There have been multiple accounts created with the sole purpose of posting advertisement posts or replies containing unsolicited advertising.

Accounts which solely post advertisements, or persistently post them may be terminated.

Zacryon ,

Putting arbitrary numbers on people to measure their matureness is weird to me.

There are 15 year old people who are wiser and more mature than a lot with 50.

You can’t know without knowing the person.

threeduck ,
@threeduck@aussie.zone avatar

Well it’s not arbitrary is it. Any quantitative measure of maturity is definitely correlated with age.

Your “very mature” 15 year old is either an outlier, or an indictment on your ability to ascertain maturity.

Zacryon ,

Any quantitative measure of maturity is definitely correlated with age.

Is it? Do you have numbers on that?

The_Lopen ,

The numbers are not arbitrary. They are used to measure how long a person has been alive, which is kind of statistically significant, and yes, largely correlates with maturity. I’m not 26 mature points, I’m 26 years old.

Zacryon ,

and yes, largely correlates with maturity

That’s where we disagree. You say that as if it were a proven fact. If you got studies on that, please report.

My point is, that at least from my experience there is a lot more to maturity than mere age. And you can’t really know if you just superficially look at someone and their age.

Rolando ,

Imagine the following scenario: you meet someone in college, and when you graduate at 22 you don’t want to split up. They say sure, let’s live together, but we need to get engaged; if it doesn’t work out we can just break it off. After a year you realize your lives are much better together. You decide to get married but not to have kids until you’re 30. If it doesn’t work out you can divorce, but you sign a prenup and at least no kids would be involved.

If you both have clear and compatible career goals, that scenario saves you a lot of dating drama and gives you valuable support. I wouldn’t call someone in that scenario “weird.”

variants ,

Yeah I’ve noticed at least a lot from my high-school group that dating for about 4 years is a good amount of time, me personally and a lot of close friends seemed to have hit their hardships in a relationship around that 4 year mark. Also moving is a good test about how you do in stress haha

terminhell ,

Been married for 10 years now. There’s one thing I’ve found to be the ultimate relationship tester:

Furniture Assembly.

If you can survive assembling a few pieces of IKEA puzzles together it’s probably going to last XD

shuzuko ,

Our way of surviving furniture assembly is for him to Go Away And Let Me Do It, because I can follow directions and he just tries to slap things together without looking xD

I love my husband! Knowing when to just let the other person get on with shit is a pretty good litmus test, I agree, lol.

terminhell ,

Maybe it’s bad luck, but half the time the instructions are physically impossible to follow on certain steps.

SomeKindaName ,

I just don’t get this. I’ve never had any issues putting together furniture or dated anyone who had trouble with it. I can’t think of a single ex where furniture assembly was an issue.

immutable ,

I think furniture assembly is more about being able to work together for a common goal and communicate what you need the other person to do and listen to what they need you to do.

For some reason a lot of people struggle to assemble ikea stuff (I honestly don’t know why, I’ve assembled dozens of items and it’s not rocket science). But there’s definitely been moments when I’ve been assembling some shelf and need my wife to assist with a two person step. If the assembly has been frustrating you have a really good test of how well can the two of you communicate through frustration and work together.

So maybe you are great at ikea assembly and don’t have the frustration factor, or you are a wonderful communicator and listener. For a lot of people though it’s that “this is the 12th step, I’m annoyed because I did the 9th step backwards and had to undo some shit, I’ve stripped this fucking screw… I’m gonna slide this piece and you need to guide it past the shelves, past them, you see how it’s hitting the fucking piece of wood, I need it not to do that!!!”

You probably shouldn’t marry everyone you can build a shelf with, but if you can’t effectively communicate when frustrated doing something trivial like building a shelf with someone you should work on that before tying the knot.

terminhell ,

^^^^ Exactly what I meant 😅

brbposting ,

Better than teaching stick shift?

If anybody still knows what that is!

root_beer ,

My wife and I have put many IKEA pieces together over the years, and she got her license at age 24 after I taught her to drive stick. We’ve been together 24 years, this coming Friday.

lightnegative ,

She leaves me to furniture assembly thankfully.

