HeatherMJ

Tim_McTuffty , 15 hours ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 291 , Wednesday 14/08/2024

Rubbish night have caught Mrs S’s stomach bug !

Felt like death warmed up all day🤢

Final Thoughts.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better!

Much love to all those who reached out with kind words , I did appreciate it. 🫂 🫶

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

HeatherMJ , 13 hours ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
Sleep.well. I hope tomorrow is better

Tim_McTuffty , 1 day ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 290 , Tuesday 13/08/2024

Up around 7am

A quiet day as Mrs S was not so well, something she ate yesterday disagreed with her overnight.

I put on my nurses cap (BEHAVE! ) & ministered to her needs. Which were not onerous to be fair - mostly topping up her glass of water & the occasional cup of coffee.

She managed too eat a little toast at lunchtime & by teatime she was looking a lot better & I did us both some soup.

My cousin, who I haven’t spoken to for a few years rang late this afternoon , & we had a lovely chat catching up. I think I did my usual trick & talked her ears off 🙄🤦‍♂️ I hope we will touch base again soon.

Watching ‘The Two Towers’ this evening so a nice end to the day.

Final Thoughts.

I hope Mrs S is feeling better tomorrow , it would be sad if a decent chunk of her holiday was lost to illness!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

HeatherMJ , 1 day ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
Beat wishes to Mrs S. I hope you both have a good night's rest 😴

MAJ1 , 2 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 289 , Monday 12/08/2024

Mrs S. is on holiday all this week , it’s our wedding anniversary today & she normally takes time off around this time of year.

I got to have a lie in this morning & crawled out of my pit around 07:30

Sorted breakfast, & gave Mrs S. her card & pressy.

We watched an episode of ‘Father Brown over breakfast & then I got washed & shaved to go out.

We went to York for Afternoon Tea at Bettys Tea Rooms , a favourite for both of us, the food, service & atmosphere are all excellent.

It rained all the way to York, but the sun came out as we parked up & then it stayed dry for the rest of the day which was a blessing.

We had a delicious mix of sandwiches & cakes - normally I would have gone with a 2nd helping of sarnies (& Mrs S did) but I was aware that Geoff might object so limited myself to one serving of everything. TBH I was still nicely full at the end of the meal!

The staff gave us some treats by way of gifts to celebrate our anniversary which was lovely !

We did some shopping on the way back to the car & I earned major brownie points by getting Mrs S a big bouquet of flowers (she loves getting flowers! ). I got some new socks & PJs 😆

The journey home was mostly uneventful , the only notable event was a young lady with ‘L’ plates still attached (dunno if they were hers) who merrily undertook us (we were in lane 2) & the car in front of us then shot across into the ‘fast’ lane - I hope that she gets a lesson in why thats really shitty driving sometime soon!

We moved on with our Tolkien fest once we got home & had sorted ourselves out & finished the evening with a glass of sparking rosé & a small individual quiche each that we got from Bettys shop.

Final Thoughts.

Not a bad day at all. Sun , good food & a movie , what more could you ask for ?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

HeatherMJ , 2 days ago

@MAJ1 @actuallyautistic
That sounds like a lovely day. I'm glad you both enjoyed it

Tim_McTuffty , 5 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 286 , Friday 09/08/2024

Sleep , or at least deep sleep was in short supply last night, I hovered in that twilight world between true sleep & consciousness for much of the night.
I was deeply tired this morning & low on spoons so that even interaction in the Fediverse seemed too much.

I did manage to go for a walk this morning, just a quick one as I had to fit it in before Conner (OT) called .
Plantar fasciitis is so weird, it hurts before & after walking (pain level post walk is proportional to length of said walk) but not during - maybe I should do a Forest Gump & walk & walk & walk ?
A friend suggested that I read their Masto toots while walking - I can’t, I cannot walk & read or text 🙄🤦‍♂️

The call with Conner went really well he is pleased with how I’m getting on - which is all very positive!
His rotation ends in November, I am hoping that he will keep me on his service that long because he is a positive force in my life at the moment - it will be a shame when he moves onto bigger & better things!

I spent a decent chunk of the day gaming - this may seem frivolous , but for me , at the moment, it’s actually a step forward. My MH is so fragile at the moment, & has been for much of the year. All the plans I had at the start of the year have either been discarded or massively delayed.
But - & this is important for me to remind myself - progress is being made!

Went wild & had a meat feast pizza & a couple of ciders for tea - time will tell if Geoff kicks up a fuss !

Final Thoughts.

