DziadekMick

vger , 2 days ago to actuallyadhd

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

A week ago, I've got my official Autism/ADHD/AuDHD diagnosis. during this week, I've been thinking of one of my problems that has the biggest impact on my wellbeing: hobbies.

For this example I will focus on my hobby of computer gaming, but it happens with pretty much anything. My brain works the following way: I see a new game which I immediately want to try out. I buy that game, play it, have lots of fun with it, but after about 10-20 in-game hours, I lose interest. I happen to watch gamers on YouTube or Twitch, so my brain sees the next game it wants to try. I buy it, 10-20 hours later its uninteresting. This behaviour of seeing new shiny games continues to happen, but heres the actual problem: I've now accumulated several hundreds of games, with a few dozen favorites.

My brain now wants to play a particular game I already own and then starts an internal discussion, why it wants to play that game, and not another one. My ADHD argues, that it would take many hours to continue that game and I would not have enough time to play other exciting games (no matter if I already own them or not). But my Autism wants to fully focus on that game and also on any other game I find exciting. This internal fight causes a lot of stress and I pretty much just burn-out by not playing any games, but just debating which one I should play.

Like I've said, this affects any other hobby as well. So it's not just the internal debate on what game to play, but also what to do besides gaming. I see new interesting stuff: I want to try it out. And when I want to try it out, it's always "all-or-nothing" for me. I want to fully engulf myself in that new hobbie and try out every aspect of it. But the sheer thought of going through it and not having time for other exciting stuff burns be out and there are weeks where I end up not doing any hobby. And when I do that, I get depressed because I didn't spend time with my hobbies.

I'm not sure what I'm asking here. This feels like a really big problem to just take some advise and find a solution. After all, I've had this for the past 10+ years. But after my diagnose it feels like the first time in my life that I have an explanation for this behaviour. My current strategy is finding out which type of games I really enjoy and then just have one or two games per genre that I can play when I have an itch for the genre. But hey, guess what my brain does instead: it starts an argument about why I want to play this genre and not that genre.

Do any of you have similar problems?

chevalier26 , 28 days ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic Any tips on how to deal with imposter syndrome? 😅 It's really been affecting me lately, and I'm not sure why.

I feel like I can never quite be certain that the things I KNOW are true about myself are actually true, like my brain is willingly playing tricks on itself.

JeremyMallin , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

I'm sitting in the dark, with the window blinds closed, because I feel like I just need it that way right now for no discernable reason. This is probably what my therapist means by nervous system regulation and emotional regulation. 🤔

I really like sensory deprivation—sometimes even more than others.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

sebwhatever , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic tell me you are #actuallyautistic without telling me you are autistic. #askingautistics

pathfinder , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

For me, knowing I was different was just something I grew up with. As I aged and progressed through school, it was only ever amplified as those around me grew in ways that I didn't and that I couldn't seem to either, no matter how much I tried. In fact, my attempts to do so were often met with ridicule and contempt, more than any real sense of encouragement or accomplishment. In fact, so many of the judgements I received never seemed to be based on the effort I was putting in, the progress I was making, but on where, or how, I should be instead. Praise only ever seemed to come from excelling, even if for me it was simply what was expected, the point of the whole process, or because it was, in fact, easy. Either way, it always seemed meaningless.

Is it any wonder, then, that I have always had a problem with judging myself fairly. I grew up in a world that was not made for me and judged and expected to conform to its standards. I can see that now. But, back then I had no such understanding. I had nothing to compare myself to, no guide to follow. What understanding there was of autism was biblically bad and certainly nothing I could see myself in. All I knew was that I was always misjudged, or blamed for things that were outside my control. That all too often I was underappreciated for the progress I was making and blamed for the progress I couldn't make. Is it any wonder, then, that in the end all I could come to believe was that I was broken somehow and that this was why I was so obviously to blame and at fault all the time.

Or that my sense of self-esteem suffered. It's hard to judge yourself fairly, when you are doing so against the wrong values. It's even harder to judge yourself when you have no true mirror to see yourself in. Or, when others never to seem to see you either. It's easier to fall into the trap of believing that only perfection will do, that it's your only chance, and only the sort of perfection that can never be attained.

