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LilyoftheRally

@[email protected]

I came here from reddit (same username). Pronouns she/they. 33/East Coast USA. #BlackLivesMatter. Political affiliations considered progressive and am also a Pokemon gaming fan, please don't follow if that bothers you. I am bisexual, have a visibly disabled partner, and am invisibly disabled myself. Trans people are welcome here. No profile banner or photo yet, sorry. I may boost posts about US politics, and may swear occassionally. May contain NSFW text but not images.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

SallyStrange , to blackmastodon
@SallyStrange@eldritch.cafe avatar

Since people are talking about Kent State, Ohio, 1970, it's a good time to talk about Jackson State, Mississippi, 1970.

Similar situation, except there was no active protest, just a bunch of students hanging out. The mayor of Jackson declared a riot and called in the pigs. Someone threw a glass bottle, not at the pigs, but they still opened fire. Phillip Gibbs, a student at Jackson State, and James Green, a high school student who was walking home from his job, were murdered by cops. Many others were wounded.

Left: photo of James Earl Green, age 17

Right: photo of Phillip Gibbs with his wife, Dale

@histodons @blackmastodon

https://www.jsums.edu/margaretwalkercenter/gibbs-green-50th-commemoration-exhibit/the-gibbs-green-tragedy/

https://www.mississippifreepress.org/2986/i-saw-all-the-carnage-jsu-remembers-gibbs-green-tragedy-in-virtual-town-hall

Sepia-toned photo of a couple in a casual seated pose, looking towards the camera. She is on the left, nearly sitting on his lap, smiling, wearing a dark knee-length dress with buttons up the front and a wide collar, holding a white purse. Her hair is straight, shoulder-length, curled at the end, with bangs. He is wearing light-colored slacks and a boldly patterned shirt, like a Hawaiian short, and has his arm around his wife. His hair is short and his expression is more curious than friendly.

LilyoftheRally ,

@MisterWanko @SallyStrange @histodons @blackmastodon I get the point, but calling cops "pigs" is insulting to pigs.

pathfinder , to actuallyautistic
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic

I once wrote about how it was not unrealistic, to think that there was no such thing as an un-traumatised autistic. About how so many of us have known bullying and persecution simply for being different. Not even always for what we may have said or done, but often for simply standing out; in all the ways that we didn't even know we were. How just simply being, was so often an excuse to be attacked or punished. That our very existence, even as hard as we tried to mask, whether we knew that was what we were doing or not, was the cause of so much pain.

All the scars we carry from misreading situations. Or from believing in something, or someone, and being burnt as a consequence. All the times we've tried to stand up for ourselves, or as often as not for others, and been dismissed and ridiculed. All the misjudgements and disbelieve and times when our intent and purpose have been seen in the ways that were never, ever, meant. The sheer inability for others to see us as we are, or to judge us accordingly. But, always to seem to want to see the worst and to base everything else on that.

But the more I learn and understand about being autistic. The more I realise that so much of my trauma and the scars that were left, came not just from this overt pain, but from the covert well-meaning of others as well. From my parents and relatives, from friends and teachers. From all the advice and instruction I have received over the years that was meant to shape me in the right way. As a child, to teach me how to grow up, how to behave and act. What was expected and what wasn't. And then, as an adult, how I was supposed to be and how a successful life, with me in it, was supposed to look. All the rules I was supposed to learn, all the codes I was supposed to follow. How to act, how to speak, what to feel, when to feel it. What I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to be.

Not in any unusual way. Not in any way that you weren't supposed to raise a child, well a normal child anyway. That's what makes this so covert. If you were trying to do this to a child knowing that they were autistic, then it's overt abuse. It is ABA, it is infantilising and punishing a child for always failing to become something, that they had no more chance of becoming than a cat has of becoming a dog. But for those of us who didn't know we were autistic. It was simply the constant hammering of the world trying, without even realising it, to fit a round peg into a square hole and all the pain and disappointment that came from their failure to come even close.

