There have been multiple accounts created with the sole purpose of posting advertisement posts or replies containing unsolicited advertising.

Accounts which solely post advertisements, or persistently post them may be terminated.

ChallengeApathy ,

No. Not just “no”, hard no. Part of our society’s problems stem from how people spend half (if not all) of their 20s partying. This is particularly an issue for us traditional men who want to marry earlier in adulthood but can’t find any high value women who aren’t feminists who have, let’s just say, “been around”. Furthermore, when you marry and have kids at an earlier place in your adult life, you get to spend more of your life with your children, see their successes, you get to witness your legacy unfold in real time.

That is what we need more of and I will not be convinced otherwise.

jawsua ,

Ew

Russianranger ,

Throwing my anecdotal 2 cents in -

Married at 23 (wife just turned 21) straight out of college. We were both very immature, and we divorced two years later after she fooled around with her 55 year old boss. Left me devastated at 25 going on 26 thinking I was used goods. After a lot of maturing, a few more relationships, I remarried at 33.

It takes a lot of self reflection - because even though I could chalk up the previous marriage to “lol she a hoe” - I had piss poor financial skills, was very immature and lacked a lot of self confidence which manifested itself in toxic behavior all around. There are times I just cringe at who I was at that age. Not that I’m a perfect person now, I’m just more aware of what I needed to improve in myself to be a decent person and partner.

Part of it is the age old wisdom of learning to love yourself and figuring out what you like, versus just trying to mold yourself into the person you think your partner wants. And not to say that “oh I’m an asshole, They have to deal with it” but truly understanding what makes you tick and finding someone who loves and accepts that part of you.

RobMyBot ,

Married at 23 (wife just turned 21) straight out of college. We were both very immature

Also totally anecdotal: Exactly the same for us, up to this point. Now I’m looking at 36 on the horizon this year, and she 34, and we’re still both quite happily married.

My only point being: it just depends on the people. It works for some, and for others it doesn’t. I wish I could tell a person which kind they’d be, but I can’t.

I will absolutely say, however, it’s gonna hurt a whole hell of a lot less to simply wait a bit longer and be sure of what you want, and that you’re both in agreement on the major things. It doesn’t mean you have to wait in order for the relationship to succeed, but it sure would improve the likelihood that it will.

BCsven ,

Marurity matters, not years . In my parents era 18 was a common marriage age, but they were done high-school and working full time at 16, unless you went to Uni.

Lifebandit666 ,

Met my now wife in high school. We’ve been together since high school.

We’ve been married for 5 years now.

I’m 40 next.

So kinda agree with the post, but not the sentiment that if you met your partner early you’re weird. I was lucky I met the love of my life so young. Just because you didn’t doesn’t mean I’m weird, just not as lucky as me.

hamburglar26 ,

My wife and I both met at the tail end of college in our early 20s, we knew pretty quickly what we had but we didn’t rush things other than moving in with each other after the first year. We didn’t get married for another 10 years.

I almost feel like weddings early on can put huge stress on a marriage. Even if you have somebody paying for it all it creates a lot of crap to deal with and you can get forced to meet and deal with a huge amount of new family members all at once instead of slowly integrating into those things over time. We had to pay for our wedding ourselves so had zero rush and invited only who we really wanted to be there, and while it was a blast it was still stressful. But holy shit that limo ride back to the hotel room when it was all over is a top 5 moment in both our lives.

Lifebandit666 ,

Yeah we got married on our 18th anniversary of being a couple. I always said I didn’t believe in marriage and I still think it’s a silly idea to be honest.

My argument was that we had made the choice to be together and to be an exclusive couple. There was zero need to get married to have that. It’s a certificate that costs a fortune just to have someone else tell us the terms and conditions of our relationship. I had proposed to her a few years into being together and we just remained engaged for a decade or more.

My Wife had an issue before the marriage where she would get odd looks off some people, some of the time, when our surnames came up. My kids had my surname and she had hers, and there’s still a stigma to that from some people.

So she changed her name legally to my surname at some point, so we even had that benefit without technically being married.