Even now, I'm prone to doing this. That always improving, is the key to eventually value. To judging myself against impossible standards and expectations. To dismissing where I am, because it's never enough and seeing praise as unwarranted because of that. It is a hard habit to break, a response trained into me by a lifetime of feeling wrong and of that wrongness being pointed out. It is, perhaps, one of the hardest things about realising that I am autistic. Because, whilst I do have a mirror to see myself in now. Actually getting myself to look fairly, after all these years, is really hard.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

aevole , 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

I feel the need to be fully autistic. I just don't know what to do to really be myself 😅🤷🏻‍♀️ #actuallyautistic
If you have any tips, please share 🥰
@actuallyautistic

Jobob , 4 months ago to actuallyautistic

So, a question for undiagnosed late realised @actuallyautistic folks.
Your work makes a change and it saves them money but plays actual havoc with all of your traits that you're still learning to recognise as autistic. You tell them about the impact it has on you and they completely dismiss your complaint, saying its fine for most people.
If there was a diagnosis it'd basically be indirect discrimination. But there isn't, and no prospect of one any time soon.
What do you do?

pinkpenguin , 4 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic
#actuallyautistic #audhd

does anybody know a polite and societally acceptable way to phrase

"dear colleagues,
i would love to spend my lunch break with you, but if i do so my brain has to spend 30-50 minutes being a) completely overwhelmed by the amount of social context and b) severely depressed about its inability to participate in any form of group conversation.
if i am lucky this means a whole workday without a proper break, when unlucky this gets me an extra little mini meltdown in the afternoon which then renders me unable to work for several hours / the rest of the day.
love, pinkie"

unabogie , 6 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

Since my diagnosis, I have realized the main reason I never considered that I was autistic is because every depiction of autism I ever saw was so far from my own experience. But if anyone wants to understand it better, seek out books written by autistic people instead of those discussing it from the outside.

theautisticcoach , 7 months ago to actuallyautistic

What are some of my #ActuallyAutistic comrades' favorite scents?

Mine are lavender, vanilla, orange blossom, and pizza.

When you're feeling dysregulated, it's always good to keep something with it on hand to come back to center.

#AskingAutistics @actuallyautistic

sahat , 7 months ago (edited 7 months ago) to actuallyautistic

sometimes I read something on here a personal account or something political, that moves me. It often takes until the next day or even several days before I know why and what it is, that I would like to reply to that. most the time I don't, cus I can't find the original post anymore or because I assume, it's too late. Sometimes I then write up a long long post. About this issue and all the implications and my experience and so on.
That's just the way my brain functions. I can't help it. There seems to always be too much in it. Too many threads connecting too many things and too deep feelings. I wonder whether I should quit this alltogether and rather dump my hyperconnected brain's content into a blog. On the other hand, I love the community on here. All of this presents exactly the same in my offline life.

the @actuallyautistic community has helped me so much in trying all of this out, reflecting on it and receiving encouragement. In my initial unmasking phase I got a ton of flag from NT on my style of communication and the intensity of it. I knew I needed to learn and adjust.
I'm often way fast actually. All of these patterns and connected issues flash into my mind right away. But creating a bridge of communication takes time. Mastering the intensity and the volume of it. The impatience. The need to balance my physical.emotional mental energy finding ways to stim or otherwise relax that work. After decades of masking and suppressing some of the actual content I had to find a whole new way of expressing myself truthfully. With all of that extra ND energy and views included. It was rough at the beginning.
This space here was important to me in being able to have helpful and loving feedback and being able to take all of those baby steps. Thank you all.
#AuDhd #ActuallyAutistic #adhd

AutisticAdam , 8 months ago to actuallyautistic

When talking to autistic people, especially in the workplace or at school, be absolutely clear and unambiguous about instructions.

Especially don't leave anything unsaid, or to be assumed. If you do that there's a good chance it won't be done, because you didn't ask us to.

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

AutisticAdam , 9 months ago to actuallyautistic

The autistic urge to reveal everything you know about a topic you like the second someone brings it up, feeling as though you may burst if you don’t, even though the person you’re speaking to probably has only a mild interest in the subject and will be shocked by your passion.

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic