, and homesteading.

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filmfreak75 , to actuallyautistic
@filmfreak75@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic question for the community -- how do you deal with an onslaught of toxic positivity at work?

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@Theriac @actuallyautistic @filmfreak75 https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=657668612390478&set=a.283667906457219

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic firstly, boundaries. It's a red flag so limit your involvement to things that are less likely to produce actually toxic situations that affect you. Boundaries are promises to your future self about avoiding harm and don't actually need to be stated; boundaries are not rules for others, but signals for you to disengage.

Secondly, sincerity, "realness," a genuine desire to be a good colleague but not necessarily going with the flow to smooth over tension.

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic #2 may ruffle feathers: having backup plans in place so you don't get sucked into toxic situations but don't "bad attitude" yourself out of a job is a good idea. Practice clear, loving, but truthful communication on small things so that when it's a big thing you're experienced: true care isn't shown by papering over uncomfortable truths! We can show care by kindly being honest.

autism101 , to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Watching the same show over-and-over again is one way I regulate the autistic side of my brain. But the ADHD side sure gets bored sometimes.

Do you watch any shows on repeat?

@actuallyautistic

image: @NoNonsenseND

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@roadriverrail @pilum @autism101 @actuallyautistic it's evergreen too, stuck on the belly of a flailing neoliberal empire. I've always been more interested in being the tavernkeeper in a fantasy story than the swordsman, Quark and Odo really flesh out the show and let us get introduced to the "regular" parts of the world that TNG really struggled to, always being on shore leave at best: visitors but not inhabitants

poloniousmonk , to actuallyautistic
@poloniousmonk@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @autistic[email protected]

What is this "mask", what do y'all mean by "masking"?

Like, what's the difference between a mask and a public persona?

Both my parents are pretty autistic and in total denial about it. Lacking siblings, cousins, a culture, or human contact, I really have no frame of reference for this stuff.

Thanks.

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@poloniousmonk @Dianora @sentient_water @punishmenthurts @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @autistic[email protected] what's "cogging?"

KitMuse , to actuallyautistic
@KitMuse@eponaauthor.social avatar

I'm going to throw this out there and it may sound a bit controversial, but keep in mind I have nearly 20 years's experience as an entrepreneur. Is there ANYONE who works with business owners or business owners who don't just regurgitate the same allistic/neurotypical "marketing advice" that's sold all over the groups and "free offers"? Because I'm not seeing anyone doing anything different from the NTs. @actuallyautistic @actuallyautistics

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@KitMuse @actuallyautistic @actuallyautistics I work for a company that mostly exists via word of mouth and delivering a decent solution to a selection of problems. They work with customers to create solutions and then sell them, vs making shiny products and convincing people to buy them. I think the most honest way to market yourself is like an artisan putting their sign up on the boardwalk, not buying into the "influencer" hype etc just doing decent work and letting people see it.

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Many autistic people struggle with “multiple choice” and “select the right answer” exam questions. A key reason for this is that the options available can feel - to our brains - like such vague simplifications or awkwardly worded answers that they all feel somewhat incorrect. 1/2

@actuallyautistic

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@Susan60 @ckent @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic being born and growing up is also inherently traumatic even if you have perfect parents which is impossible. Like let's say you have a completely trauma free childhood by some miracle and then the next day you get your first job at McDonald's...

JeremyMallin , to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

How many fellow Autistics have never lied on a job application, never lied on a CV, never lied on tax forms? 🙋‍♂️

Is doing that expected? Is it required? Is not doing that handicapping us? Do you too feel almost unable to do that?



@actuallyautistic

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic never had to, telling the best version of the truth and omitting the least-charitable details (without omitting anything actually being asked) is generally good enough.

seanwithwords , to actuallyautistic
@seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

Late-identified people, I'd love to hear what your meltdowns look like.

I feel like much of my time is spent with disregulated body sensations. I often feel an urge to DO something but I get so twisted up in executive function indecision-making + ableist shame/judgement about looking "wrong," and with 5 decades of "moving with the sole purpose of not being noticed," that I only melt down on the inside.

@actuallyautistic

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@miaoue @seanwithwords @actuallyautistic I think while it's not good to fully lose control and injure anything it's also not good to emotionally repress to the point of exploding. So a middle ground of like noticing, acknowledging, feeling, and observing the raw body sensations, letting them pass by without getting emotionally entangled with them, OR expressing them in a safe way like shaking, rocking, screaming into a pillow, etc, is better than denying and suppressing and then losing it later.

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@miaoue @seanwithwords @actuallyautistic for my partner for example things have gotten 50% better simply by being able to say what they need in the moment, or make some comment to express themselves at the time rather than bottle it up. Otherwise the masking is so effective that even I have no idea that anything's wrong until a week later when it all comes out in an extreme torrent.

AutisticAdam , (edited ) to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

A big part of being autistic for me is being very intentional with my word choices in order to say what I mean and mean what I say.

To follow that up I then start having a bunch of people claim I said something I absolutely did not because they chose to add additional meanings they made up themselves.

@actuallyautistic

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@daedalousilios @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic AuDHD here with more monkey wrenches: I try to be very intentional and will edit text messages or rehearse conversations to try and be very precise, but none of my battle plans survive contact with verbal interactions, so what comes out of my mouth and what I hear are often only a riff on the theme of what was intended. Get two undiagnosed AuDHD people in a room together and you have a good old fashioned nerd holy war ;)

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@daedalousilios @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic another monkey wrench in "words should have direct meaning" is that NT people of average intelligence and life experience often interact in what are essentially cultural idioms, not a well documented information exchange. This precisely is what gives rise to such interactions as "you think you're smart, doncha?" "no, my IQ is typical, I'm merely trying to be correct." "look at this city boy, thinks he's more correct than us"

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@daedalousilios @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic sounds like someone with a complex on top of whatever neurology they've got, the only way that "I'm sorry you've got it tough" means "you're incompetent and can't handle things" is when their confidence is out of alignment with their self image

clayrivers , to blackmastodon
@clayrivers@mastodon.world avatar

💛 “The Redux: If Not Now, White Folks, When?”

I’m not a fan of the term “ally” as it has a performative ring. It implies doing as opposed to being. But I’ve come to accept the word as a metonym for a larger concept: good people. Better people.
—@clayrivers

@BigAngBlack
@blackmastodon
@BlackMastodon

https://www.ohfweekly.org/vol-5-no-34/

wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@violetmadder @clayrivers @BigAngBlack @blackmastodon @BlackMastodon I had to read this https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/06/the-case-for-reparations/361631/ and watch "13th" to really be fully convinced that not only was it all evil, but it's continuing through today, and it's intentional, and its perpetrators will admit it on camera when they don't think they'll suffer for it. (Gingrich has nearly singlehandedly destroyed any semblance of democracy in America, for example, and he willingly participates in the interview.)

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wilbr ,
@wilbr@glitch.social avatar

@punkjackdow @obrerx @actuallyautistic my wife found What My Bones Know to me more relatable. bell hooks is also just generally a really good read for unpacking a lot of what's sick and needs healing.

Having someone trusted to talk to when reading either Body or Bones is a good idea, if you have PTSD each chapter is a trigger and you want regular and as-needed grounding.

https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/cptsd

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