For me, what made this worse, was that it wasn't as if I didn't know that I was different, not in my heart, but that I thought that I shouldn't be. That I should be able to learn what I was being taught, that I should be able to follow the guidance. That I wasn't any different really from anyone else and so if I failed to act in the right way, or react the way I should, for that matter, then it was my fault. All the patient sighs and familiar looks, simply became just another reinforcement of my failure. Even being told off for the simplest things, became a reminder that something that I should have been able to do, was beyond me and always for the only reason that ever made any sense; that I was broken, that it was my fault somehow.

Is it any wonder that so much of my life has been about trying to justify myself in the light of this, of trying to become that "good dog". Of judging myself against an impossible standard. A constant lurching from one bad to choice to another, and always because I thought they were the right ones. And for each new failure and inability to even come close, another scar, another reminder of what I wasn't. Further proof that my self-esteem was right to be so low. Of how I was such a failure and a bad person. That I was never going to be a proper son or brother or friend. Because I couldn't even be what I was supposed to be, let alone what I should become.

Looking back, I can't help thinking about how much of my life I spent living this way; of trying not to repeat the sins of my past. Of not repeating the actions or behaviour that led to those past failures and trauma. Of, in fact, all the effort I put in to not being myself. Because that, I realise now, was what I was trying to do. I was that round peg and trying to hammer myself into the square hole. Because everything I had learnt had taught me to think that this was how I had to be. That this was how you grew. And in so many ways, I can't help feeling angry about this. About the wasted years, about the scars I carry that were never my fault. About the way I was brought up, even though none of it was ever meant, but only ever well-meant.


LilyoftheRally ,

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic I relate so much to the trauma by well-meaning adults. This was the essence of my 3 years in occupational therapy (ages 7-10). That ended 22 years ago, and I wish I had found neurodivergent adults who think like I do as a kid. I could never relate to Temple Grandin's very visual mode of thinking, and I empathize with self-diagnosed high-masking autistic folks.

LilyoftheRally ,

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic I was only diagnosed when I was because I'm upper-middle class white and my then-teacher was paying close attention because her own daughter was my age.

autism101 , to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

As autistic people, we don’t need to apologize to others for our differences.

Illustration by Izzy @autieselfcare

@actuallyautistic

LilyoftheRally ,

@autism101 @actuallyautistic About 8: Learning that not everyone (including other autistic people) want to hear your infodump is important. I've been on the receiving end of unwanted infodumps and was very displeased, even though I doubt the infodumpers knew that it was unwanted.

autism101 , to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Small talk and conversations can be really hard for autistic people.

@actuallyautistic

image: Izzy@autieselfcare

LilyoftheRally ,

@autism101 @actuallyautistic I taught myself to warn folks if I feel an infodump coming on. This stems from a time I was unprepared to be on the receiving end of an unwanted infodump.

AuthorHelp , to writingcommunity
@AuthorHelp@social.authorhelp.uk avatar

If you're , much of the advice you read won't be helpful. Some of it will be actively harmful.
https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-fiction/off-the-path

@authorindiespeak @writingcommunity

LilyoftheRally ,

@AuthorHelp @authorindiespeak @writingcommunity I agree. In elementary or middle school (I forget which) we were taught "write what you know". Which makes no sense if you're writing in the fantasy/sci-fi genre (however, it does make sense for Autistic authors writing realistic Autistic characters).

LilyoftheRally ,

@AuthorHelp @authorindiespeak @writingcommunity Some characters (like Charles Wallace in A Wrinkle in Time) are what are called "autistic coded", because their traits of autism are mentioned in their canon without mentioning the term "autism". In Charles Wallace's case, it's because that book was written in the sixties and I doubt the author knew anything about autism, much less what is now called low support needs autism.

26pglt , to actuallyadhd
@26pglt@mastodon.au avatar

Drugs prescribed for ADHD, high blood pressure & underactive thyroid all impair our ability to regulate body temperature & cope with heat. Others (including St John’s Wort, not mentioned here) make us more sensitive to sun.

