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Iapar ,

7

msage ,

No weapons for me or the squirrels?

potentiallynotfelix ,

Do infections count as a loss? If I get an infection from one and die, does that mean I couldn’t take them on? Also, is it one at a time or all of them coming at me.

flying_sheep ,
@flying_sheep@lemmy.ml avatar

Whoever dies first loses.

potentiallynotfelix ,

Ok, I could probably take on 50 at a time, maybe 150 if it’s one on one.

TachyonTele ,

Now I’m picturing squirrels lining up to fight someone like it’s a videogame

adespoton ,

Depends on how many ants and lions were present.

datavoid ,

The only things present are a large duck and a small horse

prime_number_314159 ,

There are details missing in this question that matter tremendously. Squirrels are faster and more agile than us. If they are well coordinated, and behave optimally to win (without concern to their individual survival, only the group’s success), I think it would take only a small number of squirrels to brutally murder most people, something like 5. I think their best strategy would be to go for the eyes first, then inflict bleeding injuries and escape again before the person can react. Without tools, and without backup, this approach wouldn’t take long to wear down most people.

If the squirrels don’t care about their own survival, but make straightforward attacks, I’d think closer to 10-20. The person’s injuries will still compound quickly, but once thet have a grip of a squirrel, it wouldn’t be especially hard to lethally injure.

If the squirrels still behave like squirrels, and are instead attacking because (for example), they are starving, then the number probably doesn’t matter much, as they’re more likely to go after each other, and the person would have the opportunity to plan and ambush small groups at a time.

original_reader ,

I am not sure whether I should be impressed or concerned by this amount of thought, detail and analysis.

Anything you’re not telling us?

prime_number_314159 ,

I’m mentally well, I just like thinking about hypotheticals. I have no plans (nor any desire) to fight any number of squirrels to the death, and I do not condone doing so as entertainment or sport.

Anyolduser ,

Sounds like something a squirrel fighter would say.

eezeebee ,
@eezeebee@lemmy.ca avatar

The person’s injuries will still compound quickly, but once thet have a grip of a squirrel, it wouldn’t be especially hard to lethally injure.

Personally I wouldn’t plan on gripping them at all. That’s asking for a bite. Unless you plan to just trade hits with them until you win? I’m thinking more of a stomping/kicking/striking strategy to do some crowd control and try to keep them off as much as possible.

MelodiousFunk ,

No weapons

Does mayonnaise count?

CrimeDad ,

Maybe two. They are fast and bite really hard.

Catoblepas ,

Everyone who thinks they could take a huge number of squirrels should consider what the jaws of a squirrel look like, how they were made for cracking open hard nuts, and what they could do to you if even one had it in its head to really hurt you:

https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/pictrs/image/1cf51990-3afc-4e5a-a4e1-bebd43b693f9.webp

I don’t think I could take more than a couple at a time, even if they weren’t coordinated in any way.

Grayox OP ,
@Grayox@lemmy.ml avatar

https://lemmy.ml/pictrs/image/c7632c16-54a2-4230-9571-507491098b7c.jpegOk im scared now.

moonlight ,

Wow, never would have guessed that a squirrel can just chomp through my bones

noughtnaut ,
@noughtnaut@lemmy.world avatar

Are they evil attack squirrels of death? If so, one should be plenty.

inb4_FoundTheVegan ,
@inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world avatar

As someone with mobility problems, honestly. I think one could finish me.

TachyonTele ,

While I’m pretty good with animals, I think I could only convince maybe two of them to come with me in a fight to the death. But I think that’d be enough of a surprise against the other guy.

Today ,

Zero. I call my husband the squirrel whisperer. He makes a sound that draws the squirrels to him. If we’re in a park and he sits down, i have to walk away - within a few minutes a dozen squirrels will start creeping him and it’s terrifying!

fraksken ,

1 or 2. If they go for the eyes, It may be a fight to the death with two.

Late2TheParty ,
@Late2TheParty@lemmy.world avatar

I LOVE the amount of energy people put into their responses.

EleventhHour ,
@EleventhHour@lemmy.world avatar

My God, I hope I never find out

Juice ,

Probably less than I’d like to think. I’m afraid by the time I made the mental switch from “wow there sure are a bunch of these squirrels” to “if I’m going to survive this I’m going to have to stomp all these murderous little fuckers” it will have already been too late

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