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@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social cover
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

CuriousMagpie

@[email protected]

🪶 Welcome 🪶

I'm unabashedly curious about everything. Wandering the hills of western Massachusetts (🌎 USA) with my canine companion Sadie.

#nobot #noai #noindex #nobridge

❣️Lover of 🤔speculative fiction, 🏞️ biodiversity, 👩🏻‍🦯long rambling strolls, 🌾 flora & 🐙fauna, 🏔️mountains & 🌊ocean, ☸️ethics, 📝 words & 🎁 meaning-making, looking outward & 🔭inward🔬 ... 🌀 AuDHD Elder

Living on unceded land of the Muh-he-conneok ~ People of the Waters that are Never Still.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Do my comrades have a good relationship with their families of origin?

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic 🤣😂🤣 No.
I have two younger sisters - one I have no contact with, she is a cruel and controlling person and has been since childhood - the other I have rare contact with, we don’t know each other at all and she is either unable or unwilling to develop a relationship. I have regular contact with my mom, but it’s an act of compassion for a lonely elderly person. None of them are people I would choose to spend time with. It took a while to come to peace with it.

VeeRat , to actuallyautistic
@VeeRat@zeroes.ca avatar

@actuallyautistic

I told my mother that I am Autistic. I am in my 50s, she is in her 70s. I had not wanted to talk about it with her for a very long time now, because she tends to believe that anything like that is caused by her being a "bad mother"; she bought into that hype from a long time ago, and never let it go.

I got the expected response. She said that she doesn't think I'm Autistic, because she bases her knowledge of Autism on the people who make the news due to NT people thinking they are gifted or strange, and on movie characters like Rain Man. She said it's ok that I investigate Autism "if it makes you feel better". Not that I was asking her permission.

Then when I was listing behaviors of mine that I attribute to Autism, she said, "I do those things too." I said, "yeah, it is hereditary...". But she would never investigate it about herself. She could never accept the label for herself, or for me.

I don't know why I try. I guess I do find some peace with myself having told her, because I felt bad talking about it so much with other family members, without her knowing. I still don't feel the need to talk with her about my cPTSD from childhood; I know I won't get a good response to that.

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@VeeRat @actuallyautistic We each need to make the decision about who to reveal ourselves to. We can trust ourselves to know what’s the best choice at the time.
I’m in my 60s and my mom in her 80s. Is she ND? Absolutely. But, like your mom, she has no context. It would only cause pain for her and me.
I absolutely will not reveal to my sisters - for them it would be more ammunition for cruelty.
I’ve told only a few friends who I trust.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

For those of my comrades who understood that they're autistic later in life, did you find that the realization helped you get your life into a better spot? Or did it make things more complicated?

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic It’s given me a necessary perspective to understand the many complications I’ve experienced - and I’m grateful.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Good morning comrades!

How long does it typically take you to "boot-up" in the morning?

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic 2 hours minimum - 3 hours is best for me

18+ CuriousMagpie , to actuallyautistic
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

I haven’t informed myself about trauma the way I have about AuDHD and I need suggestions for coping and resources.

I was blindsided into a 3 way phone convo with my abusive sister after 2yrs of no contact and I’ve spiraled into intense anxiety depression and anger. I had no idea my reaction would be like this.

@actuallyautistic

18+ CuriousMagpie , to actuallyautistic
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar
stevesilberman , to random
@stevesilberman@newsie.social avatar

Congratulations to @drrobertchapman.bsky.social , whose new book, "Empire of Normality," out today, is a radical critique of capitalism from a pro-neurodiversity perspective. It's brilliant. My endorsement is here. https://www.plutobooks.com/9780745348667/empire-of-normality/

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar
theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

My teacher of blessed memory, Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi taught, "every Shabbat is a bit of the future condensed and brought into the present. It is not for living in the past. It calls for seeing differently. One dreams of the future in terms of the trends of today, though some of these have not yet come to discernment. On Shabbat we envision as yet unrealized futures"

I wish all of my comrades a Shabbat and weekend of possibility, of growth, and a taste of a better future for us and for all of humanity.