Then one day she just said “Hey should we get married? Doesn’t have to cost much at this point.” I had zero argument against it except the tired old arguements of “It’s just a bit of paper, we don’t need the State to tell us we’re together.” So we went ahead, and I picked the date of our anniversary so I didn’t have to remember another date.

It was a Monday so that immediately cut the people that didn’t wanna book a day off work, and it cost us £500 including food and venue (the pub over the road from our house which didn’t open during the day on a Monday). And it was a cracking day. We could just wander home if we needed anything, and when we’d had enough drinking we just toddled over the road.

As for the wedding night, my Wife still ribs me for the fact I just rolled into bed drunk and snored.

What we managed to do was prove that a wedding doesn’t need to be too much of a stress, or cost the earth, to be a meaningful event. It’s still a high-point in our lives, but we didn’t really gain anything from doing it.

One thing I will never understand is the people that think that it’s an important part of a relationship. A guy at work was talking about the length of his marriage. He is much older than me and was saying he had been married 40 years. I piped up that we had been together for 23 years and married for 5 and he just replied “Yeah but we’ve been married for 40 years” like the 18 years before our “ceremony” were meaningless. But this is the same guy that asked me yesterday if I was “A Fucking Puff or something” because I’ve painted my nails black. There’s a generation of people still alive that think like this and honestly, I hope it’s gone by the time my kids grow up.

Enekk ,

Met my wife in highschool and got married right out of college. We are now pushing 40 and are still happy and content. We were lucky, we grew together and in similar ways, but we also just knew when we knew. We even had twins a few years back and even the stress of that didn’t destroy us.

We (hopefully) still have many years together and maybe things will break down, but, so far, neither of us regret marrying so young.

PeriodicallyPedantic , (edited )

There are some arguments in this thread that are getting dangerously similar to pedo arguments.

Edit:

Who is downvoting me? How am I wrong? Look at all these “age is just a number” comments. All the “some people are mature for their age” comments. I’m not making an accusation, but if you think this is a winning argument with your full chest then my level of concern is rising.

Psythik ,

I’m 35 and I’m still not sure that I’m old enough to get married yet.

lightnsfw ,

I’m 40ish and I’ve wanted the same thing since I was 20. Haven’t found a good match but nothing has really changed regarding my long term goals and the things I want from life.

trslim ,

Married at 23. Met my husband at 18 on a dating app, was supposed to be a quickie. He’s just that charming, and I love him lol.

Zacryon ,

Putting arbitrary numbers on people to measure their matureness is weird to me.

There are 15 year old people who are wiser and more mature than a lot with 50.

You can’t know without knowing the person.

threeduck ,
@threeduck@aussie.zone avatar

Well it’s not arbitrary is it. Any quantitative measure of maturity is definitely correlated with age.

Your “very mature” 15 year old is either an outlier, or an indictment on your ability to ascertain maturity.

Zacryon ,

Any quantitative measure of maturity is definitely correlated with age.

Is it? Do you have numbers on that?

The_Lopen ,

The numbers are not arbitrary. They are used to measure how long a person has been alive, which is kind of statistically significant, and yes, largely correlates with maturity. I’m not 26 mature points, I’m 26 years old.

Zacryon ,

and yes, largely correlates with maturity

That’s where we disagree. You say that as if it were a proven fact. If you got studies on that, please report.

My point is, that at least from my experience there is a lot more to maturity than mere age. And you can’t really know if you just superficially look at someone and their age.

JigglySackles ,

Maturity plays a much more important role than age. Some people are never fit to marry, some have what it takes by the time they are 16/17. It’s not often that it plays out well for the youngest ones, and since each year brings new experiences and understandings each year moves along the bell curve of “marriage readiness”. So is it more likely that a 24 year old is more ready for marriage than a 18 year old. Yes. Is it guaranteed? No. I know some 50/60 year olds that still aren’t ready for marriage. They just never learned the skills it takes to have a healthy marriage. Giving an age as a hard cutoff is too arbitrary a measure. Age doesn’t guarantee shit.

