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josefo ,

It’s Thanksgiving dumbass, prostitutes have no place there, that’s for Christmas. You should bring a Native American to true honor the tradition. If he or she happens to be a prostitute, or you have enough trust, ensure a very loud fuck that night, and please keep yelling “thanks for this” so everyone knows you are thankful.

Jeez, some people just mix shit up

FlyingSquid OP ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

What if you can’t find a Native American but you can find a Pilgrim?

josefo ,

Technically, you should bring them to a Native American house. Unless is a prostitute pilgrim, then you can bring them to your house, but the custom then is fucking in the nearest bathroom during the dinner, same audio cues apply. Bonus points if you as the host get pegged by them.

Yearly1845 , (edited )

deleted_by_author

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    ShaggySnacks ,

    That ended weirdly specific. Looks at username Oh yea, that makes sense now.

    Emerald ,

    Image Transcription: Twitter

    Steve vs Ninjas @stevevsninjas

    Jesus invited prostitutes to dine with him and he’s the light of the world, I do it and I’m “making Thanksgiving awkward.”

    JasonHears ,

    Oh shit. Maybe Donald Trump is the next messiah.

    FlyingSquid OP ,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    His followers sure seem to think so.

    Kase ,

    He sure seems to think so too

    Yamainwitch ,

    Jesus was a homeboy, follow his lead: drink wine, hang with the homies, be chill with the hoes, pass the snacks and wreck a market in a mega church.

    doingthestuff ,

    Jesus sounds like the best dude in this scenario.

    PatFussy ,

    Its because you are the prostitute your uncle brought and everyone hates +1s

    rockSlayer ,

    If you get bored, tell your uncle that the easiest way to stop illegal immigration is to dissolve national borders

    Vuraniute ,
    @Vuraniute@thelemmy.club avatar

    THAT’S WHAT V2 IS FOR

    WaxedWookie ,

    …and the easiest way to stop gender ideology (whatever the fuck that’s supposed to be) being forced on our children is to abolish gender.

    FlyingSquid OP ,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    Wait a second, when did I become a moderator of Lemmy Shitpost? I mean I don’t mind, but no one told me!

    r00ty Admin ,
    r00ty avatar

    Congratulations, I guess. Now, get to work!

    STRIKINGdebate2 ,
    @STRIKINGdebate2@lemmy.world avatar

    We are all prostitutes in some way, shape or form under capitalism. Tell them that at thanksgiving and example that renting yourself to a company to drive trucks, scan tills,deliver pizza is not that different to renting yourself out for sex. Both involve you doing a service for others in exchange for cash.

    FlyingSquid OP ,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    This is the sort of lighthearted shitpost response I always hope for when I post something like this.

    MindSkipperBro12 ,

    Isn’t prostitution usually exploited by organized crime?

    100_percent_a_bot ,

    One could quivle about the difference between prostitution and sex work but generally speaking you are correct

    RegalPotoo ,
    @RegalPotoo@lemmy.world avatar

    Only in countries where sex work is illegal.

    You’d think that a country with a recent, well documented, lived example of how prohibition doesn’t actually fix anything might have learnt something from the experience

    MindSkipperBro12 ,

    Just because we can’t enforce something 100% all the time, every time, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.

    After all, is murder and theft can’t be fully stopped, should we just say screw it and get rid of the laws forbidding it?

    RegalPotoo ,
    @RegalPotoo@lemmy.world avatar

    That’s a false equivalence.

    I’m not saying that we shouldn’t prohibit people from doing antisocial things that harm others, I’m saying that adults doing things/consuming things/selling things in a safe, regulated way where everyone consents, understands what they are doing and the risks associated and no one gets hurt probably shouldn’t be illegal.

    Outtatime ,
    @Outtatime@sh.itjust.works avatar

    What a great point.

    The communist prostitute is so much better

    Justas ,
    @Justas@sh.itjust.works avatar

    Seize the means of reproduction!

    SpaceNoodle ,

    Guess ho’s coming to dinner

    redcalcium ,

    The key differences here is “inviting” vs “paying”.

    FlyingSquid OP ,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    Who says you can’t invite some prostitutes to Thanksgiving dinner? Even a hooker’s gotta eat.

    ChickenLadyLovesLife ,

    Even a hooker’s gotta eat.

    That’s what ho cakes are for.

    Kase ,

    One might consider this paying them with food, but you could say the same about Jesus, so it tracks

    Kolanaki ,
    @Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

    I don’t think Jesus asked the prostitutes to give him handies under the dinner table.

    FlyingSquid OP ,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    Missed opportunity.

    Imgonnatrythis ,

    Jesus doesn’t have to ask.

    Franzia ,

    Jesus prefers footsies.

    gmtom ,

    Ofc not, that what the decides are for

    Narrrz ,

    pay some prostitutes to come to your thanksgiving dinner and debate your uncle on his ideas about immigrants.

    partial_accumen ,

    Pay the prostitutes to argue for MAGA and fascism and watch the uncle be upset in having to agree with a prostitute.

    Kase ,

    Bonus points if the uncle argues against MAGA and fascism so that he won’t have to agree with a prostitute.

    100_kg_90_de_belin ,

    I would splurge and get me a prostitute with a PhD in International Relations or stuff like that.

    half_built_pyramids ,

    I like to bring up 1 Samuel 18:27.

    ericisshort ,

    If you’re gonna bring it up, at least quote the damn verse. Not a lot of us have the Bible memorized.

    half_built_pyramids ,

    Going on this journey yourself is part of the magic. Encourage your relatives to do the same.

    spoilerIf someone at the table actually knows the verse ask them if they would collect 200 foreskins if Trump asked them to.

    ericisshort ,

    I’ve read the Bible cover to cover, which is more than can be said about 90% of Christians. Reading it is what led me away from Christianity to begin with, and I have no interest of re-reading that horrible piece of garbage ever again. Kindly make your point without requiring us to do homework.

    half_built_pyramids ,

    200 foreskins. It’s in the spoiler. Saul said to David, “Get me 100 foreskins if you wanna bang my daughter.”

    David was like shit, I gotta impress dad and god. I’ll kill double the amount of living breathing people just so I can cum in a lady I’m horny for.

    Nevermind that Saul was motivated by fear that David was becoming more popular by winning battles. Saul gave the task because he hopped hoped David would die or fail. The way this is spun in Sunday school is that David was honoring god by showing he could overcome difficult tasks. David was honoring god by killing 200 people and slicing up some peepee.

    Now take a bite of turkey and stare your uncle directly in the eye, asking through a mouth full of food, “You circumcised?”

    SexualPolytope ,
    @SexualPolytope@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    3D Saul Goodman meme

    half_built_pyramids ,

    Jessie, we have to briss.

    ericisshort ,

    Thank you. In the end, your take on it was way more entertaining than looking up the actual verse would have been for anyone.

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