The ultimate relationship tester is: moving house

Either that or camping setup

ThatWeirdGuy1001 ,
@ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world avatar

I think the main point here is people around those ages aren’t fully capable of making those kinds of decisions in the first place.

There’s a reason why most marriages end in divorce after all.

Get married before you have a clue. Get a clue after being married a couple years. Get a divorce because you realize you had no idea what you were doing.

Lucidlethargy ,

This is 100% a data-driven fact. It can’t apply to everyone, but it’s a really great average.

Those who wait until after 25 have a 25% chance of not getting divorced.

Francois , (edited )

The way you phrased it is not quite what the study says.

They’re not “25% likely of not divorcing” (which would mean there’s a 75% chance of divorce).

They’re “25% less likely of divorcing”

captain_aggravated ,
@captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works avatar

What purpose does engagement and marriage serve there? “Must be this financially trapped to continue?”

Lifebandit666 ,

Met my now wife in high school. We’ve been together since high school.

We’ve been married for 5 years now.

I’m 40 next.

So kinda agree with the post, but not the sentiment that if you met your partner early you’re weird. I was lucky I met the love of my life so young. Just because you didn’t doesn’t mean I’m weird, just not as lucky as me.

hamburglar26 ,

My wife and I both met at the tail end of college in our early 20s, we knew pretty quickly what we had but we didn’t rush things other than moving in with each other after the first year. We didn’t get married for another 10 years.

I almost feel like weddings early on can put huge stress on a marriage. Even if you have somebody paying for it all it creates a lot of crap to deal with and you can get forced to meet and deal with a huge amount of new family members all at once instead of slowly integrating into those things over time. We had to pay for our wedding ourselves so had zero rush and invited only who we really wanted to be there, and while it was a blast it was still stressful. But holy shit that limo ride back to the hotel room when it was all over is a top 5 moment in both our lives.

Lifebandit666 ,

Yeah we got married on our 18th anniversary of being a couple. I always said I didn’t believe in marriage and I still think it’s a silly idea to be honest.

My argument was that we had made the choice to be together and to be an exclusive couple. There was zero need to get married to have that. It’s a certificate that costs a fortune just to have someone else tell us the terms and conditions of our relationship. I had proposed to her a few years into being together and we just remained engaged for a decade or more.

My Wife had an issue before the marriage where she would get odd looks off some people, some of the time, when our surnames came up. My kids had my surname and she had hers, and there’s still a stigma to that from some people.

So she changed her name legally to my surname at some point, so we even had that benefit without technically being married.

Then one day she just said “Hey should we get married? Doesn’t have to cost much at this point.” I had zero argument against it except the tired old arguements of “It’s just a bit of paper, we don’t need the State to tell us we’re together.” So we went ahead, and I picked the date of our anniversary so I didn’t have to remember another date.

It was a Monday so that immediately cut the people that didn’t wanna book a day off work, and it cost us £500 including food and venue (the pub over the road from our house which didn’t open during the day on a Monday). And it was a cracking day. We could just wander home if we needed anything, and when we’d had enough drinking we just toddled over the road.

As for the wedding night, my Wife still ribs me for the fact I just rolled into bed drunk and snored.

What we managed to do was prove that a wedding doesn’t need to be too much of a stress, or cost the earth, to be a meaningful event. It’s still a high-point in our lives, but we didn’t really gain anything from doing it.

One thing I will never understand is the people that think that it’s an important part of a relationship. A guy at work was talking about the length of his marriage. He is much older than me and was saying he had been married 40 years. I piped up that we had been together for 23 years and married for 5 and he just replied “Yeah but we’ve been married for 40 years” like the 18 years before our “ceremony” were meaningless. But this is the same guy that asked me yesterday if I was “A Fucking Puff or something” because I’ve painted my nails black. There’s a generation of people still alive that think like this and honestly, I hope it’s gone by the time my kids grow up.

dlrht ,

At what age are you supposed to know what you want for the rest of your life? You will never have an answer to that in any capacity, and not just in marriage. You evolve as a person, you’ll never have a fixed desire for your whole life. And that’s the great thing about marriage and relationships, they also evolve. And it’s about who you want to try doing that with

Kit ,

At what age are you supposed to know what you want for the rest of your life?

Maybe around the year that the brain finishes developing, which can vary from person to person but is typically around the mid 20s.

dlrht , (edited )

I see/hear about marriages started at 30+ 40+ 50+ all the time that fail. I see people pivot careers and industries in the middle years of their life. People tastes change all the time as they get older. Let’s not pretend that when your brain finishes developing you suddenly have life figured out/know exactly what you want

I generally agree that getting married before 24 is a pretty risky move and you have to have thought it through very carefully, but the argument that “you don’t know what you want for the rest of your life” is not the reason why that is. It relates more to life experience/emotional capability/massive foresight. Marriage is more than just “wanting something for the rest of your life”, it’s a commitment, it’s not just some eternal desire you may/may not have

InfiniWheel ,

I feel like it might come from the fact most relationships are pretty short before you are 24. Few people hold onto long lasting relationships by that age and few (at the time) short ones develop into anything reliable.

A former classmate of mine met a guy and got married after knowing him almost a year, like right out of highschool. Last I heard of her they went through a messy divorce couple of years later, which we all saw coming and tried telling her about.

dlrht ,

That sounds more like an issue with that person not being open/receptive to her peers advice. And I think this is true for many people beyond the age of 24 as well

agressivelyPassive ,

That might as well be an argument for child marriage.

dlrht ,

Uh, no. If you’re just a kid at 24 according to OP, when do you stop being a kid? When OP arbitrarily says so now? Could’ve sworn legal age meant something like “when you’re no longer a kid and can make your own decisions”. I mean I agree, 24 year olds are basically kids and still have a lot of life experience to gain. But they’re not actually children like you’re weirdly implying I’m saying

dudinax ,

You evolve all the time, but you might have some desires that are fixed for your whole life and you might realize it before you’re an adult.

Xttweaponttx ,

Wow, well said!

UnfortunateShort ,

I swear some people go out of their way to judge others for the most ridiculous things. Maybe try asking yourself why you are not happy about people finding love without going through half a dozen shitty relationships.

TrickDacy ,

Probably 75% of marriages like that don’t go well. OP is right.

BolexForSoup ,
@BolexForSoup@kbin.social avatar

There are enough readily available marriage stats that you don’t need to make one up .

DrBob ,

I want to normalize the use of statasstics for ass-pulled statistics.

Lucidlethargy ,

They were close, it appears to be 60%.

BolexForSoup ,
@BolexForSoup@kbin.social avatar

15% is a pretty big difference and the point still stands

Bunnylux ,
@Bunnylux@lemmy.world avatar

That doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing though. Divorce doesn’t have to be traumatic, and it should be more normalized.

TrickDacy ,

Wow, really? Sure is an expensive and necessarily painful thing to opt into or to normalize. I’d rather it be normalized to not get married in the first place.

naught ,

I think a divorce is like $80 where I am, but if you have to go to court obvs it’s a lot more. I spent almost nothing on my wedding, granted it was just friends and was an elopement. Marriage has big tax advantages for some, and it’s the only way my spouse was getting health insurance to survive this godforsaken wasteland. It also guarantees that they get a slice of my income if the unforeseeable happens and we split so they can survive.

I think people should not see marriage as the end goal, but be pragmatic about its costs and benefits, which I think you are getting at too

BolexForSoup ,
@BolexForSoup@kbin.social avatar

This is just another person who doesn’t want to get married that therefore thinks nobody else should be allowed to.

Bunnylux ,
@Bunnylux@lemmy.world avatar

All good points.

BolexForSoup ,
@BolexForSoup@kbin.social avatar

When he says normalize, he’s not saying it is something that people should seek out. In case that was somehow taken that way.

The problem is there is immense social pressure, especially against women, to never have a divorce. It is seen as a failure, whereas sometimes it is simply the result of circumstances beyond our control or is just something one person, or maybe both, need in their lives.

I am happily married. Like many people we have had our ups and downs. Every couple should do everything they can to repair their relationship and make it work. But sometimes it’s just not enough. Sometimes you weren’t supposed to be together, sometimes one person has some issue that they just will never resolve, sometimes you find out things about your partner or things emerged down the line. We are not prescient, things change. So people should feel very comfortable divorcing without all of the social baggage that comes with it. Because divorce is inevitable, it is never going to go away. And it is a viable decision for one to make.