A theme has developed this week , a couple of toots on here & comments made to me by the lass at the Talk Therapy service & Conner have coincided - namely that I have worth. One day I may even believe that myself.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

HeatherMJ , 5 days ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
I'm with Connor and the talk therapy lady. You most definitely have worth. Your number of followers should also give you a clue 🙂

HeatherMJ , 5 days ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
You're so much more than that

Tim_McTuffty , 6 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 285 , Thursday 08/08/2024

Up at the normal time. Breakfast etc.

Finished the gardening I wanted to do this week , trimming a bush back & taming the self seeded silver birch - that is now about 10 years old & gets a bit wild if left too long.

The pond water level was a bit low following the warm & relatively dry weather we’ve had over the last few days, we have a reed bed filter on it , which is great most of the time but in hot wether the plants take the mick & drink loads of water exacerbating water loss due to evaporation.

It was a busy morning , I just finished putting away the hedge trimmer & other bits & bobs when the lass from the Talk Therapy mob called to finish the assessment.

Long story short she is recommending that I have some consultancy sessions & will get back to me with some dates & times.

This afternoon has been a mix of frolicking around the Fediverse & watching ‘Inglorious Basterds’ again - its a while since I’ve seen it & its been catching my eye every time I’ve been looking for something to amuse me.

Went wild & prepared a 2 course tea, quiche & salad for mains & then mini fruit salad & ice cream. Both very nice even if I did prepare them myself !

Final Thoughts.

So with the Talk Therapy assessment sorted my journey to understand my autism & the wider plan to try & tackle the depression etc moves a step forward.

No sign of the ADHD assessment yet , but then it was a few weeks waiting for my ASD assessment after the referral so not overly concerned at the moment.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

HeatherMJ , 6 days ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
Good work! Sleep well

Tim_McTuffty , 7 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 284 , Wednesday 07/08/2024

Up around 6am , sorted breakfast & then various chores.

One element of being autistic is that I’m a completionist - I feel distinctly uncomfortable if a job is not completed to my satisfaction & worse if I skip a step or take a shortcut I feel guilty, even if I get away with it! (Sometimes I don’t see the other days diary entry about the hedge ! 🙄🤦‍♂️ )

One of my self imposed ‘tasks’ is replying to folk who interact with me in the Fediverse . I know I don’t HAVE to respond but I feel uncomfortable & rude if I don’t.

When folk have an expectation of me reading something they feel is important then that gets added to the list & falls under the same rules.

Then I feel guilty for spending hours on SM instead of doing stuff. Catch 22.

I guess it’s a good thing that I’m retired & have the time, otherwise I’d be in a right state!

It doesn’t help that I am, without a doubt addicted to Mastodon - I love the interactions & the lovely folk on here - you are all truly amazing & I miss chatting & being with you all when I’m off doing other things.

Let’s be clear here , this is a ‘Squirrel needs better time management skills’ not a ‘Squirrel needs less interactions ‘ thing !

Turns out I ended up spending nearly all of today on here, but I did enjoy it enormously!

Final Thoughts.

I wonder if the completionist thing is an ADHD thing - I’m still awaiting a date for an ADHD assessment but the consultant psychiatrist thought I might well be.

One of the things that triggers me regularly is that Mrs S. is vey much not a completionist , certainly not from the point of view of getting the thing right. So I spend much too much time re-doing tasks that are not done properly - not because I want to but because I have to or be even more triggered.
Well at least it keeps me off the streets.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

HeatherMJ , 7 days ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
I think I'm a selective completions. Not sure what that says about me.

HeatherMJ , 7 days ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
Or I'm lazy!

HeatherMJ , 7 days ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
Plenty of time for that these days. I really like it!

Tim_McTuffty , 8 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 283 , Tuesday 06/08/2024

Mrs S. was off to the office today so we got up around 5:30am why , I have no idea 🙄🤦‍♂️

Breakfast & chores followed with me limping around as my right foot was still unhappy with yesterday’s extended treatment.

I had a call from the Talk Therapy Peep , a nice lass called Sarah who was not prepared for exactly how hard it is to get me to shut up once I’ve started, the 45 minute session lasted 63 minutes! 🤦‍♂️

We didn’t get thru the whole form so there is another session booked for Thursday. She promised me an email but that has yet to arrive.

Spent some time catching up in the Fediverse & then watched ‘Tank Girl’ , a movie I have heard about but never watched , it was a good laugh, I would watch it again. 😊
I had a load of problems actually getting Tank Girl to play - first Amazon Prime threw a huff about the VPN , then the Apple TV thru a huff about being taken off VPN - turned out it was a QoS issue on the ASUS router. 🙄🤦‍♂️
Tomorrow I will have to delete & then setup the VPN settings as the router has got itself well confused about what is & isn’t using what. The VPN config still exists I’ve just had to turn it off.
I sincerely hope that deleting & re-defining it will be sufficient otherwise a factory reset looks to be on the cards & they are a pain in the bum!