@actuallyautistic @mazeldon

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic @mazeldon A good Shabbos to you as well, Matthew 🕯️

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar
CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Personal to Global: A small, tidy home with a small pack of dogs, surrounded by trees and gardens, in a world of peace and kindness where all beings are flourishing.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How did my comrades come to know that they’re autistic?

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I was following Leah McElrath on twitter and when she was diagnosed she posted about her experiences that felt so familiar to me. I started looking into adult diagnoses and dipping into online communities. I got an “official” diagnosis 3 years ago at 62 mostly because I’m fascinated by how tests are used (they are mostly terrible).

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Good evening comrades!

Who are some of your favorite musicians that bring you a huge smile?

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Te Vaka, Lawrence Laughing, Mariza are three who come to mind.

ScottSoCal , to actuallyautistic
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@actuallyautistic

So my mother died. Not unexpected, because she was in her 80s, but not expected because we haven't spoken for about 10 years. I feel like I'm balancing on a point, ready to fall off, but I don't know which way I'm going to fall. How do I feel about this? Truly, deeply, have absolutely no idea.
Alexithymia is real, right now.

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@ScottSoCal @actuallyautistic Be gentle with yourself as you move through this.

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Neurokin, how do you feel about video meetings vs. in-person meetings?

I find them SO much easier and less draining!

This study says we get less neuro feedback from them and I think that's why I like them.

https://neurosciencenews.com/zoom-conversations-social-neuroscience-24996/

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@dyani @actuallyautistic Video is much better than in person and email is better than video - asynchronous gives me time to process.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

I've been working on a definition for Autistic Burnout for the past couple of years.

To date, there are a number of definitions and understandings of this most dangerous phenomenon.

To me, Autistic Burnout is a profound and enduring state of exhaustion paired with a partial to total loss of particular abilities resulting from the chronic and relentless denial of our fundamental autistic needs by society and those around us and an overabundance of demands and stimuli without sufficient recovery time.

It is characterized by several interconnected factors, including a continual sense of emotional and sensory overwhelm, a persistent dysregulation of our nervous system, and a profound alienation stemming from both camouflaging, not being heard or understood, and at times, encountering disbelief or even hostile responses to one's autistic experiences.

We can continue to break this down into a bunch of various nuances and we should. There are levels (some say 4, some 5, some 6) and I think all can agree that not all burnouts are the same. I think we can also agree that more humans are in burnout than we may suspect.

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Yes - this is definitely me. I can look back and see the six year slide into full on burnout that’s lasted about three years now. I’ve learned to be patient and kind to myself.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Okay late diagnosed & older autists. What do we do when we retire? I’m reasonably social, in a purpose driven way if that makes sense. My “special interests” have usually revolved around my current stage &/or work - parenting, studies, teaching etc. Retirement as a special interest? @actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@Susan60 @actuallyautistic I love being retired! I love being able to move through the days at my own rhythm. I am so relieved that I no longer have to spend time with people I don’t enjoy.
I read whatever catches my fancy, go for long rambling walks with , spend time with friends, and wait for curiosity to lead me to new experiences.

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@Susan60 @actuallyautistic I have deliberately been exploring letting go of structure and direction as well as purpose. Prioritizing be-ing instead of do-ing. My entire adult life was all about taking care of others - at home, at work, in relationships - and striving to live up to my potential.
I am fully AuDHD and it is so much less stressful now.
I know it’s easier to do this since I don’t live with any other people and my primary daily obligation is my dog.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Are you a carrot or a stick person when it comes to getting your day started? Or neither?

