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@gremlinchild@mas.to cover
@gremlinchild@mas.to avatar

gremlinchild

@[email protected]

Weird nerd. #ActuallyAutistic. Introvert. Anxious all the time. Trying for #BodyAcceptance, not always succeeding.

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masukomi , to actuallyautistic
@masukomi@connectified.com avatar

Today’s pondering of ridiculous allistic social rules:

Why is it socially inappropriate to wear a bra in public but socially acceptable to wear a bikini top which is likely to have even less fabric?

@actuallyautistic

gremlinchild ,
@gremlinchild@mas.to avatar

@ScriptFanix @masukomi @actuallyautistic How much of a nono?
I'm the same as your gf & gave up wearing bras 4 years ago. I wonder if people judge me for it but so far no-one has ever said anything. They might look at me weirdly I guess but I'm generally oblivious.

gremlinchild , to random
@gremlinchild@mas.to avatar

Did anyone else's female family members teach them how to "be feminine"? Like, style their hair, do their makeup, wear dresses?
I was a tomboy until years after I moved away from home & in hindsight I think it just felt safer & easier.
For a long time, I resented my mother & aunts because none of them ever sat me down & taught me how to be a girl or woman. I'd look at my friends & younger sisters & it was obvious that they'd gotten the message.
1/2

hauchvonstaub , to random German
@hauchvonstaub@nrw.social avatar

If you haven't seen the latest stream from HealthyGamerGG on autism yet, you haven't missed anything.

Of course a lot of autistic people will praise it, because he talks about how hard autistic people have it (or in his case "peope with autism", he even says directly that you're not an autist, but a person with autism in the video), but it's just a reiteration of the "standard informations" on the topic through a medicalised lense.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-s6WeLOOck

gremlinchild ,
@gremlinchild@mas.to avatar

@hauchvonstaub @actuallyautistic
I swear to god, a bunch of the high-/low-functioning nonsense just seems to relate to how well you can mask & how dedicated to it you are. 🤦‍♀️

WestCoastWitch , to actuallyautistic
@WestCoastWitch@pagan.plus avatar

I need autistic validation, friends. Comments from NT folks unwelcome (self DX is valid here). NT's totally welcome to read along to learn.

Person 1: I might be interested in you, let's explore that.
Person 2 (autistic): Oh sure! I think you're neat and I'm super demi, so let's explore.

explores a bit via chatting and whatnot, then meet for dinner along with some other folks

Person 2: Was really nice to meet you!
Person 1: Yeah, always nice to get together with friends!
more niceties exchanged, chatting about the dinner
Person 1: You know you can ask for clarity any time you want? I'll be nice.
Person 2 (autistic but not an idiot): Uhh, I guess I'll ask if you're still interested?
Person 1: No, I think just friends.

Person 2 - ruminates on this HARD for a long time (days), devotes much brain energy into figure out why this Feels Bad™

Person 2: It feels a lot like manipulation. You putting me into the vulnerable position of having to ask you, instead of just telling me. I don't really want to discuss this at this point, but I just had to tell you it felt bad.

Person 1: I thought I had been clear but you weren't getting it. So I was giving you space to ask for clarity.

Person 2: implodes in autistic fury

A) boundary clearly set: don't want to discuss this with you at this point -> person 1 can't help themselves but respond to defend themselves

B) when has "being really clear" about something meant anything other than JUST SAYING THE THING. Subtext isn't clear, saying the thing is clear.

If it wasn't clear, I'm Person 2 and I'm really angry. At the manipulation and at what feels at least gas-lighting adjacent combined with the boundary violation.

@actuallyautistic

gremlinchild ,
@gremlinchild@mas.to avatar

@WestCoastWitch @actuallyautistic I would definitely end up feeling bad about this but probably more that I felt I failed a test because I'd been made to feel like I should have picked up on their interest veering from potentially romantic to "/just friends.
Why couldn't they have just said during or at the end of the date "hey, I know I said I might be interested but I feel like we should just be friends"?

gremlinchild ,
@gremlinchild@mas.to avatar

@WestCoastWitch @actuallyautistic Also the way it's laid out above makes me think that theirs is the opinion that really matters. Or they're the only one who gets to choose if romance doesn't happen.
🤔 I'm not sure I'm phrasing it right but it's almost like they're the only adult in the conversation.

sebwhatever , to actuallyautistic
@sebwhatever@mastodon.social avatar

I don't post memes but I feel seen.
@actuallyautistic

gremlinchild ,
@gremlinchild@mas.to avatar

@sebwhatever @actuallyautistic That's an interesting take. I always assumed that the lack of an answer is because asking for an explanation is deviating from the script. They tell you that you did wrong & you're supposed to feel bad about it, not approach it objectively as something that could be improved or changed.

Murdoc , to actuallyadhd
@Murdoc@vivaldi.net avatar

Does anyone else do this? I notice that when I get a notification that someone has favorited or boosted something I have written, I often read what I wrote. Sometimes it's because it's been a while and I don't remember what they are referring to (so happens with replies too sometimes), but most often it is because my mind wants to see what I wrote from their perspective. I don't know if it's just trying to see things from someone else's point of view, reinforcing with myself that what I wrote was a good thing, like feedback so I can do more of that later, or if I'm just being self-congratulatory. Or some combination even. 🤷 I just notice that it's a strong habit.
@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd @actuallyadhd

gremlinchild ,
@gremlinchild@mas.to avatar

@dyani @Murdoc @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd @actuallyadhd I think this is the main reason behind my re-reading of my own words too.
Also I like stringing together a good sentence or paragraph & when I get the opportunity to review something I wrote that works well, it just feels good. Until I find a typo that I missed. 😵

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