HeatherMJ

Tim_McTuffty , 1 day ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 249 , Wednesday 03/07/2024
Up at stupid o’clock again 03:30 this time . 🙄🤦‍♂️

It seems I should be careful what I wish for, I have a host of appointments lining up this month & it causing low level stress - as seen from the sleep pattern change.
I asked for most of these - what was I thinking ?

I am done with negative thinkers, Mrs S.s first answer to everything is “no’ or she can’t do it, or it can’t be done.
It does my tree in !
Why can’t people at least explore possibilities ?

I’m also struggling with the other end of the spectrum - “oh you can absolutely do this that or the other”. I literally broke my mind & consequently killed my career believing that, only to find I came up against a brick wall which turns out to be autism.
No I can’t ’just go out & be with people’
No I can’t ’just be happy’

It’s not that I have not tried these things - I tried for years to master certain things , it used to get me down that I failed all the time. Now at least I know why for a lot of them. Some of them are just that I’m pants at certain things but hey nobody’s perfect!

In other news the sock aid (see the pic below) the OT suggested has made the morning dressing routine a whole lot easier , it may look like an elephants jock strap but it makes putting a sock on my right foot 100% easier !

Ah others in their 50s & beyond ride into space, run countries , start the 4th Reich etc, I achieve the ability to put a sock on without looking like a contortionist with a bad case of the jitters !
Hey ho, Rome wasn’t build in a day , today socks , tomorrow ….. trousers! 😂

Final Thoughts.

I realised today I have a thing about time - I like really , really accurate time - I mean like atomic clock time. Clocks/ watches that are wrong do my head in.

Which is weird because I have no real sense of time, my memory certainly cannot track it - sequences yes, times & dates not so much. I’d be stuffed if I was ever questioned by the police !

Roast Squirrel anyone ?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 248 , Tuesday 02/07/2024

I had a rough night last night - up at 03:33 , the human mind loves patterns hence the time stuck.
A really restless night, but a had a good chat with the CCDP 🧚‍♀️ while she got ready to start work on her new place.

Really rather out of sorts today for no good reason I can put my finger on but I did mange to get a few hours in playing ESO so that was good.

Final Thoughts.

I’ve tried writing this diary blow for blow, like @PixysJourney does, but:

A) my memory ain’t that good
B) I’m not sure there is enough in my day to day life to warrant it.

So I’m going for this slightly simpler style that covers the important stuff.

Obviously the monologues will continue as required.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 9 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 241 , Tuesday 25/06/2024

Up around 6am as per , house elf duties have to be done.

Once again I get to around 10am & very last drop of motivation has been driven from me.

Today is bathroom cleaning day.

I put out new towels, which herself put thru the washing machine , I really don’t know what she does with them but they end up in the airing cupboard so stiff you could use them as offensive weapons!

You would think I would be used to this after 25 years, but no, it still triggers me.

Along with all the other triggers of stuff not cleaned , stuff not put away properly & overfeeding the cats .. poof all the plans for today have been eroded away.

Still I guess I should be grateful ,we have a roof over our heads, a car to take us places & food to eat.
Many have so much less.

Just had a call from an Occupational Therapist, they wanna come round in the morning & assess me … eeek!!!
Then I have to go see Beth , the MH Practitioner who first suspected that I was ND & set me on this path.
I left frustrated last time because she failed to understand how triggering Mrs S. is.

Final Thoughts.

I don’t know what it is like for other couples , but I REALLY wish Mrs S. would treat this as OUR house not HER house.

I am really stressed about tomorrow, a stranger in the house judging me, judging the fact that I have not been able to do so many things around the house that should have been done!

Roast Squirrel anyone ?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 10 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 240 , Monday 24/06/2024

TL:DR

Up around 6am having slept fairly well.

Sorted out the bins & various other chores & then settled down to catch up on Fediverse frolics!

So two things drifted across my mind today:

Firstly I was preparing salad yesterday & as is my occasional wont I mistook the tip of the ring finger on my left hand for a radish & merrily sliced into it with a very sharp knife!
Understand that this was not a deep or in any way heath threatening cut, it was a tiny cut that , after about 12 hours with a plaster round it is more or less healed.
My point is this , it hurt like buggery & bled like I’d hit an artery! What is it about ones fingers that this should be? I mean I know that I’m on blood thinners for the old Ectasia but really you see folks on ER with their limbs hanging off who don’t bleed as much as a when you cut the tip of your finger! Also I know that that ones finger tips are full of nerves but come on - a little sense of proportion wouldn’t go amiss !