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Morning is - and always has been - a challenge for me. I don’t schedule anything before noon and take my time s l o w l y. When I was working (retired now) and a single mom, morning was pure hell.

djvanness , to academicsunite
@djvanness@mastodon.social avatar

I'm going out on a limb here, but maybe... just MAYBE...

...the reason why so many people in the USA don't believe in the value of a college education anymore is BECAUSE we are running our universities like businesses, and not because we aren't.

@academicchatter @academicsunite

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@djvanness @academicchatter @academicsunite “Here’s your degree, would you like fries with it?”
When I was teaching, students were encouraged by the admin to see themselves as customers and faculty as their employees who owed them good grades and an eventual degree. I left.

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Autistic people are often attracted to one particular line in a song and will sing that one line aloud or in their brain for days, possibly in the singer’s accent. This may be considered a form of stimming, as well as a form of echolalia.

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@Jobob @CynAq @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Jingle Bell Rock kept me calm and focused when a blizzard swept in as I was driving home with my infant daughter. I sang it for the entire drive.

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@f1337 @housepanther @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic All of my rewritten songs end up with lyrics about my dog and I sing to her while we’re driving. Mostly nursery rhymes 😃

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@ScottSoCal @f1337 @housepanther @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I absolutely believe he can hear you in his heart 💜

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

As many of you here, and as all of you who have met or worked with me, know, I am an Israeli.

I’m also a life long peace activist for Israel-Palestine.

Unfortunately, MANY of you have taken the last few days to attack me, call me a murderer, lecture me about the world I grew up and lived in for 35+ years of my life, dare to speak down to me and over me, erase my history and lifelong dedication for Palestinian rights, and even wished me to die.

Others of you have taken the opportunity to call me an antisemite, a race traitor, a horrible person, a hypocrite, a terrorist, and erase my history and lifelong dedication to Jewish life and making Israel a better place to live.

Yet, VERY FEW of you have asked how I am. How is my family? How are my friends? How are YOU?

Well, no. I have my family & friends in deep crisis. Many have lost their own other family and friends, parents, siblings, kids and lovers - some by bullets, others by fire, others by kidnapping. A comrade of mine lost his parents. An other had their 16 year old son taken into Gaza. Too many people I know or am connected to have been murdered or taken. And I use the word murder, not killed, because sleeping civilians in their home or at a party are not military combattants. Babies aren’t targets.

I also have Palestinian friends who have lost families in Gaza from the bombs currently falling from IDF planes. My heart aches for them too as theirs does for me.

But many of you only care about death when one side fits your own narrative and unformed and ignorant beliefs.

So no, I’m not OK. I’m not OK at all.

Keep reading in the next post

@actuallyautistic @mazeldon

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic @mazeldon I am so sorry Matthew that you continue to be the target of abuse from others. You have been so supportive of this community and deserve nothing less than support during this heartbreaking time. My prayers are with you and your loved ones - no matter their their heritage or religion, we are all human during a devastatingly difficult and dangerous time.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How long does it take my comrades to do a full laundry cycle? From putting to hamper to washer to dryer/to drying rack to folding to cupboard.

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I share the washer/dryer with 2 other apartments so I am quick about getting laundry in and out of the public space. Over the past few months I've also become timely about putting laundry away - it's been quite nice and I hope it lasts 😉

housepanther , to actuallyautistic
@housepanther@masto.goblackcat.net avatar

@actuallyautistic The anger in me wants to start a fight when I go back to work in one week for one week at my old agency. I just want to tell my current manager the unvarnished truth about how much she sucks as a manager. The fact that I am going to have to put on an extra thick mask is going to lead me to exhaustion next week.

I just want to tell her to go fuck herself but that wouldn't be wise. As much as it chaps my ass, I am going to go in, be civil, and polite. She's going to pretend like she cares that I am doing better mentally and I am going to pretend to care about doing some work for her.

I am too old to do this childish game of pretend. I am entirely too old for it. Why must we have politics in the workplace? Why is it asking too much to be left alone? I just want my task(s) assigned to me and then to be left the fuck alone to get them done.

