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jared

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olena , to actuallyautistic
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

Had a big videocall at work today and suddenly realized I am avoiding eye contact even in videocalls. Like, I subconsciously avoid looking at people who are looking at the camera, even if they are those who’re talking. I look at those who look away, I look at those who sit too far from the camera to actually see where they’re looking, I look at myself, I look at Slack’s UI, I constantly remind myself to not look over the screen, but can’t help glancing. Anything but looking at those who seemingly look at me. Even though they are not actually here and most time in those group calls it means they are not actually looking at me.
Other folks, do you find it easier to look people in the eyes in video-calls or do you struggle with it too?
@actuallyautistic

jared ,
@jared@spookykitties.com avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic haha! I actually tested this on myself recently. Had a one on one with a professor a couple weeks ago, and I thought to myself what the harm would be in just seeing how I would react to turning my camera on. Found that I had no issues with showing myself(thank you mid-30s), but I avoided eye contact as much as possible.

jared ,
@jared@spookykitties.com avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic I have long wondered if whatever I look at gives the impression of eye contact. I think I have mentioned before how I was blissfully unaware for years that I never made eye contact, only learning when my Dad noticed in my late teens.

olena , to actuallyautistic
@olena@genomic.social avatar

I hate working in openspaces with no option to go to a quiet place. Right now there are two phone calls and three conversations around me in a mix of four languages(I know all, and my brain choses randomly on which sounds to focus), and the task documentation I’m writing right now has to have very careful and precise wording, and I keep re-reading the same paragraph over and over again and don’t even get what I’m saying.

@actuallyautistic

jared ,
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@olena @actuallyautistic I realized that I had nothing helpful to say as my dislike of open floor plans kept intruding. So, instead, here are some Penguin pics from my test of adding Penguin Yellow to one of my room lights.

A fluffy black cat with bright eyes sitting on a cat tree, with a helmet and other items in the background.

olena , to actuallyautistic
@olena@genomic.social avatar

Not sure why, but I realized that recently my side kinda outweighs my side. I get overwhelmed much easier, I got more intense shutdowns, but I keep up with certain routines better. Maybe it has something to do with aging, maybe with living alone, or with learning to better recognize my needs and letting myself be instead of masking 24/7. I wonder if other people notice the balance changed with age or lifestyle changes
@actuallyautistic

jared ,
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@olena @actuallyautistic for me, it is age plus knowledge. I spent years treating it as strictly a mental health problem. When I started looking at it under the AuDHD context things started to make more sense. Instead of it wandering around on auto pilot, I work with it instead of against it. It is still a progression. I think I have mentioned before that the entire reason I am even able to send this msg is because my brain progressed enough unlock lifelong barriers

olena , to random
@olena@genomic.social avatar

What being is like.
I decided to make miso-glazed eggplants for dinner. I usually make them with some sesame seeds. This time when I was almost done, I couldn’t find the sesame. I know I have at least two different packs somewhere. I found none on my seeds shelf, I wasn’t able to find any from the first try in my a bit too well-stocked pantry cabinets. So I got upset, finished making them as is, and don’t want them for dinner anymore, and am now cooking eggplants with za’atar

jared ,
@jared@spookykitties.com avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic yeah, days like that are no fun. Both of mine do the same thing in occasion, so I know the feeling very well. My last one was over simple rice that I had rushed to make for fried rice, only to discover while cooking the fried rice that it was sightly more wet than it should be. My whole belief in my cooking ability crumbled to dust for the day, and I ended up tossing the rice. Meltdown days are no fun, and i am sorry to hear about your bad day

jared ,
@jared@spookykitties.com avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic oddly, I actually ended up turning that experience into a teaching experience for myself. My mom never washed rice, so the concept of doing so baffled me for a long time. To prevent a repeat of soggy rice, I spent a week making sure I could make rice perfectly

olena , to actuallyautistic
@olena@genomic.social avatar

I’ve heard today that people don’t form habits, they create routines.
I thought of my ‘useful habits’ - and yeah, right, they are routines.
But then I thought: well, what’s the difference then? What is a habit if NOT a routine?
Can anyone help me with examples of what may be a habit, but not a routine?

@actuallyautistic

jared ,
@jared@spookykitties.com avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic to further my history of cat examples, I have a Dazzle example. Our bath time petting session is an example. For her, it is a habit. She wanders down at approximately the same time every single day looking for me, whether I am there or not. It is an automatic, unconscious event. On the flip side, it is routine for me. There may be some consistency, but I have to consciously decide to go up with her, and even get upstairs at all

jared ,
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@olena @actuallyautistic Penguin and Dazzle are thankfully quite forgiving no matter how much I joke about them getting very serious upset at me for missing routines. Penguin especially. About the only consistent time based events for me are waking up a 1445 even if I want more sleep and being upstairs soon after. Me being late doesn't interfere with Dazzle as she is just taking her dinner waiting nap and can interrupt that

A black and white cat lying on its back on a carpeted floor, with a person's hand resting on the cat's belly.

olena , to actuallyautistic
@olena@genomic.social avatar

I totally can’t play any games where I have to control character movements(especially first-person) by WASD, arrows, gamepads, joysticks etc. Point and click is my everything. Is it something people often struggle with, or is it my personal problem? If - is it something more typical for or ? Or should I check some other flavor?
@actuallyautistic

jared ,
@jared@spookykitties.com avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic i only have a small sample size to work with, but in my family success as character movement is tied more to access to practice at a young age. My two older sisters who had limited access have more trouble compared to me and my two younger sisters who had lots. True for my older 3 nephews, with the age of familiarity getting younger with each one. All of us are some combo of ND

olena , to actuallyautistic
@olena@genomic.social avatar

I find it extremely hard to ask for accommodations (much harder than even asking first help). Like, I don’t want to be perceived as arrogant and entitled, I don’t want to bother other people, I think other people don’t owe me anything, so I kinda don’t feel like I have a right to ask. Like, it’s my problem, I shouldn’t turn it into theirs.
I wonder how other folks feel about that. Do you think it’s something we’ve been taught?
@actuallyautistic

jared ,
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@olena @actuallyautistic I have a more extensive reply that I will write after I sleep.

I have this issue. It is such annoying thing. Back when I started oxygen I started it partially by choice after a passing comment from my old pulmonary doc. I had been hoping for a long time at that point that someone would finally offer the option to me because I couldn't ask for it myself. I had to essentially ask my mom to give my brain permission to ask my doc before I could.

jared ,
@jared@spookykitties.com avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic part of it seems to be a belief that if I can technically do something, then I don't have the right to ask for help. A big one for me is handicap parking. I more than qualify for a permanent handicap plate if I wanted one. I had one before I moved to Virginia. But it to me so long to ask for it then and I haven't replaced it in nearly 3 years. Why? Because technically I can get into places from other parking, it is just extremely exhausting

jared ,
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@olena @actuallyautistic I can't even convince myself to ask my sisters family for help on a lot of things because they already help me with so much and I feel bad that I can't help them as much in return. This is despite me knowing full well that my nephews love helping me, my BIL is happy to help me, and my sister keeps watch over me to help me when I need it.

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