Secondly Brits , like my good self, are renowned the world over for our favourite topic of conversation , namely the weather! Hey we live (currently) in a temperate climate & have a lot of weather!!
I say we converse, lets be honest here what we do generally is complain about it , we have mastered the art of chronic bitching in fact ! It’s either too cold , too wet , too foggy & rarely too hot!
For the last 2 days the country was nearly silent (apart from the footy fans , but let’s not go there!) why - because for 2 days we passed thru the eye of the storm (pun intended) & hit 20ºc , with sunny weather !
This is pretty much the ideal temperature for your average Brit, so we were, temporarily stumped! How could one complain?
Today the temperature continued up so normal service was resumed & we explored the unusual concept of hot , dry (if muggy) weather!

Struggling to concentrate on pastimes today again, I need to get back in there on the gaming front, the ‘Adrift’ NMS expedition needs completing before I run out of time !

Final Thoughts.

Summer is finally here, warm weather, salads & the sounds of the local brass band practicing in the background. Still there’s bound to be something to complain about 😆.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 11 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 239 , Sunday 23/06/2024

Got a decent nights sleep last night Geoff behaved himself which was nice.
Up initially around 4am , had a chat with a dear friend & then managed another hour or so snoozing , finally getting up around 8.

On the whole not a bad day.

So I get loads of notifications on Mastodon because I like to interact with as many folk as I can, it can take hours to catch up sometimes. I have the time most days so this is not a problem. Sometimes though it is hard for me to do more than just answer with a hug or a smile because it is hard for me to formulate answers that will not offend or seem glib or cutting.
My autistic mind makes me blunt, it makes me say things that lack social subtleties , it makes me see over familiar or too distant. So when I cannot come up with response that I feel will be acceptable I fall back onto smiles & hugs to show I care hopefully.
Also there are only so many hours in a day , when one has 200 toots to respond to then sometimes brevity is required.
I was criticised for being too brief today, all I can say is I’m sorry ,I’m only a small squirrel of Pooh bear like intelligence & I try my best.

Final Thoughts.

I was playing around with Mona (the Mastodon app I use ) today & have managed to lose all my user notes that I used to keep track of time offsets & nicknames , birthdays etc. Very frustrating because they were crucial;l aids for one such as I with the memory of a concussed goldfish!
Hey ho.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 15 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 235 , Wednesday 19/06/2024

TL;DR Geoff hates me, misgendereation ,Mastodon moves are afoot, cats & the art of bird catching !

Geoff was a gut wrenching SoB last night, apparently standing for any length of time is a no,no. However I have his measure now & medicated his ass! (Do toes have asses ? ) so somewhere around midnight after some nice chats with a couple of lovely friends (who I how will still be friends by the end of this post🫣🤞🥰) I managed to get to sleep.

Up at just before 6am.

Started to make breakfast when yon OH opened the kitchen door to the garage & discovered Alice had brought a live present. So rather than shooing her out Mrs S. closed the door & looked expectantly at me, the vanished into the lounge closing all the doors behind her.

Turns out Alice had delivered a fledgling, which promptly vanished down the side of the washing machine! 🙄🤦‍♂️

As I was clearing a path to rescue the little perisher it did a 180 & vanished behind the washing machine , eschewing the more easily accessible (for me) space under the shelves next to the washer!
I pulled the washing machine out but the little sod (you’ll notice I’m becoming less enamoured with our uninvited guest) vanished behind the 6ft tall freezer next to the washing machine!

Pulling the washer out was hard enuf with 2 manky feet , especially with Geoff being all swollen , the is no chance that the freezer is coming out!

So the state of play is that I have pushed the washer back , leaving a suitable gap between it & the freezer for yon tweety pie to escape if it so desires.

Obviously I still had to make breakfast & then sort out the dishes & empty the dishwasher after all this , as Mrs S. had to get ready for work (a process that takes an hour & involves a ½ hour rest on the bed! ) so I’ve come back to bed because I’m clean out of spoons.

So here’s the thing: My voice has never broken, it got a little deeper but it has to be said my voices matches my persona as a squirrel perfectly! I wonder if it is an autistic comorbidity ?

This has meant thru out my life being misgendered on the phone ! Even when I’ve confirmed my given name, which is very obviously male, callers that don’t know me often still call me Mrs …. It’s VERY frustrating !

I know my nature is to be kind & show emotions easily & to expess love for anything that doesn’t get away fast enuf but that’s because I am kind by nature, I was brought up to be thoughtful of others , I am woke as it is possible to be , & also it is a defence against the horror that is me in full autistic frustration mode , my temper is like a bomb going off on the few occasions I lose it 🙄🤦‍♂️

I also suffer from Trichotillomania which makes hair & body hair management a trial.

All these things seem to give the impression I’m not a red blooded male. Which I am. I simply lack some of the less agreeable traits of some ‘alpha’ males ! (I still wanna fly fast jets though ! 🤣)

Really anyone bringing their dongle near me with the intention of amorous adventures or trying to stick me in a dress is not going to get far.