As for marriage, you don’t have to participate and to say you just want it to go away is kind of ridiculous because we both know that is not going to happen. So we deal with reality and accept that divorce is part of the marriage landscape.

Bunnylux ,
@Bunnylux@lemmy.world avatar

It’s not that expensive, I did it for $400 amicably. We had a fun time while married and I don’t regret it. Why not just make it easier for people to do what they want and not punish young people for making decisions.

TrickDacy ,

And yet it’s costed others (every day) thousands to millions of dollars

soloner ,

Oh brother

skeeter_dave ,

Normalize taking alimony for personal gain

Lucidlethargy ,

Yes and no… Yes, divorce shouldn’t be traumatic. But no, people shouldn’t rush into marriage.

M137 ,
@M137@lemmy.world avatar

Or just be a couple? Save yourselves and everyone else in the families the money and mental energy.

Adramis ,

For real. This post has big “I have regrets and/or fears that I missed out on my younger life, and the only way to not be afraid is to invalidate other people’s choices” energy. Every life and every combination of experiences produces a unique piece of art. OP, your life is valid and worthwhile - you don’t have to tear other people down for that to be the case.

Custoslibera OP ,

Oh I have issues with commitment and a constant feeling of ‘Is this the best I can expect?’ but I don’t regret my younger life.

My ‘weird’ sentiment stems more from me looking in from the outside at relationships where 20 year olds decide they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other. I can’t imagine missing out on potentially meeting someone more compatible. Can you really meet the most compatible person for you when you’re 20?

When I was 20 I was a very different person, I’m assuming that’s similar for others.

Other commenters have talked about how they grow with partners but I wonder if it’s truly possible to do that while being so ‘together’ with another person. Some things you have to learn on your own.

fastandcurious ,
@fastandcurious@lemmy.world avatar

Just because you matured late doesn’t mean everyone else does, a lot of ppl are exceptionally emotionally mature by the age of 16 or 17 as well, you should always take a decision based on your maturity level and someone elderlys opinion who also knows you well, like your parents, they probably have a good idea

CleoTheWizard ,
@CleoTheWizard@lemmy.world avatar

I honestly don’t know who you’re talking about. I don’t find most adults to even be mature people, especially in relationships. The main thing keeping adult relationships alive is just that they spend most of their time apart from their partner at work.

This is anecdotal but everyone I’ve ever met that made a high school relationship work didn’t make it work through “maturity”. They were just committed. Often, they were extremely immature and naive and were bonded by the hardships of their 20s.

Go ahead and ask people who were together when they were younger and made it work. I’ve never heard any of them say they were mature and knew what they were doing.

fastandcurious ,
@fastandcurious@lemmy.world avatar

Fair point, I think it is just that you should be mature enough to work with you partner together, or atleast one person should be at that time, and if they really love each other, then good

CleoTheWizard ,
@CleoTheWizard@lemmy.world avatar

The way I think about it is that the core idea is that you will stick together with your partner through everything and grow together. Most high schoolers don’t go in with that idea, they just have strong enough emotional connections that they stumble into that.

The maturity part of being an adult is knowing that’s what you should do and knowing how to do it without hurting the other person in the process.

It’s like dancing. If someone really wants to dance with you, they’ll be patient as you find your rhythm and you both learn to dance. Feet get stepped on but it’s the same dance. Getting older doesn’t teach you to dance. Being young doesn’t mean you aren’t light on your feet. Maturity in relationships is knowing most of the wrong moves and never dropping your partner.

Xttweaponttx ,

100% I agree with ya. Surprised to see so many that don’t. Interesting conversations going on in this thread though!

Lucidlethargy ,

Statistically speaking, 60% of marriages between people aged 20-25 end in divorce. Those who wait have a 25% increased chance of not getting divorced.

blanketswithsmallpox ,

So you go from about a 1/2 chance of divorce to about a 1/2 chance of divorce. Got it.

Sounds more like age doesn’t really matter and emotional maturity matters more.

