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prime_number_314159 ,

There are details missing in this question that matter tremendously. Squirrels are faster and more agile than us. If they are well coordinated, and behave optimally to win (without concern to their individual survival, only the group’s success), I think it would take only a small number of squirrels to brutally murder most people, something like 5. I think their best strategy would be to go for the eyes first, then inflict bleeding injuries and escape again before the person can react. Without tools, and without backup, this approach wouldn’t take long to wear down most people.

If the squirrels don’t care about their own survival, but make straightforward attacks, I’d think closer to 10-20. The person’s injuries will still compound quickly, but once thet have a grip of a squirrel, it wouldn’t be especially hard to lethally injure.

If the squirrels still behave like squirrels, and are instead attacking because (for example), they are starving, then the number probably doesn’t matter much, as they’re more likely to go after each other, and the person would have the opportunity to plan and ambush small groups at a time.

original_reader ,

I am not sure whether I should be impressed or concerned by this amount of thought, detail and analysis.

Anything you’re not telling us?

prime_number_314159 ,

I’m mentally well, I just like thinking about hypotheticals. I have no plans (nor any desire) to fight any number of squirrels to the death, and I do not condone doing so as entertainment or sport.

Anyolduser ,

Sounds like something a squirrel fighter would say.

eezeebee ,
@eezeebee@lemmy.ca avatar

The person’s injuries will still compound quickly, but once thet have a grip of a squirrel, it wouldn’t be especially hard to lethally injure.

Personally I wouldn’t plan on gripping them at all. That’s asking for a bite. Unless you plan to just trade hits with them until you win? I’m thinking more of a stomping/kicking/striking strategy to do some crowd control and try to keep them off as much as possible.

Catoblepas ,

Everyone who thinks they could take a huge number of squirrels should consider what the jaws of a squirrel look like, how they were made for cracking open hard nuts, and what they could do to you if even one had it in its head to really hurt you:

https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/pictrs/image/1cf51990-3afc-4e5a-a4e1-bebd43b693f9.webp

I don’t think I could take more than a couple at a time, even if they weren’t coordinated in any way.

Grayox OP ,
@Grayox@lemmy.ml avatar

https://lemmy.ml/pictrs/image/c7632c16-54a2-4230-9571-507491098b7c.jpegOk im scared now.

moonlight ,

Wow, never would have guessed that a squirrel can just chomp through my bones

noughtnaut ,
@noughtnaut@lemmy.world avatar

Are they evil attack squirrels of death? If so, one should be plenty.

ShareMySims , (edited )

Depends how well trained/organised they are, I suppose?

bad nut

EleventhHour ,
@EleventhHour@lemmy.world avatar

My God, I hope I never find out

Juice ,

Probably less than I’d like to think. I’m afraid by the time I made the mental switch from “wow there sure are a bunch of these squirrels” to “if I’m going to survive this I’m going to have to stomp all these murderous little fuckers” it will have already been too late

potentiallynotfelix ,

Do infections count as a loss? If I get an infection from one and die, does that mean I couldn’t take them on? Also, is it one at a time or all of them coming at me.

flying_sheep ,
@flying_sheep@lemmy.ml avatar

Whoever dies first loses.

potentiallynotfelix ,

Ok, I could probably take on 50 at a time, maybe 150 if it’s one on one.

TachyonTele ,

Now I’m picturing squirrels lining up to fight someone like it’s a videogame

inb4_FoundTheVegan ,
@inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world avatar

As someone with mobility problems, honestly. I think one could finish me.

Buffman ,

Probably just one https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/50f5a01b-f9bd-499c-b664-fc34deadb732.gif

DashboTreeFrog ,

If they’re all ganging up at once, coming from all directions, I feel like it wouldn’t take that many to nip you in the nasties and go for the jugular.

Assuming there’s some kinda animal instinct where they know to go for vulnerabilities (some animals know to aim for hamstrings and necks right?) I’m not sure I could handle 10 unarmed and in regular clothes

CrimeDad ,

Maybe two. They are fast and bite really hard.

toomanypancakes , (edited )
@toomanypancakes@lemmy.world avatar

I could probably take down two, but when the third enters the picture I’m toast

I checked with hubs too and he thinks he could handle forty while wearing jeans and good boots

crawancon ,

I would use my human strengths and lure them out in waves by speed walking/jogging into middle of fields or similar open areas. regardless I would get them away from trees or other things they could use to jump down onto me. once I level their attacks to the ground, there I would kick and stomp my way to an endurant victory as they’d surely use some energy to escape where hopeful other predators are there to claim there symbiotic prize.

This strategy would likely work against 10-20 at a time. a few waves of them before I am cut down. guessing / hoping for 100 but probably only make it to 50.

if I really got into a squirrel stomping rhythm I bet I could get triple digits.

ok I’ve now given too much thought to this today. edit: now I’m picturing listening to slayer’s war ensemble and just thrashing squirrels around like a mosh pit of guts and chaos.

damniticant ,

So basically you’d kite the squirrel mobs

masterspace ,

And you said getting blisters from geometry wars was a sign I had a problem. Well who wasted their youth now mom!?

folekaule ,

Your move, Blizzard and Bethesda. This is the boss fight we need.

Today ,

Zero. I call my husband the squirrel whisperer. He makes a sound that draws the squirrels to him. If we’re in a park and he sits down, i have to walk away - within a few minutes a dozen squirrels will start creeping him and it’s terrifying!

TachyonTele ,

While I’m pretty good with animals, I think I could only convince maybe two of them to come with me in a fight to the death. But I think that’d be enough of a surprise against the other guy.

Late2TheParty ,
@Late2TheParty@lemmy.world avatar

I LOVE the amount of energy people put into their responses.

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