The really frustrating thing for me is that my natural instinct to identify as a CIS male means I cop for all the hate that is aimed at that group, despite the fact that when some folks interact with me without seeing my physical form they assume I’m something I’m really not!

I was talking to a good friend last night , no not you CDP 🧚‍♀️, & we were chatting about the whole hair thing … this isn’t about you ! (There’s a song in there somewhere ) Our discussion merely led me to think on this subject is all.

I wonder if I’ll be accused of being an misogynist off the back of this post 🤔

15:00 News update: the bird has left the building! The fledgling was a sparrow who about an hour ago got up the courage to fly out thru the open garage door - much to my relief!

In other news I have had a cardiology phone consult this afternoon with regards to the dizzy spells I keep getting when stressed. He is putting me on a halter monitor for 48 hours to see what is going on. He is not particularly optimistic that a resolution will be found , but he says my heart is strong so there is nothing to worry about unless the monitor shows something.

I’m quite proud of myself tonight, I actually got some stuff done this afternoon that has been waiting for a while.

Updated the router firmware & reconfigured the VPN, set up a Proton mail a/c.

I also created a new main Mastodon a/c on Beige.Party, more news of that tomorrow when I have moved stuff over from Mastodonapp.UK

Final Thoughts.

One cannot predict what will happen to make or break ones day. For most folk it’s a case of deal with it & move on, for many ND folk it buggers up the whole day !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 18 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 232 , Sunday 16/06/2024

Woke to a gloriously sunny Sunday morning, with clouds lurking around the edges ready to pounce later in the day.

Got my act into gear around 8am & tumbled out of bed, made breakfast & then relaxed over my coffee until it was time to get showered & changed to cross the hills to Liverpool & visit my brother to celebrate his birthday.

The trip across was thru torrential rain that did not really ease up until we approached the NW coast. The the clouds broke & the sun came out.

We had a great day, I enjoyed it more than I expected to.

My sister was the only fly in the ointment, she is mother to my 2 autistic nephews, she herself is NT , however she started lecturing me on what I was & wasn’t capable of, saying how much more she understood about being autistic than I did …. I was good & kept my peace.

There was lots off lovely food, my Bro is a bit of a BBQ fanatic, not as enthusiastic as @kaybee335 (who is a BBQing god IMHO) but does throw together a mean spread!

I was fairly good, Geoff behaved himself most of the day & I didn’t want to aggravate him too much so just had a little bit of everything & didn’t go mad.

Had the first piece of cake since Easter! It was heaven!

Herself decided that 6:30pm was late enough & that we should go home, to be fair we did have a 2 hour drive home & tomorrow is a work day!

The drive home was ,in stark contrast to this morning’ a lovely drive, fine weather & only got stuck in traffic once. Some nutter in a white transit gave us a scare by overtaking us (me doing the speed limit was just too slow for him! ) in an extremely dubious location & nearly ploughed into the bonnet of the oncoming car for his trouble. I am not too proud to say that I was thinking my time was done for a few seconds there because we would have been intimately involved. His reward, because it was only a 2 lane highway with very few passing places , was that he stayed in the same place in front of us for the next 5 miles until our paths parted ways.

Got home & texted my Bro we had got home safe, he was a little upset to learn that we had had sunny weather all the way home & that we are enjoying a sunny evening as I write. Apparently it started raining ½ an hour after we left. 😆

Final Thoughts.

I enjoyed today a lot more than I thought I would, it does the soul good to have a laugh & joke in the company of those we love.

Why do some NT folk think that they can know more about ND folk than ND folk themselves ???
I am blessed that pretty much all the NT folk I know in the Fediverse do not do this, realising perhaps that while some experiences are very much shared , some really aren’t!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 23 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 227 , Tuesday 11/06/2024

Up around 5:30, breakfast & chores ensued.

Had to play taxi for Mrs S. so that I could have the car to go to the GPs appointment, I would normally walk, but given the gout flare up last week I chickened out!

This morning I went to see the Doctor who sorted my ASD assessment out for me, that man is a Saint!
So different to his colleague who was - ‘Nope cannot do anything for anyone at any time , certainly not if it costs money! ‘

Today was the first time in a very long time that I have come out of Drs appointment smiling!
We are on with sorting out the ADHD assessment, there are a couple of forms I have to fill out & a couple of forms he has to fill out then it’s a case of sending them off & waiting.

I am seeing a Social Prescriber tomorrow afternoon (I’m telling you Dr S (I know !! But hey that’s his initial 😆 ) is a freakin magician when he puts his mind to it! ) to set up a care plan .. dunno owt about that but I’m sure that I will know a lot more tomorrow !