A_Very_Big_Fan ,

The difference between 35% and 60% isn’t insignificant…

I mean you’re not wrong about emotional maturity but the less years you’ve been alive, the less time you’ve had to emotionally mature

NightAuthor ,

Just on the math rq, 25% almost certainly means 25% of the risk is reduced… therefore 60%->45%

fkn ,

Depends/sometimes… If it’s like you said then 25% of that 60% and you get 60-15=45. If it’s some rando looking at 60% total and 35% total and they go “oh neat one of these numbers is 25 bigger/smaller!” Then maybe not?

gmtom ,

You can be happy and find love without marrying someone.

Like i think most people would say its weird to marry someone the day after you meet them for the first time, right? Is that you hating peoples happiness and love? or is that you being a realest that that marriage probably wont last and will just be messy for both people?

Wasweissich ,

I married at 22 over 20 years ago did not regret a day… I think a happy marriage is just a lot of luck a lot of self reflection and effort. No matter the age it is not a self running maintenance free system

Custoslibera OP ,

Luck is something I didn’t consider.

dudinax ,

I doubt waiting makes people any luckier in that respect. In the end, it’s a gamble.

lunarul ,

Two reasons to wait:

  • people in their early 20s are more likely to change dramatically later, so definitely more of a gamble at that age
  • because it’s a gamble, you should already be well prepared for life on your own before doing it; that gives you a solid fallback in case things don’t work out
Wasweissich ,

I think overcomming obstacles growing as people together is an experience and bonding I would have never liked to miss. Going from a broke ass Teenager to now was a wild trip and my wife was there the whole time. She changed and I changed but we never changed apart because we communicated about our inner selves

lunarul , (edited )

But that’s where the gamble is. You changed together and it worked out. Others grow apart through no fault of their own and despite their desire to keep things working, they just don’t want the same things anymore. Your and my experience are the lucky ones.

dudinax ,

And on the flip side you might plan out your life to begin when you’re thirty, wait until youre wise and wealthy, then suddenly die.

lunarul ,

If you live somewhere where life expectancy is close enough to 30 to make that eventuality part of your life choices, then go ahead and marry as a teenager. Don’t even wait for 20, marry at 16.

dudinax ,

Likewise, if you live in a place where nobody dies before they reach their life expectancy, waiting might be a good idea.

lunarul ,

Life expectancy is the age most people live to. Some live less, some live more. You shouldn’t make plans heavily counting on one of those exceptions. Don’t hurry up to do things just in case you’re one of the ones who live less, don’t delay things too long because you might live to 120.

Planning for living 30 years only makes sense in a place where most people don’t live over that.

Wasweissich ,

100% one of my employees married at 40 and got divorced at 45 life happens no matter the age. If you cannot work on yourself with your spouse and vis a vis you are fucked anyway at whatever age

lunarul , (edited )

I met my wife in high-school, we married at 21/22, it’s going to be our 19th anniversary this year. So yeah, definitely got lucky, and I would discourage my kids from doing the same even though it worked great for us.

Custoslibera OP ,

Very interesting perspective that you wouldn’t encourage your kids to do the same as you, why’s that?

To be honest if my kids married at 20 it’s not like I’d try to stop it, despite my reservations about it. I’d think it was a potential mistake but that’s coming from me as concern rather than disapproval.

Siegfried ,

Me 32, i dont have a fucking clue of what i want for the rest of my life. Maybe those couples that married in their early 20s wanted to explore together what they wanted in life. Good for them.

Oka ,

I understand the roots of marriage, but I want a partner who would be ok with parting ways in the future. We live once, why do we have to commit to 1 person for most of it? Things I enjoyed 5 years ago I don’t care for now. Tastes change.

MrVilliam ,

Marriage isn’t for everybody, and that’s okay. As long as you aren’t stringing partners along who are looking to get married when you already know that you aren’t, then your choice doesn’t seem to be hurting anybody.