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@housepanther @sal @actuallyautistic @j So so true. The head of our IT department in a state agency was remarkably incompetent and actually shut down the entire state system for a few hours by accident. Was he let go? No he was not.

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@housepanther @actuallyautistic when I was in these situations, quite often, I would first write a flaming letter to the person. Laying out everything clearly, with great rage. Then I'd rip it up and write a "more constructive" letter in the hopes that they might learn something. I felt very strongly that people should understand the harm they do. Or at least be told about it. (I didn't know about my AuDHD during my working years.)

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@housepanther @actuallyautistic There is also a kind of freedom to knowing it's your last few days 🎉

orangegoldgreen , to actuallyautistic
@orangegoldgreen@neurodifferent.me avatar

Reflecting this morning on the specific ways growing up undiagnosed autistic can lead to distrust of other humans. It's incredibly confusing to have so many demands/expectations of both your peers and people you're supposed to look up to lead to pain and discomfort, and even more alienating when you can't communicate about it in a way that those people would be able to understand because they don't experience life in the same way.

If this resonates with you, my inner child would like to offer your inner child a hug - no pressure or expectations. ❤️‍🩹


@actuallyautistic
@autistics

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@pathfinder @orangegoldgreen @actuallyautistic @autistics "My inner child happy flaps at yours"
I could not ❣️ this more!

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Someone who REGULARLY attends my free support group for adults cancelled their attendance citing that “I don’t take advice or consul from Jews who murder children, you’re probably not even autistic anyway”.

If you feel the same, feel free not to attend 🙏🏼

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic WT actual F?! I'm so sorry you were the brunt of their ignorant hate. It's a shocking experience, I know.

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

I'm autistic, so I guess it's natural that I will never, ever be able to understand exactly when is the correct time to add my point to a group conversation.

Watching the conversation move onto a totally different topic, while a really good point is left unsaid, is a very specific autistic sadness.

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@tkk13909 @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic ✅ it's a long fascinating list 😉

reginasbread , to random
@reginasbread@homo.promo avatar

I'm so tired of teenagers being "the chosen ones" in fiction. please, let a middle-aged woman save the universe! she's seen some shit and dealt with it. she's tired of it all. she doesn't give a fuck. she's angry. she will get this shit done.

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@reginasbread Woman on the Edge of Time by Marge Piercy, The Fresco and Gate to Women's Country both by Sheri Tepper, The Kingston Cycle books by CL Polk, Remnant Population by Elizabeth Moon are a few ...
@bookstodon

CuriousMagpie , to actuallyautistic
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

As someone who's had lifelong digestive issues, I really appreciated this piece.
@actuallyautistic https://stone-soup.ghost.io/grains-of-truth/?ref=stone-soup-newsletter

CuriousMagpie , to actuallyautistic
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@vee @actuallyautistic These are great questions.
The way I see it, the importance given to identity and personality come from the culture we live in. As a rule, NT folks seem to require labels and hierarchy. Most ND folks are willing to be in the flow of the moment and are less attached to permanent concrete identity.
Self/Essence is more of a lifelong emerging understanding based on ever-changing experiences.
1/2

ashleyspencer , to actuallyautistic
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Do you have music that you listen to over and over again?

There’s this one playlist that’s practically the only thing I listen to. It’s motivating and positive things to ingrain in my mind. Haven’t gotten tired of it and the playlist has been growing for over 2 years now.

Occasionally I’ll let the app mix and play music it thinks I’ll like, but mainly the same like 25 to 30 songs. I feel like this is one of my many autistic traits.

What about you?
@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@ashleyspencer @actuallyautistic when I was writing my master's thesis, I listened to Bruce Cockburn and Greg Brown all day every day. I went through a phase of listening to Portuguese fado music and medieval chants.
Now, I'm appreciating silence.