Dr S. is also referring me to the Primary MH Practitioner - Beth - who I saw before the whole ASD journey started & indeed was the one that set my feet upon this path. I misjudged her last time when I thought she had just bundled me off to 3rd parties. I will approach our next appointment with more knowledge & I hope that she doesn’t hold a grudge.

Dr S. has also forwarded my diagnosis letter to the Community MH team , he’s not sure if this will help but at this point he is reaching out for me to all those who might be able to help!

And out of the blue my journey moves into top gear again!

14:00 - forms for ADHD referral are done, just need to drop them off.

Played NMS this afternoon, ticked off a few achievements then had to go & pick up Mrs S.

I dropped off the forms for the ADHD referral en-route - I’d like to say I jogged front the car to the receptionists desk & back, but the truth was much, much more ungainly!

Made a ham salad for tea with some new potatoes , it was a bit of a challenge because herself does not believe in buying anything more than she absolutely has to to feed herself. Hey ho, for all that it wasn’t too bad.

Finished the evening off with a bit of TV & catching up on here.

Final Thoughts.

A dear friend lost a close family member today, I won’t tag them , but they & those that share TLs with us both know who I mean. Lots of love my friend , know you are in my thoughts. 🫂 🫶

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 216 , Friday 31/05/2024

Up just after 6am today.

A quiet day, the only thing of real note is that what ever is wrong with my left big toe is getting worse.
There are no signs of injury but it hurts to touch & is making it hard to get comfy at night.
Today I caught it as I tripped over one of the Varmints & it hurt like a bugger !
I am slowly falling apart - if anyone wants me for medical science now’s the time to get your bid on ! 😆

The weather has slowly improved today , this evening is lovely & sunny, if a little chilly !

Final Thoughts.

Even being retired, Friday is a special day. I realised it’s June tomorrow - nearly 6 months gone already !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

18+ Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 209 , Friday 24/05/2024

Up slightly later today as herself was not in the office.

Usual palaver , I make breakfast she makes her snack, I clean up after her.

I was all up for breaking out past my agoraphobia, but once again triggers were pressed & so here I am stuck inside.

I did venture into the back garden to sort out the kitchen compost tub.

Apparently I’m having a chip butty for me tea, I wanted a simple pizza (ham n mushroom ) but her masters voice has spoken & a chip butty it is.

Sometimes I wish I was more vocal, but I hate arguments & I always cave, or on the rare occasions I hold my own I get guilted into feeling that I’m in the wrong.

How do we like our roast squirrel, rare or well done ?

Final Thoughts.

Hey ho - the joys of married life.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

18+ Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 201 , Friday 17/05/2024

The number of things that trigger me that I have to keep bottled up , for the sake of a quiet life ! l
Like her taking just the stuff out of the dishwasher she needs (sometimes moving other pots out of the way & then putting them back in the dishwasher ! ) & just the stuff she needs - generally to make her morning snack, which she then leaves for me to tidy away!
It’s even more triggering on days when she is working from home!
No wonder all motivation is dead well before mid-day!

Once upon a time men were criticised for going to work & leaving everything else to their wives, well I have news for the world, that never went away & has achieved true equality! Certainly in our household!
It’s 09:12 & my day is fecked & I still have the dishwasher to empty, her dishes to wash / put in the newly emptied dishwasher & then hang out the laundry.
Don’t get me wrong I fully appreciate that I have to contribute , but I never signed up for this & I don’t know how to tackle it.
GP suggested marriage guidance - yeah sure that’ll work well with my autistic nature & dislike of humaning !
Sometimes it’s all too much & I just want my head to explode & get it over with !

Oh now I’m coughing & aching all over, gimme a break !
Seems I’ve come down with another bug ! Achy, stomach rebelling at the thought of lunch, freezing cold - got a warm top on and wrapped in a blanket. Had a warm Ribena™ (my hot drink of last resort) which appears to have helped a little.
Is it normal for hot drinks to mean you feel colder when you initially drink them - my body thinks so at the moment!
Ahhhh !!! I cannot get a break this year !
And another thing my tinnitus is so loud ! *grumpily snuggles deeper into blanket.
I refuse to go to bed at 13:54 on a moderately sunny summers day !
I shall kill baddies instead & hope I don’t die too much.

Ok it’s 18:30 I’m on the brink of falling asleep.
No appetite , which is a damn shame it being pizza night!

Final Thoughts.

I’ll be the one at the taxidermist….

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 198 , Tuesday 14/05/2024

Up just before 6am for some reason that will have scientists puzzled long after the Unified Field Theory is discovered!