TakuWalker ,

That’s it, end of thread. Maturity plays such an important factor it’s astonishing it’s not the first thing being discussed instead of an arbitrary number.

platypus_plumba , (edited )

24yo people don’t see themselves as children. This post is probably coming from a 40yo person.

Lightfire228 ,

As a 27yo, I’m still trying to figure out how to better organize myself. I was one of those kids that never had to take notes in school

And now that’s coming back to bite me, because I’m completely new to note-taking, but am working on large 20yo code bases with tons of tech-debt and spaghetti madness. Along with tons of technical jargon in a completely different field. I just can’t keep all that in my head anymore

The point is, i feel like an adult in certain aspects, and a child in others

Tristaniopsis ,

At 53 with a partner and two kids, I am currently in deep, deep depression wishing that I’d married the girl I split up with at 24.

pigup ,

oof

Custodian1623 ,

no shame in therapy if you haven’t been

Tristaniopsis ,

I’ve been for other issues but it’s more or less all the same: “pull yourself together, stop XYZ”

dulce_3t_decorum_3st ,
@dulce_3t_decorum_3st@lemmy.world avatar

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Tristaniopsis ,

Thought about turning it off, plenty of times. Off. Right off. Like unplugging it completely.

Baphomet_The_Blasphemer ,

Well, for whatever it’s worth, this internet stranger is happy you’re still here. As long as you’re here, it can get better.

Tristaniopsis ,

Thanks Baph!

LaserTurboShark69 ,

Do you miss the 24 year old girl or do you miss being 24?

Tristaniopsis ,

The girl, who is now about 49 with two kids.

I’m fine with being oldish. I’m a much wiser and less impulsive person.

mothar ,

I think I may have just gone down the same path and im scared I may have the same realization one day.

Why did you guys split up back then?

Tristaniopsis ,

Me being an impulsive dork and dumping her for a far less intelligent girl with bigger breasts who didn’t even really happen even. That was it. Game over. She wouldn’t take me back.

TBH I should’ve ended myself then but was too stupid to even realise that was the better option than living another 20 years without her. Still… I wouldn’t have wanted to hurt my parents. Been distracting myself ever since with lots of other stuff. Can’t do it now because of my kids, and mother still alive. Dad fucked in head with dementia. Oh well. Keep trudging on and now have Lemmy to make stupid comments on. Yay.

thorbot ,

Hang in there. Consider talking to a therapist.

Tristaniopsis ,

One foot in front of the other. Look for the positives. Know that the perfection I imagine is nostalgic nonsense and it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. We’re just meaningless meat bags of hormones and bullshit. Meh. Whatever. There’s no ‘meant to be’ there’s just ‘is’ , and that too shall pass.

But yeah , thanks.

thorbot ,

That’s a wise take(the first part … until you edited more into the comment) Dwelling on what ifs will never get you anywhere

Tristaniopsis ,

I reckon even Buddha had a chick he wishes he didn’t bail on. Edit: btw it’s 2:50 for me and have to get up in 3 hours. I’m going to try to sleep.
Cheers.

Tristaniopsis ,

Sorry re edit. Yes. I’m good at wide takes.

johsny ,
@johsny@lemmy.world avatar

I got married at 22, (wife 21) and on the 17th of Feb we will celebrate our 32 year anniversary. Seems to have worked out ok for me.

Meuzzin ,

Fist-Bump Met my wife in 8th Grade. Got married at 21. Just celebrated our 28th anniversary. I think if the trust, loyalty and love is there, you’ll know. Neither of us had a doubt about each other, and we’re best friends.

Note: We did take a year or so off around 18-19, too get ‘it’ out of our systems.

FellowEnt ,

Kinda had an affair with a woman who married at 24 and regretted not ‘playing the field’. She ended up getting pregnant with her husband shortly after and I really hope they make it last, but I have a horrible feeling it was a doomed attempt to fix their relationship with a child.

Arfman ,

At that age I was only interested in gaming. Don’t know how people have the facility to form long term relationships

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • [email protected]
  • random
  • lifeLocal
  • goranko
  • All magazines
    •