I’m 35 and married. Sure, tastes change, but my wife and I chose good partners in each other; we won’t hate each other or get irreparably sick of each other, we make a great team, and we understand each other’s limitations and are mature enough to ask for help. We let each other in. There is security and stability in marriage. I’m not great at meeting new people, so not having to go on another first date again is a huge relief for me. Making a good first impression is fucking exhausting. In contrast, I know how my wife is feeling pretty much just by glancing at her, and it’s really fulfilling to be on the same wavelength as my partner like that, especially because we’re also open communicators who can share the honest, fucked up feelings without worrying about judgment. So we’re basically each other’s therapist, but we share housework and meals and money, and we snuggle and kiss and fuck. I can understand that that’s not appealing to everybody, but it’s hard for me to imagine a version of myself who doesn’t want this. But again, it’s not for everybody, and it’s perfectly okay to not want it for yourself.

Oka ,

Now that’s a healthy relationship. I agree marriage isn’t for some, just like having kids isn’t for some. To each their own, perhaps my views will change in the future.

ChallengeApathy ,

No. Not just “no”, hard no. Part of our society’s problems stem from how people spend half (if not all) of their 20s partying. This is particularly an issue for us traditional men who want to marry earlier in adulthood but can’t find any high value women who aren’t feminists who have, let’s just say, “been around”. Furthermore, when you marry and have kids at an earlier place in your adult life, you get to spend more of your life with your children, see their successes, you get to witness your legacy unfold in real time.

That is what we need more of and I will not be convinced otherwise.

jawsua ,

Ew

Son_of_dad ,

Wife an I met and got married when I was 25 and she was 19. We had some life experience and knew what we wanted. 15 years later, it’s still amazing, we’re still best friends and inseparable. When I met her I got this weird feeling, like I met someone I had somehow known all my life. It felt like I met my wife in a past life, and was immediately like “oh there you are!” When I met her in this one.

Noodle07 ,

That’s what I dream of every night

root_beer ,

Similarly, my wife and I married at ages 23 and 22, respectively, just over twenty years ago. Altogether, we’ll have been by each other’s side for 24 years this Friday (a date I consider more important than our elopement anniversary) and I can’t imagine anyone else by my side on this stupid, cruel journey around the sun.

olbaidiablo ,

I have a similar story, only we were 35.

Son_of_dad ,

I maintain that I was married to her in a past life. From our first date we clicked immediately. It felt like I was back into a groove with someone I’ve known forever. She came over to stay at my place for the weekend after like our 4th date, she never left. We’ve been living together since like 3 weeks after meeting, and we have never regretted it. We have kids and love each other and our life immensely.

Russianranger ,

Throwing my anecdotal 2 cents in -

Married at 23 (wife just turned 21) straight out of college. We were both very immature, and we divorced two years later after she fooled around with her 55 year old boss. Left me devastated at 25 going on 26 thinking I was used goods. After a lot of maturing, a few more relationships, I remarried at 33.

It takes a lot of self reflection - because even though I could chalk up the previous marriage to “lol she a hoe” - I had piss poor financial skills, was very immature and lacked a lot of self confidence which manifested itself in toxic behavior all around. There are times I just cringe at who I was at that age. Not that I’m a perfect person now, I’m just more aware of what I needed to improve in myself to be a decent person and partner.

Part of it is the age old wisdom of learning to love yourself and figuring out what you like, versus just trying to mold yourself into the person you think your partner wants. And not to say that “oh I’m an asshole, They have to deal with it” but truly understanding what makes you tick and finding someone who loves and accepts that part of you.

RobMyBot ,

Married at 23 (wife just turned 21) straight out of college. We were both very immature

Also totally anecdotal: Exactly the same for us, up to this point. Now I’m looking at 36 on the horizon this year, and she 34, and we’re still both quite happily married.

My only point being: it just depends on the people. It works for some, and for others it doesn’t. I wish I could tell a person which kind they’d be, but I can’t.

I will absolutely say, however, it’s gonna hurt a whole hell of a lot less to simply wait a bit longer and be sure of what you want, and that you’re both in agreement on the major things. It doesn’t mean you have to wait in order for the relationship to succeed, but it sure would improve the likelihood that it will.

BCsven ,

Marurity matters, not years . In my parents era 18 was a common marriage age, but they were done high-school and working full time at 16, unless you went to Uni.