Breakfast is done & coffee is drunk.
I sit looking at my TL & feeling a strange reluctance to engage. It’s not that anyone has upset me or that I’m particularly triggered by a toot . I just shy away from interaction with the rest of the Fediverse.
Some of it is that I feel overwhelmed by the number of folk I have to respond to - I have to respond to everyone who mentions me or who greets the world at large, it’s an unconscious imperative for me.
Most days I love this level of interaction, it energises me & elevates my spirits, but not today.
I will engage with folk, because I feel that I will failed them & myself if I don’t.
Maybe a shower first though, prevaricating ….

Ok so the day got better & SM was engaged with !

Hit Fo4 this afternoon then the usual evening activities.

Final Thoughts.

Ok struggling at the moment , thank Nuggan it’s warm & mostly sunny otherwise it might be quiet grim!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 195 , Friday 10/05/2024

I woke when herself decided that 05:45 was a good time to get up - must get in the hours reading time before we go to work!

Managed to get out for another walk , a bit earlier today & those I came across were a lot friendlier than yesterday , everybody responded & smiled 😊 .

Did the daily chores but was in a funny mood, I really felt the need for isolation today , I had a quick spin on Masto but then hid away for the day.

I was strangely chuffed by being visited by 3 bees today , one was a seriously tubby bumble bee !
In contrast I noticed this evening that the 3 spiders who had taken up residence in the top outside corners of our kitchen window have vanished, they left egg balls but either they haven’t hatched or the youngsters have hatched & left. Point being , that for the first time in several years no spiders - & barely any midges from the pond . So I wonder if the spiders left due to lack of prey ?

Finished the day with a pizza, a couple of pints of cider & a ‘Silent Witness’ or 2 .

Final Thoughts.

I had a thought yesterday following a conversation with a neighbour:
I find it ridiculously hard to start conversations , but once started I find it more difficult to end them, I don’t seem to recognise the body language that says ‘bugger off , we’re done here’ & continue to witter on, until it gets awkward or the other party (as happened yesterday ) gets interrupted by a 3rd party.
I wonder if this is related to my autistic self. I wonder if other autistic folks have a similar experience ?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 188 , Friday 03/05/2024

Up early this morning despite Mrs S. being on holiday & me feeling ruff as a bears bum due to nightmares overnight & what I am now calling EDFitis - the whole thing with the dizziness & the nausea.

I made breakfast & hung out the laundry , spending some time roaming the Fediverse before hitting FO4.

Continued the Supernatural fest this evening.

Final Thoughts.

I’m supposed to go to a family birthday do tomorrow, I hope I’m well enough !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 184 , Monday 29/04/2024

Monday already!

Up at just before 6 , dizziness made itself known because why not !

Walkies nonetheless , even though walkies at the moment is merely an unpleasant means to an end.

FO4 was the order of the day , Mrs S. offered to go clothes shopping with me this afternoon but I was just not up for mixing with my fellow humans today.

Final Thoughts.

Once again the plans I made for getting stuff done in a day have fallen by the wayside , I guess I got out for a walk & got my basic shores done so it wasn’t a total write off.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 179 , Thursday 25/04/2024

TL:DR A hardy Squirrel braving the elements while feeling under the weather. Starting once more to enjoy things. Hey there might be an end in sight for the whole energy billing thing !

Woke to a fairly dismal day.
Dizzy, nauseous ,exhausted & that was before I set out on my (admittedly short) walk. Just caught the edge of the rain as I turned into our street.

I realised this morning that I cannot read people to save my life, texted a dear friend this morning, heard nothing back, so I’m getting paranoid , turns out she had an early appointment. Duh!
Yeah Squirrel, other people have lives! (I’d add ‘too’ there but it’s really not warranted.)

So I sit here hot coffee in my hand, ice bottle under my right foot (for the PF) & contemplate life, the universe & everything & arrive at the answer 43 …. Ooops 🙄🤦‍♂️

Bit more with it this afternoon, in the sense that I actually got into an ESO session - hey don’t mock it , at the moment that is a move in the right direction !

In other news Octopus Energy appear to be able to read our gas meter remotely ! This , if it is a permanent state of affairs, is huge ! We have fought for so long to get the energy meter readings correct & make best use of the smart meter tech.
The only fly in the ointment is that the IHD is not showing gas usage.. hey ho.

Final Thoughts.

It would be nice to see the energy related issues finally resolved in my lifetime !

Getting past the dizzy spells & exhaustion would be grand too!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 177 , Tuesday 23/04/2024

TL:DR

Up at around 6:15am, Mrs S. kindly let me have a lay in.
Did breakfast then a quick torture session aka walk. 2 thoughts on that :

1. The weather witches lied - it was not due to rain till around 10am, it rained that horrible fine stuff around 7:30 !
2. If my smart assed watch whinges at me in that snotty red tone about being ‘below the zone’ it’s gonna end badly for it !