I’m hoping that moving the ATV off the VPN will solve a problem we’ve been having with the BBC’s iPlayer losing its place when a program is paused. Fingers crossed.

Final Thoughts.

After yesterday’s attempt to win the ‘Numpty of the Year’ award today was a much quieter day.

I often wonder why I’m so attracted to technology, it can be the most frustrating of pastimes sometimes !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

HeatherMJ , 8 days ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
Not sure that i understood half of that, but the day has passed, and another one awaits, filled with more excitments, or not, as the case may be. Sleep well

Tim_McTuffty , 9 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 282 , Monday 05/08/2024

I slept deeply last night for a change & woke just before 6am.

I decided that today there would be a gardening reckoning , I had some stray motivation knocking about , it was a dry day but not too warm & the brambles invading from next door over the fence were driving me nuts!

So armed with a pair of Mechanix gloves (hey this is serious sh*t!) & a set of heavy duty pruning snips I went into battle !
30 minutes later the brambles had been returned to their homeland & our fence was free of invaders.

Mrs S. has been dropping industrial sized hits about the front garden recently so next I put on my big boy pants & went to war with the hedge & our Millennium tree.
We were so excited about getting that tree - one could apply for one free ! There were many different varieties that were picked at random for applicants … we of course got a hawthorn tree!
The spiky little (well not so little anymore) barsteward is never shy in fighting back when I trim it each year!

I dealt with the wild strawberries yesterday, they had got a bit rampant & were merrily working on domination of the gravelled area that makes up the bulk of our front garden - its a massive drain away sump to prevent flooding , living on the side of a hill I didn’t think flooding would be a problem when we moved in - oh how naive we are in our youth !

The hedge also needed doing it’s not huge but the drive slopes towards the house (another reason for the flooding) which makes getting to the top of it a challenge when you’re 5’5” in your stocking feet!

I inherited a serious hedge trimmer from my FiL when he passed (he left me all his tools bless him), which makes short work of the hedge & the hawthorn - when I can actually get high enough to bring it to bear!

The bulk of the hedge duly trimmed I was finishing off just zapping the low level branches that had escaped the main foray when I made a classic schoolboy mistake - I got over confident & thought I could nick the last little wayward stray without catching the cable - 4 inches away from the cutting site.
YES I know! H&S elves are , even as we speak, drawing up contracts for hitmen to take me out for such boundless stupidity. 🙄🤦‍♂️ Anyway even the Orange Oaf could guess what happened next!
Magically the cable divided in two … I could try my usual cry of innocence, but nobody is gonna believe me 🫣🤭.
The RCD in the extension cable tripped & saved the RCD on the main board tripping which was a major win given the givens!
Next time I will not be a lazy , over confident git & will move the cable out of the way like a sensible bunny !

So the hedge & hawthorn tree are trimmed to within an inch of their lives, all the debris is cleared away & the cable is repaired.

I decided that, given various parts of my body were suggesting that legal action was definitely on the cards , the afternoon should be given over to sippin & sittin & catching up with events in the Fediverse.

Mrs S. has been generous with her appreciation & a takeaway has been ordered for tea!

UPDATE: takeaway (fried chicken n chips ) has been consumed & herself is off to bed.

Final Thoughts.

Tonight is one of those increasingly rare occasions when I actually feel I’ve achieved something. Even if that is slightly offset by being a complete pillock & near zapping myself !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

HeatherMJ , 9 days ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
Phew! That sounds exhausting. A good day. Well done. You should sleep well tonight

Tim_McTuffty , 10 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 281 , Sunday 04/08/2024

Up at around 07:30 after a decent nights sleep.

11:25
Define irony - doing loads of exercise - ie pulling weeds , but it not being recorded because one has taken ones smart watch off to protect it ! I’d get a case but they seem so bulky !

I really don’t wanna cook tonight , but we have food in & I abhor waste!
(Update: of course I cooked - well prepared a salad at any rate.)

There are so many things that I want to say, so many thoughts that I want to get out but I cannot & so I spiral around the top of Dante’s well & mask like my life depends on it … maybe it does.
More & more I read the entries in this diary & feel that they are just me endlessly whinging about life , while others face the challenges stoically & just get on with it.
This diary is such a negative space!

Final Thoughts.

I can do better - I will do better ! Positivity here I come!

I wrote a long email to a friend, I hope that they aren’t freaked out by it !