Tristaniopsis ,

At 53 with a partner and two kids, I am currently in deep, deep depression wishing that I’d married the girl I split up with at 24.

pigup ,

oof

Custodian1623 ,

no shame in therapy if you haven’t been

Tristaniopsis ,

I’ve been for other issues but it’s more or less all the same: “pull yourself together, stop XYZ”

dulce_3t_decorum_3st ,
@dulce_3t_decorum_3st@lemmy.world avatar

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Tristaniopsis ,

Thought about turning it off, plenty of times. Off. Right off. Like unplugging it completely.

Baphomet_The_Blasphemer ,

Well, for whatever it’s worth, this internet stranger is happy you’re still here. As long as you’re here, it can get better.

Tristaniopsis ,

Thanks Baph!

LaserTurboShark69 ,

Do you miss the 24 year old girl or do you miss being 24?

Tristaniopsis ,

The girl, who is now about 49 with two kids.

I’m fine with being oldish. I’m a much wiser and less impulsive person.

mothar ,

I think I may have just gone down the same path and im scared I may have the same realization one day.

Why did you guys split up back then?

Tristaniopsis ,

Me being an impulsive dork and dumping her for a far less intelligent girl with bigger breasts who didn’t even really happen even. That was it. Game over. She wouldn’t take me back.

TBH I should’ve ended myself then but was too stupid to even realise that was the better option than living another 20 years without her. Still… I wouldn’t have wanted to hurt my parents. Been distracting myself ever since with lots of other stuff. Can’t do it now because of my kids, and mother still alive. Dad fucked in head with dementia. Oh well. Keep trudging on and now have Lemmy to make stupid comments on. Yay.

thorbot ,

Hang in there. Consider talking to a therapist.

Tristaniopsis ,

One foot in front of the other. Look for the positives. Know that the perfection I imagine is nostalgic nonsense and it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. We’re just meaningless meat bags of hormones and bullshit. Meh. Whatever. There’s no ‘meant to be’ there’s just ‘is’ , and that too shall pass.

But yeah , thanks.

thorbot ,

That’s a wise take(the first part … until you edited more into the comment) Dwelling on what ifs will never get you anywhere

Tristaniopsis ,

I reckon even Buddha had a chick he wishes he didn’t bail on. Edit: btw it’s 2:50 for me and have to get up in 3 hours. I’m going to try to sleep.
Cheers.

Tristaniopsis ,

Sorry re edit. Yes. I’m good at wide takes.

Imgonnatrythis ,

Not going to try to change your mind about this opinion, but I’ll take a stab at shaming you for being so vocal about a thought that is very much “othering”. Maybe turn down the judgement a bit, you don’t know people.

sixty ,

You’re weird

some_guy ,

What’s truly insane is people who marry under 20. And if you think it’s possible to know who you are and what you want at that age, you have a very simplistic view of the world. Or you’re brainwashed by those who reared you, ie you have a very simplistic view of the world.

dudinax ,

No, teenagers are often gifted with some nugget of wisdom or other about their lives, it’s just that parents and random commenters online never believe it.

I knew I wanted to get married and to whom. I also knew it was a good idea. I only waited to mid-twenties because she wasn’t sure. 30 years farther along, we’re still married and teenaged me is proved right.

Cynical, older, slower me might have screwed it up somehow.

some_guy ,

I’m happy that it worked out for you. I think you got lucky. I don’t think most people are mature enough to make such a call at 20yo.

dudinax ,

Of course I was lucky. The decisions we make around starting a family can reverberate for centuries. Even if we had enough information (we don’t), I don’t think people are mature enough at any age to make the right call,

Enekk ,

Met my wife in highschool and got married right out of college. We are now pushing 40 and are still happy and content. We were lucky, we grew together and in similar ways, but we also just knew when we knew. We even had twins a few years back and even the stress of that didn’t destroy us.

We (hopefully) still have many years together and maybe things will break down, but, so far, neither of us regret marrying so young.

PeriodicallyPedantic , (edited )

There are some arguments in this thread that are getting dangerously similar to pedo arguments.

Edit:

Who is downvoting me? How am I wrong? Look at all these “age is just a number” comments. All the “some people are mature for their age” comments. I’m not making an accusation, but if you think this is a winning argument with your full chest then my level of concern is rising.

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • random
  • [email protected]
  • lifeLocal
  • goranko
  • All magazines
    •