You can tell I’m in a happy, well balanced mood today can’t you 😆

So got an email from Octopus says that a) they had updated the billing system to reflect the right tariffs & b) fixed the Gas meter (it’s not been transmitting) .

Have no proof about the tariffs yet but the gas meter isn’t showing on the IHD still 🙄🤦‍♂️

I wanted to play ESO this afternoon but could not pull the motivation together.

Finished the day watching some random thing that we recorded for herself.

Final Thoughts.

I feel like I am teetering on the edge of another bout of full on depression. The signs are all there, the exhaustion, the lack of motivation the lack of enjoyment in hobbies.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 177 , Monday 22/04/2024

Up around 6am this morning , slept but not a refreshing sleep, I have been exhausted all day.
Some of this is undoubtedly down to the fact that SAD has been kicking due to the grey, wet conditions, but not all, I wonder if I’m more stressed than I thought.

Managed to play a little ESO this afternoon so that kept me off the streets.

Final Thoughts.

Another quiet day, so tired , I wonder what that is about?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 172 , Thursday 18/04/2024

TL:DR Another day closer to the day I can simply rest.

Up at crack of sparrows fart to make Mrs S. her breakfast.
Emptied the dishwasher & hung up the laundry , then managed to get out for a walk in the sunshine.

I think I must be a serial ‘kind’ person. Don’t get me wrong, I can be just as nasty as anyone & I have perfected passive aggression into an art form - but I need to be really riled before these offensive weapons come into play.
But, & here’s the thing, I cannot help but do RAKs (random acts of kindness) especially for the ones I love.
For example I come home from a walk & find that Mrs S. has made her mid-morning snack & left the dishes for me. As I’m washing up I swear to myself that I will not make her lunch, no way, nope , nada !
Come lunchtime I will cave & make her lunch because that is who I am.
Or maybe I am just weak?

Yes I made her lunch 🙄🤦‍♂️

Just to rub it in, she finished at 16:45 & stayed upstairs ignoring me until … you guessed it , it was time for me to make tea when as if by magic she appeared! 😔

Final Thoughts.

The meek will not inherit the earth, we will simply be ground into the dust.

Off on a tangent here …
I wonder if its an ASD thing, a ‘normal’ thing or a ‘me’ thing that I wake up with a host of things I plan to do but by the time I’ve got to the other side of doing my daily chores & dealt with being triggered by herself I am completely de-motivated. I have no energy these days - even when it’s sunny (although I do have more energy on sunny days , just not enough) .

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 162 , Monday 08/04/2024

TL:DR My mother warned me there’d be days like this ! (Not really she never knew I was autistic .)

Up at 5:45am, not by choice I might add!

Breakfast, being abused by the mogs & then chores started the day.

It’s really weird what triggers me.
So our new neighbours across the street from us (who I have met 1 half of (Bev) once ) asked us to be key holders while they are away for 2 weeks . Which is fine.

Me being me started doing the job properly & popping over of a morning & of an evening just to check it was all locked up.

Just went over (circa 10am) & did my checks & it turns out they have a Ring doorbell.
I’m walking away & this voice shouts out ‘Hello?’
Long story short, it turns out it’s Ian , Bev’s hubby (who I have yet to meet) wondering why I’m wandering around the property. I explain & it’s all good.
Only it isn’t … I feel like I’ve been caught burgling the place , anxiety levels are thru the roof & I’m close to closing down as I write this.
It has destroyed the whole morning - I KNOW this is illogical, I KNOW I’m catastrophising but I cannot shake the feeling I have done something wrong !
I don’t want to feel this way again so I will be giving the place a once over from our front door for the duration.

So spent the afternoon on ESO hiding away form the world !

Final Thoughts.

I always thought the catastrophising was a function of my depression , now I’m not so sure. I do know that social interaction with anyone I don’t know freaks me out.
Humaning is hard - am Squirrel !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 148 , Sunday 24/03/2024

Up around 6:30 I spend a decent chunk of time reading until Mrs S. woke up.

We had a quite relaxed day, chilling out, watching movies & generally slobbing out.

Had some good times on Mastodon today, I have such wonderful friends on here!

My feet are sore, something I suspect I need to get used to so we will say no more about it.

Final Thoughts.

Sometimes quiet days help keep us sane.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 146 , Friday 22/03/2024

TL:DR Up early, walkies done, pressies wrapped, ESO played! ASD slowly being understood.

Up at 6:30am despite herself being on holiday, I had hoped for a bit more of a lay in.

I was on my own for most of the day as herself was out with her Mum.

Went for a walk - I’m paying for it now my foot is killing me! Walk in the morning, limp the rest of the day !