Roast Squirrel anyone ?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

HeatherMJ , 10 days ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
Not endlessly whinging, more offloading, which ought to be helpful. I hope it is.

HeatherMJ , 10 days ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
Better being honest than putting on a front

Tim_McTuffty , 13 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 278 , Thursday 01/08/2024

Up around 6ish again following a rubbish night being broiled by the heat .

Lots of rain this morning but the day brightened up as time passed.

Spoke to Conner (OT) at lunchtime & he seemed really happy with how I was progressing which is good news 😊

Had very little energy or motivation today following on from yesterday’s mini meltdown.
Getting a bit frustrated now. The irony of course is that the very person who could help me was the one who inadvertently caused the meltdown. 🙄🤦‍♂️

Final Thoughts.

There are lots of balls in the air at the moment : talk therapy, Autism hub, MH sessions , OT sessions & at some point actual peopling sessions. And this is just the list for my mental health!

Oh well stiff upper lip & all that!

Oh good news just to finish with - so far so good with the allopurinol , no gout flare up yet !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

HeatherMJ , 13 days ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
Great news on the Allopurinol front. Long may it continue!
You're certainly not the only one with little energy or motivation. The heat saps strength.
Afternoon tea was a touch disappointing, but it was a nice afternoon
I hope you sleep better tonight

Tim_McTuffty , 14 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 277 , Wednesday 31/07/2024

Up at around 6am after a really rough night - far too hot!

I had an appointment with Beth the MH Practitioner this morning at 9am. In a desperate attempt to ensure that the farce of last time - where I was at one GPs Practise & she was at another did not happen again I triple checked the location & made sure I was 10 minutes early for the appointment.
I advised the receptionist - who said ‘I’ll let her know’ & sat down.

I hate waiting at the best of times - I get anxious about any number of things that are wholly in my head, so when we hit 15 minutes past the appointed hour I started to get worried - when it got to 20 minutes I thought I best check what the story was.

It turns out that yon receptionist had not in fact advised Beth that I was there - in fact they checked the sign in sheet & she had not signed in !!
“Oh you will have to check with your own Dr since you’re not registered here ! “ But we know how that plays out - they won’t know anything about her either !!!
It seems that folk like MH Pracs & Social Prescribers are , for want of a better phrase sub-contractors. The surgeries they attend are merely meeting rooms for them ! While they are listed on the ‘staff’ at the surgeries they glean their business from. said surgeries disown them faster than the human mind can process!
I’m in absolute meltdown because now I don’t know if I have managed, somehow , to repeat the whole ‘being in the wrong building’ fiasco!

I get home around quarter to ten & find a text - timed for 09:31 advising me that Beth has cancelled her appointments! - So 30 minutes after my appointment was due the NHS decided that it might be an idea to advise her clients that she wasn’t in work today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Primary Mental Health team, thanks a feckin bunch !!! I am now in a total fecking mess - a session that was supposed to help my mental health has in fact blown it into the middle of next week! I wasn’t in the best frame of mind to begin with today !!

I’m now in a lovely mix of mental health & autistic brainstorm , I honestly barely know which way is up!!!!!

I am 20 steps closer to disengaging for this entire fecking , stupid, mind buggering stuff!!

So I have family who live in Southport, my nephew was nearly caught up in the senseless right wing violence last night.
That a member of my family & his friend had to return home because they feared for their safety not 10 minutes walk away from their home has me seething!
I have one message for those who participated - go back to the stinking , hate filled pits you crept out of & stay there! You are not wanted, you are not valued , you are not clever!

17:30 A member of the Primary Mental Health called to apologise - Beth is off ill & will reschedule when she gets back into work. It was good of her colleague to call & apologise.

Made a quick & slipshod salad to go with a cheese & mushroom quiche , this was largely to appease Geoff because I don’t want him kicking off tonight!

Of course I had to wash up afterwards too. Another nail in the coffin.

Final Thoughts.

The NHS is so badly run that they lack basic communication protocols - that nobody knows where the hell a member of a core team is is not only stupidly bad for their clients / patients it is also surely a massive H&S elf issue !!! What is worse they appear to have no process or indeed inclination to check what other surgeries are up to & what other members of related services are up to!

Yes the NHS is massively underfunded , but the lasting impression I have had down thru the years is that they could not organise a piss up in a brewery . School kids are literally better organised than the NHS !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

HeatherMJ , 14 days ago

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
It is so poor. Underfunding fir years is certainly part of the problem, constant rearrangement doesn't help either, nor does more involememt by private companies. So many problems, but staffed, in the main, by many people who really care