CuriousMagpie , to actuallyautistic
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

Interesting though slightly fluffy piece. I 🙄when the writer said it was "virtually unknown" when they actually meant, science hadn't yet verified it because they are the arbiters of truth. 😒
: what’s behind the phenomenon that makes certain sounds unbearable?
@actuallyautistic https://www.theguardian.com/science/2023/sep/17/misophonia-phenomenon-sounds-unbearable-new-book-dr-jane-gregory

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What does Autistic Masking/Camoflaging mean to YOU?

Not what the definition is. Not what people on social media say. We say that all humans are different. Masking fits into that too.

Some of us can’t mask btw.

What is it to YOU?

@actuallyautistic

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Until I was self- and then professionally dx'd I was masking all the time - trying to be like NT folks - and failing miserably.
Over the past two years, I've been slowly unmasking to myself - recalling and engaging in different stimming and not judging sensitivities. I'm also stopping myself from unnecessary social NT behaviors that don't fit me. It's a slow and interesting process.

marthawells , to random
@marthawells@wandering.shop avatar

There's a starting today from Recorded Books: the audiobook of Emilie and the Sky World, narrated by Channie Waites, is half off https://www.audiobooks.com/promotions/promotedBook/546415/emilie-and-the-sky-world?refId=97548

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@bookstodon Check out this audiobook sale of Emilie and the Sky World from @marthawells

Private
CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@zenforyen @actuallyautistic Here's a way to think about

CuriousMagpie , to random
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

Went to the hospital today for neurological testing. I saw only four other patients who were wearing a mask and no practitioners or staff. I honestly don't understand.
1/x

CuriousMagpie OP ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

I've never been treated like I was an imposition before at at medical facility - at check in, by the assistant, by the doctor. I don't know if it was the mask. My mind is spinning.
2/x

Private
CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@analgesicsleep @paul_ipv6 @Lynnd @constantorbit @bookstodon I regularly have eye issues so I switch to audio books until I can read again. They give me a different perspective on the story.

Private
CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy I have talked about it with my friends and some of my acquaintances. I have not disclosed it to my family - and may never. They are already manipulative and deliberately emotionally abusive. I've had to develop strong boundaries with them.

janbartosik , to bookstodon
@janbartosik@witter.cz avatar

Is there a story where the Martians are not an austere, reserved, spartan, militarized, conscientious and super techy bunch of people?

@bookstodon @scifi

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@janbartosik @bookstodon @scifi Out of the Silent Planet, the first of the Space Trilogy by CS Lewis.

Private
CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@ExcessivelyDiverting @bookstodon I love the 1995 version, of course, but I am also very fond of the 1940 version with Greer Garson and Lawrence Olivier. The dialogue is sparkling.

CuriousMagpie , to bookstodon
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

https://karawynn.substack.com/p/the-coming-enshittification-of-public-libraries
Overdrive/Libby through my local has been significantly important to me - the likely potential for its demise is so awful. We need collaborative organizations that can take over and enhance their work. @bookstodon

CuriousMagpie , to bookstodon
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

https://magazine.wellesley.edu/summer-2023/second-life This essay by Monica Byrne (The Actual Star) is so relatable for me - where is home? what is home? who are my kin?
@bookstodon

CuriousMagpie , to bookstodon
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar
lunalein , to bookstodon
@lunalein@federatedfandom.net avatar

bookish folks: who are the currently active writers you’d read just about anything by?

I’ve got quite a few (for instance, Akwaeke Emezi, who writes in wildly diverse genres, and Stephen Graham Jones brought this question to my mind).

@bookstodon

CuriousMagpie ,
@CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social avatar

@lunalein @bookstodon CL Polk, Martha Wells, Nnedi Okorafor, Ann Lecki, Victoria Goddard, Katherine Addison, NK Jemisen, Becky Chambers, Michelle Sagara West (I'm only including living authors)

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