Keep cool & cover up, friends. @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-01-06/how-medication-impacts-heat-and-sun-sensitivity/103216122?utm_source=abc_news_app&utm_medium=content_shared&utm_campaign=abc_news_app&utm_content=other

LilyoftheRally ,

@26pglt @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic Also, many people with ADHD are also autistic, which includes sensory issues (which can include temperature sensitivity).

innervisioner , to actuallyautistic
@innervisioner@mastodonapp.uk avatar

Forgive yourself if you’ve had even the smallest of meltdowns during this holiday season. It’s hard work if you have to be around others and mask for any prolonged period. @actuallyautistic

LilyoftheRally ,

@innervisioner @actuallyautistic Meltdowns are food?! Mine are never edible...

DivergentDumpsterPhoenix , to actuallyautistic
@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix@disabled.social avatar

It's a tough truth to face up to, but not every Autstic/neurodivergent person is a good person. Many of us find out the hard way that there are members of our own community who will do harm to us collectively and individually.

It's important that we acknowledge the truth that we can always do better as a community. We don't have to be perfect. We just have to do a little better each day.

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @audhd

LilyoftheRally ,

@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @audhd I learned this the hard way on Facebook a decade ago from an Autistic bully.

LilyoftheRally ,

@omegahaxors @DivergentDumpsterPhoenix @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @audhd I used to use "Aspie" terminology for myself, but don't anymore. It's acceptable to correct Autistic people who do call themselves that if you find it offensive.

LilyoftheRally ,

@omegahaxors @DivergentDumpsterPhoenix @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @audhd I didn't know about the 4chan thing but was told on reddit that more and more Autistic folks find "Asperger's" offensive because of the eugenics/Nazi connection.

CynAq , (edited ) to actuallyadhd
@CynAq@neurodifferent.me avatar

PSA about related terminology:

Edit: Please feel free to add as replies any terms or correct/incorrect use cases you would like to make people aware of.

Neurodiversity: the phenomenon that a population is composed of individuals with different neurotypes, and the cultural paradigm based around the understanding of this phenomenon

Neurodiverse: a population or group composed of individuals with different neurotypes.

Neurotypical: the individuals in a neurodiverse population or group with the predominant neurotype within that population or group.

Neurodivergence: any deviation of neurotype from the range of neurological makeups which is considered neurotypical in any neurodiverse population.

Neurodivergent: individuals in a neurodiverse population whose neurotype deviates in any way from the neurotypical range.

Useful rule of thumb and usage examples:

Neurodiverse is only valid when referring to groups and populations. Individuals are not neurodiverse, they are either neurotypical or neurodivergent.

Incorrect: I have many neurodiverse friends.

Correct: we are a neurodiverse friend group, many of us are neurodivergent.

Incorrect: How can I make this accessible to neurodiverse students?

Correct: How can I make this accessible to neurodivergent students? (Does not include neurotypical students within the context of the question)

Correct: How can I make this accessible to a neurodiverse group of students? (Potentially includes neurotypical students within the context of the question, if the group has neurotypical individuals in it)

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

LilyoftheRally ,

@CynAq @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd Also, neurodivergent doesn't just mean autistic. It can also refer to conditions like dyslexia, ADHD, and intellectual disabilities (all of which may be also labeled as "learning disabilities" depending on context). Allistic is a term for "not autistic" and can refer to either a neurotypical person or a non-autistic neurodivergent person.

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

A strange part of being autistic is getting in trouble for your facial expressions, tone of voice, not inferring things you haven’t been told, & somehow implying things you haven’t implied. It can feel like people get offended by stuff that’s unavoidable & beyond our control.

You're basically getting in trouble for what others are reading in between the lines because they're making assumptions that are only valid for the people they're used to dealing with.

@actuallyautistic

LilyoftheRally ,

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

hosford42 , to actuallyautistic
@hosford42@techhub.social avatar

I'm interested to get my fellow folks' takes on this.

Neuroscience News: Is Inflammation in Childhood A Mechanistic Link to Neurodevelopmental Disorders?
https://neurosciencenews.com/neurodevelopment-inflammation-24941/

@actuallyautistic
@neurodivergence

LilyoftheRally ,

@hosford42 @actuallyautistic @neurodivergence I don't care what makes us neurodivergent, because that line of trying to find a cause leads to eugenics.

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