Took the opportunity to wrap pressies for Mrs S. I thought that might be classy it being her birthday tomorrow and all .

I managed to get a couple of hours on ESO before herself got home, tweaking the new spec on my character, I’d be good at this if only I could stop dying !

On a ‘Silent Witness’ fest , we’re on series 26 so can’t be too many left !

Final Thoughts.

Slowly coming to grips with the official diagnosis, some of the findings are a little mind bending , at least I can now say for certain - I officially don’t understand people.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 145 , Thursday 21/03/2024

TL:DR An average day with a nice meal chucked in this evening for good measure!

Today has been an average day, did the usual things, got triggered by the usual things , hid away a little bit more.

We went out for tea , our new fave eatery does a ‘steak night’ on a Thursday & herself fancied it as a pre-birthday treat.

It was delicious !
Just a simple , but generous, sirloin steak with chips, a big field mushroom , a grilled tomato & a creamy peppercorn sauce ! YUM !

I’m not saying that I enjoyed it , but that plate had a pattern on it when I started!

We got back home for 8:30pm & , even though she’s off tomorrow , she vanishes upstairs & deserts me.
ESO beckons.

Final Thoughts.

I wonder if this whole weight management thing is worth it - perhaps I should enjoy all that the culinary world has to offer & accept the consequences, millions of others do after all, & all trying to fight it is doing is making me more miserable.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 144 , Wednesday 20/03/2024

TL:DR My hermit like tendencies are creeping back ; Yay for a clean coffee machine ; Who knew I was an anti-social git with all the subtly of a brick 😆 ;Will I ever forgive me? Stay tuned to future episodes !

Quiet day today, seems to be my SOP at the moment.
Hiding mode is starting to be engaged, why I’m not entirely sure.

Cleaned the coffee machine & zapped the shower cubicle with a weak bleach solution to combat the mould that has got a foothold while I’ve been ill.
Will try & finish cleaning the rest of the shower tomorrow.

Played some NMS this afternoon. Need to choose a new book !

Late this afternoon I got the ASD Assessment report that has been sent to my GP.

Whilst I did pursue this route & do see in myself a number of ASD traits the things the Psychiatrist picked up on while we were talking are disconcerting to say the least!
I hadn’t realised my social interaction was quite that lacking, but I guess there are some aspects of human communication and interaction that one cannot learn by mimicking others.
Sufficed to say , when I applied for the Pre-Sales tech consultant role, a move that ended my professional career, I never stood a Squirrel in Hell’s chance !

I will need to read this assessment several times for the full implications to become clear!

We settled down to watch TV with our tea when herself finished work, I did the dishes as per, then I went to change the hand towel & tea towel in the kitchen, only to find that herself had mixed them up when she put them away after they had been washed. This may seem trivial, but things like this trigger me because it’s not ‘right’.
When things aren’t ‘right’ it is physically & mentally distressing. I guess this is my ASD expressing itself.

So now I’m tired & triggered & wanting to hide. Can’t wait for her to desert me & bugger off upstairs!

Final Thoughts.

Wow, it comes as a shock to realise , at 56 , just how poorly one fits in with NT society. I have (not surprisingly given recent revelations) never been a ‘people person’ I am utterly at sea with subtle body language & can only really recognise emotions when they are unambiguous & out in the open.

I wonder how long it will take for me to forgive myself for not being a greater success professionally, given what I am now coming to understand about myself?

I wonder if I will ever move away from being my own worst critic ?

On a positive note I can now tell my Dad that my shit school reports were not all down to laziness !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 137 , Wednesday 13/03/2024

Bit better weather for walking this morning, I left early because I needed to be outside & on my own.

Walked up to the village again , 3.6km in just under an hour, but I did stop a couple of times.

After cleaning up after herself I finally got breakfast just after 9.

Watched ‘The Martian’ one of my top movies, especially when I’m down.

Finished the afternoon with a bit of an NMS session, noticed that , on my main save, I have 4.5 billion credits ! I’m a billionaire 😜😂

Final Thoughts.

I’m getting more an more anxious about Friday, & simultaneously getting more & more reclusive.
I need to get my desk cleared again tomorrow - it may be a case of chucking all the junk on the floor out of sight!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 132 , Friday 08/03/2024

TL:DR Walking is on the way to becoming a daily thing. I realised today that folks I have told about being ASD are avoiding me !

Overslept this morning , managed to catch herself in passing as she left the house to go to the office.
Is it the sign of a healthy relationship that we see each other for about 3 hours a day, even when she’s working from home.

Went for a walk again today - got a new ‘short’ route to go fwd with. At 2.5km - about 4500 steps - it’s not dead long but there is a mix of terrain & some steep bits so it’s not a bad route at all. It should be fairly picturesque in the right conditions (so long as I look away from the new new housing estate! )

I have discovered something disconcerting, not upsetting per-se but defo disconcerting.
With the exception of the lovely Peeps on Mastodon, most of the older people I have told about my ASD have not been in touch since I told them.

I know a number of people on here are actively resisting assessment because of the fear of stigmatism but that has never been a problem for me (& still isn’t ). I am surprised at the fact that (in the case of my Uncle & Aunt & my Dad) folks that have known me literally all my life now want even less to do with me than they did before.

I’m a loner, always have been (with the exception of herself) , so never been that close to my family , certainly not since I moved away from my parents, but to not hear from any of the seniors (or indeed my friend across the road , who I told a few weeks ago) is, as I say, disconcerting.

Despite others reactions I am steadfast in my resolve to get a proper diagnostic assessment ,I NEED to know . Bollocks to what others think. If they think that I am suddenly different because I know why I am the way I am then that is on them!

Watched ‘The Godfather’ for the very first time (yes I know ! ) I can see why it is something of a cult movie.
Got Parts 2 & 3 on my movie radar.

Managed to squeeze in an hour or so of NMS in, wanted to finish Phase 2 of the rerun of Omega but got distracted , so I now have objectives in every phase complete , but only phase 1 completely finished.

Watching ‘Silent Witness’ with the help of a couple of pints of cider & a pizza.

Final Thoughts:

We like to think that 2024 western civilisation has reached the point where things like mental health stigmatisation are in the past. Sadly this is not the case.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 4 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 113 , Sunday 18/02/2024

TL:DR ESO, shopping, my heart is still broken - but it is healing slowly!

Just realised that I’m failing to record the 12 hours or so overnight … my Nuggan you must all be holding your collective breath wondering what happens in those mysterious ‘lost hours’

So last night - ESO till about 10pm then read for an hour then slept like a baby, although I woke up hot n sweaty so I wonder what I got up to last night ?

Up around 7am this morning , chatted with @pixy for a while then breakfast.

My bestie was feeling well enough for us to polish off some more of the NMS Omega expedition this morning which was super enjoyable!

Went on a much delayed Costco run around 11am, it was busy but not stupidly so so the actual shopping experience was not too bad.
The exertion caused me to be breathless & dizzy, but the pain saved itself for when I had to put the shopping away when we got home. Mrs ‘leave it to me’ left the stuff neatly stacked on the floor below the cupboards where they actually live ! I truly wish I could trust her to do stuff , rather than ½ doing it - I hate being the responsible adult all the time, it really isn’t in my makeup !

I had to rest this afternoon , so we binge watched ‘The Reunion’ .

I totally failed on the resisting temptation front & ended up having Scampi & chips from our favourite takeaway. In my defence there was a decent side salad with it so it practically healthy !
I’m wondering whether I can class cider as a health drink - it’s made of apples after all !

Final Thoughts.

Ok totally bored with health issues at the moment, I know that these are simply the weeds growing from seeds sown over a life time , but even so!
I often wonder what life would have been like without the depression & ASD tripping me up at every turn.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 4 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 105 , Saturday 10/02/2024

TL:DR Gamin, relaxin , pizzerin & moviein. Yeah I know I made the last 2 up 😆

Yay for Saturdays , feeling better & stronger every day, although the chest pains & dizzy spells let me know when I’m in danger of pushing too hard again!

Got an hour or so playing co-op with CDP 🧚‍♀️ , which was great 😊

Quiet afternoon then a couple of movies over a pizza.

Final Thoughts.

Saturdays are good for the soul 😊

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 5 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 83 Friday 19/01/24

TL:DR Ups & downs.

So today was a reasonable day , up at 5 after nearly 7 hours of sleep.

Had a chat with my Bestie & then did chores & ticked off a couple of things that I have kept putting off.

I’m hoping to get up in the loft tomorrow & de-install the extractor fan so I can give it a good clean , a task originally scheduled for the beginning of December last year !

Got some EOS co-op time this afternoon, it has to be said I’m pretty poor at it, it seems. I am too enthusiastic & tend to forget that others are with me.

I often wonder why folks bother with me, I’m fat, inactive & anti social. I have so many MH issues one could fill a book with the acronyms !

I often wonder , if I were free, if anyone would fall for the person I am now. There truly isn’t much to recommend me - I think me n herself stay together out of habit, we share little in common, & I am more a parasite than a symbiont these days .

Hey ho, it is what it is, we march forward because there is no going back !

Final Thoughts.

I’m not sure why my mood has dropped so suddenly, it has not been a bad day, but sometimes I struggle to keep my dislike of myself under wraps & self doubt creeps in along with everything else.

A massive thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves